Olivia

One month. I’d made it a month.

It had been the longest month of my life. It was like the sun went away.

Two months later

Momma slammed my office door open.

“Well, hello,” I looked up from my desk. “What can I do for you? Other than calling the handyman to repair the wall?” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“You need to come with me, right now,” she said.

“I have work,” I spread my hands out, indicating the mass of papers on my desk.

“That can wait. Let’s go.” She didn’t wait for an answer and walked out the door.

“Momma!” I got up, grabbing my purse and following her.

She was marching out the door to our office before I caught up with her.

“What is going on with you?” I asked.

“We’re going out for a while.”

“Where?”

“Get in the car.” She yanked the door to her car open and got in without saying another word to me.

I thought she was pissed. Every word, every action, screamed that. But she wasn’t talking, and normally, Momma yelled at me. She didn’t keep her anger in. That wasn’t even close to her style.

She didn’t speak but drove angry until we got to my hairdresser. “Get out, and go get your hair done,” she said.

“Why?”

“Stop arguing, and do as you’re told, for one damn time in your life,” Momma snapped.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say Momma had been drinking from the decanter she kept for some of our clients.

“All right,” I said. She kind of scared me at the moment.

“I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Okay,” I shut the door, and she peeled away from me.

“What in the world?” I asked out loud. There was no answer.

Watching her car recede into the distance, I walked into the salon, where Anna, my stylist, greeted me with open arms.

But when I questioned Anna, she had no idea why Momma had made the appointment. So we chatted about nothing in particular. She asked me if I was dating, and I could tell that she’d seen the pictures of Xavier and me on our last night together.

I’d done a lot of deflection about that in the three months since Xavier had left my kitchen and my life. Laughed off all the questions, changed the subject, and made light of it.

My heart didn’t crack open anymore.

Not much, anyway.

Anna was polite and kind, and when I said I wasn’t dating anyone, she let it go.

Momma marched back in as Anna was drying my hair. She had a garment bag in her hand.

“When you’re done, Olivia Anne, you go and get changed.”

Momma put the bag down on a chair behind us and marched out again.

“What is going on with Miz Marguerite?” Anna asked.

“You know as much as I do,” I said. “She’s been in this mood all afternoon.”

Anna finished and whipped the cape off me. “Go change before your momma explodes,” she whispered. “I’ve never seen her like that.”

I took the bag to the bathroom and pulled out the clothes.

It was a dress the same color as the dress Xavier called my mermaid dress. No sleeves and a silver circlet at the top held it up. There were jewelry and shoes in the bottom of the bag in a shopping bag.

What the hell?

I knew, however, that I wouldn’t get anything out of Momma, so I got changed, and touched up my makeup. Wherever I was headed, if this dress was any indication, I needed to look good.

Anna exclaimed as I came out, “Olivia, you look delicious!”

I smiled. “Momma has good taste.”

“She always does. Look, girl, you’re all set. She took care of it. No, don’t,” she waved her hand as I reached into my bag to get her a tip. “Once this is all over, you will come back and tell me all about it. I’m dying over here!”

I laughed. It was the first time I’d laughed freely in…I couldn’t remember how long. “That makes two of us. Thanks for getting me all spiffed up!”

She squeezed my hands, and I went out to face Momma.

Momma looked me over and made a noise that gave me no indication whether she was pleased or not, or anything at all.

“Let’s go.”

She turned her back on me again.

“You’re going to have to talk to me at some point, Momma.”

She didn’t answer, just got in the car.

I got in with her. When I’d buckled my seat belt, Momma held out her phone out to me.

“What?”

“Watch this.” She shook the phone a little.

I took it and saw that there was a video ready to—oh, God. I handed it back, feeling the pain in my heart.

“No, Momma.”

“Don’t you no me, young lady! I’ve left you be because you’re supposed to be a grown woman, but this has gone on long enough. Now you act like a grown-up, and you face it. Hit play, Olivia.” She gave the phone back.

My heart raced. I could feel it throbbing in my neck. My hands were sweaty all of a sudden. Why was she making me do this?

I hit Play.

Xavier was there, in a studio, looking right at the camera. He looked sad, and tired.

Had I put that there? The crack in my heart widened.

He started to speak.

“Hey, XTC coming at ya. I haven’t done this for a long time, but I want to get this out—I need to—and I thought I’d share it with all of you. I’ve been working on some new stuff for the tour that’s coming up. This is a song that came to me recently. It’s a little different, and I want to see what you guys think. I know you’ll tell me if it’s shit,” he grinned at the camera.

“So if you’re not in the mood for sappy and emotional, stop the video right now. I don’t want to hear the bitching later that you expected something different. This is…well, here it is.”

He dropped his head, and the music started. Then he looked at the camera again and began to sing.

“I sit where you sit,

a couple of seats

Don’t know if I wanna

Wanna meet n greet

Or run fast on fuckin nervous feet

I don’t know jus don’t know

X, X, X—Xs, and Os.”

“X, X, X—Xs, and Os.

Where does it go?

Neither one knows

When we age when we grow

No one no one wants to show

But I do

With you

X, X, X—Xs, and Os.”

The tears rolled down my face and splashed onto my lovely dress as I looked up at Momma. “When did he do this?” I whispered.

“About two months ago,” she said, thawing for the first time since slamming the door into my office. “I’m not sure I can condone his poor language choices, but the sentiment is one that I approve of.”

I looked back down, listening. He was singing to—he was singing to me. I could see it, tell in the way he looked at the camera as he sang the words that were about us.

“X, X, X—Xs, and Os

Where does it go?

Neither one knows

When we age when we grow

No one no one wants to show

But I do

With you

X, X, X—Xs and Os”

He sang the chorus for the last time and gave the camera a look that made me melt right into the seat.

This was for us. He’d done this for me, two months ago, and I’d never seen it.

I scrolled down, looking at the comments.

Other than a couple that called him out for being whipped by some chick, they were overwhelmingly positive. People loved it. They loved the way he sang, the real feeling in his words, his eyes. He got a few marriage proposals. A few proposals that were less than honorable—and instead of making me see red, I laughed.

Of course, he got less than honorable proposals. He’d put his heart out there, and I’d never seen him more appealing, or sexy. And I’d seen the guy in his full-on naked beauty.

“When did you see this?” I asked her.

“Last night. I Googled him because I wanted to see how he was doing. He’s not doing anything, other than touring. But that video popped up, and I watched it four times in a row, and when Lloyd came in, I was crying. Honey, that man loves you. At least, he did when he made that video. He hasn’t taken it down, or said anything to indicate that his feelings have changed.” Momma held up a hand, stopping me from speaking.

“I know your objections, and I understand. But honey, you’ve been seeing the doctor, and you’re working through things. I think you need to give him—give yourself—another chance.”

I shook my head, feeling very small. “No, Momma, I broke his heart. That’s what he said.” Even though she was right. I had been seeing a therapist to deal with all the emotions that had gone off the rails for me. It’s why I could laugh when I read the indecent comments on Xavier’s video.

“He also said if you changed your mind, if things changed for you, that he wanted you to get in touch. It’s time to get in touch, honey.”

“Momma, I don’t know if I can.”

She took my hands in hers. “Yes, you can. This is the man for you, Olivia. I had my doubts at first. He really needs to watch his language, but I don’t suppose that any such thing will happen at this late stage of his career. I supposed I could get used to a foul-mouthed Yankee as a son-in-law. Because he loves you. He put himself out there for you, and now it’s time for you to do the same.”

“Where are we going?” I pulled my hands away.

“You are going to the airport. He’s playing in Atlanta tonight, and I called around, called in a few favors, and you have a front row seat to his show.”

“No, Momma,” I said weakly.

“Nonsense. You’re not living, darlin’. You’re doing all the things you’re supposed to, but you’re just existing. I know you’re afraid, but you’re not happy without him. And he’s not happy without you, the last time anyone heard from him.”

“Does he know I’m coming?”

“No. So if he’s moved on, he can pretend not to see you. And you can leave. I’ll pick you up if you end up flying back tonight. I won’t let you go through this alone. But if he’s still there for you, I’ll give you the week off,” she grinned at me, and I saw how young it made her look.

“What does Lloyd think of this?” I asked.

“He helped me plan it,” she said, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. “Watch that video again, darlin’. That is a good man, and he loves you. Even if he’s never said it, he loves you.”

“He said it,” I said softly.

“What?” She shrieked at me. “You never told me that!”

“I didn’t want to,” I admitted. “You would have told me I was stupid.”

“You were. Sorry, darlin’, but I don’t lie to you. However, you’ve come through your stupid phase, so it’s all going to be fine.”

I clutched my purse and looked out the window as she sped along to the airport.

Was I really going to do this?

As I watched Momma drive away from the terminal, it looked like I was.

What if I was too late?