“Grace?”
I look up from my spot in Don’s office. I haven’t moved. I’ve just sat here, waiting to hear the verdict. Preparing myself to pack up my desk and leave. The funny thing is, that doesn’t even hurt anymore. All I can think about is Raide, and how my heart is aching for him. Suddenly, I realize my job means far less to me than his happiness does. I never thought I’d question everything I’ve worked for like this.
I stare at Don, knowing I’m about to hear it. “Yes?”
He walks in and closes the door. “I’ve presented your case, and we’ve decided our next course of action.”
I nod numbly.
“We’ve decided that you didn’t intentionally do the wrong thing, and that an effort was made on your part to bring Raide in. That works in your favor. We’ve decided the best course of action would be to suspend you for a period of three months. In this time, you will only work office duties. When the three months are over, depending on your performance, you’ll be given only small cases for the next twelve months. After that, we’ll look at allowing you to step up further once more. Though there won’t be a third chance, Grace. This is your only warning. You fuck up again, I’ll have to let you go.”
Wait … what? I’m not losing my job? I blink. “You’re not firing me?”
He shakes his head. “It took a lot of promises on my part that it wouldn’t happen again, but no, you’re not fired.”
“You had my back,” I say, and tears burn once more.
“I believe in you, Grace. I know you’re capable and I know you’re a good person. I also understand how it feels to fall in love. I’ve been there, I’ve experienced it. You did the wrong thing, and you’ll pay for that, but I believe you’ve learned a valuable lesson.”
I nod. “I … Thank you, Don.”
“I want you to take a few weeks off.”
I nod again. Right now, I don’t even want to be here, so having a few weeks off isn’t a bad thing. All I can think about is finding Raide. I’m grateful I’ve got my job … but what is it all worth when I feel so damned broken?
“Paid, of course.”
I swallow.
“And Grace?”
I meet his eyes.
“Don’t let me down again.”
With that, he’s gone.
* * *
“Oh, honey,” Kady says, rushing through the front door and charging toward me. I got a few of my things from my desk and have been waiting for her to come and collect me, because I’m not sure I can drive in my emotional state.
Kady wraps her arms around me and I let her hug me for the longest moment. When she pulls back, she cups my face in her hands. “You’re going to be just fine. Two weeks off, that’ll be so much fun. We’ll go shopping.”
I force a smile. “Can you take me home?”
“Of course,” she whispers. “Of course, honey.”
I walk down the hall, and as I pass Vance’s office, I look in to see him at his desk. He stares at me and then turns away before I have the chance to express anything to him. I drop my head and walk out to Kady’s car.
We get in, and when we’re on the road, she says gently, “So what happened?”
“I fucked up, I got suspended.”
“You didn’t lose your job, though.”
That doesn’t take away the pain. “No,” I mumble. “But what does that matter in the grand scheme of things?”
“Grace, your job is everything to you. You’ve done the right thing.”
“He mattered to me,” I whisper. “Right now I … I just … I don’t care about my job.”
She reaches over, taking my hand. “You’re allowed to feel like that. Maybe this is why Don always held you back. Maybe he knew this would happen.”
“Yeah,” I say, staring out the window. “I’m starting to think that now. I thought I could do it, but all along, they’ve all been right. I’m a woman and that leaves me vulnerable. I can do a lot of things, but I was never going to be able to bring Raide in.”
“That’s not true,” Kady protests. “You could have brought him in.”
“If I didn’t fall for him.”
She’s silent.
“I’m a fool, Kady. I begged to be given the chance. I threw my hands up and told them all to take me seriously.” I laugh, low and bitter. “And I fucked up on my first case. What must they all think of me? If it’s anything like what I’m thinking about myself, then I know how pathetic it all seems.”
“Grace,” Kady says, her voice hardening. “Don’t you dare. You made a mistake, you’re only human. Do you think Don or Vance or Julio have never screwed up? You can fix this.”
I nod, but the truth is, I don’t really believe her. I put my heart and soul into my career, I begged to be given a chance, to be looked at the same as the other guys, and the one chance I got, I threw away because my compassion got in the way. And now, a huge part of me knows that I’d go back and do it all again—for Raide—and that scares me.
“Can you take me to my parents’?” I ask.
“Of course.”
Twenty minutes later, Kady pulls into their drive. I climb out of the car. “Do you want to come in?”
She shakes her head. “I have to work, but call me when you want to pick up your car, and we’ll go and get it, okay?”
“Okay, thanks, Kady.”
She smiles at me. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I hope.