CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ROWDY LEFT THE table and stalked to the bedroom. He heard Avery’s feet padding behind him in a rush, and a second later her body impacted with his, her arms coming around his waist, her face on his back beside the stitches.
“Rowdy, please don’t run from me.”
He snorted. He didn’t run from anyone, sure as hell not a woman who weighed a buck ten soaking wet. Catching her hands, he started to pry her loose, but she clung like a vine, squeezing tighter.
Her head barely reached his shoulder, she was as delicate as dandelion fluff in the wind and yet she held on to him like she’d never let go. Damn, it felt good.
Rather than risk hurting her, Rowdy covered her hands with his own. “It’s not a good story, honey. Nothing you need to hear.” It doesn’t matter—but damn it, he knew it did. He’d just never had anyone to tell.
“You’re wrong.” Keeping hold of him, she sidled around to the front, then stared up at him. “If it had happened to me, would you want to know?”
Denying even the possibility of her being hurt like that, he shook his head. “Don’t say that, honey.” He cupped her face. “It’s not the same thing.”
“No, it’s very different.” She breathed faster. “Because I love you.”
Jesus, she’d just said it again. Eyes flared and heart pounding, Rowdy struggled with what to do. He sort of...panicked. Turning away, a hand to his neck, he fought the claws of tension sinking in.
Avery didn’t move. He fucking felt her stillness behind him.
He didn’t want to make her feel bad, ever, but either way he went with this, it was going to happen. Keeping his back to her, he said, “Last chance, babe. We can dress and get out of here.”
She said nothing.
“Or I can unload a few lousy stories on you.” He turned to face her. “Your call.”
A shuddering breath lifted her chest. She went to the side of the bed, sat and waited.
Shit.
He couldn’t sit. He couldn’t do that. Pacing to keep up with his frenetic thoughts, he tried to figure out where to start. “I’ve never talked about it with anyone.” But Avery wasn’t just anyone, and he knew it, whether he ever admitted it to her or not.
“You can talk to me about anything. I promise.”
She wanted him to. She’d feel rejected if he didn’t. Without looking at her, he said, “I was about twelve when I got the burn.”
“It’s from a cigarette?”
Her gentle voice washed over him. “Yeah.” Moving back and forth in front of her, Rowdy tried to sum it up without too much fanfare. “They wanted to go out.” His muscles knotted, ached. “They wanted to take Pepper. I said no.”
“You stood up to them even when you were that young?”
When it came to Pepper, yeah. He’d fought tooth and nail. The memories made his chest squeeze tight so that breathing became more difficult. Not memories of pain, because any real physical hurt had passed long before the fucking, insolvable weight of impossibility. He’d thought to have a lifetime of fighting them.
Luckily, that hadn’t happened.
“I did what I could. I was a big kid, and Dad was drunk, so I blocked the doorway. I dunno, I think I had a bat or something.” It was so damned stupid. So...Jesus, impossible.
“You would have hit him?”
“Would have. Did. More than once.” He’d fought back, and he’d fought for Pepper. “Didn’t usually do me much good. While I was yelling, telling them to leave her, she was crying and struggling to get loose.” And finally she had. “Pepper got out the door past me. She knew to go to the river. That’s where we’d hang out ’til the folks were out of sight. But I was so focused on her getting away, I didn’t see my mom reach past Dad. She was a regular chimney, always smoking...”
Avery covered her mouth, her hand shaking. “She burned you on purpose.”
“She was pissed. Said I always caused such a fuss.” He’d lurched away and run after Pepper, but he hadn’t told her. Hell, he didn’t want to tell Avery, either. He’d hidden the burn with his shirt and given thanks that the folks had left without any more trouble.
“Will you please sit with me?”
She looked so fragile, so upset, Rowdy found himself beside her before he remembered that he needed to move, needed to walk off the gnawing bite of the memory.
He tipped up her chin and tried teasing her. “Don’t you dare cry.” A quick kiss to her soft mouth felt so good that he went back for another. “It didn’t even hurt that much. We swam in the river and the water was cold.... It healed up pretty quick.”
She crawled right up into his lap and tucked her face into his neck. “They stayed gone most of the night?”
“All night and half the next day.” Putting his chin to the top of her head, he rubbed up and down her narrow back. “It was always easier without them hanging around anyway. I remember Pepper slept in my room that night, curled up at the foot of my bed, which was sort of funny since we were both tall even then. I blocked the door, just in case the folks did come back, and we camped out like it was a treat.” He shook his head, even found a grin. “Pepper was always great about that, making shit out to be an adventure instead of...”
“So ugly.”
And eternal. “Yeah.”
Her arms reached around him, and she touched another scar. “This is from a belt buckle?”
He shrugged. “I was tussling with Dad when I was about ten. Young. I barely remember what he was mad about, but I almost never took it without giving back some grief. He’d said he was done with me not listening. I don’t think he meant for the buckle to hit me, but he was hammered and could barely stay on his feet when he started swinging.”
“I wish he was here now so I could take a belt to him.”
Putting his face in her hair, Rowdy breathed deeply. God, he loved how she smelled, how she felt and how she could make him feel. “It wasn’t the only time, but it’s one of the few times that caught me that bad. Mom snapped at him, saying he’d have children’s services up her ass again if he didn’t stop. So he did.”
Avery put a hand to his jaw. “She didn’t defend you?”
“She could barely defend herself.”
“Was it always that way, Rowdy? Were they never good parents?”
Damn it, he didn’t want her to get so upset. “It wasn’t always that bad. I mean, they were never cut out to parent, that’s for sure. But they’d go weeks without getting slammed. Times like that, they’d mostly ignore us.” He thought back while touching Avery, coasting a hand down her spine, back up and into her hair. “I sort of remember Mom making pancakes when I was real young, before Pepper was born. She wasn’t maternal, but she was kind occasionally.”
“Your dad?”
“He had a few jobs here and there. Not enough to matter. When he was around, I mostly just stayed out of his way.”
“You’re right.” Lifting her face, Avery touched him gently, his brow, his jaw. Her small smile was the sweetest, most tender thing he’d ever seen. “That is a pretty awful story. And it amazes me all the more how you turned out to be so wonderful.”
Wonderful. That’s what she thought? “Did you listen when I told Fish and Meyer just how off the rails I am?”
“I heard you talk about doing the right thing, even when the right thing is a very hard call.”
Laughing, Rowdy scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, well, I won’t argue that beating on a human trafficker is right. The lowlife scum had it coming and I enjoyed it.”
“And you got needed info,” she insisted.
Maybe because she didn’t want to acknowledge his lack of morals, the base pleasure he got in doling out justice, she needed that clarification. “I did, yeah.”
“You are the most wonderful human being I know, Rowdy. There isn’t anything you can tell me that would ever change my mind.”
What if he told her to go? What if he said that he didn’t know jack shit about playing house or...or loving one woman enough to commit to her?
Would her opinion change then?
As if she’d read his thoughts, Avery shook her head. “Thank you for trusting me, Rowdy. And for letting me stay with you for a while.” Her hand drifted down to his shoulder, then to the front of his chest. “But know this. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to take on my problems.” She cut him off, speaking over him when he started to protest. “I appreciate that you’re willing, and I know you’re certainly able to help. If I need you to do anything, I promise I will let you know. But please don’t pursue this. Please don’t make me feel like a burden.”
“You’re not.” To emphasize the trade-off, he cupped her ass. “Didn’t I just prove how handy it is to have you around?” He kissed the side of her neck. “You don’t even make me work hard for it anymore.”
Swatting him, Avery leaned away. “So I’m a convenience, huh?”
“The sexiest kind.”
Instead of looking insulted, she grinned. “I rather like the perks myself.”
“Tease.” Glad to move past the blackness of his youth, he started to lower her to the bed when his phone beeped with a message. Groaning, he said, “What now?” He stretched out an arm to the nightstand to snag his phone and read the message. He groaned again.
“What is it? Is anything wrong?”
“My sister will be here in about ten minutes. She wants to visit Marcus with me today.”
“Oh, okay. Well, I guess I can—”
“Go along with us.” He wanted Pepper to get to know Avery better. With any luck, his sister would like her, but he’d never before had a woman hanging around, so who knew how that’d go? Course, he’d had to get used to Logan, so it was only fair—
Whoa. Pepper had married Logan, and he was nowhere near thinking anything that crazy.
Avery leaned up and kissed him. “I should shower and get dressed before she shows up. And you need to let Alice know she has a group of visitors coming, not just you. It’s the polite thing to do.” She stroked down his chest, lightly cupped his testicles then slid away from the bed and headed for his bathroom.
Huh. Watching her go, his body still rioting with need—not all of it physical—Rowdy had to rethink things. He knew nothing about being a significant other.
But he should probably start learning. It’d have to be a hell of a lot easier than ever letting her go.
* * *
IT SURPRISED AVERY how friendly Pepper was this time. She had a dynamic, carefree personality that overtook a room as soon as she entered.
First thing upon arrival, she’d insisted on seeing Rowdy’s back. He’d given her a flash peek by lifting his shirt just enough. Far from squeamish, Pepper had approved Rowdy’s recovery, all while hugging him and luridly cursing the men he’d fought. “Next time,” Pepper had told him, “be more careful.”
Next time. Avery was still reeling over that. Pepper and Rowdy were both awesome survivors who viewed life through their own uniquely shaded rose-colored glasses. She admired them both very much.
They’d ridden to Alice’s separately from Pepper, since Pepper’s plans for the rest of the day varied from theirs. But as soon as they arrived in the parking lot, Pepper started chatting with Avery as if they’d known each other for a while—or would. It seemed that in such a short time, everything had changed.
The sun shone down on them, countering the brisk October breezes.
“So,” Pepper asked, without an ounce of subtlety. “Are you two shacking up?”
Rowdy said, “Butt out, kiddo.”
“I know she stayed the night again.” To Avery, Pepper said, “It’s unheard of. My brother, seeing the same lady twice?” She tsked. “There’s some strange juju going on or something.”
Rowdy shook his head. “You don’t know as much as you think you do, brat.”
“I know you’ve never been able to stay still long enough to actually know a woman.” As they started in, she walked around to Avery’s side. “One time, when we were on the run—Rowdy’s told you all about that, right?—anyway, I had to go collect his stuff from a cheap hotel room.” With great drama, Pepper said, “He’d left a bimbo in the bed! I had to oust her, and let me tell you, she wasn’t anxious to go.”
“Pepper.”
Avery listened with fascination.
Pepper ignored her brother. “Back when we worked at the club, Rowdy didn’t date the customers, and that left behind a string of broken hearts.” She sized Avery up with a long look. “Never known him to camp out with a lady before.”
Rowdy reached around and caught his sister’s wrist, then dragged her over to his side, separating her from Avery. “That’s enough from you,” he said.
Too late, Avery thought. Already bolstered by Pepper’s insight, she couldn’t keep from snuggling with Rowdy, holding his hand and leaning on his shoulder as they went up the walkway to the apartment entry doors. Rowdy curled his big hand around hers, and it was all she could do to contain her happiness.
He had opened up to her, telling her things he’d never told anyone else.
Surely that had to mean something.
She had no illusions about building the perfect life with him. He’d been through so much, and though he’d play it off as nothing, his life had been hell. Instead of using that as an excuse to become a creep himself, he’d gone the opposite direction and was a true hero, a remarkable, caring man.
That took so much strength of character, and a core of morality few possessed.
Loving him, even without any form of commitment, was the easiest, most natural thing she’d ever done.
Her long blond hair stirred by a cool breeze, Pepper leaned around Rowdy to see Avery. “Keep smiling and sighing like that and I’ll think you two are ready to elope.”
Avery stumbled over her own feet, horrified that Pepper would make Rowdy uncomfortable.
But Rowdy only gave Pepper a playful shove, making her stumble away two steps. “Married life has pickled your brain,” he told his sister with good humor.
Pepper laughed, coming back to bump shoulders with him. “Married life is orgasmic.”
He groaned theatrically as he opened the doors to let the ladies enter. “A little nauseating, too, at least from my end, having to hear about it from you!”
They had such a relaxed camaraderie with each other, Avery almost sighed again.
Reese was at work, but Alice greeted them all as if they’d been formally invited. Cash was beyond euphoric to see all the visitors.
“Don’t worry,” Alice told them. “Marcus and I already took him out, so he should be empty. No piddling on your shoes.”
“Well,” Pepper said to the dog while rubbing his long ears and kissing the top of his head, “if you do have to go, aim for Rowdy’s feet. They’re bigger than mine.”
It was sort of funny for Avery. Alice and Pepper were so different in every way, but they appeared to be fast friends.
While Rowdy took his turn greeting Cash, Pepper went to Marcus, treating him as she would any other kid. Marcus stared at her in awe, but Avery could understand that reaction.
Tall, stunning and bold, Pepper had the same dominating presence as her brother. Put them together in a room, and it was a wonder anyone else could find oxygen enough to breathe.
“So, squirt,” Pepper said, “it’s good to see you. You looking forward to the new house?”
Marcus slid a quick, uncertain glance at Rowdy. “I guess.”
After giving the dog one final pat, Rowdy brought Avery forward. Cash followed, still wiggling from head to tail in excitement. “You remember Avery?”
Hoping her visit wouldn’t dredge up bad memories of that night at the bar, Avery said, “Hi, Marcus. It’s good to see you again.”
Marcus went shy, looking down and nodding.
She stepped closer. “I haven’t seen pictures of the new house. Have you?”
He nodded again. “We went to see it.”
“Really? What’s it like?”
“Big.” He peeked at Rowdy again. “It has a yard.”
“A nice big backyard.” Rowdy crouched down to give Cash more attention, which also put him on a better level with Marcus. “I was thinking Marcus could help us build a swing set and stuff. Maybe a tire swing from that tall oak tree.”
“Oh, that’d be wonderful,” Alice said. “Great idea.”
Cash barked as if he agreed. “You’re going to like that yard, aren’t you, bud? Lots of room to run, and you’ll have a lot of spots to choose from when you do your business.”
Pepper jumped in. “Back when we were kids, Rowdy hung this old rotted tire from a tree on the riverbank. We’d swing out and drop into the river. It was wild and super fun, until this one time that the branch broke.”
Rowdy groaned. “I landed on my butt in the mud instead of in the water. I swear, even though the mud was squishy it still rattled my teeth.”
“You should have seen him,” Pepper said around a wide grin. “The mud splattered everywhere. In his hair and face. He even found a crawdad in his pocket. Hilarious!”
Smiling at them, Marcus asked, “What’s a crawdad?”
“You don’t know? Oh, wow, Marcus. It’s like a tiny lobster with little pinchers. Really cute.”
“Said no woman ever, anywhere, except Pepper.”
She ignored Rowdy. “We used to catch them just to play with for a few minutes, then we’d let them go. They run off backward.”
Avery had never heard such a thing. She had to admit, she was a little intrigued herself.
“Come summer,” Pepper said, “we’ll have to take a trip to the river. Or we could use Dash’s lake house. Dash is my husband’s brother, now my brother-in-law, and a good guy. He won’t mind.”
Rowdy snickered. “As I recall, Dash kept that place as a hideaway.”
“Maybe, but now he lets us use it whenever we want. Actually, Logan is thinking of getting his own summer house. Wouldn’t that be awesome? We could spend a weekend there, all of us together.”
Since she looked at Avery while saying it, Avery felt included, and it warmed her.
“The guys could go fishing while I take Marcus, Alice and Avery for a walk on the shore. I could show them how to catch crawdads, or rock bass. Or we could all swim or take out a rowboat.”
Smiling at Pepper’s enthusiasm, Alice said, “I take it you miss the water.”
“It’s so fun.” Pepper hugged her arms around herself, glowing with the memory. “The hot sun and the cold water. You’d have a great time, Marcus. Guaranteed.”
Marcus looked at Alice, who nodded. “We would love that. And maybe even before summer, we could do a picnic at the river. There are a lot of nice spots.” She put a hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “And a big playground. We’ll be moving next week and then Marcus will start school again, but as long as it doesn’t get too cold, we’ll still have the weekends for playing around.”
Marcus kept silent, and Avery worried. She could tell Rowdy noticed, because he stood again, saying to Pepper, “Why don’t you let Alice show you some pictures of the new house? Marcus and I are going to play cars—that is, if Marcus has his cars handy.”
Marcus pulled two little metal cars from his pockets.
Avery started to follow Pepper, but Rowdy caught her hand and pulled her down to the floor with him. “I didn’t get a chance to pick up more cars, but I will,” he told Marcus. “I think Avery will need one or two.”
Marcus waffled a moment before sitting down. Cash went to lie beside him. Marcus idly stroked the dog.
“Something on your mind, Marcus?” Rowdy draped his wrists over his knees and just waited. “You can talk to me, you know.”
He screwed up his mouth, gave Rowdy a measuring look and asked, “You still gonna visit after we move?”
“Heck, yeah. Can’t wait to see the new place once you’re all settled in. I think Reese and Alice are planning to get a lot of new furniture to fill it up. I’ll probably help them when they move. Lots of boxes to be carried and stuff to set up.”
“I’ll help, too,” Avery offered. “That is, if no one minds.”
Rowdy kept his gaze on Marcus. “What do you say, Marcus? The more the merrier?”
He shrugged. “Will I help?”
“You bet. You look plenty strong enough to me to carry some boxes. And we’ll need someone to keep an eye on Cash while we’re going in and out.”
Marcus put a car on the floor and rolled it a bit while he thought about things. “Okay.” He’d already set up some track, so he pulled that over and then, surprising Avery, he offered her one of his cars. “You can play with this one.”
Oh, wow. Emotion burned the backs of her eyes, leaving them damp. She put a hand to her heart, deeply touched. “Thank you, Marcus.”
Rowdy nudged her, probably wanting her to get it together. And so she tried.
While Pepper sat in a stuffed chair and started going through photos, Alice brought over a snack of cookies and juice.
“The regular,” Rowdy told her, and thanked Alice.
He handed a cookie to Avery, then one to Marcus. “No matter what, Marcus, we’re buds now, right?”
Marcus bit into his cookie. “All right.”
“Things sometimes change. A different house, a different school.”
He nodded. “Mom is...gone.”
Avery froze, horrified by that small voice.
But Rowdy nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry.”
Marcus rubbed under his nose. “I don’t think I’ll see Darrell anymore.”
“You okay with that?”
“Yeah.” He rolled the car again, turning it along the track. “I’m kind of glad.”
Avery knew Alice and Pepper were both listening in but pretending not to. She swallowed hard, wishing she had a magical way to make the hurt go away.
Rowdy reached over and clasped Marcus’s bony knee. “We’ll always be friends.”
Marcus said nothing.
“There’ll be days when I make it out to visit, and some that I won’t. But I’ll always be around if you need me. I promise.”
Without looking up from the photos, Pepper said, “He’s a man of his word, Marcus. As his sister, I should know.”
Again, Marcus looked at her in awe.
Rowdy leaned forward in a conspiratorial way. “Pepper’s loud and nosy, but she’s okay. You’ll like her.”
“I certainly do,” Avery said.
Marcus looked at them all, then, as if the storm had passed, he grabbed up another cookie.
Rowdy relaxed back, his gaze dark, searching. He reached over and took Avery’s hand, giving her a squeeze.
For her sake, or for his? Either way worked for Avery.