I’ve settled really well into my job and living here in Nashville. Making the move here a few months ago was the perfect new start for me, both professionally and personally. Meeting Ethan within a few days of moving here also didn’t hurt. We’ve been almost inseparable since, having spent very few nights apart since we started dating. For as long as I mourned losing Ben, and at times, not thinking that I could find someone new to love, I will never regret moving on with Ethan. Ben made me promise him that I would one day find love again, and I feel like I’ve fulfilled that promise.

The anniversary of Ben’s death is tomorrow, and I can feel the melancholy starting to seep in. Every year, the sadness and grief hit me like a ton of bricks.

As I lay in bed, I can hear the rain pelting against the windows. The weather fits my mood perfectly. All I want to do is lay in bed and wallow in my grief, cry, and remember all the should-have-been moments that Ben and I never got to experience. I reach for the box of tissues I have on my nightstand as the tears start to fall down my cheeks. It’s then I notice a card propped up against the lamp, with my name scrawled in Ethan’s handwriting.

Cam,

I know this weekend is going to be hard for you, but I want you to know I’m here for you in any way you need me to be. If you need me to hold you while you soak my shirt in tears, I’m your guy. You need me to take you out and get you drunk, I’m your man. You need to have a girls’ night, well, then I’m not your man, but I’ll keep Cash company while you and Lilly go out. You’ve become very important to me in these past few months, and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.

Text me once you’re up for the day and we can meet for lunch, if you’re up to it. If you need me for anything today, call me. I’ll see you for sure tonight, so decide what kind of evening you need, and I’ll make it happen.

All my love,

Ethan

The tears that had started before I read his card are now falling even harder. How I managed to find this man, I’ll never know. Some might call it fate, but I believe that Ben somehow sent Ethan to me. He knew I’d have a hard time moving on, and yet it was my willingness to finally step foot in a tattoo shop, to get my tattoo for Ben, that brought me into Ethan’s world. I set the card back on the nightstand, grabbing the box of tissues while I just let the tears fall. They are a mixture of sorrow, but also happiness. Sorrow for Ben and happiness for having Ethan in my life.

Once I stop the cryfest long enough to dry my face and blow my nose, I grab my phone to send Ethan a text.

Cam: Hey, thank you for the card. I just found it a few minutes ago.

Ethan: How are you doing this morning? I wish I could be home with you all day today.

Cam: I’ve had my first good cry of the day, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Ethan: Do you want to meet for lunch?

Cam: Maybe? What time will you be free?

Ethan: I’m just on a break now with a large piece. It will probably be another couple of hours before we finish. If we finish on time, I should have about an hour between clients. We could go somewhere close by and grab something, or you could bring something here if you don’t want to go out somewhere.

Cam: I can pick something up and bring it to you. That way if you run late, you can still eat something.

Ethan: Sounds good, babe. I hate to cut you short, but my client just sat back down in my chair. I’ll see you around 1:30.

After texting with Ethan, I pull myself out of bed and into the shower. Once I’m ready for the day, I grab my iPad and get comfortable on the couch, pulling up the FaceTime app, so I can call Candace. This weekend is hard for all of us, but we have never gone a year without calling each other or spending the time together. I love Ben’s family and am so thankful his mom has kept up our relationship.

“Hey, girlie. How ya holding up today?” Candace asks as soon as our call connects.

Flashing a small quick smile, tears prick my eyes, and I suck in a breath before answering her. “As well as I can. I had a good cry before I even got out of bed this morning. How are you doing?”

“Sad, and I miss him so damn much. But I also have a weird sense of peace over me this year. I think I’ve finally wrapped my mind around the fact that he really is gone and isn’t coming back. I know if he could be here, he would. But we can’t change the past; we can only allow it to help shape our future.”

“Yeah, I’m hopeful that I can get to the same point, where it will not hurt quite as much. I know I’ll never get to the point where I won’t feel no pain, but it still hurts so damn bad. I miss him so much. I’d do anything to just hear his voice or feel his arms around me again.”

“I know, sweetie. How’s Ethan handling everything?” Ethan and Candace “met” awhile back via FaceTime. She’s been very supportive of me dating again, and loved getting to talk to him, albeit not for long.

“He’s so amazing. He left me a card on my nightstand for me to find when I woke up this morning, with the sweetest note inside. I’m going to go meet up with him for a late lunch here soon.”

“I’m glad to hear that he’s so supportive and understanding. That’s a good sign he’s a great man.”

“I know. I’ve been thinking lately how lucky I am to have had Ben in my life, and the chance to love him as much as I did. And now, to have Ethan in my life, and have a new love building between the two of us. I’ve been so scared for all these years that I would never find that again with someone else. But I did, and I’m so thankful for that.”

“I like seeing that look of love on you, sweetie. It looks good on you,” Candace tells me, a huge smile on her face. “Ben would want you to be happy and in love again. I know he’s looking down on you and approving of how you’re moving on.”

“Thank you. I’ve had to remind myself a few times that he made me promise him before he died that I would move on one day and allow myself to love someone new. I’m just glad I upheld that promise. I just need to get the courage to tell Ethan just how much I care for him.”

“You two haven’t expressed those three little words yet?”

“Not outright. He did sign his card to me with ‘All my love’. I’ve just been a little gun-shy about it, but I’m ready to tell him now.”

“I’m so happy for you, Cam, and I can’t wait to meet Ethan in person soon. Maybe Dan and I can plan a long weekend trip to Nashville, and come visit the two of you. I’ve wanted to head out that way for a long time, so it would be the perfect excuse to see you at the same time.”

“I’d love to see you guys! Just tell me the dates you choose, and I’ll make sure my schedule is free to spend the weekend with you.”

“Sounds good. I’ll look at our schedules this weekend and pick some options, and let you know. Until then, I’m going to let you go. Go enjoy lunch with your man,” she says, smiling at me through the camera.

“Thanks. We’ll talk soon.”

“Love you, sweetie,” she says, before disconnecting the call.

After my call with Candace, I’m feeling more alive and upbeat than I was this morning. My calls with her can leave me feeling on top of the world one moment, and the next, I’m an emotional mess.

Embracing the heartfelt feeling, I take off to pick up our lunch and head for Ethan’s shop to enjoy some time with my man. The one who, after today, will know just how much in love with him I am.