“LEO, COULD YOU hold on a second?” Corie asks, stopping me in my tracks.
I’ve just escorted them home for the evening, Ashley having had a full afternoon of meetings with his label, followed by dinner with his agent and publicist. I’m relieved for the chance to head home at such an early hour. With the sun having just set, I was hoping to get in another quick run and hit the sack early.
When I turn to give Corie my attention, I notice how Ashley stops and does the same. She holds up a finger to me, signaling that she’ll only be a moment, and then turns to him and murmurs something I can’t hear. A slight scowl tugs at his brow as he whispers something in reply, but she answers him with a kiss and another word that has him shaking his head. Before he takes his leave, he speaks softly into her ear and kisses the side of her face. He then looks over at me, offers me a chin lift, and makes his way to his private elevator.
Corie turns back to me, taking a hesitant step in my direction, and my hackles rise. She hasn’t even spoken a word, and I know already that whatever she has to say will have something to do with Jill—and I don’t want to hear it. I do what I can to hide it from her, but it hasn’t been easy keeping my unrest disguised the last couple of weeks.
“I’m just going to give it to you plain, okay?” I don’t respond, but I don’t have to. After a beat of silence, she says, “I don’t know you like Ashley does. You’ve been together for years, and I’ve only had the pleasure of knowing you for the last several months. I won’t pretend that we’re something that we’re not. However, I’m not blind or dumb. I’m new.
“Being with Ashley, working for Ashley, it’s the biggest culture and lifestyle change I’ve ever known. That said, I’ve been taking it all in—all of it—since the moment he first brought me here. That includes you. You mean a lot to him, which means you’re important to me, too. I need you to know that I respect you very much. I also need you to know that I think you’re making a huge mistake with Jill and, to be quite honest, you’re being an asshole.”
Still, I say nothing. I clench my jaw closed in an attempt to restrain myself from losing my temper. The truth of the matter is—I know. The truth of the matter is—it’s the only way. I don’t need her to tell me what I already fucking realize every single second of every single day. Jill deserves far greater than what I am capable of giving. I’ve always known that—I was the asshole who took what I wanted anyway. Now she’s paying for it. I know this because Corie wouldn’t be here talking to me about her if she wasn’t, which makes me more than an asshole.
Taking a step closer to me, she lowers her voice and says, “I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re throwing away something—someone amazing. Whatever it is that I don’t know about you, it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve seen how she affects you. I saw it before the wedding, and I see it now. You might not find that extraordinary, but you are impenetrable. You have this shield around you, and you only let people see what you want them to. Until Jill. Until Jill!
“It’s stupid, Leo! She cares about you, and you care about her, and to walk away from her without so much as a reason—it leads me to assume only one thing. You’re scared. Now you’re angry and scared, and you don’t have to be either. Just…” She pauses for a second, her eyes staring straight into mine. When she looks away from me, it’s only to pull something out of her purse. Then she thrusts a folded piece of paper at me and says, “Fix it. Work it out and be together, or talk it out and don’t. I, of course, have my own opinion as to what I’d like to happen—but I can only butt in so much. So it’s up to you.
“Either way, we leave for Japan in eleven days. Take the next seven off and go fix it. The ticket is yours, and it’s non-refundable. I called Britton this morning. The keys to her house will be at your front door tomorrow morning. I didn’t rent you a car, but I thought you could handle that much. You already know that Jill works at Magnolia’s Coffee House, and she’s there every day except Sundays.”
I’m so caught off guard, I don’t know what it is that courses through my veins. When I don’t reach for the paper in Corie’s hand, she presses it against my chest, raising her eyebrows expectantly. I scowl, not at all sure how I feel about her insistence, but take hold of her offering before she takes a step away from me.
Before she leaves, she murmurs, “I know that you know she’s my best friend. I would do anything for her. But Ashley is my husband. His safety means everything to me. Everything. So, yes, there’s a part of me that’s doing this for Jill. But there’s an even bigger part of me that’s doing this for you. I need you to be at the top of your game when we leave. Go. Do what you have to do, and come back focused.”
She leaves without another word. I don’t mind. As I watch her go, there’s not a single thought in my head. I wouldn’t be able to speak even if she begged me to. What the fuck could I possibly say after all of that? Nothing. Not a damn thing.
She questioned my focus. She questioned my ability to protect Ashley. As much as I would like to argue the validity of her doubt, I can’t. I know that I’m not at the top of my game. I’d never let anything get in the way of my job, but I can’t allow my tempered rage to make me stupid. Stupidity is what gets people hurt.
I take my leave, hailing a cab to bring me home. As I ride in the backseat, I barely pay attention to the traffic, unaware of how long it takes for me to reach my destination. Rather, I replay all that Corie said to me—honing in on what she said about me being angry and scared. She was wrong about two things. First, I’m not scared of my feelings for Jill. Second, I’ll never not be angry. Though, I must admit that denying myself a woman has never felt like this before. It’s never made me so unbalanced. It’s never hindered my ability to stay in control of what’s always simmering beneath the surface.
By the time I’ve made it to my building, my head is so foggy that a run is the last thing on my mind. As fucked up as it is, I want to call Jill. I want to hear her voice. I want to know that she’s okay. I want to know if she’d even take the time to hear me, should I find any words to say, or if a trip out there would be nothing but a fucking waste of everyone’s time and effort.
Of course, I don’t call her. After closing myself in for the night, I kick off my boots, strip off my t-shirt, and tape my knuckles before heading toward my punching bag. I land the first hit, knowing I’ll be on that damn plane tomorrow afternoon. I land my second swing, admitting that I have not a fucking clue what I’m going to do when I get out there. I don’t relent, landing punch after punch until I’m dripping in sweat, sure of only one thing.
I fucked up because I am fucked up—and that’s never going to change.
A COURIER ARRIVES at my door at eight a.m. sharp. I sign for the keys to Britton Cortnie’s Colorado mountain home, then pocket them as I shake my head at the ridiculousness of it all. If it wasn’t for Ashley’s friendship with the country pop princess herself, he’d have never taken his sabbatical in her house. If he hadn’t borrowed her keys, just like I am now, he’d have never stepped foot into that coffee shop in Dillon, Colorado. Had he never ventured into town for a cup of coffee, he would never have met Corie—and I would not have met Jill. I would not be planning on going to that same coffee shop. I would not be getting ready to hop on a plane, headed for the Rocky Mountains.
I’d laugh at the irony of it all if I thought it at all funny, but I don’t. I have no business going out there to do what I’m about to do. I walked away for a reason. I should leave well enough alone. Except, as selfish as it may be, I won’t be able to do what I do with the utmost precision if I don’t get this shit handled. Maybe, if I had more time, things would be different. I don’t know. I won’t ever know—because I don’t have more time. I have ten days.
I have no expectations, except to come home focused and ready to work. I know what I did. I know what I deserve. I’m not fool enough to believe that I should be given anything from the likes of her. But I also know what she deserves. I know what she wanted from me before I left. I know what I denied her. At the very least, I owe her answers. I don’t have many I’m willing to part with, but I have a few I’m man enough to offer, and so I will.
My phone rings from inside of my pocket, and I’m quick to see who it is. When I catch sight of Ashley’s name lit up across the screen, I know it’s time to own up to my plan.
“Hello?” I answer on the third ring.
“Hey. Heard my wife planned you a little vacation.”
“Yeah.”
“You goin’?”
“Yeah.”
“She’ll be happy to hear that.”
“I bet.”
Chuckling, he replies, “You’re stubborn as a mule, Leo. You’re hard as a rock. Most days, I ‘preciate that ‘bout you. But there’s nothin’ wrong with lettin’ a woman make you a little soft. Remember that. We’ll see you when you get back.”
“Yeah.”
“Good luck.”
He hangs up, and I reach up to run my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends as I slide my phone back into my pocket. All of this attention on my personal life is getting a little out of control—it’s time I reign it the fuck in. With my flight scheduled to depart in four hours, I pull my duffel bag out of the closet, and I start packing.