I STAND AND WALK toward him. I can’t believe it. He sets his coffee down, then rushes toward me, pulling me into his arms. It feels so good to be with him again.
“Giovanna,” he whispers into my hair. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.”
He looks at me, cupping my face. “Did you?”
“More than I wanted to.”
“How long have you been here?”
“Ever since I left.”
“You didn’t want me to find you?”
“Not at first. I figured if I went away, you would be so busy filming movies that you would just forget about me eventually. I was at the airport staring at the departure screens. There wasn’t anything going to Switzerland, but there was one going to Italy. I remembered what you said about Taormina, I guess on some level I still wanted to be connected to you, so I came here.”
“I’ve been lost without you, Gio,” he murmurs as I run my fingers over his thick beard. “I can’t just go on with my life. After I couldn’t find you in Murten, I decided to come here, hoping I would be inspired to go back to work.”
“I can’t believe you looked for me.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I didn’t know.”
“Are you happy I did?”
I look up and realize the answer. “I am.”
“Now that you know I would do anything for you, even travel across the world to find you, will you please tell me what happened to you? It keeps me awake at night wondering about it.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m not sure I can talk about it.”
“Giovanna,” he whispers and kisses me softly. “I’m here for you. Let me in.”
I nod. “Let’s talk.”
We walk down the street to a small piazza with a bench that overlooks the sea. It’s a clear day, warm and breezy. I sit on the bench as Antonio joins me. I still can’t believe he’s here. He takes my hand, stroking it softly.
“I’m not sure where to begin.”
“I’ll be patient. Take your time.”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I’ve never spoken of it. Not one word to anyone.
“Okay, so, um,” I stop and breathe out slowly. “I was born Elisabetta Giovanna Magari. My mother was Isabella Catania and my father was …” I shake my head.
“What is it, babe?”
“Well, my birth certificate will say my father was Joseph Magari, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t. Everyone is pretty sure he wasn’t.”
“I see.”
“My mother was older when I was born, and I wasn’t planned or desired. Joseph had tried for years with his two previous wives to have children and never could. He suspected my mother of an affair when she became pregnant with me after five years of marriage.”
Antonio rubs my hand in encouragement as I continue.
“In a fit of anger, she legally changed my last name to Catania. She just wanted to hurt Joseph. It’s weird though that she wanted me to share her name. She hated me. She said I ruined her figure, and I was nothing but a drain on her lifestyle. The tabloids called her fat through her whole pregnancy, and she said it was my fault.” I sigh. “She shipped me off to boarding school as soon as she could.” I look out to the sea, recalling her angry words. “She said I was lucky I got her looks, and I should be thankful she didn’t have an abortion.”
“God, that’s awful.”
“Joseph was kind to me, but aloof. He knew I wasn’t his, but he tried to keep up appearances. He didn’t want to be humiliated.” I wring my hands. “So anyway, they had a bad marriage, constant fights and reconciliations, often public. My mother drank her beauty and youth into oblivion. Eventually Joseph stopped being so discreet with his own affairs and was flaunting his women in my mother’s face. It was too much for her to bear. One night she had too much.”
“What happened?”
“The media was reporting that Joseph was having an affair with another actress, the woman that everyone said was a younger version of my mother. They took so many photos of them together. They were all filming a movie, and I guess my mother caught Joseph and Ariana in his trailer. The paparazzi ate it up reporting the scandal. My mother was made to look like a drunk past her prime, who pushed her husband into the arms of another woman. She couldn’t handle it. That night, they were fighting. I was used to that, but it sounded so much worse than normal. It sounded so violent. I was scared that it would escalate to something physical, so I did the one thing I was always instructed not to do. I called the police.”
“And then?”
“And then I heard the gunshot. I shouldn’t have, but I ran into my parents’ bedroom. I saw Joseph lying on the floor, his brains splattered everywhere. My mother stood over him, holding the gun, shaking. I just stood there in disbelief.”
Mom, what have you done?
“She just stared at him, and I think it was sinking in what she had done. The sirens were getting closer and perhaps she panicked knowing what was about to happen.” I wipe a tear as it streaks down my cheek. “She put the gun under her chin.”
No, mom. Please don’t!
“The last thing she said to me was ‘Do yourself a favor, and never, ever fall for an actor.’ I rushed to stop her, but I didn’t reach her in time. She pulled the trigger and blew her head off right in front of me. I collapsed from the shock of it. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. The nurse told me I was covered in so much blood when the police got there that they thought I was dead, too.”
“My God, Gio.”
“My mom’s mother came to the hospital. She never liked me.”
“Your grandmother didn’t like you?”
“No. If you met her, you would know where all my mom’s issues came from.” I look up at him. “She took me in because she wanted to look good in the press, like the doting grandmother who saved the day. We couldn’t take a shit without the media reporting it, and she allowed them full access to my life. They followed me to school, they followed me home. I lost friends because their parents didn’t want them involved with such a troubled girl. That’s how the press labeled me.”
“This gets worse, doesn’t it?”
I nod. “I figured if they were going to say I was troubled, then I would be. I started drinking and being promiscuous. The press reported all of it. My grandmother, more worried about her reputation than what was happening to me, decided it was time to ship me off to Europe. On route to the airport, the paparazzi chased us for miles. Our driver, trying to shake them, caused an accident that killed three people.” I look up. “Including himself.”
Antonio kisses my hand.
“I broke my collarbone and was in the hospital for three weeks. My grandmother left me there to fend for myself, and I realized that was how it was going to be for the rest of my life. I would always have to defend myself. When I was released, I bought myself a plane ticket to Switzerland. I read about it once and thought it sounded like a nice place. I was sixteen and completely alone.”
“Then what?”
“I knew that eventually the media would find me again, so I changed my name. Giovanna Di Palermo. It’s Joseph’s mother’s maiden name. I figured no one would ever make the connection. I never wanted to be associated with the Catania name again.”
Antonio rubs my hand.
“So, I assumed a new name using a fake ID, finished school, went to university, and when I turned eighteen, I made it official and legally changed it. I sent my grandmother a letter telling her that she was the second most evil woman in the world, only after the daughter she raised. I told her I would see her in hell one day, and that she was dead to me. She never responded, and a year later she died while she was in surgery having a face lift.” I stand and look out over the balcony and Antonio follows me. “After my parents died, I was left with both estates. Later, I inherited my grandmother’s, too. I have more money than I could ever spend, but I have no one in this world. I never have.”
“Not true, Beautiful. You have me.”
I smile wishing that were true.
“What made you move to Treebrooke?”
“I hadn’t been back to the States in years, and I missed some things about America. I knew I couldn’t handle a big city, and I would never move back to California. I picked the opposite coast, and like I told you before, just picked a place.”
“And you stayed.”
“Yeah, the people there accepted me. They didn’t ask where I came from or what my story was. They just let me come in and do my thing. I opened the bookstore to give me something to do every day. I always have liked books.”
“So you created a perfect life. You had things exactly like you wanted, and then I showed up.”
“Basically, yes.”
“It all makes so much sense now. I can’t believe what you’ve been through. Now I understand why your walls were so high.”
“I never learned how to trust or how to feel safe and loved. That wasn’t a part of my life. All I’ve known is that it’s safer to be alone than to let people in.
“You put your guard down for me and this happened.”
“Yep.”
“I feel awful and responsible for everything.”
I look up at him. “I meant what I said in my letter. My time with you was the best of my life.”
“I did an interview about you hoping you would see it.”
“I know. I saw it.”
“You did?”
“I’ve seen every movie you’ve been in. I read articles about you. Hell, I even went to your social media page.” I look down at my hands. “I just wanted to see your face again.”
“And here I am. I’m sorry, Gio. I’m so sorry I ruined your life.”
“You didn’t ruin it, but someone did.”
“I know who.”
“You do?”
“Yasmin. She hired a private investigator to dig stuff up on you. She noticed you reacted strongly when the topic of your mom came up.” He shakes his head. “Her jealousy of you drove her to attempt to destroy you.”
“She was successful.”
“No, I’m here. You’re here. Nothing is destroyed.”
“You’re wrong, Antonio. Everything is broken. I’m broken.”
He grabs my shoulders. “Listen to me. Were you happy before all of this happened? Did you feel safe?”
“Yes, but —”
“But nothing. You were learning. You were letting me in, and we were good together. I’m not letting you go again. I never planned to.”
“I’m sorry, Antonio. This can’t happen. I can’t be with you. Don’t you get that?”
“No, I don’t. We can handle this. Together.”
“How?” I throw my hands up. “Why are you so damn persistent? I’m not going back there with you.”
“Then I’ll stay here with you.”
“You can’t! You have a life back there waiting for you. You have your career and your fans. You can’t just disappear.”
“I can do whatever I want, and I want you. That’s all I’ve wanted since the day I met you.”
“You’re going to have to get over it.”
“Dammit, why are you so stubborn?”
“I know what’s best.”
“No! You don’t, Giovanna. You did what you had to do to survive when you were alone, but you’re not alone anymore. People care about you and want you in their lives. Melissa and Sammy miss you. I fucking miss you. You can’t just disappear again. I won’t let you.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Not a chance, Beautiful.”
“It won’t end well. They’ll tear us apart, always looking for a scandal. They’ll make up lies that you’re cheating on me, or me on you. Every movie, every beautiful costar, every love scene, every time. I can’t live like that.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
“What?”
“I’ll walk away from all it. That’s what you mean to me.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I stomp off. I’m not going to listen to this anymore. He’s not being rational.
“Giovanna, wait!”
“No!”
“I love you!” he yells from behind me.
I stop, struck by his outburst. What did he say? I look back slowly.
“What?”
He catches up to me, pulling me into his arms.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I can’t let you go. You’re my heart.”
“Antonio …”
“I admitted it to myself weeks ago. When you left, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I can’t go on without you. I won’t.”
“This isn’t some kind of romantic movie.”
“I know, Giovanna. This is real life. Our life.”
I pull away, unable to handle this. Unable to process it. I start to walk away.
“I’ll chase you forever. I’ll run with you. I’ll keep you safe, Giovanna. I love you. Give me a chance to prove it.”
I feel weak and grab the bench to support myself. Antonio rushes to my side.
“Why aren’t you happy?”
I shake my head. “No one has ever told me that before.”
“No one?”
“I’ve never heard those words said to me. No one ever wanted to protect me. It’s overwhelming.”
“Doesn’t it feel good to hear, Gio? Doesn’t it feel good to know I’m here, and I love you?”
“I don’t know how to accept it.”
“I’ll show you. Just stop fighting me.”
“I can’t. I don’t know how. Fighting is all I’ve ever done. I had to so I could survive.” I shake my head. “It’s all I know how to do.”
“It’s not all you know, Giovanna.” He cups my face and kisses me softly. “We’re good together. Remember all those nights we spent together laughing, talking, loving? You weren’t fighting me then, and we were happy. We can have that every day of our lives.”
“Until it all blows up.”
He takes a deep breath. “You are not your mother, and I am not Joseph. They made their choices and that’s exactly what they were, Giovanna. Choices. Nothing is predestined. We decide how this plays out.”
“Hollywood destroys.”
“Only if you let it. Look at me.” I shift my eyes up. “You’ve lived your whole life believing you didn’t deserve love and would never find it. You lived in your protective armor as a guarantee that you wouldn’t get hurt. You’ve associated Hollywood with the destruction of your life and for good reason. But, neither one of us knew our lives would collide like they have. Neither one of us planned to feel the way we do. Even with all your defenses up, you still let me in. Isn’t that proof enough that everything is a choice? You could’ve said no to me every day for six weeks, but you didn’t. You let me in, and you were happy.”
“I know, but —.”
“Choose happiness, Giovanna. Choose me.” He smiles. “Choose us.”
I close my eyes and lay my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me, and I can’t think of one reason why I should run right now. There isn’t any part of me that wants to say goodbye again.
“Antonio?” I whisper.
“Yes, Beautiful?”
“I want to be with you.”
He looks down at me, his eyes warm and sweet. “You do?”
“I’m not sure what love looks like, but if this isn’t it, then I don’t know what is.”
He smiles. “I’ve had that exact thought before. We can learn together. We can define it for ourselves. Our love doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. This is our life to live.” He smiles as I brush my fingers over his beard.
“I’m going to trust you on this,” I say. “I’m going to believe you that somehow everything is going to work out. I choose us.”
He leans in to kiss me and for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m home.