Chapter Eight
Grace
Standing out of sight in the hallway, I listened to the men talking about Knox and all he'd done for them. I heard the fierce loyalty in their voices – they absolutely loved him. I could tell by their words and the way they spoke that they would follow him to the depths of hell and back again if he asked.
But Knox wasn't the type to ask. He was the type of man who would always be there for everybody else, but would never burden anybody with his problems. He'd never ask anybody to risk themselves on his behalf – even though, he obviously had no issue risking himself on theirs.
Listening to his guys talk to and about him only reinforced the ideas already in my head about him. I knew I'd been right about Knox. I knew that underneath all the tattoos and that rough exterior, that he was a good man with a good heart.
Not to mention the fact that he was utterly amazing in bed. I'd never been with somebody like him before, somebody who knew all the right buttons to press and seemed as invested in my pleasure as in his own.
To look at Knox, most people wouldn't be able to get over the fact that he was a biker. That was a shame, because he was so much more than that. There was a depth to him that was as fascinating as it was compelling. I felt drawn to Knox in a way I'd never felt drawn to somebody before in my entire life.
It was ridiculous. We barely knew each other. And I had no doubt that he didn't feel the same way. I was sure that to him, I was just another conquest, just another face in what I was sure was an endless parade of women in and out of his bed. I doubted that Knox had trouble getting sex whenever he wanted it.
As good as his heart was though, he didn't strike me as the kind of man who was interested in anything long term. With anybody. But I didn't sleep with him under the expectation of having a relationship with him. I'd slept with him because I'd wanted to.
The man just got under my skin in ways I never even conceived were possible. And as I watched him with his guys, I realized that I wanted more. That I wanted – him. Yeah, I wanted him to take Liam, but the realization that I wanted to be a part of both of their lives long after this whole episode was over hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.
I also knew there was no way in hell it was going to happen. I was all but certain that once this was over, once we'd gotten Liam back safe and sound, that he'd send me on my way and settle back into his life there in Blackburn. It would be like none of this had ever happened. I was relatively certain that in a week's time, maybe two, that he wouldn't even remember my name. I'd simply be remembered as that one snooty chick he'd banged that one time.
I hated it, but it was also the reality of the situation.
Knox's life didn't allow for him to care for a kid – nephew or not. I could see that now. I could see that growing up around the Outlaws probably wasn't in his best interests. And as much as I'd like to think otherwise, I doubted that his life allowed him room for somebody like me.
That stark reality hit me in the gut hard, but it was one I was going to have to live with.
“Grace.”
I looked up and saw Knox staring at me, those dark, smoldering eyes seeming to bore into me. I gave him a small smile before walking over and joining him at the bar. I was keenly aware of the eyes on me as I crossed the room – and figured that most, if not all, of the guys sitting around knew that Knox and I had sex in the back room.
I'd expected catcalls or some form of humiliation – isn't that what guys did? Instead though, I was surprised to get smiles, nods, and even a few raised bottles in my direction. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it and all I could do was smile in return, feeling fifty shades of awkward.
When I sat down at the bar, the guy behind it slid a cup of coffee over to me. “It's not a pumpkin whatever you asked for, but it's hot and dark, so hopefully it'll do.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving him a smile of gratitude, not exactly sure why everybody was being so nice to me all of the sudden. “That's really kind of you.”
I picked the cup of coffee up and inhaled the aroma, surprised that it was rich and flavorful. I'd half-expected to smell something like freeze-dried or instant coffee. But, he'd apparently gone out while Knox and I were sleeping and found a nice blend to serve me.
“How long were you standing over there?” Knox asked me as he stared at his bottle of beer.
“Long enough to hear how much your guys love you,” I said.
“We're family.”
“In my line of work, I've seen more than my share of families who don't have the love, loyalty, and bond that you and the rest of these guys do.”
He turned to me and smiled. “I'm a lucky man,” I said. “I grew up with most of these guys.”
“Grew up with them?”
He nodded. “Yeah, my dad was actually club president back in the day,” he said. “Dean was his best friend. I grew up with the Outlaws. I could almost ride a hog before I could even walk. Earned my cut when I was seventeen.”
“I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds good?”
Knox laughed softly. “Yeah, I don't suppose you would,” he said. “Two different worlds, you and I.”
“Maybe,” I said, putting my hand over his and giving it a gentle squeeze. “But we certainly share quite an orbit.”
“That we do,” he said.
We stared at each other for a long moment and there seemed to be so many unspoken words hanging in the air between us. There was an air of expectation – but expectation of what? I saw so much in his eyes, so many things he wanted to say. And yet, he was hesitant to give voice to them.
But then again, so was I.
“So,” Dean said as stood between us and put an arm around both of our shoulders. “Are we really going to act like this is high school and not talk about the elephant in the room?”
I felt the heat rushing into my cheeks and looked away from Knox. For his part, Knox turned and looked at Dean, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
“And what is the elephant in the room?” he asked.
“That you two are obviously into each other,” he said. “A blind man could see that from a thousand yards away on a dark night.”
“Subtle,” Knox said. “Very subtle.”
Dean laughed. “Kid, in all the years I've known you, when have you ever known me to be subtle?”
“Good point.”
“Well then,” Deal said. “How about you two clear the air between you and figure out where – and if – this thing between you is going to happen. Because, in case you didn't notice, it's getting late and we've got a job to do.”
Dean gave us both a pat on the back and then turned and walked away, laughing to himself. My heart was in my throat and it was thundering hard as the butterflies swirled around in my belly like a tornado. I couldn't meet Knox's eyes. I was absolutely embarrassed – mostly because I didn't want to admit the truth of the matter to him – that I really did want to see if there was anything between us. Knox watched Dean walk away and then turned to me, an awkward smile on his face. “That's Dean,” he said. “Blunt and to the point. Always been that way.”
I laughed and still couldn't meet his eyes. The silence between us stretched on, even more awkward than it had been before.
“Do you think he's right?” Knox finally broke the silence between us.
I cocked my head and looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“About us,” he said. “Is there something between us?”
The speed of my heart accelerated even further and I feared that if I didn't find a way to slow it down, it was going to explode in my chest. But I knew that if I did want this to go anywhere, I was going to have to speak up. Knox might not be the relationship kind of guy in the end, but I should at least let him know that I may be developing feelings – and then let him do with that as he pleased.
“I mean, it's crazy,” I said. “Given how little time we've actually know each other.”
“Crazy,” Knox said. “You're not wrong.”
I looked into his eyes – like really deep into them-- and was stunned by what I saw. Reflected back at me, were the same feelings I harbored for him.
Christ, we were acting like a couple of high school kids. I just shook my head and laughed – and then instantly regretted it when I saw the veil dropping over Knox's eyes again. I guess that my laughter had been misinterpreted and had hurt his feelings.
“If I'm being honest though,” I said. “I'm attracted to you, Knox. I've kind of felt this growing attachment to you.”
His smile was small, but sincere. “I feel the same way,” he said. “You're not like anybody I've ever met before.”
“And you're a lot better man than you let on,” I said. “Or give yourself credit for.”
“That remains to be seen,” he said and laughed, clearly not comfortable with somebody giving him praise.
“Not by me,” I said, catching his gaze and holding it, trying to convey the intensity of my emotions through my eyes. “I've seen who you really are, Knox. I know your heart. You're a good man. Don't ever doubt that.”
When I saw his cheeks flare with color, I had to stifle the laugh that rose up within me. He looked like a shy, awkward teenaged boy who'd just been paid a compliment by the hottest girl in school. It made my heart flutter and drew a smile across my face. It was adorable. Beyond adorable.
He cleared his throat and when he'd composed himself again, he looked at me. “You're pretty amazing,” he said. “I mean that.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving his hand another squeeze, this one a little tighter.
“So, what are we going to do about all of this stuff between us?”
I shrugged. “I know what I want,” I said. “But you need to decide what it is you want?”
“And what is it you want, Grace?”
“You,” I said flatly.
He let out a long breath, an expression of pure relief on his face. “Good,” he said.
“That's just beautiful,” Dean said, returning to his position between us again. “I'm so glad you both finally pulled your heads out of your asses. Now, unless you want to stay here and share some more feelings, let's get rollin'. We have some Dawgs to put down and a kid to save.”
Dean walked away and began to rally his troops. I looked over at Knox and found him staring at me, a look of absolute adoration on his face.
“Maybe we can talk about this later,” he said. “After we get Liam back.”
“I'd like that,” I replied.
He leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the lips, drawing catcalls and a round of sarcastic lovey-dovey jokes from his guys. I felt the heat flare in my cheeks and looked away. But my heart swelled and my head was swimming – I couldn't believe that in all this craziness, Knox and I had found something in each other that drew us together.
Yes, we were from two different worlds – and I knew I still had a lot to learn about his, just as he had a lot to learn about mine – but the fact that we were both willing to explore those differences made me insanely happy.