I’ve had the designs Ethan drew up for a few days now. I really love both of them, and finally decided I want to have Ethan combine them together. I also haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. From his bulging muscles peeking out of the t-shirt he had on the other day, to the scruff covering his face, it made me feel something I haven’t felt in many years. His “boy next door” looks and charming smile also had me feeling butterflies deep in my stomach, and maybe just a tad lower, in my nether region. I don’t know that I’m ready to read into that feeling, but I definitely noticed it. I also can’t get past the zing I felt each time we touched. I saw the realization in his own eyes when we shook hands before I left his shop.

Cam: Hey, it’s Cam. I wanted to discuss my tattoo. Can I stop by sometime soon to do so?

I go back to unpacking and getting all my things put away in my new apartment. I love my new place and how everything is coming together as I get it all unpacked. I’ve just finished emptying a box when my phone chimes with an incoming text.

Ethan: Hey! I’m at the shop all day today. I have some free time between appointments around 2 for an hour if you want to stop by then.

Cam: I’ll be there! Thanks!

Ethan: Anytime, see you this afternoon.

I’m so excited to finally be moving forward with this tattoo. Ben was such a huge part of my life and even though I miss him every day, I’ve promised myself that with this move, I will move on. Nothing can change the fact that he’s gone, and I know he would want me to find someone to love again. Hell, he made me promise him shortly before he died that I would.

I finish up another few boxes before it’s time for me to walk over to Ethan’s shop, arriving a few minutes early.

“Hi,” I tell the woman working the reception desk. “I’m here to see Ethan. He knows I’m coming.”

“Sure thing,” she replies. “Have a seat over there. Ethan is just finishing up with his client and should be done shortly.”

I give her a smile and walk over to the couch. While waiting, I pull out my phone and check my Facebook. My cousin Shannon has posted a few new pictures of her new baby. Cue ovaries exploding. He is such a cute baby and makes me long for kids of my own. I keep scrolling through my feed until I hear my name being called.

“Cam, come on back,” Ethan says, walking up next to where I’m sitting.

I try to ignore the deep timbre of his voice as I slip my phone back into my purse and stand, following Ethan back to his area. I take advantage of walking behind him to let my gaze wander over all those sinewy muscles that nicely fill out his t-shirt and jeans. Once we make it to his room, I pull out the original drawings he made me.

“So, what did you want to discuss?” he asks, as he takes a seat on his stool, smiling at me.

“I loved both of these options, so I was wondering about possibly combining them.”

“Sure, I can do that. What are you thinking?”

“My idea is to take the feather and turn it so it’s under these words, with the birds coming up on the right side like this,” I tell him, pointing to the saying he had on his drawing with the feather. “Then take the heart with Ben’s name and place it under the feather.”

“So, like this.” Ethan grabs his sketchbook and, within a few minutes, has put together a new drawing, showing what I envisioned.

“Exactly like that,” I answer, the emotion evident in my voice.

Ethan looks up at me, a huge smile on his face. “I’ll clean up the drawing before we actually tattoo it onto you, but if you like that, then let’s get you scheduled. How soon were you wanting to get it done?”

“Oh, um…. soon-ish, I guess. How far out are you booking?”

“For a tattoo like this, I can get you in almost any day that you’re available. What’s your schedule like?”

“I start my new job on Monday. So, until then, I’m just working on unpacking, and getting my apartment all set up.”

“If you want it tonight, I can do it after my last appointment. So, around 8 or 8:30.”

“Really?!” I shriek.

Laughing at my excitement, Ethan nods his head at me. “Yes. I’ll clean up the drawing between now and when my next client gets here, and then you can approve it before we get started tonight.”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s finally happening. Thank you so much, Ethan!” I exclaim, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. I don’t even realize I’m doing it, until I feel him stiffen slightly, then bring his arms around me, hugging me back, pulling me tighter against his body.

“You’re welcome, Cam. I’m glad I could help you design something you love,” he says quietly against my ear before we release each other.

“How much will it cost? I need to swing by the bank before I come back.”

“I forgot to ask this earlier, but did you want it all in black, or did you want color?”

“Black is fine.”

“For all black, it’ll be $250,” Ethan replies.

“Sounds good. I’ll be back around eight tonight.”

After leaving the shop, I stop by the ATM to grab cash, then return home. I only have a handful of boxes left to unpack, and it’s my goal to finish them today. I want the last couple of days before I start my job to be free and relaxing.

When I arrive at home, I finish those boxes within an hour, leaving me with some downtime before I need to be back at Ethan’s shop. I’m relaxing on the couch, with the TV turned on to a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress, when my phone chimes with an incoming text.

Lilly: Hey, girl, how’s it going? Have you finished unpacking?

Cam: Good! I finished unpacking just a little bit ago. I’m going in around 8 tonight for my tattoo! I went and saw Ethan this afternoon to finalize the design, and absolutely love it!

Lilly: What design did you end up picking?

Cam: I actually had him combine the two that I loved. I couldn’t decide, so I asked him to shift things around a little. I’ll text you a picture once it’s finished tonight. ;)

Lilly: You better! Do you have plans this weekend? We’re having a get-together and I wanted to see if you’d like to come?

Cam: Nothing really. Now that I’m done unpacking, I don’t have much to keep me busy until work starts next week. I’d love to come! Just tell me when and where to be, and if I can bring anything.

Lilly: Our house, Saturday 11-ish. Cash will probably start the grill closer to noon. Just bring your pretty little self. If you want to crash here, bring a bag and you can have the guest room.

Cam: Sounds good! I’m excited to see you again, and everyone else. I bet the kids are so big!

I set my phone down and return my attention to the marathon on the TV for the next hour or so until my stomach rumbles, and I realize it’s dinnertime. I grab my purse and phone, and head out to try another restaurant in my neighborhood.

I walk around for a bit, trying to decide what sounds good tonight. One of the bars has a chalkboard sign out on the sidewalk, advertising the specials for tonight, and the shrimp tacos sound amazing.

* * *

Just as I’ve finished my dinner, I remember Ethan saying he had clients up until I come in tonight, and he’s staying late for me. I decide to send him a quick text to see if I can bring him anything to eat.

Cam: Hey! I’m just down the road, eating at Charley’s and realized that you’re staying late for me. Can I possibly bring you anything to eat?

I place my phone back down on the table, picking up my drink to finish it off. As much as I wanted to enjoy an alcoholic drink tonight, I know I shouldn’t before having the tattoo. Within a couple minutes, my phone lights up.

Ethan: Thanks for the offer. If you’re sure, that’d be great. I usually order in something when I’m working late but hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

Cam: Absolutely! You’re staying late because of me. Would you like something from here, or I can stop somewhere else.

Ethan: Charley’s is perfect. The shrimp tacos are amazing.

Cam: They sure are! That’s what I just finished eating.

Ethan: Great minds think alike. ;) An order of them would be great, and I’ll pay you back when you get here.

Cam: One order of shrimp tacos coming up, and my treat.

Ethan: Cam, no, you don’t have to buy my dinner.

Cam: I offered, my treat. It’s my way of thanking you for staying late at work for me.

Ethan: If you insist…

Cam: I do.

Ethan: See you soon, my client just sat back down from our short break. Need to get this appointment finished so that I can start yours on time.

I flag down my server and put in Ethan’s order to go, as she refills my glass with more lemonade. I sip it slowly while I scroll through my Facebook feed. I stop on a post from Ben’s brother, Jack. He proposed to his girlfriend tonight, and she said yes. I always loved his family; they were the nicest people and welcomed me right in. I’ve kept in touch with his mom and sister Emily the most, but our contact has become more infrequent as the time since Ben died grows. I quickly leave my “congratulations” comment and try to hold back the emotion that fights to overtake me. Had Ben still been alive, I’m sure we would have been there for this exciting event in Jack’s life, and that just makes me miss him even more.

Fucking cancer.

I’m pulled from my fog when my server approaches and sets down the to-go bag, along with my bill. I quickly pay her and leave. I still have about a half hour before I need to be at Ethan’s shop, so I window shop and people watch to pass the time.

Upon entering the tattoo shop, no one is manning the front desk, so I take a seat on one of the couches to wait. I know Ethan is with another customer and wasn’t sure exactly when he’d be done. I pull out my phone to send Ben’s mom, Candace, a message, since I haven’t talked with her in a while.

Cam: Hey! I see congratulations are in order for Jack and Cassie!

Candace: Thanks, sweetie, he is on cloud nine. How are things? How’d your move go?

Cam: Things are good, I’m all moved and unpacked. I really love my new place and the neighborhood! It’s full of little local shops and restaurants. I start my new job on Monday. And I’m finally getting my tattoo. I’m actually sitting in the tattoo shop waiting for my appointment right now.

Candace: I’m glad you’re settling in well. Please send me a picture once it’s done! I sure miss your sweet face.

Cam: I miss you all so much. I’ll send you a picture for sure. I think you’re going to love what we came up with.

Candace: I’m sure I will. Call or FaceTime me soon so we can catch up. Love you, sweetie.

Cam: Love you, too. I’ll try calling this weekend.

I flip back over to Facebook and my nerves kick in a little as the time passes. One of the reasons I’ve put off getting this done is I’m worried about the pain involved, both physically and emotionally.