CHAPTER ONE - KAMI

Where the hell is a damn drink when you need one?

I asked myself. My feet were throbbing with pain. There’s nothing quite like working a double shift, slinging coffee all day, and coming home to a rock band rehearsing in the garage below your apartment.

I wasn’t sure where I got the nerve to hope for peace and quiet, but I wasn’t going to get it. To put the cherry on top of my shit sundae, I was greeted by my ex, Devin. Unfortunately, kicking his ass to the curb didn’t mean I’d get to avoid frequent unwelcomed run-ins.

Devin played guitar for a local rock band led by none other than my best friend and lead singer, Rain Crawford. To make matters worse, said rock band’s headquarters happened to be in the garage beneath my apartment. I was the poster child for the acronym FML.

“Hey, Kam, how’s it going?” Devin’s cigarette smoke billowed out with each word, sending chills down my spine. I knew the only reason he’d bothered to speak was because his latest fling was hanging all over him.

It was hard to believe that I was once mesmerized by his rock star appeal. Looking back now, the signs were everywhere, and I was just too blind to see them.

Devin knew how much it hurt when I had to close my photography studio, and yet he made cruel jokes about my failure whenever he could.

Before our relationship, I’d had some success with photography and had gotten confident enough to rent a space to open my own studio. I didn’t know enough to take into account overhead, utilities, insurance, etc. I just wanted to take pictures. Six months in, my studio folded. Since I’d signed a lease for a year, I was stuck having to pay, even though I’d gone out of business.

One of his favorite things to do was to point out the boarded-up building every time we passed by. It was all part of his plan to make me think I was less than him, so that I couldn’t imagine finding someone better. And I let him. To make matters worse, I caught him cheating in my bed. I still couldn’t decide which one of us was the bigger fool.

The bleached blonde on his arm had tattoos and piercings and wore a concert tee and shredded jeans and lots of black leather, while the edgiest things on my body were the piercings on my ears. Don’t get me wrong, I still appreciated a good concert tee and a pair of faded jeans, but I looked more like an all-American girl next door compared to the tatted-up groupie that was Devin’s usual type.

Little did she know that he was on a mission to sleep with as many girls as possible after our break-up. Whether it was to make me jealous or prove something, it didn’t matter. As far as I was concerned he could screw every available hole in town, so long as he stayed away from me.

“How much longer will this be going on?” I asked as I walked by and fished out my keys, which reminded me to ask another question: “Did you ever find the spare key to my apartment?”

“We’re on our last break, and no.” He shrugged and planted a kiss on the girl’s lips, practically reaching for her tonsils with his tongue. “I don’t know what happened to it.”

I shook my head in disgust. I’d given him over a month to find that spare key, and while I wasn’t inclined to believe he’d actually lost it, I wasn’t going to argue with him about it. He probably knew exactly where it was and only said he didn’t so I’d stress about him coming in the apartment.

“Never mind, I’ll have the locks changed.” I found my keys, which were down deep in my slouchy bag and climbed the stairs to my apartment. Devin and his girl who were hanging out at the bottom of my stairs, just next to my garbage can. It seemed fitting; the trash knew right where it belonged.

I laughed quietly at my witty joke. I opened my door and glanced around to see if my place looked any different than when I’d left it, but everything was in place. I couldn’t be too careful. My relationship with Devin could be compared to peeling the skin of an onion. The man I thought I knew pranced around with false layers. Sure, everyone puts their best foot forward initially, but he was at a whole new level. I realized he was an egotistical slime ball with zero compassion for others, not to mention a man whore. It went without saying, I was better off without him.

Unfortunately, he’d been the last in a long line of shitty choices. I really had a knack for attracting the exact wrong type of guy. The shittiest part was that I wasn’t getting any younger, and I wanted a family more than just about anything.

Thank the lord I hadn’t gotten knocked up by that prick.

At one point I was seriously considering it. It had been a half-baked idea, but I’d always known I wanted children. I worked up the nerve to speak to Devin about it a few times and, of course, he never really seemed that interested.

Since the breakup, I’ve been feeling the urge more than ever. The reality was that I had my fair share of failed relationships and I could no longer wait for the right guy.

I always admired my mother who raised me alone. I figured she’d done it on her own, why couldn’t I? I’ve always adored children. Maybe it had something to do with me being an only child growing up and having memories of begging my mother to have more babies. Who knows.

When Devin and I split, I’d feared it would cause a rift between Rain and I, but she assured me our friendship meant more to her than that. She couldn’t afford losing Devin, but she wasn’t going to let me go as a friend. Damn right.

She couldn’t get in the middle of it since she said he was not only the hottest guitarist in town, but one of the best. He had connections that helped them land gigs, and Rain leaned on him for everything.

I threw my bag down and kicked my shoes off, as I made my way to the fridge. I checked my schedule for work, which hung on the door, and wrote “double” with the magnetic pen I kept beside it. I had quite a few of those markings, and while I was exhausted from the extra work, my pockets were lined with cash tips. If I was ever going to climb down off the mountain of debt from the failed business, I needed a nice cushion to land on.

I opened the box and took out a cold drink and then grabbed a TV dinner from the freezer. Following the directions, I poked holes in the plastic and tossed it in the microwave.

Thirty-three years old, sleeping above a friend’s garage, and eating Salisbury steak out of a plastic dish. I was living the life.

At least my therapy was a long hot shower. I walked to my tiny bathroom, threw my clothes off and onto an already high laundry pile and stepped under the warm spray.

While the suds slipped down my bare breasts, the band’s last break ended and the noise below caused my shampoo bottles to vibrate against one another. I could feel the music through my feet and up into my bones. Exhausted or not, I couldn’t deny the love I had for their sounds—haunting harmonies mixed with a hint of metal. They really rocked, and Rain’s voice was incredible. She could hit any note with ease and was one of the most sought-after singers in the area. She had offers left and right, but wanted to do her thing, her way. She formed Live Wired, and the band hustled hard around the Austin area ever since. They’d even done a few short tours, opening for some big-name acts.

I’d known Rain since I’d moved to the area in high school, and our contrasting personalities brought us together like magnets. When my mom died during my first year of college, I moved in with Rain and her aunt, Helen. Aunt Helen was renting a garage apartment to an old man at the time, but when he moved away, I took up the rent and moved upstairs. I wanted to know what it was like to really be on my own, and shortly after, I wanted to know what it was like to be in a serious relationship. That’s when I met Devin.

Things had been wonderful for a while, and felt like life couldn’t get any better, but then he started sneaking around until one day, after a double shift, I came home to find him fucking some groupie in the bed we shared.

The only reason he’d been so brave was that Rain was working with her boyfriend at the time, and Aunt Helen had gone on a trip to see her sister who lived in Florida. He hadn’t expected me home so soon, and once I caught him, he admitted it wasn’t the first time. His excuse had been that it was part of his reputation; that with him being a musician in a band, I should know what comes with that lifestyle.

He never expected me to find out and begged me to stay. There was no way in hell I would take him back, and the rejection really seemed to get to him.

He proceeded to bed a different girl every night, which, according to Rain, he did for the two weeks after our breakup. He conveniently made certain that he was hanging around the house with his fling whenever I arrived home from work. He was ruthless.

I finished my shower and pulled on my boy shorts and a tank top and went to the kitchen to grab my dinner. When the music stopped, I could hear the sounds of the band leaving, and let out a sigh remembering that I was once a part of the gang just months earlier.

Footsteps on the stairs told me Rain was on her way, and sure enough, the brief knock on the door announced her seconds before she opened it and came inside.

“Hey, Kam. Do you mind if I grab a soda? We’re all out downstairs.”

“Help yourself.” She was in the fridge before I could finish my sentence.

“Man, what a night! You should have been here earlier. We had a surprise visit from Daren down at Metal Shop. He’s got us a whole list of gigs. We’ll be booked through the end of the year. I swear, that guy is so hot.”

“Did you eye fuck him?” I turned on the TV with the remote and fell onto the couch beside me before taking my fork and cutting up my Salisbury steak.

“You know it. We’re supposed to get together next week.” She plopped down on my mismatched sofa across the room and popped open the soda can.

“That’s awesome, Rain. He’s a catch.” Daren Craig owned and operated the largest music studio and store in the area; Metal Shop. It was a musician’s paradise, and not only was he one of the hottest men Rain had ever taken an interest in, but his connections were also gold.

“I can’t wait to see him again. He kissed me before he left. Said we could come down and use his back room to practice.”

Now she was speaking my language.

“That would be great. Then I wouldn’t have to watch as Devin molested his groupies in my stairway.”

“Well, he’s clearly trying to make you jealous with his flavor of the month.” She leaned forward, placing her drink on the battered coffee table between us and rested on her elbows. “You know what you need, right?”

“A baby.”

“I was thinking sex actually. You mean you still want to get pregnant, even now??” Rain’s eyes lit with surprise.

“You know I’ve wanted a child, that I’d even considered having a baby all by myself after mom’s death, but then I met Devin.”

“Aren’t you thankful you didn’t do that?” Rain let out a long breath and stared at the ceiling. She’d been against me looking into the single-mom life, and she was only looking out for what she thought was my best interest. It wasn’t the right time for me to become a mother, but I couldn’t wait for the day to finally come.

“Yeah, and I’m glad I didn’t go out and get a pet like you recommended.” She’d tried to get me to get a puppy.

“Big difference.” She looked in the mirror and smoothed her hair.

“I think I’m at the point in my life where I’m done waiting for my knight in shinning armour. Most guys I meet don’t want a serious relationship. Just one-night stands. No thanks.”

“You don’t know what they want. There are some nice guys out there. You’re just not looking in the right places.”

“Maybe so, but I’m not getting any younger. Besides, guys are repelled to girls who want to have a family.”

“Stop making excuses. You’ll find someone and the time to get knocked up. I’ll help you. I want to see my best friend in love again.” She got up and came around the table to give me a hug. “It’s going to be OK, Kam. The right man will come along, and he’ll be worth the wait. I really want you to give dating a go again.”

“Thanks, Rain. I’ll think about it.”

Too bad I stopped believing miracles since I was a kid.