After we eat breakfast, I pull on my ‘barely there’ bikini with some shorts and a tank top and we head to the beach, the beach that Katie should be lounging on, sipping cocktails right now. On the drive there, I grasp the charm on my necklace, the only piece of her that I have left.

Even though River had such a tough day yesterday, he's doing everything he can to be here for me like he knows how hard this is going to be. He fills his flask full and hands it over to me to slip into the beach bag.

As we walk closer to the sand, his hand finds mine. He squeezes it slightly, trying to offer me support and comfort.

Just walking across the soft sand makes my eyes tear. My chest tightens from trying to hold them back, and my heart that I thought was already shattered grinds down to a fine dust, almost like the sand under my feet.

I step under the cabana I rented and pull off my clothes before relaxing in a lounge chair. I can feel River’s eyes on me, but I don’t look at him. I’m not sure if he’s checking me out because of my bikini, or if it’s because he’s afraid finally being here with Katie gone is going to destroy me.

I see a waiter walk by and I call out to him. He walks over and I look him up and down. He’s wearing a pair of white board shorts that hug his hips. Every muscle in his body is ripped and covered in tan skin. I’m sure Katie would approve. However, I wonder which she would choose when it came to River: screw, kill, or marry?

I snap out of my thoughts before ordering two mixed drinks.

"Why did you order two? Are you that thirsty today?” River asks curiously from beside me.

I shake my head while staring out over the water. "No, one is for Katie." I pull the list out of the bag and open it to the last page. The very last thing she wrote was "join me on the beach for a drink". She was determined to get me here one way or another, and she succeeded.

I cross through it as a tear slides down my cheek. It drips from my chin and lands on the paper, smearing the ink. "I'm here, Katie. Now what?"

The waiter returns and hands me one drink while he places the other on the table between River and I. I sip the fruity mixture and it cools me off. I know Katie wouldn't want me to be sad, but I can't help feel lonely here without her. I miss her.

This is something we should have done together. More tears build in my eyes and I don't bother hiding them. They need to fall. I need them out. I didn't think this would be as difficult as it is. I also expected to feel a little closer to her, like this would be some kind of connection for us. But sitting here now without her, she couldn't feel any further away.

I wipe my tears away and notice River is reaching out his hand. I take it in mine and our eyes meet. “I know this is going to be hard on you, but I just want to let you know I’m here. If you need to cry or scream or hit something, I’m here.” He looks so sincere it makes my heart swell.

I nod and dry my face as I pick up my glass and drink it quicker than necessary.

The frozen drink helps to keep me cool while the heat of the day and the bright sun warm my skin. A slight breeze blows through the thin material of the cabana and it relaxes me. I allow my eyes to close as I hold the charm on my necklace in my fist.

* * *

"Hey. Wake up, lazy ass," Katie says as she shakes my arm.

My eyes flutter open and I sit up quickly, looking around me. I'm still in my beach chair, only it isn't River sitting beside me, it's Katie.

"What are you doing here? You're- you're gone," I cry.

Her bottom lip comes out in a pout. "I know. I'm sorry I had to leave you."

I swing my legs over the side of the chair to face her directly. "Why did this happen? I can't do this without you."

"You can do this, Jo. You have been doing it. Look at all the things you've done since I've been gone.”

"I only did those things for the list you made. I felt like I owed it to you.” I know this is a dream, but I can’t stand to look away from her in fear I will wake up and never seen her again. A dream of her is better than nothing.

She smiles brightly with her blonde curls blowing in the gentle breeze. "I know why you did them, but you still did them. By the time you finish that list, you won't need me anymore."

I shake my head, tears now welling up in my eyes. "I'll always need you. I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Yes you do.” She nods, assuring me. “You have everything covered." Her eyes are wide and shining brightly as she stands from her chair and sits down beside me. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug. I can feel it like she's really here with me. "You'll even get a little surprise by the time that list is done. Trust me. Trust in yourself." She hugs me and presses a kiss to my forehead before standing. "I love you, Jo," she says with a smile as she stands to walk away from me.

"I love you, Katie." I whisper the words, but it's like she can hear them anyway because she looks over her shoulder at me.

“Don’t catch any diseases,” I call after her.

She lifts her middle finger and flips me off, like I knew she would, before disappearing from view.

* * *

My eyes flutter open to see River watching me.

“Why are you smiling?” he asks me.

I sit upright and pick up his flask. “I had a dream about Katie.” I reach down and see that I’m still clutching the charm in my other hand.

I know that was nothing more than a simple dream, my subconscious trying to give me something I desperately want, but it feels like more. It feels like she was actually here with me. I can still smell her perfume. I can still feel her arm around me.

More tears sting my eyes. She’s my best friend, and she’s gone. I don’t know if this spot inside of me will ever heal, or if I’ll ever learn to live without her.

* * *

River and I spend the rest of the day at the beach. We move our chairs closer together so we can hold hands while we soak up the sun and the heat. I sip on mixed drinks and his flask, trying to come to terms with how I will have to live my life from now on.

I try distracting myself with River and his sculpted body lying next to mine. I feel myself blush when he sees me checking him out.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?” I ask, surprised.

“I’m out of commission for a few days. And the way you’re looking at me, I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself. No boners for a week.”

“A week?” I ask, my voice raising to an unnatural pitch.

He lets out a deep chuckle. “What’s the matter, princess? Can’t go that long without me?”

I turn my head and close my eyes to let the sun warm my face. “I guess I’ll just have to pick up the slack for you.”

He groans. “Don’t even say that. Just thinking about you touching yourself will give me a hard on.”

I smile, happy with torturing him.

When the sun starts to set, we pack up and go back to the car to head home for the day. River drives because I’ve drank all day. He didn’t drink a drop. I think it was his way of telling me to just relax for the day.

I keep his flask in my hand as we drive down the road. I uncap it and go to take a drink when the cap falls from my fingers, rolling under the seat. “Fuck.” I bend down and feel under the seat, but don’t feel it.

I pull my knees up and flip around with my head in the floorboard to look under the seat. I feel the car swerve and then hear police sirens.

I pop up quickly. “What’s going on?”

“Fuck! We’re being pulled over. You had to have your ass in the air, didn’t you?” He’s frowning while his eyes flash from the road to the rearview mirror.

“How did my ass get us pulled over?” My voice is high pitched and loud from being blamed for this.

“I can’t touch you, I had to look,” he says as he pulls the car to the shoulder of the road.

I want to laugh at his confession, but the seriousness of it all is muffling my amusement.

The cop taps on the window and River rolls his down.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asks.

River doesn’t answer, just shrugs.

“You were speeding and driving erratically. I need your driver’s license and registration.”

“I don’t have it on me,” River answers.

I feel my mouth hang open. How do you not have your license on you?

“What’s your name and date of birth? I’ll look you up?”

River’s head leans back against the seat. “I’ll just save you some time, I don’t have a license.”

“How do you not have a license?” I yell, unable to hold it in. He’s been doing most of the fucking driving and he doesn’t have a license?

His head jerks in my direction. “I just moved from New York City. Nobody has a license!”

“Ma’am, is that alcohol?” the police officer asks.

I suddenly realize I’m still holding the open flask in my hand. “No!” I quickly answer.

He motions for the flask, but I hold it out the window, quickly pouring it out on the ground.

The police officer rushes around the car and grabs the flask from my hand. He raises it to his nose. “You know drinking in a motor vehicle is against the law, right?”

I bat my eyes at him and smile. “I had no idea.”

“Step out of the car ma’am.” He opens my door.

“Hey, wait just a minute,” River says, getting out of the car and rushing around to my side.

The cop, feeling danger, spins River around and presses him against the car. River thrashes against him, trying to explain, but the officer slaps cuffs on him and walks him back to the police car.

“I’m afraid you’re going in too,” he says while motioning for me to step out of the car. He allows me to step out on my own and I put my hands behind my back as he puts the cuffs in place.

“Can you grab my purse for me?” I ask nicely.

He takes my purse and puts it in the front seat of the police car before placing me in the backseat next to River.

He stands outside the car, talking on his radio.

“I can’t believe you don’t have a license!” I yell at River.

“I can’t believe you poured out my flask! Do you know how expensive that scotch was?” He rolls his eyes.

I shake my head, unable to believe this is where our day is heading. We’re being arrested and all he’s worried about is his scotch.

* * *

“At least we’re in the right place to keep you from popping a boner,” I say from inside the jail cell.

“You’re so not funny.” He lifts his head from the wall to give me a dirty look.

“Hey, this is all your fault. You shouldn’t drive without a license.”

“And you shouldn’t drink in a car, have your ass up in the air, or pour out good booze.” He lists them off on his fingers.

“Jovi?” an officer asks, walking by the cell.

I jump up. “Yes! That’s me!”

“You’ve made bail. Payment just came through.” He opens the cell, allowing me to step out. River stands. “What about me?”

“I’ll bail you out, babe. But it’ll cost ya,” I tease with him, still feeling my buzz.

He rolls his eyes before running his hand through his hair. “Never mind. I’ll hang here.” He sits back down.

I laugh and blow him a kiss before walking away with the police officer.

After my belongings have been returned, I pay the one-hundred and fifty dollars to bail River out.

It takes them almost an hour to process him, but finally, we’re able to leave with a promise to appear in court in a few months.

The first thing we do is head over to the impound lot and bail the car out of jail. By the time we get home, we’re both so exhausted, we go right to bed, too tired to even think of trying to cross off anything else on the list.

* * *

I’m lounging across my bed, doing homework and listening to music when Katie bursts into my room. She looks pissed as hell as she slams the door behind her and paces the floor.

I pull my earbuds out and drop them onto the bed as I sit up, watching her. “What’s going on?”

She spins around to face me. “I think my parents are going to get a divorce.”

“What? Why?”

She walks across the room and sits down beside me. “Do you remember last year when my dad came home and him and my mom got into a fight in the kitchen?”

I nod.

“Well things have been strained since then. They’re hardly ever in the same room, when they are, they don’t talk, and sometimes at night, I hear them fighting. They never used to fight before that day.”

“So what are they fighting about?” I ask, pulling my legs up underneath me.

“I don’t know. All I can get is that a man named Josh showed up, asking for money.”

“Who is Josh, and why would he show up asking for money?”

She shrugs while picking at the skin around her fingernails. “I don’t know. But my dad wants to give him the money, and my mom doesn’t. I heard her say that my dad made his choice, and he can’t take it back now.”

“Then what happened?” I ask her.

“He stormed out of their bedroom and left. I tried to sit up and wait for him to come home, but I fell asleep before he made it back.”

I wrap my arm around her shoulders. “I’m sure everything will be fine, Katie. You’re parents are just going through something. They’ll work it out.”

“I hope you’re right.”

* * *

I’m sitting on the couch with my list when River walks in.

“What are you doing?” He plops down beside me.

“I just marked off ‘get arrested’ from the list. So what do I want to know about you now?” I tap my finger on my chin.

“Ask away.” He lies back on the couch, propping his head up on the arm, looking at me.

“I don’t know what else to ask you. Just tell me something.”

He shakes his head. “Nope. You have to ask the questions.”

“I don’t know what to ask. Tell me something that nobody else knows about you.”

His blue eyes glaze over. “I’m in love with you.”

I quickly turn my head away, starting at the floor on the other side of the room. I don’t want to leave him hanging, but I’m not there yet. I can’t say those words. I haven’t even let myself admit how I feel about him yet. I was hoping to have this conversation at the end of the summer, when we get back home. I feel the couch move as he sits up.

“Jovi,” he says almost in a whisper.

I don’t answer him. I’m lost in my endless thoughts.

“Jovi.” He places his hand under my chin and tilts my head in his direction so I have to look at him.

“I didn’t say it to make you say it back. I know this summer is about finding yourself, and I’m not trying to confuse you. I just wanted you to know. I loved you the second you looked up at me with those big, brown, puppy dog eyes of yours.” His lips move to mine. They are so soft and moving slow. He’s trying to tell me something with this kiss, but what?

Is he trying to make me believe his words? Is he trying to make me forget that he said them because of my reaction?

I don’t know, so I do the only thing I know how. I kiss him back. Feeling everything he has to give me, but refusing to search inside myself to see what I truly feel for him. I’m still too broken for that.

I turn and crawl up his body until I’m straddling him. His hands land on my hips as he squeezes them. He pulls away. “I can’t do this yet.”

I feel let down, but I knew this. He’s hurt. I’m sure having a needle shoved in that part of your body will leave some lasting effects.

“I know. I just wanted to feel close to you. Give you something since I’m not quite ready to give you those words yet.”

His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as his eyes darken. He stands with me in his arms, I squeal from the sudden movement. I hold on around his neck until I feel my back hit the bed with him standing over me. “What are you doing?”

His fingers slide into the waistband of my shorts as he pushes them down my legs. “Just because I can’t, doesn’t mean you can’t.

He leans down, putting his mouth on me. His tongue runs between my folds and circles around my hard nub. Every once in a while, his wet tongue flicks over it, causing a surge of lightening to jolt through me.

He teases me with his mouth for what feels like hours. When I feel myself building, he changes pace, letting it slip away only to repeat the process of pushing me to the edge, just to pull me back.

I’m moaning and whimpering, pleading for my release, but he doesn’t relent. I’m dripping with need, I can no longer control the way my hips are moving, trying to get more of him.

His hands latch on to my hips, stopping my movements as he continues with his torture.

I try sliding my hands down to my sex to release my orgasm myself, and he pushes them away, holding them at my sides. “Not until I say.” His voice is thick and full of desire.

He keeps pace, teasing me without release, finally he pulls away and I whimper, missing his touch. “Fuck it.” He pulls his jeans down and crawls up my body. I don’t refuse even though I should to keep him from hurting himself. His dick is practically throbbing while it stands at attention. He places himself at my entrance and pushes forward, gently.

He lets out a deep throaty sound just from being inside me. “You feel so good wrapped around me, Jovi.”

My release is building even though he isn’t moving. “River, please move. I’m about to come already.”

His lips crash with mine as he gently slides out and softly pushes back in. His movements are so soft compared to how it usually feels. But my body doesn’t care. It will take what it can get. My toes curl as my muscles tighten. Just as my orgasm rises again, he thrusts inside of me and fills me while I break around him.

His mouth is open with his eyes closed as he comes down from his high. He looks completely fucking erotic and it makes me want more of him, but I’m afraid of hurting him.

“How’s he doing down there?”

He slides out of me and falls to my side. “Never better.”

“It didn’t hurt?”

“Fuck no. It felt too good to even last.” He pulls me against him. “I’ve missed you.” His hand travels from my navel down to the wet junction between my legs. “I don’t think you’re ready to stop yet.” His fingers slide between my lips.

“I’m okay, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I promise you can’t hurt me.” His breath blows across my skin as his fingers move quicker, bringing my orgasm to the surface again.