Xavier

I can barely look at my phone. Fuck. I haven’t texted Olivia, and it’s been three days. I’ve picked up the phone and even started to text her, and then I stop.

I can’t explain why.

Nor can I explain why I keep thinking about her.

When I took her hand on the plane, I wanted to pull her closer, kiss the shit out of her, and drag her off somewhere that I could be with her naked, private, and not come out for days.

It scared the fuck out of me.

I wouldn’t admit that to anyone else, but I couldn’t deny it. Her touch both shocked and scared me, and I ran with all my might.

Didn’t stop the fricken phone from glaring accusingly at me every time I looked at it.

And I was well aware of how damn insane I sound, thinking a phone is glaring. But it’s better than owning the shit tons of guilt I felt every minute I let pass that I didn’t get in touch with her.

I hadn’t asked her how long she planned to be here. I didn’t ask where her hotel was. All I knew that she was spending serious time at Elizabeth Arden.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I Googled it and called the spa. The snotty receptionist told me they valued their patrons’ privacy and she would neither confirm nor deny a patron’s presence at the salon.

Well, fuck.

I did my best to ignore it, and let two more days pass. Each time I looked at my phone, it felt like a giant mosquito bite that I couldn’t stop scratching.

So six days after I met Olivia on the plane, I texted her.

‘Hey Ms Olivia’

And waited.

For over an hour.

Fuck this.

Since I couldn’t sit still, I shoved the phone into my pocket and went down to the studio. I didn’t expect to find my favorite engineer, Markus, working on his own.

“Hey, man, what are you doing here?”

He looked up, sliding off his headphones. “Just doing a little more clean up. You know how it is, man.”

I smiled. “Yep. That’s why I won’t work with anyone else.” He is a genius at what he does. I pay a shit load to keep him working mainly for me. He’s freelance, which means he can work wherever and with whoever. He chooses to work mostly for me. He likes to tinker with the sound. We’d come to an agreement years ago that he could come in at will, and do his thing.

“You need anything from me?” I ask.

He shook his head, eyes on the board. “Nah, we’re good. You happy with the sound?”

“I haven’t heard it yet. You know I don’t listen until you’re done. Then I listen, and decide.” I take it up to my loft, and go into my sound room, and listen with a pad of paper, taking notes and going through each track measure by measure.

“You gonna drop this at the next show?”

I shrug. “Maybe a couple. Listen, you around if I come up with some new stuff? I got a lot of ideas rolling around.” Maybe if I wrote, I’d take my mind off Olivia.

He nodded, the hint of a smile lifting the corner of his lips. Markus is low key, and very laid back. Being around him was calming.

“Yeah, sure. You got something?” His eyebrows went up.

“No, actually, I came down to work. I can’t seem to focus upstairs.”

“I hear you,” he turned back to the board, slipping on the headphones once more. “Paper’s over there,” he indicated with his head.

I went to the file cabinet where he’d gestured towards and found some of my notepads and paper. I did better when I wrote down my lyric ideas. I know, I’m all old school and lacking in modern technology, but habits die hard.

I sat at the desk in the back of the booth and tapped my pen on the pad.

‘X’s and O’s

Whoa. Holy fucking whoa. Where did that come from?

I dropped the pen and ran my hands through my hair. At this rate, I might as well text her, and end the fucking agony. X and O. Xavier and Olivia. What the hell am I thinking?

An apology. A mea culpa from me, because I am a giant asshole.

We smile

We meet

We share the same seat

Can you see it

Do you want it

Xs and Os

The words are out of my brain and onto the paper before I even realize it. I let my head wander like this. But normally, I’m not in a twist about the subject.

I read over the lyrics. Okay, what the fuck? I sound like Lionel Ritchie. Not that he sucks, or anything, but that is not my sound. I toss the pen down again in disgust; only I can’t figure out what exactly I’m disgusted about most.

Maybe that I just fell into a vat of super sappy shit and I can’t even breathe?

Dude. Just fucking text her. Again. If you were her, you wouldn’t text back right away. Her feelings are hurt. Maybe she’s spa-ing. Or home. Or working. Something.

I pull out my phone.

‘Guess you’re workin. Text when u can’

I set the phone on the edge of the desk with the screen down, and pick up my pen again. I want to do this, but my way, not Lionel’s.

I touch your hand

It’s like you leave a brand

I can’t shake it

Good or bad

Now you’re gone

What do I do

All I want is you

O O O Xs and Os.

No. That’s not gonna work either. Fuck. I hold the pen, ready to cross the lines out, but I hesitate.

What did I feel when I met her?

The phone buzzes on the desk. I grab it, feeling nervous. I hope it’s her, and I also hope it’s not. She’s well within her rights to tell me to fuck off. I would if someone ignored me for a week after asking me out.

‘Surprised to hear from you.’

Oh shit. Those five words say it all. I feel shame wash over me. Like I was a dick, and probably didn’t need to be.

Okay. I was a dick. I need to find a way to make this better.

‘I’m sorry. Things got in the way. You still in NYC?’

Her response is a lot faster than the past hour and a half.

‘No. I flew home yesterday.’

‘Dammit. I’m sorry Olivia. I had things I had to do. How was spa?’

‘Amazing. Hate admitting my mom is right, but she is.’

‘I get that. What’s going on with other stuff?’

I want to ask her how her dickhead ex is but don’t know how else to ask. I haven’t been this nervous about a woman in I can’t remember how long.

‘Other stuff? You mean divorce stuff?’

‘Yeah’

‘R dug heels in. Fighting with my lawyer.’

‘Dick’

Like I should be calling anybody else names, but what the hell? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

‘Agreed. He wants to set himself up, so he’s going to push back hard.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Thanks. My lawyer is enjoying it too much. I didn’t realize how many people didn’t like R. Would have been nice to know before I married him.’

With that, I can feel the pain in her words. All the things she believed have been pulled out from under her like a rug. I don’t have the same response when people are assholes. My rug got pulled away years ago. I’m only surprised when people don’t try and pull the rug. But I’ve never forgotten how it feels.

‘At least you’re not 60 and wondering what the hell?’

She doesn’t respond as fast. Shit. Did I just step over a line? I curse under my breath and look up to find Markus watching me.

“You okay, man?”

I nod. Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I’m trying to fix a fuck up, and I’m sweating over a chick? Most of the people I work with hate all the women I date, so they’d roll their eyes. I don’t even know if there’s anything with Olivia, much less a thing, so I don’t want to talk about it.

‘There’s that. Still feels terrible.’

Oh man. I am a dick. I decide to be honest, and whatever happens, happens.

‘Sure it does. But at least he showed himself to be an asshole now, rather than years in. You still have the chance to make life the way you want it. This sucked even when my marriage ended, and we both wanted it to be over it sucked, but it had to happen. I think this needs to happen for you. I don’t know you well, but from what you told me you deserve better someone who will support you.’

I hesitate and then hit Send. It’s a big step for me to be that open, but something tells me if I’m not, I don’t have a chance in hell with this woman. That’s even if she can forgive me for being such a jerk about not calling.

I don’t even know if I want a chance, but I feel like I’d better make an effort. I’ve been kicking my ass all week. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. Normally, I ignore this kind of thing with women, but…something is different. I can’t tell what it is—the phone buzzes again. I look down, feeling like an addict, wanting to know what she says.

‘Wow. That’s what I needed to hear. My mother hates R. She said the same thing that he never supported me, but it’s different hearing it from someone who doesn’t know any of us.’

Without thinking, I pump my fist in the air. It feels like I’ve won something, although I can’t tell what. But the fact that I ignored her for a week is not the killer I thought it would be.

Markus glances over at me, and I shake my head.

‘So what is on your week?’ I text fast, so she doesn’t disappear.

‘I have to get back to work and figure out what comes next. You?’

‘I’m in CA this week. Benefit show.’

‘Benefit for what?’

‘I do private shows for the Y for their donors’

‘You do? I’ve never heard that!’

‘I keep it quiet.’

‘Why?’

‘Not everything needs to be about publicity.’

One of the things that saved me, in addition to Tibby and her family, when I was growing up was being able to go to the Y. One of my teachers suggested to my mom, at a parent-teacher conference, that maybe I could take swimming lessons at the local Y. Mom must have been in a decent place because she signed me up. First and last time. But I kept going to the Y. Once the people there figured out my situation, they made sure to invite me to the free events and give me a place where I could be when Tibby wasn’t around. I had a soft spot in my heart for the Y. I don’t know what would have happened to me without them.

‘That’s fantastic, Xavier.’

‘Thanks. They’re a good group.’

I didn’t want to get into my reasons. This felt like enough of a risk as it was but it still felt…unsettled. I needed to make this more solid. Not for her, but for me. Which still means I’m a kind of a dick, doesn’t it?

‘I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch before now’

Her response is fast. ‘I was disappointed.’

Shit. That says it all, doesn’t it? But wait. Why do I need to take this on? I toss the phone down onto the desk. It’s not my fault she’s disappointed.

Markus turns around. “What is going on, X?”

I shake my head. “Just trying to sort some shit. And I’m working on something, and it’s not coming out smooth.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. I was thinking about a new song, and I’d like to get it together for next week, but I don’t know if I can.” I switch gears. “What else do we need to do still?” Before I went to Tibby’s wedding, I’d been finishing up the next album.

“You’re good for a while. I need to go through all the songs again, and then you can listen, and see if you want to make changes.”

“So you’re good if I want to mess around with this new thing?”

“Sure.”

An idea is forming. I know that I hurt her feelings. I haven’t even got anything going with this woman, and I’m already behind. I want to do this song, and get a preliminary recording down so that I can do a video. So she can see it.

Why is it I can’t just say something to her?

I don’t fucking know. I don’t want to think about it right now.

Olivia

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so blunt with him. But it’s true. I was disappointed. A lot more than I would let on. I didn’t see any sense in pretending otherwise.

He finally responds. Thank God he can’t see me, sitting at my desk, hanging onto my phone, waiting to hear from him.

‘I know. I’m sorry. Feel like a dick.’

He has somewhat of a salty mouth. Lots more cursing than I am used to. I laugh a little to myself. I guess I’m more my Momma than I thought.

As though hearing my thoughts, Momma glides into my office. “What are you laughing about, darlin’? Not that I’m not glad to see you smile.” Her face is warm as she looks at me.

I set down the phone, flapping a hand. “Nothing. I was just reading something on Facebook.” I hadn’t told anyone about meeting Xavier. I felt shy, and then when each day went by, and he didn’t get in touch with me, stupid.

“Whatever it is, good. Listen, Lloyd called. He’s coming by with some paperwork for you. We got a response from Royce and his counsel.”

“What does he want now?” The thought made me tired.

“I don’t know, sugar. I did hear the sound of glee in Lloyd’s voice, so perhaps he’s browbeaten them into sanity.”

“Okay. I’ve got time today.”

“Speaking of which, I need to go over some of the clauses from the Lowens account.”

Momma is one of the best multi-taskers I’ve ever seen. It’s why we’re so good together, in spite of being mother and daughter. I’m good at explaining the hard things to clients, and Momma finds the hard things for me to say. Usually, because people want things they really can’t have. You know, due to the law, common sense, that sort of thing.

It’s part of what is so frustrating with this whole Xavier situation. Outside of my husband, I can manage almost anyone. I’m a fumbling mess with Xavier. Just this texting thing is making my heart race.

Oh, no. I haven’t texted him back.

Once Momma sails out, I grab my phone.

‘Sorry. Client stuff. Didn’t mean not to reply.’

‘Work? Like an office. I’m sorry’

‘Not all of us can laze around while the maid brings in coffee!’

‘Sitting at a desk in the studio working. Made my own coffee this morning smart ass’

I laugh out loud.

‘How’s your day going? I’m putting out fires.’

‘Frustrating. Trying to get something out of my head and it’s not coming easy.’

‘I understand.’

‘Do you? Nice to know I’m not alone.’

Interesting. He’s having one of those days, too. It does feel good to know I’m not the only one feeling put upon and frustrated.

‘Course I understand. I work with people.’

‘No thanks’ His response is fast. ‘I like working alone, and I have a good crew that works with me, but that’s it.

‘You find a new manager yet?’

I want to recommend someone to him, hell; I want to recommend myself, because I’d sort him out toot sweet, but…I can’t. You don’t sleep with clients—where the hell did that come from? I drop the phone, shocked at myself.

‘No waiting on my BFF to get her lazy ass off her honeymoon and help me find one. I’m not gonna die. I had her partner deal with the legal side of the breakup LOL.’

Oh. I’m dying to ask more, but it’s not my business, and I already know I have some conflict of interest with this one. Even if he doesn’t. I can’t remember if I told him exactly what I do. I decide to move away from this topic.

‘When do you leave for CA?’

‘3 days’

‘Is the show public?’

‘Gonna stalk me on youtube ;)?’

‘Not that I’d tell you. Your ego is big enough.’

I find that I enjoy texting him. The awkwardness I felt with him in person is slipping away, in spite of the fact I felt rejected for nearly a week. He probably did have to work. I look at my desk, and I see all the things that piled up while I was gone. He runs a bigger business than I do. I sigh. I have to take his word for it, but that doesn’t mean that I have to throw myself into this, or him. I don’t need to be hurt again if he goes all squirrelly on a whim.

I wish that I knew if he was a nice guy underneath all those layers. His press shows a guy who takes no shit from anyone and is pretty private, so while there’s a lot written about him, you don’t get a lot of him from a personal standpoint.

It’s frustrating as hell. I’m contemplating doing a more in-depth Google session into him when Momma comes back in, followed by Lloyd.

‘I have to go, Xavier. The meeting is here.’

‘Later, biz tycoon’

God, he’s funny. Like I’m a tycoon compared to him. God, I hope he really means this, whatever the hell this is.

“Darling, Lloyd has some wonderful news!” Momma beamed at me.

“Well, don’t keep me waiting. Sit down and share,” I say.

They sit in the chairs across from me.

“I heard back from my investigator. He followed Royce while you were gone. We know where he’s staying at the moment.”

Oh. I’d wondered about that but hadn’t given it much thought what with my own Xavier obsession going on. “Where?”

“He’s staying with some girl. She interned here, can you believe it?” Momma looks indignant.

“Suzan, isn’t it?” I ask. In that moment, everything—the divorce, Royce’s behavior toward me lately, even his showing up in the office—crystalizes. Royce took up for her because he is involved with her. And when I tried to fire her, he fought for her. Sort of. But then he backed off. I remember wondering why at the time. It was odd for him—he didn’t back down from me about anything.

Now I see why. Royce was sleeping with that snide, snotty little girl, and needed to get her out of his wife’s business. Then he plotted to take as much as my business as possible.

I banged my hands on the desk and pushed myself up, turning to the window behind me. I crossed my arms, trying to control my rage. I could also feel tears of anger forming, and it made my throat hurt.

That son of a bitch. Momma called it from the get-go.

The thought of him plotting this with that sneaky trashy little snake of a girl made my blood feel like it boiled. I took a deep breath. I didn’t know that he’d done anything of the sort. Jumping to conclusions wouldn’t do me any good. All I knew at the moment was that he was sleeping with her. Perhaps the grab for my business was just his selfish greed.

“How did you know her name?” Lloyd asked.

“Because Royce took up for her in a big way when we decided to fire her. He took up for her even before then, telling me to stop picking on the poor girl, that she only wanted to learn, that sort of drivel. I thought it was odd at the time. He didn’t normally take up for anyone here, not even me,” I finished bitterly. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to see the expressions of pity I knew Momma and Lloyd would both be sporting.

I had a hard time catching my breath. While I’d had a brief flash of concern about this before, hearing that my suspicions were correct hurt in a way I didn’t think it would.

But wow, did it hurt. Like a punch to the gut. All the joy, all the happiness I’d felt from texting back and forth with Xavier—gone.

“That rotten bastard,” I said.

“Honey, don’t you worry,” Momma came around the desk to where I stood, arms nearly wrapped around me, trying to keep upright. ”We’ll get his ass. He is not going to have a leg to stand on, not with this.”

“We also have affidavits that he has been seen there before this week,” Lloyd added, his voice soft.

I could tell he didn’t want to upset me. I appreciated it, but nothing was going to make this any better.

“What does this mean for my case?” I asked in a tone of voice I didn’t even recognize. Harder, more stern and foreboding. I wanted Royce to feel the same kind of pain, the same depth, and intensity that I did.

Why, why, did this hurt so damn much?

Because I’d stayed faithful. I knew we had problems. The abortive attempts I’d made to speak with him about it showed me that. He brushed me off, telling me that he felt it was fine, just fine. That he was tired, hungry, stressed, whatever.

That Goddamned liar.

I whirled around to face Momma and Lloyd. Momma was right behind me, and my sudden movement startled her.

“I want him to pay for this. I want him to go away, and just leave me alone. If he’s done with me, that’s fine. But he doesn’t get jack shit from me. Not one thin dime, Lloyd. I’ll split the house—I don’t want the damn thing anymore—but either we sell it, or he buys it from me.”

“Even if he moves her in?” Momma asked. She watched me with an expression I couldn’t decipher.

“I don’t care what he does with it as long as I get my fair share of the value. I don’t want it anymore. Let him move an entire harem in there. He’ll just need to pay for it. What do you think is going to happen with his request for alimony?”

Lloyd smiled, laughing a little. “He’s not going to get far with it. Courts in this county, this state, don’t often award alimony unless there’s a big difference in income. You make more on paper than he does, true. But that doesn’t take into account that you are a business owner, and subject to a greater tax burden than Royce, as a W2 employee, will ever be. With that, you make quite a bit less. I filed to negate claim and showed that you are the lower income half of the marriage, and asked for alimony for you.”

“He’ll never agree to that,” I said with a slight smile, the anger of just a moment ago lessening at the thought of how this request would hit Royce.

“No, probably not. But the court could award it. If you don’t want it, or say,” He raised his brows suggestively, ”Want to force the sale of the house, either to a stranger or that he buys you out of fair market value? This could be a nice bargaining chip.”

“Always ask for more than you want, sugar,” Momma interjected. “Then you can let the other side think they’re winning something while getting exactly what it is you want.”

I hugged Momma. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you both.”

She beamed, first at me and then at Lloyd. “We love you, honey. And we’re not going to let that cheatin’ swine get away with trying to make you pay for his mess ups.”

“It’s okay to use stronger language, Momma,” I said, amused by her terminology.

“I’d rather not. It’s more ladylike,” she sniffed, sounding prim and proper.

“Except when you called him a sunuvabitch the other day,” I teased.

Now I felt lighter, and could laugh. The blinding rage of realization had passed. Which was weird, because I hadn’t felt that sort of anger, that level, before. But Momma and Lloyd were so clearly on my side, so sure that I didn’t deserve this—it made the pain of being cheated on easier.

Well, kind of.

I’d still need to see Royce at some point. Let him know what a piece of slime he was. And Suzan!

I shrugged then because she wasn’t anything to me. Or me to her. I was just her mean employer. But she had worked here—she knew that we were married. She had been a snotty little know-it-all, however. Sure that her way was the right one. It had been a problem with a few clients. I’d chalked it up—then—to a lack of real-world experience.

I gasped. “That’s what he wants,” I said.

“What?” Momma and Lloyd said together.

“He wants everything so he can give it to her,” I breathed. I’d bet Royce told her she could run things better, and that he’d help her get what she wanted. But to think that he’d planned something like this with her? It nearly took my breath away.

He’d get rid of the pesky old wife, and get a new young thing, and keep the same financial position, the same lifestyle. Through MY company, my hard work.

At that moment, I made up my mind to let the university know that she was involved with her former employer’s spouse. Petty?

Probably. But I would hate for another company to hire her, even to bring her in as an intern, and have this snotty, rude, selfish child upset things in their organization like she’d done here.

She didn’t do anything more than expose what was already there, the snide voice in my head put in.

I hated that voice.

“Surely not?” Lloyd asked.

“At this point, I wouldn’t put anything past him,” I said, feeling my jaw clench. A burst of pain shot up toward my head.

“We’ll find out, and if that’s the case, he won’t even have his greasy underwear left,” Momma said, putting an arm around me.

This had to be the worst day of my life, and yet I felt strong, and able to handle it. Thank God for the two of them.

* * *

The next day, I got up. I hadn’t been good for anything after Momma and Lloyd’s visit, so I went home early, took a bath, drank three glasses of wine, and went to bed. I didn’t even text Xavier because I didn’t want to be whiny, or burden him with my anger. Even I recognized that it sat squarely on the potentially irrational line.

But today was different. I would—

The ringing of my cell phone startled me.

I looked at the number. It was Royce.

I answered it. “Hello?”

“What the hell is this shit, Liv?” He didn’t even bother with pleasantries.

“Well good morning, Royce. Which shit are you referring to?”

“This pile of crap your pet lawyer daddy sent over yesterday! Do you want the house? Or the money from the house? That is—”

“It’s jointly owned,” I interjected, feeling a smile cross my face at his anger. “I no longer wish to retain the asset. Therefore, we can sell it and split the proceeds. Or you can buy me out of it for fifty percent of fair market value.”

“I’m not giving you shit, Liv!”

“Olivia,” I said.

“What?”

“Olivia. Liv is for my friends, and you’ve made it clear we’re not good friends anymore.”

“Not now, not after you’re trying to take everything!”

“Or not after you started fucking Suzan?” I asked, making sure to keep my tone level.

He didn’t answer right away. Boom, asshole.

“You have no proof of that. It’s just your irrational thoughts.”

“Oh, I have proof, Royce. Plenty of it. How could you think otherwise?”

“You don’t have shit,” He growled. “And I’m not giving you a penny for the house! If you want this to be over in any sort of timely fashion, you won’t fight me! We wouldn’t want our clients to know,” his voice turned sly.

“Did you read the response, Royce?” I asked, breathing deeply to keep my temper. I could hear the nasty tone of his voice, and he knew—he knew—how much I hated it. How easily he could win an argument with me when he used it.

“I read enough.”

“I don’t think so. If you’d read it or listened to your attorney and not your girlfriend, you would see that your request for alimony has been answered, as has your request for two-thirds of the marital assets. My attorney feels good about our chances in front of a judge. He told me that he requested a speedy hearing, as well. Like a wait list or something,” I added far more breezily than I felt. “if an opening comes up, we’re ready.”

“This is not going to happen, O-livia,” he said, stressing my name.

“It’s not going to happen the way you envisioned, maybe, Royce, but it’s going to happen. You started this. I’m going to finish it. There’s no going back.”

“You think I would take you back?” He burst into mean-spirited laughter. I could almost hear the hate in his voice.

When had that happened? When had Royce begun to hate me?

Just as when I’d heard that he was cheating, and with that tart Suzan, this hit me as though a punch to the gut.

“No, I wouldn’t think such a thing,” I said, struggling to keep my temper. “I’d have to want that, and I want nothing to do with your dog tired ass. Don’t call me again. Anything you have to say goes through my attorney. I’m sure yours has his number.”

I hit ‘End’ on the phone.

Bastard.

I wanted to hit something. Hard.

I picked up the phone again.

‘If you’re there, please talk to me. I don’t want to go to jail for murder.’

God, please let him be there. Please let him be willing to talk to me.

In thinking about this, I had to wonder why I didn’t text someone else.

I didn’t have anyone else, other than Momma. My friends from college—they were gone. We’d drifted apart. Royce and then the business had taken me to a place where I had no room for anything else.

I’d let him.

That was the worst thing of all. I had let him.

So here I sat, madder than a wet hen, and no one to tell about it. I could call Momma, but lord knows, she didn’t need any more reason to hate on Royce. She was out for blood as it was.

Thank sweet baby Jesus, the phone dinged.

‘You need an alibi or a getaway driver?’

I burst out laughing. I had not given texting much credit as far as a communication tool, but this was fun.

Even when mad as a wet hen.

‘Both, if my stupid ex calls me one more time.’

‘What’d the ass do now?’

“Admitted he did and is cheating, that he hates me, and he’s going to take me for all he can. And had the hellish nerve to call me names and be nasty as could be.’

I felt like a crybaby, but I had to get this out.

‘Well, that’s what douches do. Act like douches.’

‘You have a way with words, Xavier.’

‘Kind of my job’

I laughed again.

‘You’re right. He’s a douche.’ I hit Send quickly. I didn’t use this kind of language normally.

‘What are you doing right now?’

‘Talking to you, silly.’

‘Always the wise ass. I mean, what’s on your schedule the next week or so? You’re the boss. Wanna take another vacation?’

My heart sped up, beating fast and irregular. I could feel my cheeks warm at the thought of what he was asking. What I think he was asking.

‘To do what?’

‘Come with me to Cali.’

‘Isn’t that a little fast?’ I hated asking it, but I had to ask.

‘Yeah, maybe. I’m mad at myself for not getting in touch with you earlier, so I don’t wanna have to kick my own ass again.’

I sat back, feeling stunned. He was not letting any moss grow on him.

‘Hello?’

‘I’m thinking.’

‘What’s to think about? Me, sun fun. Win all around.’

‘You have a high opinion of yourself.’

‘I’m kind of a douche too, but I’m a lot nicer about it. I figure if I have a nice feeling, I better act on it before my douche self takes over.’

That gave me pause. One thing Momma told me, and I didn’t listen to, was to hear what men said. If they told you something, you needed to listen to them.

Xavier was telling me he was a douche.

‘That’s not exactly enticement.’

‘It’s honest. Do I get any points for that?’

‘Maybe, but telling me you have to fight off the douche side of you might outweigh it.’

‘Well, shit.’

I couldn’t help it. I laughed again.

‘What will happen if I say yes?’ I felt my heart jump again, and I found I held my breath waiting for his answer.

‘I’ll show you how someone should treat you.’

I believed him.

‘Can you hang on for a few?’

‘Yep’

I got up, and took three deep breaths, willing the air all the way to my toes. Dialed the number fast, before I chickened out.

“Momma?”

“Sugar bean, how are you? I’ve been worried, but I wanted to give you your space.”

“Thank you, Momma. I love you for that. I have a favor to ask you.”

“Anything.”

“Can you cover things for me for another week at work?”

Her voice immediately went business. “What is going on, Olivia?”

“Momma! Can you or can’t you?”

“Of course I can. What a question. The point is, I want to know why you want another week off.”

Stay strong, I told myself. Be honest. This was crazy, but it felt right. “I met someone in New York, and I want to spend time with him.”

It didn’t happen often, but I managed to stun Marguerite Meroux into speechlessness.

“Momma?”

“You’re…what?”

‘I’m going to go play hooky with a man, Momma.”

“What? Who is this? Have you lost your mind? Where are you going? You know you’re still married?”

I laughed, and I couldn’t believe how freeing this felt. All that she said was true.

“Momma, you are right, on every count. But my husband called me, let me know he’s been fooling around since that bitch interned here, that he hates me, and thinks I owe him. So when a nice man I met while in New York—”

“You didn’t tell me about it!”

“Because I was taking things slow, waiting to see if this was someone worth talking about.”

“Is he?” Her voice went soft.

“I don’t know, but I would like to find out.”

“Did you sleep with him?”

“I didn’t even kiss him. But I talked with him, and I’m still talking with him, and I like him.”

“Does he know your situation?”

I stifled a giggle. “He does. He refers to Royce as a douche.”

Silence, and then Momma roared with laughter.

“Can’t fault him for accuracy, can you? Livvie, honey, I will help you any way you want. But this makes me nervous. Who is this man? What if he’s not what he says?”

“He is, Momma.”

“How can you be sure? Ted Bundy was nice looking with nice manners, and look what happened to his dates.”

“Momma, I will leave you his number, and the hotel, and the event he invited me to.”

“You’re going away with him?” Her voice rose to nearly a shriek.

“I don’t know, but when I do, I’ll tell you everything. Deal?” I wanted to get off the phone, so I could tell Xavier yes.

“Okay. But you’d better spill it all, missy!”

Oh, she was pissed at me. I only got called missy when Momma’s temper was roused.

“Promise. I love you.”

“Love you too, sugar bean. Go be a hussy and call me later.”

Laughing, I hung up with her.

‘I got work covered.’ I didn’t want to tell him that I’d had to ask permission from my mom.

‘Nice being the boss, isn’t it? So when do you get to come and play with me?’

‘What exactly is the agenda?’

“How about we boot this whole flying with a crowd thing and I’ll pick you up at your place?’

What? ‘We’re driving?’ This could potentially be bad.

‘No. My jet is back in commission. Can you be at the airport tomorrow morning?’

‘And then?’

‘Out to San Fran. I have the party thing for the Y, and I planned on being there for a couple of days. We can see Alcatraz, or whatever tourist shit you want to do.’

‘Why Xavier, what a compelling offer. Of tourist shit.’

‘Well, it might be shit. I don’t exactly get to go out like other people. I don’t want you to deal with my life. But we can spend time together.’

In spite of his flippant tone that was apparent even through text, I could also feel the hesitation. He was worried. I couldn’t understand why. As if anyone, even me, the not-yet divorcee, couldn’t say no to him.

I wondered if I should be worried about being another notch on his belt, as it were. Then I thought about his smile, his lips, and the way that the mere touch of his hand sent my entire being up in flames, and decided that I wanted to see what could happen.

‘You could make up for ditching me all week and make sure I eat well.’

‘Done’

‘Tell me where to meet you. I don’t want to miss my ride.’

‘No way I’m leaving without you, Ms Olivia’

‘Well since you offered me a nice ride, you’d better not. I won’t have a man who won’t keep his word.’

I couldn’t believe I flirted with him. Momma was right. I was a hussy.

I didn’t care. If this was a week of my life, and a week with him is all I’d ever get, I wanted it.

I wanted that fire that he made flare up in me to happen.

Xavier texted me where to meet the plane, and what hotel we’d be at.

‘I got two rooms for us with a suite.’

At that text, I burst into tears. Here I was imagining kissing him, and he came out with this. He had no expectations. Or if he did, he knew better than to assume.

I immediately called Momma.

“Okay, Olivia Anne, you tell me what is going on right this minute! I thought I could wait, but I can’t. I was just about to call you.”

“I met a man named Xavier Reede, and he is going to a big benefit for the YMCA in San Francisco. I’m flying out with him tomorrow morning, and we are staying at the Ritz Carlton there. He got me my own room.” I knew she’d appreciate that.

“Well, he’s a gentleman, then. He knows what ought to be done.”

“I think you’re right, Momma.” I couldn’t stop the smile that came over my face so wide I thought my face might split.

“Well, all right then. You call me when you get on the plane, and when you land, and when you get to the hotel. Then I won’t worry so much. You hear me, girl?”

“I hear,” I said.

“Now, what are you gonna wear? You spend time with a man, you need to look good.”

“You want to go do some shopping with me, Momma?”

“Do I? Let me sort these fools here and I’ll be by to pick you up. Go look and see what you have, and we’ll go get the rest.”

We hung up, and I raced up to my room. I ignored the first closet door and went to mine. We had two walk-in closets which cost the earth when we had the house built. Now I was glad that we’d done it—I didn’t have to see the space where my old life used to be.

Let Suzan deal with Royce and his wardrobe. He was her problem now.

Part of me knew that I was merely putting a band-aid on the hurt that had been done to me. I would need to deal with it, and it promised to be painful and crappy.

You know, though, a band-aid helped to heal. It didn’t fix the problem—only time and natural healing would do that. But a band-aid helped things along.

Xavier was one hell of helper, as band-aids went.

Momma got to me faster than I thought and we spent the rest of the day shopping. To my surprise, she didn’t fuss, or carry on.

Dear lord. How bad had my marriage looked to the outside? No one other than me seemed to be mourning all that much for it and I was nothing to write home about.

When Momma left that night, after having gone through my suitcase, closet, and bathroom, and packed me up, I went to bed. I couldn’t stop thinking about Xavier. How excited I was to see him.

He’d caught me watching one of his videos on the plane, but he didn’t know how big of a fan I was. I’d been a fan of him in high school, listening to him when Momma was at work, and couldn’t catch me. She knew I listened to him now, having caught me dancing around the house to his music, and she didn’t think highly of him.

His lyrics were pretty raunchy. I’d given her his full name, even though he didn’t use it. Hopefully, she was impressed enough with his action so far as to not google the hell out of him, and I’d have a little peace to see what might happen.

The phone buzzed at me.

‘Can’t sleep. I’m excited to see you.’

‘Me either. I don’t want to oversleep.’

‘Told you I wouldn’t leave without you. I’d hate to have to drag you out of the house.’

‘I’d hate to see you beat to a pulp by my neighbors. They’re rather protective.’

‘Get some sleep, Olivia. I want you bright-eyed for our trip.’

‘Good night, Xavier.;)

I stared at the phone for ten more minutes, but apparently, he was done.

I was doing a lot of waiting around for this man. It was part of what had brought me to Royce, I realized. Royce had come into my life like a whirlwind and told me where we were headed.

I’d let him.

That was the kicker of all this. I’d let him. I had to make a promise to myself, right this minute. I couldn’t allow Xavier, or anyone else, to lead me like that ever again.

I needed to lead myself. I did it for business. Royce had pooh-poohed my dreams, told me no one would come and seek out the help of a consulting and management business run by two single women.

He’d even told me that getting married would be better for our business. I’d pissed him off something fierce when I kept my maiden name. I figured I built my business as Olivia Meroux, and that was how I’d keep it going.

I woke before my alarm went off. Raced out of bed and straight into the shower. I’d dragged my suitcase downstairs the night before. I made breakfast, and managed to get it down, in spite of the fact that an entire field of butterflies had taken up residence in my midsection.

A knock on the front door startled me so bad I almost dropped my cup of coffee.

What in the world? Please don’t be anything that would delay me, I thought as I headed down the hallway towards the door.

When I opened it, a man in a black suit stood there. “Miss Olivia? I’m here from Xavier to drive you to the airport.”

“Oh, um, I wasn’t expecting you. I’m just finishing breakfast,” I said. He hadn’t said anything about a car.

“I’ll wait in the car. When you’re done, just come to the door. No rush, ma’am.” He nodded, and turned and went back to his car.

I went straight back to the kitchen and dug my phone out of my purse.

‘You should have warned me.’ I wanted to see what he said.

‘About what? Did the car not get there? He left in plenty of time.’

So it was from him. ‘You didn’t tell me you were sending a car.’

‘I’m sending a car.’

‘Smart ass’

‘Have you left yet? Got a plane to get out of here.’

‘Finishing my coffee. Leaving shortly.’

‘Hurry’

I smiled. I liked to see that he had some excitement over this too.

I rinsed out my coffee cup and headed for the door. The moment I opened the door, the man in the car jumped out.

“Ma’am, ma’am, let me get your bag,” He came up behind me as I pulled my bag out the front door.

“Thank you,” I let him take it and turned to lock up.

“Oh shit,” I stared at the door.

“Ma’am?” He’d heard me.

“Nothing, nothing, I’m fine. Let’s go.” I locked the door and followed him to the car. I slid into the back and pulled my phone out again.

“What?” Momma didn’t like being woken before she decided to get up.

“Momma, I need you to stay at the house.”

“Why are you callin’ me this early, sugar?”

“Because I’m on my way to the airport and I realized the home would be here, empty, and I don’t want Royce in here.”

“Okay, darling, fine. I’ll get someone over there today to house sit while you’re gone.”

“Thank you, Momma.”

“You’re welcome. Now let me get back to sleep. It’s the only thing that slows the march of time.”

She hung up without another word.

I tucked the phone away. Now I felt like I could go and not have to worry.

The airport came into sight, and the butterflies fluttered back into life within.

Oh my God. Had I done the right thing? There was no turning back now.

The car pulled up to a small, sleek jet. As the car purred to a stop, the driver ran around and opened the door for me. He held out a hand, and I took it, afraid that I’d fall on my face otherwise.

I looked up, and Xavier appeared in the door of the jet. I could see, even in the shadow of the hangar, that he wore a wide smile. The effect was more striking now that I could see him without glasses.

And he wanted to go out with me.

Stop it, I told myself. Stop that nonsense right now! Of course he does, in spite of the millstone you’re currently sporting, and in spite of all the other stuff that might come with that.

You’re worth it. Don’t you forget it. I heard that last bit in my mother’s voice.

I lightly ran up the steps, and he held out his arms and pulled me into a hug.

He smelled so good.

I wanted to bury myself in him, and it surprised me how strongly he affected me. I couldn’t remember the last time I—no. Stop it. Don’t think about that now, while you’re with Xavier.

His body felt warm and hard. There was no fat on the man. I couldn’t help it, and I gave him a little extra squeeze.

He kissed the top of my head.

“I’m really glad you decided to come.” His voice warmed me, flowing over me like warm honey. So different than what I heard when he sang.

“I’m really glad you asked me,” I said. I didn’t want to spill my guts, but I wasn’t going to lie. I wanted to be honest with him. I would be, as much as I felt it was safe.

“Well then let’s get going,” he said, grinning at me.

He stood back and let me enter. I’d never flown on anything other than commercial flights, so a private plane in and of itself was a treat.

The passenger area had only six seats. The driver came on behind us with my bag. A man appeared from the cockpit area and took it, and the driver from the car was gone.

“Have a seat. You hungry?” Xavier asked.

I sat down, and he sat across from me.

“No, I had something before I left. I have to ask, is this yours?”

“No, I share it with a couple of other people. Keeps the costs down, you know?”

I laughed. “You’re a bargain hunter?”

“Damn straight.”

He seemed a little off-kilter. I hoped it wasn’t because I wasn’t what he remembered. I almost asked, but his look of…surprise? Made me feel shy. Instead, I opted for a smile and tried to let myself relax.