I SCRUB THE pot in soapy water slowly, as if the longer it takes, the longer this day will be—and that’s what I want. I want this day to never end. When it ends, tomorrow will dawn, and Leo will be gone. After the week we’ve had, just the thought of him leaving makes me miss him, even while he’s sitting in the very next room.
With him being in Dillon, we’ve had as close to a normal week as possible for us. I still had work, but with the shop hours allowing me to leave by late afternoon, I spent the rest of my time in his company. For the most part, we stuck around town. A couple evenings, we didn’t even bother leaving my apartment at all, deciding we were more interested in each other than anything else. Today, dad offered to cover my shift, and Leo and I packed a picnic lunch before heading to Breckenridge to do some hiking. It was the most beautiful day, and I could tell that Leo appreciated being out on the long trail.
Now, as I clean up after dinner, I can’t help but think about what will happen next. The truth is, I’ve been avoiding all thoughts regarding the distant future—not just since his trip out here, but since I boarded that plane headed home after my first trip to Nashville, right after he added his number to my phone. Since then, all I’ve really wanted was a chance to explore what could be between us. Of course, I knew long distance would be a factor, but until a few days ago, I wasn’t even sure where our relationship was going, so I wasn’t worried about the long haul.
I understand that his job involves an incredible amount of travel. The next twelve weeks will be more of a challenge, as he’ll be out of the country. Communicating with a two-hour time difference is not nearly as difficult as six, eight, or even twelve hours. Though, it’s not the twelve weeks that has me contemplative. Not the next twelve weeks, or even the ten that follow. At least when he’s back in the states the distance that separates us will feel like it usually does. But after that? When Ashley’s tour is over and they settle back into a normal routine—when Ashley and Corie move onto their land in Tennessee, I wonder what will happen then?
I know that our relationship has just barely begun, and maybe thinking about five months from now is presumptuous; but after the last few days, I really can’t help myself. What we have shouldn’t be relegated to a few short trips every couple of months. I hate saying goodbye to him. We’ve still got one night to share, and already I’m starting to feel the disappointment that comes on that first night after a goodbye—when I crawl into bed alone. We can’t be together if we’re never together.
I’m startled out of my thoughts when Leo’s arms reach around me, taking the pot from out of my hands and dropping it into the empty side of the sink. He dunks his hand into the soapy water, pulling the plug, then reaches for the dish towel that I had resting on the countertop beside me. He dries his hands, then mine, tossing the towel aside before he takes hold of my hips and spins me around. I look up at him, my heart fluttering at the sight of his devastatingly handsome face.
He really is remarkable. Even his body’s slight imperfections make him all the more perfect.
I reach up and rest my hands on his biceps as he lifts me from my feet, planting my ass on the ledge of the sink. His grip holding me steady, his eyes roam over my face. He doesn’t speak for so long, I wonder if I’m supposed to say something. Finally—
“You’re worried.”
Now it’s me who lets the silence stretch on between us. We’re in a good place. I don’t want to ruin it by freaking him out with my thoughts concerning next year! Even just thinking about it practically makes me feel a little bit clingy and overbearing. So I decide not to bring it up. Instead, I push it aside, like I’ve been doing all along, stashing it away for something to be dealt with when the time comes. I remind myself that we have to get to February before I can start feeling anxious about it.
When he scowls at me, I try and ease his mind, sliding my hands up and around his shoulders before pulling him closer. I circle my arms behind his neck as he touches his forehead to mine, and I whisper, “I just want to be with you.”
“You are,” he mutters in reply.
Nodding my head against his, I say, “I know.”
“We’ve been over this, Jill,” he grunts, lifting his head until his lips are pressed against my forehead. “I’m leaving, not walking away. You’re mine.”
Smiling, I tilt my head back until I’m looking into his eyes. Lifting my legs until they’re wrapped around him, I state, “You’re mine.”
“Nothing’s going to change,” he says, jerking his chin in a curt nod of agreement.
“I know,” I repeat.
“Then what’s there to worry about?”
I shrug as I ask, “Can’t a woman just miss her man?”
“Right here, baby,” he tells me, quirking an eyebrow. “Or do you need reminding?”
His grip around my hips tightens as he leans into me, and the sheer massiveness of his frame overshadowing mine makes me wilt against him. In the last week, we’ve had more sex than I even thought possible. I’ve come so many times, it’s hard for me to imagine that reaching the point of orgasm was ever a struggle for me. Now, as he suggests another round of play, I’m about ready to admit that I might be an addict, and I don’t even care.
Staring straight into his gorgeous blue-green eyes, I fight my smile as I nod at him.
That’s all the answer he needs.
I SIT ON the edge of the bed and watch her as she sleeps. After what her body went through last night, she could use all the rest she can get, so I let her slumber a little longer. I don’t like leaving her here. I don’t like thinking about how long we’ll be apart. I don’t like knowing that my woman will be all on her own, unprotected, for months. She’s not a child. She’s an independent person capable of looking after herself. I’m fully aware of the facts—but that doesn’t change how I feel. I protect the people that matter to me.
Life is unpredictable. It’s uncertain. It’s unfair and unjust. Life is also precious and fragile. I know all too well; and in her own way, so does Jill. Only, she couldn’t protect her mother from death. She doesn’t carry the weight of that unrelenting guilt. For that, I’m grateful. Her disposition is too kind, too sweet, too gracious. The last thing I would wish is for anything to tarnish that. It’s all worth protecting. She’s worth protecting. She fucking matters, and she’s mine now, which means she’s my responsibility—and I don’t like leaving her here.
She pulls me from my thoughts when she draws in a deep breath, bringing her hands up to rub her eyes. I watch as she then looks behind her, searching for me, only to find that I’m already up and dressed. Suddenly wide awake, she shoots up and frantically looks around the room for a clock.
“It’s almost five,” I tell her, sparing her the trouble.
She blows out a sigh, raking her fingers through her hair as her eyes find mine. “Five? Lee, you have to leave at five.”
I dip my chin in a slow nod of acknowledgement, and her face falls before she starts to scramble out of bed. As she rounds the corner of the mattress, I catch her around the waist, stopping her, from what I’m sure is a quick trip to the closet, and pulling her between my legs. She’s still naked, her hair falling down her chest, covering her tits. Wanting to see all of her, I sweep her long mane over her shoulders and down her back.
“Lee,” she whispers, her hands cupping the nape of my neck.
I lean forward, pressing my forehead against her sternum as I inhale deeply through my nose. Grazing my hands over her bare ass, I tell myself that she’ll be fine; that I have no reason to think otherwise; that I’m leaving her in a far different environment than the one I fled from all those years ago. I remind myself that she belongs to me—that no matter what, I’ll never let anything happen to her.
I lift my head at the sound of her soft sniffle, and I’m met with her teary eyes. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d cry.” She shakes her head at me before she murmurs, “You’ll write me? And you’ll call?”
“When I can,” I assure her calmly.
She looks at me with the same worried eyes she was giving me last night, and I lift my arms, snaking them around her waist as I pull her against me. It does something to me, seeing her cry, and I feel fucking crippled by it. I give her a squeeze when she hiccups, and she brushes the back of her knuckles across her wet cheeks before burying her fingers in my hair.
“It won’t always be like this, right?” she blurts out, her eyes searching mine pleadingly. “We’ll figure something out, right? We won’t always be saying goodbye, right?”
“Baby,” I grunt, sliding a hand up her spine. I grip a fistful of her hair at the base of her neck and bring her toward me as I insist, “Calm down.”
She nods as much as my hold will allow, touching her forehead to mine as she closes her eyes.
“I’m a man of my word, Jill. When I say I’m your man, I fucking mean it. You need to hear me tell you I’ve never belonged to someone the way I belong to you? Huh? Open your eyes, Jill—look at me.” She obeys immediately, and I peer into her pretty blues, my voice low and gruff when I mutter, “Never. Hear me?”
“Yes,” her voice comes out garbled, so she clears her throat and tries again. “Yes, Lee. I hear you.”
“Good.” I let go of her hair, reaching down to pinch her ass. She squeaks and I smirk before demanding, “Cover up. Walk me out. I’ve got to go.”
She doesn’t say a word in reply. Rather, she hurries off to her closet, returning less than a minute later in a pair of little cotton shorts, a hoodie, and some flip-flops. Sure that she’s still not wearing any underwear, my dick twitches at the sight of her. I’m forced to ignore it as I stand to my feet and throw my duffle bag over my shoulder. When I hold out my hand, she’s quick to take it, and together, we make our way out to my rental. I stow away my bag in the back seat and then pull my woman into my arms.
I don’t say a word. I just kiss her. I kiss her deep, taking all that I want, all that I need—memorizing the taste of her mouth, the feel of her tongue, and the sound of her moan. When she tightens her hold around my neck, I pull her in closer to my chest, groaning as she kicks up her legs and hooks them around my hips. I turn and press her against the driver’s side door, kissing her harder before I capture her bottom lip between my teeth. At the sound of her whimper, I pull my mouth from hers, both of us breathing heavy as we stare at one another.
“I’ve got to go.”
“I know,” she says, all of her limbs clinging to me tighter.
Taking a step away from the door, I turn my back to the vehicle, tapping her ass in a silent command for her to let me go. She hesitates at first, but finally unlocks herself from around me, sliding down my chest and onto her feet.
“Talk soon?” she asks, her glassy eyes staring at me hopefully.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
I sink my fingers into her hair, bringing my lips to her forehead before I mumble, “Bye, Jill.”
After I let her go, I manage to open the driver’s side door before she calls out, “Lee?”
Looking over my shoulder, I ask, “What, baby?”
“I’m really glad you came.”
Lifting my chin, I assure her, “I’ll be back.”
I don’t hesitate to climb into the vehicle, shutting the door behind me without another word. I start the engine, buckle my seat belt, shift into reverse, and then chance one last look at the distractingly gorgeous woman I’m leaving behind. She offers me a small wave, and I look away, pulling out of the parking stall, sure that if I don’t get the fuck out of here now—I’ll never leave.