I’ve never felt so nervous for anything in my entire life. I didn’t feel this nervous when I had my first attack and woke up in the hospital hyperventilating with anxiety about what had happened.

The big question is: should I tell him I’m a virgin or not.

Shelly assured me that I should most definitely tell him.

“But what if he’s not interested in me after that?” I asked her at the diner, after I’d taken my extra drop of the bitter tasting blue liquid that made me completely better. My face cleared up almost immediately.

“Are you kidding? Guys love fucking virgins. It’s like a fantasy for them or something.”

“Really?”

“Have you been living under a rock or something?” she said.

“I’ve been in my room for a year. And I’m a virgin. Basically new to the world.” I laughed uncomfortably.

“Oh yeah,” said Shelly.

I’m all dressed up, wearing the one dress I have that still fits me. Somehow, over the last year, I’ve gotten bigger in my bust, my ass, and my hips. I’m surprised to see myself in the mirror, nearly spilling out of the dress in all the right places.

“Where are you going dressed like that?” says my dad, sitting in front of the television in the living room.

“I’m going out,” I say.

“On a date?” says my mom, sitting in a chair next to my dad. She has her hair up in curlers and is wearing a cream face mask that’s supposed to help with her skin, a mania that started years ago—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her skin in any way, shape, or form.

I nod. “Maybe,” I say.

“Yes, or maybe?” says my dad.

“Look,” I say. “I need to get out. I’ve been in this house for a year. I thought you would both understand that.”

“We do, dear,” says my mom. “We’re just worried about you. What if you have another attack? What if something happens?”

“You’ve been in here a long time,” says my dad. “This world is a… tough place.”

For some reason, this makes me angry. I feel like they’re trying to control me. It’s not like I’m a kid. I’m an actual adult. So what if I’ve never had sex and I’ve been locked in my room for a year? That doesn’t make me any less of an adult…. Well, that’s what I tell myself.

“I’ve got to get going,” I say, opening the door.

Through the screen door, I can see Liam’s sports car pulling up to the curb.

I need to meet him at his car before he comes to the door. The last thing I want is some kind of confrontation between him and my dad.

“You’re not going to meet Liam, are you?”

Surprisingly, he doesn’t sound angry, like he was before.

“I am,” I say, speaking the words definitely. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Listen,” says my dad, his tone reasonable and calm, which somehow annoys me even more. “I just want you to be careful. I’ve known Liam for a long time, and he has a… reputation. He’s been with a lot of women, and he’s a bit older than you are.”

“Good,” I say. “That’ll mean he knows what he’s doing.”

The look on my dad’s face is priceless.

My mom actually gasps as I say this.

“See you later,” I say, pushing my way through the screen door.

Liam is waiting in the car for me and he reaches across to the passenger side to open the door for me from the inside.

“Hey,” I say.

“Your dad upset?”

“I don’t think so,” I say, not sure if it’s the truth or not.

“I got some stuff to cook us a curry,” says Liam, pointing to the small back seat of the sports car where there’s a bag of groceries.

For some reason, I feel nervous all of a sudden, sitting next to him in his car. He doesn’t look much older than me. He’s probably six years older or so, maybe more? I don’t know. He’s in great shape, either way. But he does seem much more mature. Next to him, I feel completely foolish, really.

“Looks like a lot of fresh vegetables,” I say, since I can’t think of what else to say.

“I figure you’d enjoy all the different flavors,” says Liam. “After eating that hypoallergenic gruel for so long.”

“Tell me about it,” I say.

On the rest of the drive through the dark night, the conversation becomes easier and easier, and by the time we pull up to his house, I’m acting and talking like I’m relaxed. The conversation flows easily. But inside, my heart is thumping. After all, I’m about to lose my virginity to Liam. There’s no question in my mind that this is what I want. I don’t just want it. I need it. And it’s clear from the way he looks at me, as if he’s devouring me, that he wants me just as much as I want him. I’m not used to guys looking at me like this, especially not guys like Liam.

Before getting gout of the car, Liam leans over and kisses me.

It’s a gentler kiss than our first one, but it’s still intense. I can feel his stubble prickling me, and I love it for some reason, even though I always thought it seemed gross. That was before I met Liam. I have a feeling a lot of things in my life are going to go that way—ways I felt and thought before I met Liam.

“You’re beautiful,” growls Liam.

I kiss him again, thrusting my body out of my seat towards him.

His strong hands move to my body, cupping my breasts. It feels perfect to have his hand there, as if it was meant to be there.

After a few moments, I pull away. I’m not going to lose my virginity in a car, after all.

“Let’s get dinner started, shall we?” I say, immediately cringing at the way I say it. To me, it sounds like the most awkward thing in the world to say, even though it’s not. But that’s how nervous I’m feeling. It’s strange feeling this combination of intense lust and intense anxiety at the same exact time.

“Sure,” says Liam, getting out of the car and leading me into his house.

“Wow,” I say. “Nice place.”

It’s a large house and everything looks perfectly placed. It’s full of expensive nice stuff, and there’s tons of space everywhere. It’s a huge change from the cramped and messy room I’ve been living in for so long.

“Do you want a drink first?” says Liam as we enter the kitchen, with its marble topped counters and its fancy industrial style stove and a refrigerator that looks like it could feed a family of ten.

“I’m not twenty-one yet,” I say, starting to giggle with nerves.

“Oh right,” says Liam, a grin appearing on his face.

He walks towards me slowly.

“What if we just skip dinner?” he says.

I am hungry, but my body isn’t concerned with my hunger now. It’s telling me something completely else—I need Liam. My pussy’s yearning for his cock to fill me up, even though I don’t yet even know what it’s going to feel like. Sure, I have a remote idea, but I have a feeling I’m going to be surprised.

Should I tell him? Or shouldn’t I tell him. That’s what’s running through my head, making me nervous at the same time that I’m incredibly horny.

The closer he gets to me, his huge muscular body approaching me slowly, the more the lust overtakes my anxiety.

Liam puts his strong hands on my side, pulling me close to him. All my thoughts fly out the window—who cares about telling him, right? It’s not like it matters that much. I’ll just go through with it and maybe he’ll never notice the difference. Or maybe he’ll just think I’m a little out of practice after spending so much time in my room.

Plus, I don’t want him to think I’m some sort of freak, having never had sex before. I know Shelly told me it can be like a fetish or something that excites a lot of guys, but I don’t know. He might just think I’m really weird or something.

Liam kisses me. His mouth feels hot on mine. My nipples are rock hard, and I’m wet.

“Why don’t we head up to the bedroom?” says Liam, grinning at me.

I like how there’s none of this pretending that we’re just going up to the bedroom for some other reason, like showing me his art collection. I’ve heard from Shelly that this is a common tactic among the college guys she dates—they invited her into their room to watch a movie or something on the internet, and the next thing she knows they’re putting the moves on her. Of course, that’s what she wanted all along, but she complains to me about it, and I can understand why. Even though I don’t have a lot of other experiences, it’s just refreshing that Liam simply invites me up to his room without pretext.

“OK,” I say.

Time seems to slow down and my heart seems to be thumping faster and harder than ever as Liam leads me by the hand up the staircase. I don’t take my eyes off his muscular ass and back as he leads the way.

“Wow,” I say, entering the room. “Fancy.”

Liam shrugs.

“The room looks a hell of a lot better with you in it,” he growls, his voice growing deeper.

I look down and see the erection in his pants, seeming to grow harder and bigger before my eyes.

Liam walks towards me again, and this time pulls me harder against him. I love the way his body feels against mine. I love the way his cock feels, hot and hard, against me.

Liam’s kissing my neck, gently at first, and now harder. His hands are on my breasts.

I’m wearing my hair down, and Liam pushes it gently back to reveal more of my neck. He moves my shirt aside, moving his mouth down to my breasts.

I moan slightly as his hand circles my nipple delicately, finally making contact with it, as he kisses me.

The next thing I know, he’s helping me pull my shirt off over my head, making sure to keep my hair out of the way.

“I have the feeling you’ve done this before,” I say, trying to make a joke. And I’m also suddenly changing my mind, thinking that maybe I should tell him after all. Why can’t I just make up my mind? It keeps switching back and forth.

“That’s for sure,” growls Liam, undoing my bra with a single motion with one hand behind my back. He undoes it faster than even I can.

My breasts are out and Liam attacks them gently with his mouth and his hands. He knows what he’s doing. It feels incredible, much better than when those guys in my past have groped at me. They always pushed too hard and in the wrong way. But Liam does it better than even I do. (Yeah, I cup my breast with my hand and massage my nipples when I masturbate, so what?)

“You’re beautiful,” growls Liam. “You have an incredible body.”

“Thanks,” I say, moaning suddenly as he takes my nipple in his mouth and sucks on it. My nipples are as hard as spikes, sticking straight out.

I can’t remember ever being this turned on before. And it has an interesting effect on me. My entire body is screaming at me: go for the cock. Cock. Liam’s cock. It’s all I can think about, his massive hard shaft. I want to feel it in my hand, and I want it in my mouth. I want to taste it and savor it.

“I want… your cock,” I say, hoping it doesn’t sound as awkward as I think it sounds, coming out of my mouth.

“I think we could arrange that,” says Liam, chuckling.

He starts undoing his belt buckle, and I hear it clinking and falling heavily away from his pants.

Liam guides me gently down onto my knees. He remains standing, and his hands run through my hair, caressing my head.

I reach into his pants. My face is right against his crotch. I can smell him, all of him, his musky, manly scent filling my nostrils and pushing my lust completely over the edge.

My hand grips his cock in his pants, and I take it out. Liam helps by lowering his pants, pulling his cock back through his fly and pulling his boxers down.

His cock almost pokes me in the face. It’s monstrous. I honestly didn’t know it would be this big. It’s almost scary, but it’s far sexier. It’s harder than I thought it would be, as if it were made out of pure steel. The base is thick and the head is swollen beyond belief.

“That’s right,” growls Liam. “You’re going to suck my big cock, aren’t you? Isn’t that what you want to do?”

I nod my head shyly, staring down the barrel of his huge shaft.

I bend my head down towards it and I kiss the head gently. The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing. But I have seen porn, like probably everyone else on the planet, and I’ve even studied it, realizing that there might come a day and time when I need to know how to do certain things, like give a blowjob.

I’m feeling a mixture of lust and curiosity. How’s this cock going to taste?

The answer greets me a moment later as I sink my lips down onto his cock, tightening them as the cock head enters my mouth.

It’s… exactly as I would have expected it to taste… fucking perfect.

I start bobbing my head, moving my lips down the shaft and then back up. I try to keep my tongue pressed against the base of his cock, and my lips tight. By the sound of things, I’m doing a good job. Liam is grunting and holding my head.

Liam starts thrusting his hips, surprising me, pushing his cock in and out of my mouth. I love the feeling of my mouth being fucked… It’s just fucking hot, and I reach down and slip a hand inside my one pair of sexy panties. I slip a finger inside myself, and let the heel of my hand dig into my clit. If I could moan with Liam’s gigantic cock in my mouth, I would.

Suddenly, it’s over.

“That’s enough,” growls Liam. “I don’t want to come just yet.”

I pull my head off his cock, the saliva dripping a little, forming a chain between my mouth and his cock. And it’s not gross. It’s hot.

“Your turn,” growls Liam, grabbing me by the waist and picking me up completely, and now laying me on my back on his comfy bed.

“Nice mattress,” I say.

Liam doesn’t answer.

He kisses me at my navel, and tugs at my waist line, pulling my panties down along with the rest of my clothes, down past my knees, and I help him kick everything off my ankles.

I’m completely naked, on my back, my nipples hard… and in Liam’s bed no less.

The reality of the situation suddenly hits me: I’m about to do it. I’m about to lose my virginity.

Liam’s running his tongue along my inner thighs, and getting closer and closer to my pussy, closer and closer to my hot wetness, the place where I long for him to touch.

I’ve never desired something so much in my life.

But suddenly the fear strikes me. It must be coming from this realization that it’s about to happen.

And I’m not ready.

“Sorry,” I say, moving my legs suddenly. My knee collides with Liam’s skull, making a thunking sound.

He sits up, looking a little confused, but laughing to himself.

“What is it?” he says. “Everything OK?”

“I just…”

I pull my legs towards me, and tuck them under my body, and I lean forward, crossing my arms in front of my naked breasts, as if I’m trying to cover as much of my body as I can.

“What’s wrong, Mia?” says Liam, his voice deep and sexy, yet full of concern. He’s looking me right in the eyes and I can see that he sees that something is wrong.

“It’s just that… I’ve never done this before.”

“You’ve never done what before? Had a guy go down on you?”

I shake my head.

“Well, we don’t have to do that if you don’t want to.”

I shake my head again, and open my mouth, trying to speak, but it takes the words what feels like forever to actually come out of my mouth, to be formed in my throat.

“I’ve never had sex before,” I say, my voice low and full of the pain of embarrassment. “I’m a virgin.”

Liam pauses for a moment.

“That’s OK,” he says. “Everyone has to start sometime. You’ve been in that room for quite a while, eh? I guess it’s understandable…”

“I just don’t think I can right now,” I say. “Trust me, I really want to. I really do, but it’s just so… intense. I mean, I’m just getting back out into the world. I’m sorry, I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“That’s OK,” says Liam. “Why don’t we go downstairs and I’ll cook us some of that curry. I think you’re going to like it. We can talk more about this later if you like.”

“Damnit,” I say, suddenly getting angry and I’m not even sure why. I guess it’s probably that I’m frustrated with myself but I’m not admitting that to myself right now. “Why can’t you get angry about it?” I say, my voice rising. “I thought you wanted me.”

Liam pauses for a moment, apparently considering his words carefully.

“I do want you, Mia. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I mean that.”

“Hmmph,” I say. “You just want to fuck me, that’s why you’re saying that.”

Liam laughs.

“Now I’m just a trophy for you,” I say. “A virgin trophy, isn’t that right?”

Liam shakes his head. “No, Mia,” he says, his voice seriousness. “It’s not like that. I didn’t even know you were a virgin, remember?”

He has a good point, but I’m angry, even though I’m not sure why, and I’m not going to admit that to him now.

“Oh yeah,” I say, realizing I sound really stupid.

I suddenly feel horribly embarrassed. All the desire leaves my body, and the situation suddenly seems horribly unsexy in that I no longer feel sexy. I feel completely ridiculous, sitting here naked on his bed, covering myself as best as I can.

“Why don’t we go get something to eat downstairs?” says Liam kindly, with a smile on his face.

“I think I should go,” I say. “I don’t feel well…”

“You’re having another attack?”

I shake my head. “No,” I say.

I feel too embarrassed to even stay here with Liam.

“Well,” says Liam. “That’s fine. If you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. I’ll give you a ride back.”

But the thought of sitting in the car with Liam all the way back to my parents’ house is just… too terrible to imagine. I feel too silly, like a non-adult who’s gotten into something that’s way over my head. The problem is it’s just something normal, something that adults do all the time, but apparently I can’t even handle something normal like sex.

I get up, getting dressed quickly, while trying to cover my body.

“I’ll call you a cab then,” says Liam.

I shake my head.

I’ve become a mute due to embarrassment or something.

How silly is that?

Before I even know what’s happening, I’m rushing downstairs, and I’m out the door, into the night that’s become somehow much cooler, even chilly.