SHE WAS backing up.
I let her go.
Why the fuck I let Jay leave was beyond me. But I was strapped to the bed by tubes and needles. Scorching hot pain consumed me.
She left.
My nose burned, impending tears threatening to escape. A growl left my mouth, rumbling from my chest before I punched the bed. It didn’t do anything. It didn’t satisfy the rage pumping through me. It started with a flame and with each step Jay took away from me it grew into an inferno. It was a volcano, waiting to explode at the right moment.
Jay couldn’t meet me in the eyes as she left but before she disappeared out of my room, I could see the shadow of fear. There was a glimmer of hope that I wouldn’t be mad, that I would forgive her.
“Fuck, Jay,” I shouted, my voice bouncing around the room when she disappeared around the corner.
“Sir?”
I ignored the nurse standing at the entrance to my private room that was set up by the military. I didn’t need a private room. I needed Jay. I needed to get to her, to find out why she was scared. What had happened in the weeks I was gone? Did someone say something to her? Did her ex put stories in her head? Did she get more information about her sister? Something set her off. She was terrified. I got that. So was I. But there was more.
“Are you okay?” The nurse took a step into my room.
I shoved from the bed, my legs shaking under my weight. Falling to my knees, I gasped for air at the onslaught of pain erupting through my bones.
“Sir, you need to get back into bed,” the nurse demanded, reaching for me.
“I don’t fucking suggest you touch me right now,” I snarled, meeting her wide eyes.
She nodded vigorously, backing up.
I didn’t care. I could feel the rage, the anger, the fucking fury bubbling through me. It was so fierce it controlled my actions. It consumed me and I let it. I embraced it. It had been so long since I felt this…this need to destroy everything in my path. If I could just channel this feeling while on a mission, then we could find these girls.
Rising to my feet, the beeping of the heart monitor machine pounded into my skull. It was loud, taking over my thoughts. I roared, ripping the machine from the wall, tearing the needle out of my hand.
“Security!” someone shouted.
Call security, I don’t fucking care. The thing I cared about was Jay leaving me. My woman actually fucking left me when I needed her most. Her warmth would help me get better. It would get me through the fact I almost died. That my brothers almost died. Dale had fought for his life in my arms. And I almost lost him. But she left. She didn’t let me cry in her arms. She didn’t let me break in her hold, begging for her to make me feel better.
She didn’t let me tell her I loved her over and over until my voice gave out. She didn’t let me plead, demanding for her to stay with me. She never gave me the option. She made up my mind for me, never giving me the choice to let her go.
***
(Jay)
For days I cried. I didn’t know how many had passed. They were all a blur. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything. I was so stupid. How could I walk away from Angel like that? Especially when he needed me most. What kind of person did that make me? I was no better than the men I tried to impress. I cried myself to sleep. I would wake up, think about what I did and cry all over again. I never knew a person could shed so many tears. Just when I thought they were dried up, the flood would come again. It was pointless when the whole thing was my fault. How could I just leave him? When I ran out of the hospital, I could hear him yelling, begging for me to go back to him, but my legs wouldn’t allow me. They ran in the opposite direction. I was terrified I would fall harder and something would happen to take him away from me.
I ended up crashing at the club because I couldn’t stand to be in a place where I spent so much time with Angel. Even though I spent time with him at the club, the apartment hurt worse. Although we had only been there once, I could smell him everywhere. His scent was on my bed, on my clothes, on my fucking skin. I showered more than I needed to, trying to wash him off of me.
It hurt. It hurt so damn much. My chest constricted with the lack of air. My palms became sweaty. My body vibrated. “Angel,” I gasped out. I pulled at his hoodie that I had stupidly decided to wear. “Oh, baby.” My big, dark man. How could I do this to him? To us? What the hell was I thinking?
A heavy knock sounded on my door, followed by some whispers.
I curled in and around myself, shutting out the world. Depression had set in fast. At first it was the same feeling I had when my sister disappeared, when the unknown person started contacting me but then it grew into something that gripped my throat. It choked me, forcing me to gasp for the very breath I didn’t want. I didn’t want anything. Not until I knew Angel and I were okay. I would beg. I would plead for him to forgive me. I would explain how stupid I was. There would be no excuses. Just apologies. But how could I expect him to let me back in?
Everything happened so fast. Meeting Angel. Falling in love. Finding out my sister was still alive but I couldn’t see her. No more packages came. The man was fucking with my head. Bile rose to my throat, my stomach churned. A set of dry heaves wracked through my body.
Several dings sounded from the computer Greyson had left me after I destroyed my own. Shit. Taking several deep breaths before I opened it, I prayed to whoever would listen that my sister was okay.
Unknown: How does it feel not knowing when another package will come? Does it fuck with your head?
Biting my lip, I mustered up the anger and frustration from deep within myself.
Me: I’m waiting for you. No matter what happens, I will avenge my sister.
Slamming the laptop closed, I threw it on the floor.
“Jay.” Max peeked her head into my room. “You need to get your ass out of bed.”
Ignoring her, I rolled back onto my side.
A hard smack landed on my rear, forcing a yelp to leave my lips.
“What the hell?” I glared up at her.
“You look like shit.” She frowned. “You’ve been in here for three days. I haven’t seen you eat or drink anything. You’re going to wither away.”
“I don’t fucking care.” I rolled back over, ignoring her protests.
“Jay,” a deep voice boomed. “Get your fucking ass out of bed.”
My body stiffened. Oh God. Angel. No. This was not how I wanted to see him. The tears threatened to escape again. I was never one to cry. Even though there were times where I should have, I closed up like a vault, not letting any emotion show through at all. But now, I had no control over them.
“Angel,” I whispered, choking back a sob.
“Max, I got this,” Angel bit out through clenched teeth.
“Be gentle with her,” Max said, her voice low, probably thinking I wouldn’t hear her. Or maybe she hoped I would. “But she needs you to be straight and to the point. Don’t beat around the bush, Angel.”
He didn’t say anything but closed the door behind him. “Look at me.”
I sat up, not meeting his gaze and let my knotty hair fall in my face.
“I said, look at me!” he bellowed. “It’s the least I fucking deserve.”
“No,” I shook my head. “You deserve more,” I added on a whisper.
“You will look at me or I will fuck you until you do.”
My back stiffened, my gaze snapping to his. I bit back a gasp. Bruises and cuts marred his face. His dark eyes showed he had seen shit. Nightmares I could only dream about.
“Ah,” he smirked. “That got your attention. Is that the way to get through to you? Sex, baby? Cause I can fuck you anytime. Who needs feelings? Is that what you want? You want to be treated like a whore? Cause I can pay you, too.”
“Fuck you, Angel.” I knew he was furious with me but he didn’t need to be an asshole. I didn’t need the constant reminder that I deserved everything he had to throw at me.
“Oh we’ve done that, baby. Many delicious times, I might add. It’s all you want, isn’t it? Even though I happen to remember you telling me you love me. Was that a lie? Do you not love me?”
“Of course I love you,” I cried. “How can you even question that?”
“Because you don’t fucking know how to show it!” he yelled, slamming his fist against the wall. “You told me you love me. I told you I love you. But it clearly isn’t enough.”
“Love is never enough.” My mouth snapped shut as soon as the words left my lips. But it was the truth.
“Explain that to me, Jay.” He leaned against the door. “Tell me why our love can’t be enough?”
Shaking my head, I rose from the bed.
A soft growl sounded from behind me causing a slight flush to spread up my body. I forgot I was only wearing a tank top and panties but at that point I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I made his body react to me. I didn’t care about anything because I knew he would leave me. Just like everyone else.
“What are you doing to me, Jay?” he asked, softer that time.
“I don’t know. I have no fucking idea. I don’t know what I’m doing to myself. I don’t know what’s going on anymore.” I rambled on and on, not sure when to stop, not sure if I was even making sense anymore. No control. Never any control.
“Where is this coming from?” He took a few powerful steps toward me.
“I…I don’t know,” I shook my head, ignoring the thoughts of how much I wanted him between my legs. “I…”
“Jay.” His voice lowered. He took another step until he reached me, standing a few inches away, but he didn’t touch me. He didn’t have to. I could feel the heat coming off of him. I could see the heft in his sweatpants, semi-hard like he always was. I could smell his spicy scent.
A breath left me on a whoosh, my head spinning from the lack of contact. A contact I had craved since before meeting him. And now that he was there, in front of me, after so many weeks, I was terrified. He could destroy me. One powerful move and he could break my soul.
“I missed you,” he reached out, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I needed you and you weren’t there.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “I am so sorry. I am. I can’t explain it. But I can try. Please let me try.” I gripped his shirt, leaning my forehead against his chest and inhaled. The scent of leather, man, and sex wafted into my nose. “Please let me try.”
“Why should I?” he asked, his voice pained. He didn’t touch me but he didn’t push me away either. It was all I could ask for.
“My sister left me. My mom never wanted us. Tyler broke me. But if something happened to you,” I looked up at him through my tear-soaked lashes, “you could destroy me. You could ruin everything I worked so hard to gain. I love you so much. Too much.”
“No such thing.” His jaw clenched.
“Don’t leave me,” I begged.
“You left me,” he snapped, shoving out of my grip.
I fell to my knees at the abrupt move, digging my fingers into the carpet. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry,” he scoffed. “Jay, I fucking love you. Do you understand that? Do you know what that even means? Do you know how hard it is for me to love someone? I don’t even know if I love my brothers. I can’t know. I never knew how to love until I met you. Can you get that through your stubborn-as-hell head? Can you?”
“Angel, I said I was sorry. I didn’t want to leave but seeing you in that bed, I can’t…I’m not strong enough to be without you.”
A heavy hand wrapped in my hair, pulling my head back.
I gasped at the sudden movement, staring up into Angel’s dark eyes. They were black, enraged with fury.
“Don’t you fucking say that to me again,” his voice was rough, laced with a darkness I had never heard before. “You got me?”
“I…”
“I said, do you got me?”
I nodded, swallowing hard.
“No woman should ever feel they are weak without a man. You don’t need me to survive. We need each other. We make each other strong together and alone. You do not need me. Not in the way you think.”
“I do. I do need you,” I pleaded, gripping his wrist.
“No!” he yelled. “Listen to me good, little girl. You are strong. You are the strongest woman…no…the strongest person I know. You can take on men twice your size. You can take on a group of them. You think you need your sisters, me, these men you are trying so hard to impress but all you need is yourself. You need to love yourself first before you can let anyone in. I get that. I need to as well. But the difference between you and me is I know that I don’t need anyone else to build me up. Fuck everyone, Jay. Fuck Vice-One. Fuck Dante’s Kings. And fuck King’s Harlots. You are all that matters. We are all that matter. You and I.”
“I don’t know how to be alone,” I confessed, shocked at my outburst.
Angel sat back on his haunches, cupping my cheek. “Yes you do. What did you do before me? Before Violet left?”
“She was always around. I was the only one who understood her. We’re twins, Angel. She’s a part of me, and no matter what, I’ll never be alone.”
“You can’t depend on that. I don’t know Violet, but I have a feeling she wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself.”
I sat back, pulling my head out of his grip. “No. You’re right. You don’t know her.”
A shadow passed over his face. “If you’re going to keep fighting with me, I’m done. I can’t play these games with you. I’m too old for this shit.” He pushed to his feet.
“No!” I grabbed his leg. “Please. God, I’m sorry. I don’t know…” Tears streamed down my face. Shame and anger bubbled up from that deep part of myself that I could no longer control. I knelt at his feet, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. I love you. I’m confused. I’m so fucking confused.”
“What the hell is so confusing?” He tried pulling out of my hold but my grip tightened. “Jay, let go of me. You walked away last time. Now, I am walking away. I won’t let you rip my heart out again.”
“I didn’t…I…”
“What, Jay? What didn’t you do? You didn’t rip out my heart? You didn’t mean to? You’re sorry?”
“Please.” I couldn’t…I couldn’t do this anymore.
“Please what? Tell me, Jay,” he demanded. “Tell me what has you so scared.”
“I can’t.” The words wouldn’t leave my mouth.
“Tell me!” he bellowed, forcing me back on my ass. “Tell me.”
“I’m scared you’ll leave and not come back, all right? I’m terrified I’ll get the call that you’re dead and…and…I know I shouldn’t worry. I know that. But I can’t help it. I can’t live like this. I can’t go day to day, scared you won’t come home to me. I—”
Warm lips crushed to mine, a tongue forcing its way into my mouth. Angel growled, wrapping his hand around my throat and deepening the kiss. He controlled what I gave him. He took what he needed, giving me back everything he could.
The kiss was hard, rough, but it was called-for. We snapped, giving into our desires for the other. It was wrong. On so many levels. Sex didn’t solve anything. It only put a mask over our true feelings.
“Fuck, Jay. I need your mouth. I need your body. I need everything about you.” He stared intently into my eyes, licking his kiss-swollen lips. “But most of all, I need your heart. Please don’t hold that back from me.”
My body trembled against him, desire for him unfurling deep in the pits of my belly. “I…”
“I’m giving you my heart, baby. Everything about me is yours. Everything I am is yours. I accept you. All of you. I don’t care what you’ve done in your past. I don’t care who you’ve been with. I don’t care about your club. You,” he poked me gently in the chest, “you are all I care about. Your happiness. Your safety. Your love. Please let me have your heart.”
“I…I want that. I want all of that.” I took a breath, wrapping my arms around his thick neck and straddled his lap. “Please forgive me for walking out on you. I can’t move on if I don’t know that we’re okay. I am sorry.”
“We’re strong, baby. I am your fucking King, and I will stand at your side and be by you every step of the way. I’ll go to hell and back for you. I’ll destroy everything in my path to get to you. This will be hard. Every relationship is. But I’m not giving up.”
“I know,” I whispered, allowing myself to get lost in his dark eyes.
A small smile spread on his face. “Let me love you.”
I wrapped my body around him, a thin barrier of clothing keeping us apart. I missed him. I needed him. But I loved him most. “Yes. Love me. Love me with all of you. Every inch. Every breath.”
“Then do the same to me.” He kissed me hard on the mouth, running his hands up my back. “Love me hard, baby. Love me with every fiber of your being. Love me with every inch of your beautiful body.”
“Yes,” I circled my hips against him, feeling the weight of his erection pressing into my core. “Angel.”
His hands roamed down to my thighs. Digging his fingers into my flesh, he spread me wide.
“Angel,” I said louder. My body shook, my core quivering with need for the man I loved. The man in my arms. The man holding me, moving against me like he couldn’t get enough.
“Quiet.” He fisted my hair, pulling my head back and caught my mouth in a hard, bruising kiss. With his other hand, it grazed to the small of my back, holding me against him. His hips thrust into mine.
I gasped into his mouth, missing the feel of him taking control. “Please.”
“I said, quiet.” He nipped my lip.
I shook my head, moving my pelvis against his. Hinting.
“I’m in control now, baby.” His lips brushed down my jaw to my ear. “You owe me that much.”
***
(Angel)
Attempting to rein in my feelings of control and rage, I tried hard to push them out of my mind. But our fight forced them to the forefront of my thoughts. Jay had pleaded with me not to leave her. She begged for me to forgive her. But right now I would show her what happens to a man when they go without their woman for several weeks.
My tongue pushed its way into Jay’s mouth, licking along the curve of her lips. Her hips rocked against mine, demanding for me to take control and take what rightfully belonged to me. Call me a dick, but I wanted to make her wait. To build up the anticipation when she had put my heart through so much. I thought I lost her. Everything wasn’t forgotten and I was no longer mad at her but the thought of her fear still nudged at my mind. I refused to let her see that we weren’t meant to be together. However long this lasted, it was ours.
“Angel.”
Jay’s breathy moan sent a shiver down my back. I tugged her head further, forcing her mouth open wide. I kissed her hard. Devoured her like a starving man. It had been weeks since I tasted her, and fuck me if the wait wasn’t worth it.
I hooked a finger into her panties, brushing my knuckle over her soaked pussy. A growl escaped me. Pulling her toward me, I reached for the knife that I always kept in my pocket and cut the fabric off of her.
She shivered, the cool metal of the blade grazing her mound.
I smiled against her lips and reached into my pants. She swallowed my hiss when my hand came into contact with my cock.
Jay rose to her knees, waiting, and ran her fingers through my hair. Her nails dug into my scalp. A slight burn spread over my skin, forcing me to kiss her harder.
Lifting her, I dropped her in one smooth move onto my dick.
She cried out, throwing her head back.
“Fucking A,” I snarled, pulling her tank top free from her breast and covered the pierced nipple.
“Oh…” She shivered, slamming her hips against mine.
The walls of her pussy tightened around me. I held onto her shoulders, thrusting upwards until she gasped. I fucked her hard. I took from her everything she had to offer. Her love. Her frustration. Her pain. Her fear. I took it all and gave her my heart in return. It was rough. But she held on. It was everything I had to give her. The confusion of never loving anyone. Of not knowing what it was like to be loved.
“Give me all of you,” I breathed, trailing kisses down her jaw to her neck. “Please.”
“Yes. I do.” Jay wrapped her arms around my shoulders, holding me, pouring everything she felt into that touch. Words we had said a moment before disappeared as our lovemaking turned desperate.
“I love you, Genevieve,” I whispered, holding onto her for dear life. I couldn’t take her leaving me again. I couldn’t deal with the loss. I told her not to need me when in fact, I needed her.
“I love you, Angel.”
And we showed each other for the rest of the night just how much we loved the other. Over and over. Until we were both spent and exhausted, sticky from our pleasure and relaxed from the arousal floating around us.
Jay slept soundly, half her body on top of mine with me rubbing small circles on her back. We laid on top of the bed, wrapped in each other. No blankets. No barriers. Just skin against skin. I never knew how much I needed another person or how much I needed the contact of another human being. Jay let out a heavy sigh, wrapping her leg further around my pelvis. My dick twitched, beating against her thigh.
What I would do for her. I loved her. I was still a little pissed about her leaving me at the hospital but I had to get over it. A part of me understood. When everyone she had loved left her, it made it hard for her to see that I wouldn’t do the same.
I wouldn’t. There was nothing about her that would make me leave. Everything she was would make me stay, would make me fall in love with her more.
Vibration jarred in my head. What the hell? I groaned, rolling over and grabbed my cell off the end table careful not to disturb Jay. Not realizing I had fallen asleep, I scrubbed life back into my face before I hit the green button on my phone.
Jay sighed, wrapping herself tighter around me.
“Yeah?” I barked into the phone.
“I need you and Jay to come to my gallery,” Max demanded without so much as a hello.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing.” Max hung up the phone.
“Who was that?” Jay asked, yawning.
“Max. She wants us to come to her gallery.” I sat up but not before I placed a hard kiss on Jay’s mouth.
She sighed, leaning into me. “I don’t want to leave this bed.”
“Neither do I, princess.” I cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip.
“Are we good?”
“Yes.” I pinched her chin, forcing her to meet my stare. “We are. Now let’s go see what your best friend wants before I get sucked into your sweetness.”
“Mmm…I love giving you my sweetness.”
“Fuck me,” I snarled into her neck.
She giggled. An actual fucking giggle. For me. And I welcomed it with open arms.