The way that the situation ended with Eric was not the way things were supposed to go with a client. But then, Eric was a great deal more than a client, wasn't he? Friends don't let friends book professional sessions with their exes, I supposed. Even if that ex was definitely a person that could have been a husband. But then, maybe especially not in those circumstances.

I carefully began to put the materials I had brought for the day away. I knew that I had two other appointments for the day, but there was simply no way that I was going to be able to fulfill that particular set of obligations. After zipping up my bag and washing down the bed, I immediately made my way to Lila's office, which was located just down the hall from mine. I was happy to see that she was still there, which meant that Cassidy was likely still greeting clients down the hallway.

"Hello, Ms. Paige," I said cheerfully – or at least, as cheerfully as I could manage. "I hate to bother you, but I need to talk to you for a minute."

"Of course, Samuel," she said, her native North Carolina accent thick in her reply. "Have a seat. You look like you're getting ready to bail for the day."

Sitting down across from Lila, I appreciated her finely tailored suits. I had never seen Lila in a dress before. Her style alternated between being inspired by Marlene Dietrich and being inspired by Katharine Hepburn. The combination of classy, professional, and purposeful gender-bending put many of our nervous omegas at ease when they came into Kinkee Sensation Studios for the first time.

"I know I have two more sessions booked for the day," I told her regretfully. "But my mind's not really in the game. I'm going to have to postpone the remaining appointments, I'm afraid."

"The ex get to you that badly?" she asked.

I was relieved to see that she didn't sound angry, just vaguely amused. I supposed to anyone looking in from the outside, it was a humorous story. "Man works as a professional Dom and ends up seeing his previously believed to be vanilla ex as a client" was definitely something that I would have laughed at, had I been hearing the story from someone else.

"I'm afraid so, Ms. Paige," I answered. "I'm going to have to beg off for the rest of the day. If you want to reschedule those clients for me, for tomorrow, I will be in. I just need to get my head back in the game."

"You're a good employee and an even better dom, Samuel," Lila told me with a smile. "Take the day off. I'll have my wife reschedule your clients."

"Thank you so much," I said gratefully, before taking my leave.

I all but sprinted to the car. Getting out and feeling the warm air in my face was what I needed, but even it wasn't enough to help clear my head. As I began to drive home, I couldn't help but think about how pleased Eric had looked. I'd seen him gain release many times before, many times in a much more sexual way than our session had been, but he'd seemed particularly open in a way that Eric didn't often allow himself.

I had a few years of life experience on Eric, and those years had allowed me to become pretty comfortable with the person that I had become. But that wasn't the kind of person Eric had ever been. Although two years was a long time for someone, I didn't think it was long enough for someone to have a complete change of heart. I had a feeling that Eric, who had always gone to great lengths to hide our relationship from his coworkers, was quite probably still closeted.

As I drove down the magnolia-lined streets, I wondered if this newfound part of Eric, the part that liked submitting to a dominant alpha, was yet another part of him that he had to hide from the world.

Hiding that much of yourself takes a heavy toll; I remembered that much from when I had still been that young and unsure of myself.

I was so caught up in reminiscing that I almost didn't notice when the car in front of me came to a complete stop. I slammed on the breaks and narrowly avoided a fender bender when the Chevy in front of me tried to avoid the muskrat that had wondered in front of them.

I cursed underneath my breath, both at the muskrat for not knowing that it was in a city and not some backwards part of North Carolina... and at myself, for not paying better attention to my surroundings. The guy in the Chevy in front of me took the time to roll down his window and extend a middle finger.

Well, that was Raleigh for you: definitely very personal in every way.

I resisted the urge to flip him off in return. Instead, I forced myself to pay attention to what was going on in front of me for the rest of the ride home. Maybe a good glass of wine would help me unwind from the day.

It occurred to me as I gradually went back into the busy traffic that if I had been a second slower and been hit, there was nobody for the hospital to contact waiting for me at home. That was a morbid thought, I supposed, but it was the kind of morbid thought that was brought on by a reminder of the time in which I would have had plenty of contact information in my file: the time in which I had had a man I'd intended on marrying waiting on me at home after a long day of work.

It was definitely going to be a wine night, I thought.

Two glasses of wine into my dinner, I was still uncertain about how to address the major dilemma that had been dropped into my lap. I sat at my kitchen table and pressed the knife into the steak that I had prepared for myself and considered how terrible it was to make steak for one person.

If Eric had been here, I would have been able to share it with him.

I poured myself a third bottle of wine and flipped through my phone, wondering if I should contact Eric. Was it even appropriate to do so? He had come to me as a client, after all. Wasn't contacting him a considerable breach of client privacy? Wasn't it especially a breach of client privacy to contact him just because I was feeling nostalgic after hooking up with my ex, who hadn't even made it all the way through the appointment?

I set the phone down and took a long drink of my wine as I contemplated my options.

I didn't want to be a creep who didn't understand the concept of their partner saying no.

But I would lying if I hadn't enjoyed our time together this afternoon. He'd been such a perfect submissive omega and it had not only stirred old feelings that I had thought were over, but new ones that I had been unaware of even being on the table at all.

With the steak eaten and my last glass of wine half-finished, I decided to retire to the living room. I walked over to the bookshelf and picked one of my favorite romances from the shelf. Maybe it wasn't the best choice, given my frame of mind, but the story of a gay omega detective in the nineteenth century falling in love with his also gay alpha partner would always be one of my all-time favorites, no matter my mood.

Okay, it was definitely nostalgia time. Maybe tomorrow I would wake up with a slight hangover and be magically cured from my trip wallowing down memory lane.

I was one chapter into my favorite book when my phone chimed at me. Reluctantly, I marked my place in the book and picked up my phone.

Hi, this is Eric. Look, we need to talk. Can we meet up?

I wasn't drunk enough to hallucinate. But I was drunk enough that I almost dropped the phone.

What should I tell him? Okay, but never mind what I should tell him. I knew damn well what I was going to tell him.

Sure. I'm open after 4 the rest of the week. When's good for you?

There was a long pause after my text, and I began to wonder if Eric had changed his mind. It seemed like a weird way to react, but we were talking about an ex who had up and left for no reason that I could recall.

Every time I remembered that, a twinge of bitterness began to curl in my stomach. But it wasn't bitter enough to push away the fact that I desperately wanted to see him again, or to erase how good the afternoon session with Eric had been.

Eventually, the phone chimed again and I glanced down at it in surprise. I had almost given up hope that he was going to contact me again at all.

Can we arrange for tomorrow at 7? Maybe at George's Moo 'N Booze?

At the mention of Moo 'N Booze, I instantly smiled. He hadn't forgotten our old haunt! Moo 'N Booze was a place where both of us had spent many long nights. They specialized in a variety of cheese, ice cream, and alcohol. It was a wild combination of things to be known for, but their boozy milkshakes made the tavern famous statewide.

There was no better combination than rum and mint chocolate chip, and it was only because of Moo 'N Booze that I knew that. I wondered if Eric still preferred vodka with cookie dough for his milkshakes. I also wondered how many times he'd been to Moo 'N Booze since we had broken up - I hadn't gone back there by myself yet.

Sure. That works for me. See you tomorrow.

After agreeing to the meeting, I set my phone down and closed my eyes. The house was incredibly quiet, and the only sounds that could be heard from outside were the crickets in the late North Carolina evening.

There was always tomorrow, I reminded myself. Tomorrow night I could go out and have a fun time.

At least I was pretty sure it was going to be a good time. But even with the wine, I couldn't help but be nervous about what tomorrow was going to bring. It had been two years since Eric and I had talked at all. I wondered what he wanted to talk about. Was he only wanting to discuss the way the afternoon session had gone, or did he want to talk about stuff related to us?

Did I want an explanation, after all of this time? I suppose it wasn't honest of me to pretend that I didn't want an explanation. I definitely did. I was just ashamed of myself for still holding on to someone who had caused me such hurt when he'd walked out two years ago.

In two years, shouldn't I have found someone else? In those two years, shouldn't I have made more progress than what I had made? If Eric asked about my life tomorrow night, how was I going to avoid coming across as anything but a pathetic forty-two year old bachelor who hadn't gotten over a man who obviously hadn't been as interested in me as I had been in him?

But, I reminded myself, Eric didn't seem to have much going on in his life, either. Sure, he had his championships, but if there was a special someone, then Eric certainly wasn't opening up to them about his preferences.

Then, he hadn't opened up to me, either, had he?

I drained the rest of the wine in my glass, then got up and put my book away. I had done enough contemplating of my past for the night, and sitting here in the lonely living room trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together would not change anything. I needed to get to sleep, because worrying about my past was something that could wait for another day.