"Why do we never sleep in your room?" I asked. "You always come to mine."

We were outside on the patio, enjoying the sun. Cameron's poolside lounge chairs were as comfortable as the leather armchairs in his movie theater room. Plush and soft, perfect for sunbathing.

Cameron laughed.

"You know that bachelor reputation of mine?" he said. "If you saw my bedroom you'd lose all respect for me."

"Who says I respect you now?" I teased.

"Fucking ow." He faked a blow to his chest, pressing a hand over his heart. "This is the thanks I get? I put you up in my own home, I let you eat my food, I give you multiple orgasms. What more can a man do?"

"A man can clean his room like an adult."

"Says the girl with dirty laundry piled in the corner and soda cans stockpiled on her nightstand."

"I never said I wasn't a hypocrite."

Cameron poked me in the side. I didn't flinch.

"You're the ticklish one, not me," I told him.

Cameron turned the poke into a caress. My insides fluttered.

I'd worn my skimpiest swimsuit. Not that it was all that skimpy. Really, it was just a normal bikini. Cameron enjoyed it though. He especially enjoyed exploring my sun tan lines whenever he got me naked.

Which was often.

"You don't have any tattoos," he noted.

I shuddered. "Ick. Needles. No thanks. I'll leave that to you rock stars."

"Not even in any secret places?" he teased.

"You've thoroughly examined all my secret places."

"Speaking of, you need more lotion?" He reached out with grabby fingers.

"You just want an excuse to put your hands on me."

"I don't need an excuse for that."

In one swift motion Cameron picked me up, hefting me over his shoulder like a sack of flour.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked.

"It's hot. You should cool off before you get sunstroke."

He walked us to the edge of the pool.

"Oh no," I said in a warning tone. "Don't you dare."

"I'm just looking out for my girlfriend's wellbeing."

I stopped breathing.

That was the first time Cameron called me his girlfriend.

Maybe it was juvenile, but I had been hoping to have the relationship status talk sometime soon. I'd never had that talk before. I hadn't known how to bring it up.

"Lily?" Cameron prompted. "You alive in there?"

"Yeah," I choked out, fighting back tears. I'd never been this emotional in my life. Not like the way I'd been since moving into Cameron's. I thumped him in the back. "Put me down."

"Anything you say, Angel."

"No, wait—!" I protested.

He jumped into the pool with me still in his arms.

We landed with a splash. The cold water was a shock to my system, especially after basking in the warm sun. I kicked off the bottom of the pool and burst to the surface with a gasp.

"I hate you," I sputtered, my eyes squeezed shut. I didn't like that sting of chlorine in my eyes. It always turned my face red and blotchy.

Cameron was still under the water. He swam towards me and grabbed my legs. I kicked out. He used me to climb up, clinging to me the entire time.

He surfaced, hair plastered to his face, covering his eyes and cheeks.

"You look like a mop," I told him.

He slicked his hair back with a grin. "There's that grumpy face. You've been so smiley and happy lately. I missed that patented pissed off Hart look."

"I hate you," I repeated, now that he was out of the water and could hear me.

"What was that?" he said, putting a hand to his ear. "You love me and adore me and want to have my babies?"

I whirled around, water splashing everywhere, not wanting him to see my stunned expression.

Love and girlfriend and babies.

All those words spoken so close together sent my heart thumping madly.

I hadn't even begun to think about that kind of thing.

My heart squeezed in my chest, feeling light and airy. A small smile spread across my face unbidden.

Was that where Cameron's mind was already going? Was he thinking that long term already?

Then reality sunk in. Of course he wasn't thinking things like that. He'd just been joking.

Disappointment filled my chest, but also a sort of relief. I was only nineteen. I shouldn't have been thinking those sort of thoughts. Not yet.

But there was something about this man that made me want to throw all caution to the wind and jump in head first.

Cameron wrapped his arms around me from behind, pulling me back against him. Our legs brushed as we treaded water.

"Of course, if I really wanted to piss you off, I'd do this."

Cameron ducked under the water. He grabbed my ankles. I thought he would pull me under.

Instead, he tickled my feet.

I yelped and squirmed and kicked. My foot made contact with something soft yet firm.

Cameron exploded to the surface.

"Fuck," he cursed, a hand to his face, but still laughing. "I think you broke my nose."

"It's your own fault," I grumbled.

He rubbed his nose gingerly. I pushed his hand aside, prodding at his nose.

"Ow," he complained.

"You're fine. It's not broken." I poked his nose one more time for good measure. He winced. "How'd you know my feet were ticklish? I'm not ticklish anywhere else."

"It was an experiment. You always flinch when I go near your feet."

"Maybe I should do my own experiment. See how many other places you're ticklish."

"Ceasefire," he said hastily, throwing his hands up in surrender. A sly smile crossed his face. "Besides, there are more interesting ways to experiment with your body."

I swam closer to him. "Like what?"

He grabbed me by the waist and tugged until we were pressed together. "How about I show you?"

He pressed his mouth to mine, giving me a wet kiss. I smelled and tasted the mixture of chlorine and suntan lotion and something that was uniquely Cameron. Warm and fresh, like sunshine.

I returned the kiss, brushing our tongues together in a hot slide. We'd done this many times already, but each kiss still sent shivers through my spine. Still sent heat soaring straight between my thighs. The touch of his lips and tongue against mine did something to my insides, made me instantly wet and needy for him.

I would have been embarrassed at my overreaction to a simple kiss if Cameron hadn't reacted the same. He was already pressed against my thigh, growing stiff.

I heard a rustling of the bushes. My heart stopped. I pulled away quickly, looking for the source of the noise.

No one else lived here. Cameron hadn't invited anyone over. It was supposed to just be the two of us.

I began to shake.

Who was here? Were they supposed to be here?

My lungs seized up, fear spiking through me. I couldn't breathe. The anxiety made me shiver and quake.

The bushes began to move.

Someone was coming.

I took quick gasps of air, unable to breathe through the panic. My arms and legs thrashed as I fought to tread water. I couldn't make my limbs work properly. I began to sink.

"Shit, are you okay?"

Cameron's voice was like a bright light in the darkness. I grasped on to it, using it like a lifeline to pull myself out of my panic.

He swam up beside me and caught me, keeping me from dipping under the water.

I clutched at his arms. My trembling fingers dug into his skin.

"Just take slow breaths." Cameron stroked the back of my head, sifting his hands through the long, wet strands of hair. "Slow breaths, okay?"

I nodded shakily and tried to do as he said.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Th-there's someone here," I stuttered out through a tight throat, clinging to him.

The concern on Cameron's face was touching, but it wasn't enough to ease the panic taking hold inside me.

"It's probably just the gardener. Yo, Jerry, come on out," Cameron called.

An older gentleman wearing a sunhat and carrying a pair of hedge clippers appeared between the bushes.

"Yes Mr. Thorne?" the man asked with a cheery tone.

I let out a choked sigh of relief. My racing heart slowed down somewhat. The panic began to subside. My lungs let out a whoosh of air. I began to take slow breaths in and out.

After a few moments, mortification set in.

I couldn't believe I'd let myself get that worked up again. Of course it was just the gardener. It could have even been one of the housekeepers, or Cameron's parents showing up again, or any number of people.

My mind had immediately gone to a break in.

Anger and self-loathing fought for dominance inside me. I hated myself for always overreacting. First that false alarm when I'd hid in the bathroom, and now this.

Was I going to be living in fear forever?

Cameron waved the gardener off. He gathered me close, wrapping his arms around me.

"You alright?" he asked, a concerned expression on his face.

I nodded silently, still shivering from the aftermath of my panic attack.

"Were you scared?"

"It's so stupid," I mumbled. My lungs still burned. I'd almost drowned. "I'm acting like…"

Cameron took my face in his hands.

"Something really scary happened to you. It's okay to still be affected by it."

I didn't meet his eyes, ashamed. "It was ages ago. I should be fine by now."

"It's okay if you're not. Maybe…" He looked hesitant. "Maybe you should see someone about it?"

"Maybe." I didn't think my fears were that bad. Were they? Surely not bad enough I needed to see a therapist. I just got a little scared sometimes. That was all.

A small voice in my head snorted. No big deal, I'd just almost drowned is all.

Cameron pressed a gentle peck on my lips, nothing like the passionate kiss I'd interrupted.

"You can always come to me if you're scared or afraid. I want you to know that."

"Thank you."

But even as I said the words, I hated the idea.

All along I'd chafed at Noah's rules. I'd wanted to be on my own, to live my own life.

But maybe my brother had been right. What if I'd been by myself? What if Cameron hadn't been here to save me from freaking out? I might have drowned. Just like I might have passed out from my panic attack that night in the bathroom.

I hated the idea of being so weak. I didn't want to rely on anyone else this way.

But I clearly didn't have these panic attacks under control.

Maybe Noah was right.

I wasn't ready to be on my own.

I was still just a scared little girl inside.