Chapter Nineteen
Nash wound his car through the canyon that separated Los Angeles from the San Fernando Valley. While he had a destination in mind, he didn’t know if he actually wanted to complete his task or if he was just going through the motions of his life.
Today was the one-week mark since he allowed Petals to walk away from him, and he vowed to himself to let it lie because it was better this way. Still, with the event only a few hours away, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Was she now getting ready in breathless anticipation he would show? Did she only invite him, knowing he wouldn’t arrive? Maybe she simply couldn’t say goodbye.
His entire life seemed to have a deadline of midnight tonight. This morning he received yet another letter from Windsome Holdings. The price on the property had risen, but he needed to accept the offer at the same time he was supposed to be tripping the light fantastic with the one woman he knew would never leave his heart. If she saw him as he was, no doubt he would be tripping, and she would be running.
Rather than focusing on his destination, he became lost in the road, the curves, and the scenery, trees and mountains for miles. He didn’t need help in coming to his decision. He already made it last week. Of course, his resolve didn’t stop his mind from wandering back to Petals and how they made love, and simply the wonder of her.
His phone rang and he hit the speaker button without glancing at his caller ID. “Nash here.”
“Nashville.” Stacy’s shrill voice filled his car, his sanctuary. “I didn’t know how to call you.”
He cleared his throat. “Then you should have continued to forget.”
“I know you’re angry with me. I can’t say I blame you.” She tried to sound sweet, but the sourness leached through. “What I did was deplorable. I just wanted you to see what you could have if you let go of the past.”
“By bringing me my past?” He hadn’t spoken to his stepmother since the Laura incident and he had no doubt as to why she called now.
“Can you forgive me? I thought everyone deserved love, and I didn’t realize how evil Laura truly was. But once she took money to come to you, I should have seen the truth,” she paused, “my thoughts are clouded with you, your father, and our future.”
“What do you need, Stacy?” He purposely made his tone terse.
“I’m just going to be honest,” she whispered.
Aimlessly, he circled around the canyon. “That will be different, give it a try.”
“I know you got the papers. They upped their offer. I am asking you, no, I’m begging you to sign.” She sighed. “Frankly, Nashville I need the money, and I know you do as well.”
What she neglected to add was he only needed the money because he financed way too many things for her and the twins when his father was alive. At the time, he thought he was helping, now he knew he was enabling.
“Tonight, the twins are going to an event with some people who can really help their future. It would be magnificent if they could arrive at least in the vicinity of the league of the others there. Then they would have a chance.”
“Maybe they should go as they are and once they make these amazing connections they can make their own money,” he countered.
“Nashville, you know as well as I do that it takes money to make money.” Her voice rose, hitting that one octave that split through his skull. “Let the land go already.”
Only because he wanted to torture her did he decide to continue the conversation. “Maybe I need a little push. Perhaps I’ll go with you and meet some of these up and comers.”
“Nashville, these are real business professionals, they would never understand a guitarist past his prime. You would never fit in with them.” Though her tone was saccharine sweet, there was a definite bitter after-tone.
He clutched the steering wheel. Her words said everything as to why he couldn’t be with Petals. Money or not. “I need to go.”
“What about the papers?” she barked.
“I guess you’ll find out at midnight.” He hung up, and in that moment, decided to continue on to his destination. If he didn’t know the route by heart, he would have missed the small sign indicating a private road, but on automatic he turned, only to be stopped by the huge wrought iron gates.
He rolled down his window and waited at the speaker.
“Nashville Cinder…again,” Geoffrey, Upton’s butler, growled into the intercom.
Above him, Nash saw security cameras move. Even though Geoffrey knew it was him, he would still double check to make sure and also ensure no one was in the car with him.
Honestly, he didn’t really know why he drove to Upton’s with all the papers he had no intention of signing. He didn’t know why he continued to think about the event he had no intention of attending. He didn’t know why he did anything except for pure distraction. By 12:01 AM tomorrow his life would be back to status quo and he could breathe.
Right before he was ready to either press the buzzer or drive away, the gates slid open. Nash glided the car along the circular driveway, stopped in front of the mansion, and gathered up his paperwork.
He stepped up to the home and looked up. If he squinted, the huge structure could be out of old England, complete with balconies and turrets, a definite standout in a world full of white modern boxes.
Petals deserved something like this. Something grand. She told him herself she was known for her last name, and he knew by her clothing, her shoes, and her handbag that she relished the finer things in life. No way could he present her with a little cottage and expect her to be happy.
The door to the mansion opened and Nash stepped inside. As usual, Geoffrey didn’t greet him. All around him grand, ornate antiques filled dark space. Not one curtain was open anywhere. “Upton?” He couldn’t believe he was actually going to get to see the man.
“Go away.” Upton called from the library.
Nash shook his head. “Not until you talk to me.”
“I have nothing to say. I am exactly the same as the last time you saw me,” Upton growled.
“That’s impossible.” Without asking for permission, he walked over to the library. The dim room was filled with shelves and shelves of books. “The last time I saw you, you were in the hospital. You are clearly not there.”
“If I had it my way I would have left the hospital in a black bag, unfortunately I didn’t get so lucky.” From a large antique throne chair facing away, Upton lifted a goblet.
“Then I would not plan on going gambling any time soon.” For the first time in ten years, Upton didn’t scream for him to leave or call for Geoffrey. Taking silent steps, Nash took a seat off to the right side of his one time band mate.
Even though Nash couldn’t see anything but a shadow, Upton still turned away. “You’re not welcome here.”
“Strange, I thought you missed me.” Papers in hand, he sat back and crossed his legs.
“As much as one misses a rash on one’s ass.” Upton sneered. “I’m not going to any weddings, I’m not going to any funerals, I’m not going anywhere but to hell, and they can’t take me fast enough. What do you need now?”
Yes, for any life event Nash showed up. He begged Upton to come to Erik and Christine’s wedding, he told him about his father’s funeral, He tried time and again to get the man to step one foot in the sunlight to no avail. “Erik will be having his baby soon.”
“A baby.” Upton let out a low, sick laugh. “The man destroys three lives, then turns around, reclaims his career, gets himself a wife, and now a baby. How sweet. When are they getting a dog? Perhaps a fluffy little kitten?”
“He didn’t destroy our lives. We had an accident. It took all his strength to move on,” he countered. “We all need to move on.” If nothing else, Nash knew he needed to move on.
“Don’t defend him.” Upton slammed his fist into the arm of his throne. “Let me guess, you found love and now you need my help for something. It’s all hearts and diamonds now. Finally found someone who doesn’t care you can never run after them, is that it?”
“She doesn’t know I can’t run after her.” Nash looked up to the ceiling and swallowed. “She doesn’t know who I am.”
“I’m sorry. Forgive me, but I don’t understand. Of all of us, you are the only one who is still remotely recognizable.” Upton leaned forward in his chair.
With the muted lighting in the room, all Nash could make out was his friend’s silhouette. “She has no idea.”
“What did you do, meet her in a hole?” Sarcasm laced Upton’s voice.
“In a forest by my family’s cottage. We were both lost. Not that it matters, I’m not going to see her again.” Nash reached over and put the file on the table. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
“So you are going to walk away from a woman you love. Well, in your case, limp away.” After a pause, Upton snatched up the documents.
Love. Nash ran his hand through his hair. “Is it possible to love someone after only seeing them a handful of times?”
“You have always been the stupidest of all of us.” Upton opened the file. “Dense. Foolish.”
Only because Upton was actually speaking to him did Nash not take him out. “What makes you say that?”
“Because everyone knows that if you are not in love with someone after only a handful of times seeing them then it’s not love.” Upton’s voice took on a faraway tone.
“Then I love her.” Nash said the word aloud for the first time. “That’s why I can’t see her again. That’s why I have to get rid of this property, and that’s why I can’t get rid of it.”
For a moment they both sat in silence.
Upton returned the papers to the table. “Tell me Mr. Cinder, what can I do for you or did you only come here to flaunt that you will have something I never will?”
“I came here to ask you what to do about that property. I can have quite a profit and be done with it, but it’s the last thing from my family, my father,” he explained. “I want peace.”
“You’re not going to find peace with buying or selling the land. You will always wonder if you made the right decision,” Upton said.
He sat back. “You’re right.”
“The conditions on the land are nebulous, they can be fought either way. Your father needed to be more precise when he said the land had to be kept up.” Upton told him. “If you are holding on to the property out of spite, I commend you. If you are holding on to the property because of the past, I say move on, give up. At least you have a future.”
“My future walked away from me last week,” Nash said.
“That’s your own fault,” his friend snarled.
“I don’t have anything to give her.”
“Get out.” Upton’s tone was flat, final.
Nash sat up. “Stop pushing everyone away. Join your life and stop hiding.”
In a sudden move, Upton jumped out of his chair. “I said, get out!”
Nash stood and faced the shadow of his friend. “Your life doesn’t have to be like this.”
“No, my life is like this.” The lights in the library lit up.
For the first time in ten years, Nash gazed upon his former band mate. Without realizing it, he flinched and stepped back.
“You can’t stand it.” Upton stepped forward, getting right in his face. “What do you want me to do, wear a mask?”
“Upton.” He forced himself to have no reaction to his friend’s ruined face, ruined body.
“Get out.” Upton pointed the way, then walked past him as he left. “Geoffrey will be instructed to never let you in again.”
Nash watched Upton run up the grand staircase.
He took a moment and glanced around the room before gathering up his papers. There was no more fight left in him and he walked away.