Xavier

I looked in the mirror. I looked good, well, as good as it was going to get. I knew that something in me had died a little each day I didn’t hear from Livvie. I didn’t know if we counted as friends anymore, but I thought of her as Livvie. I’d woken up reaching for her more than once.

My manager, Troy, came in.

“You ‘bout ready, man?”

I nodded. “Let’s do this.”

“That’s right,” he clapped me on the shoulder, but he didn’t say more.

Tibby had found him, and interviewed him herself. This was the kind of guy I needed. He was calm, and a problem solver. I knew that Tibby told him about Olivia, and the whole world knew about the video. Everyone assumed I was with the woman who’d inspired the song, and that was why I’d been hiding away—because she and I were living it up together.

I preferred they thought that rather than the truth of the matter.

I steeled myself. If this were like the rest of the shows, the crowd would start chanting ‘X’s and O’s’ pretty early on. For fans that loved all my rap, even my really angry shit, they were all over ‘X’s and O’s’. It was getting easier to sing it—I didn’t see her all the time when I did.

The lights went down, and I ran out. The crowd screamed, and I smiled and waved.

The music of the first song began, and I went right into it, looking into the crowd, scanning the front rows. I liked to look them over since that was mainly who I’d be seeing for most of the show. A mix of men and women, some only boys and girls, trying to be grown. Swaying, singing along with me.

A flash of the sea went through my line of sight so fast I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I looked back. Shit. A girl—no, a woman in a mermaid-colored dress.

She’d ruined that color for me. Shit—I stopped, nearly stopping in the middle of the song, but I managed, through habit, to keep singing.

Was that—?

Olivia was in the front row.

In a mermaid colored dress.

I shook my head, forcing myself to continue, but I kept my eyes on her for another moment, to make sure she was real, that I wasn’t seeing the thing I wanted to see.

When she smiled, small and hesitant and nervous, I nearly dropped the mic.

It was her. She was here.

Somehow, I made it through the song. Then I held up my hand.

“Hey, hey, I want to change it up a little. I’m going out of order so I can sing something that has to go on right now.”

The crowd screamed, and I could hear various titles being shouted out, X’s and O’s among them.

“Let’s go into X’s and O’s,” I told Zed, my DJ.

“You sure, man?”

I usually never changed set order. I nodded. “One hundred percent. It’s all good,” I added. I hope, I said to myself.

I walked back out to the front of the stage. “I’m gonna do a little song you might have heard,” I said as the music started.

The crowd, recognizing the opening beats, went into even louder screaming.

I focused on Olivia, standing in front of her, not moving, or bouncing around like I normally did. This was for her. She was here. I needed to show her that not only was the door open, as I’d said, but I wanted her to come in. Forever.

“X, X, X—Xs, and Os

Where does it go?

Neither one knows

When we age when we grow

No one no one wants to show

But I do

With you

X, X, X—Xs, and Os

“Look look looking at you

I can see the future

But do we see the same

Or I am standing here

Just calling your name?

I gotta know…

X, X, X—Xs, and Os

“X, X, X—Xs, and Os

Where does it go?

Neither one knows

When we age when we grow

No one no one wants to show

But I do

With you

X, X, X—Xs, and Os”

Tears ran down her face, and her smile got wider. Watching her as I sang was one of the most intense things I’d ever done.

I’d have to do this more often if she’d let me.

The crowd got quieter. I think the people around her figured out I was singing to Olivia, but at the moment, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t care what my fans thought. All that mattered was that Olivia heard me. I didn’t know if I’d get another chance, and I didn’t want to waste this one.

“Come with me take my hand

Cross over my line in the sand

Show me show me

You understand

Let me show you

I want to know you

X, X, X—Xs, and Os

“Where we gonna go

Don’t ask cuz I don’t know

But what I tell you’s true

I wanna go wanna go

With you

Me, me, me and you

“X, X, X—Xs, and Os

Take me take you

Take me as I am

I’ll take you like Peter Pan

To Never Never Land

Forever and ever

Hand in hand

X, X, X—Xs, and Os

“X, X, X—Xs, and Os

Where does it go?

Neither one knows

When we age when we grow

No one no one wants to show

But I do

With you

X, X, X—Xs, and Os

X, X, X—Xs, and Os

Where does it go?

Neither one knows

When we age when we grow

No one no one wants to show

But I do

With you

X, X, X—Xs, and Os.”

I walked to the edge of the stage and held out my hand to her. She looked at me for a moment, a moment that seemed to last forever, and then stretched out her hand in front of her as she came to the stage.

One of the security guys leaped forward, but I waved him off. Her hand came to rest on mine.

“Come up here,” I said quietly, keeping the mic away from my face. “Please.”

She opened her mouth, and I spoke again.

“You’ve come this far,” I said. “Come all the way.”

“Yes,” she said.

For a moment, the crowd, the stadium, everything—it just fell away. It was me, and her, and she was holding my hand, and all that I wanted was there, within my reach.

“Hey, give her a boost, would you?” I looked at the security guy hovering. “Can you get one on each side, and lift her up?”

Another guy appeared out of nowhere, and together, they lifted her up to me.

I put my arms around her and buried my face in her shoulder, loving the smell of her that I could smell even through all the normal show smells.

“God, I’ve missed you. Are you back to me?” I said to her hair.

I felt her nod.

“Good thing,” I grinned. “You’d have to dump me again, in front of all these people. Who love me,” I pulled back from her. “Can I kiss you? Please?”

“In front of—”

I stopped her with a kiss. I lifted her off her feet to bring her closer. The energy from the crowd around me felt like it was all over—thunderbolts and lightning. She wrapped her arms around me, and I knew that not only had she walked back in the door, but slammed it behind her.

I was never going to let her go. Not that she’d want to.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you, Xavier.”

I kissed her again. “Now that you have your shit in order, you think I could go back to making a living? Some people gotta work.”

She burst out laughing.

I eased my hold on her, which wasn’t easy. Then I held up a finger to the crowd, pulling the mic back up to me with my other hand. “Hang on,” I said, winking.

I led her from the stage, the cheers and noise from the crowd surrounding us. “Stay here. Don’t disappear. I want to see you the rest of the show, and then after the show. Okay?”

She nodded. “What about after that?”

“I want to see you the rest of my life.”

Olivia grinned. “I’ll need to cancel my ride home,” she said.

“Damn straight.” I kissed her again, and we parted, laughing. “Now let me get back to work, woman!”

I ran back on stage, and while I know I was happier than I’d ever been, I could swear I’d never heard the crowd so enthused.

It was the best show of my life.

Only after I was done, and Olivia and I were walking across the stage towards the exit that led to my bus, did I notice the gold and silver glitter all over the stage.

“Holy shit,” I said.

“What?”

“C’mon, let’s get out of here. I have a story to tell you.” I tucked her under my arm as we walked out.

Together.