Chapter One
I can’t believe I’m going to be late! Even if I hurry, I’m still going to be the last one to turn up and no doubt my mum will think I’ve done it deliberately. She’ll says it’s because I’m jealous and trying to steal the attention away from Rachel on her special night.
Rachel’s my older sister. She’s beautiful gorgeous, successful and intelligent. She’s everything I’m not and she’s introducing her new fiancé to the whole family tonight. We were all told we had to be there by seven o’clock sharp and I know how much mum hates it when I’m late. I glance at my watch, groaning when I see that I’m already half an hour late. She’s really going to kill me, she’ll make the punishment for my tardiness last for months.
My relationship with mum has always been strained. I’m the black sheep of the family, the middle child and the greatest disappointment of my mum’s life. I have a younger brother who’s eighteen, he moved away to go to University a few months ago and Rachel is twenty-five. She’s mum’s favourite, her main priority and pride and joy. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember and I seriously doubt it will ever change.
That’s why tonight is such a big deal, Rachel has just got engaged but none of us have ever met her fiancé. All I know is his name is Zack and he’s twenty-eight. Rachel’s just moved back home after living in London for the last couple of years. Her fiancé’s family also live up here and that’s why they’ve both decided to come home so they can find a place together whilst planning their wedding. They’re due to get married in August which is four months from now. I know they’ve been together for about a year and I have to admit, I’m really anxious to finally meet him. She talks about him in her emails but I’ve yet to see a photo of them together and I’m beyond curious.
I suppose the fact that we haven’t stayed in touch is partly my fault. Rachel has been living in London for the last couple of years and I know we both should have made more of an effort to stay in contact. I really do feel guilty about it and that’s why I’m so excited to see her tonight.
Rachel’s an actress and she’s been performing on the West End stage for the last year or so. I’ve been told that Zack is a successful architect but that’s all I know about him. I get the impression that they’re the picture perfect couple, glamorous and sophisticated in every single way and it doesn’t surprise me.
I can’t help comparing myself to Rachel, she’s doing so well and I can’t even turn up for a family meal on time. I’m five minutes away from mum’s house but I can’t walk very well in the high heels I’m wearing and it’s just started to rain. Perfect. Just perfect. Could today get any worse?
I quickly realise it can when I turn into the driveway of the house I once called home. There must be twelve cars here which means the whole family have decided to grace us with their presence. I’m the only one outside, the only one who feels excluded and that’s the way it’s always been.
I pause before I knock against the oak front door. I know I can’t delay this any further and take a deep breath before choosing to make my arrival known to them.
“Samantha, nice of you to join us.” My Aunt Carol says, greeting me at the front door. She has a displeased expression on her face and I instantly know I’m in trouble.
“Sorry I’m late.” I mumble, slipping off my coat.
“Better late than never.” She replies sarcastically, turning her nose up at my appearance as she takes in my outfit.
I glance down at my appearance, wondering what the problem is. I tried really hard to look smart tonight but her judgemental eyes immediately make me feel self-conscious and I resist the urge to smooth down my skirt and pat my hair.
“I’ve only just finished work, I only had time to hurry home and get changed.”
I don’t know why I feel the need to explain myself to her and vow to never do it again as soon as the words leave my mouth.
“So that’s why you’ve got paint in your hair?” She arches her eyebrow up at me, scrutinising me in distaste.
I whirl around to look in the mirror, noticing a tiny fleck of red paint in one of my long strands of blonde hair.
“We were painting with the children this afternoon.” I murmur quietly, refusing to look her in the eye.
I’m really starting to lose my cool with my mum’s snooty sister and just want her to leave me alone already. I need some time to gather my thoughts before I’m forced to face my mother.
“You best go through. Try and make yourself presentable before you see your sister, you don’t want to embarrass her on her special night.”
“How is she?” I ask, choosing to ignore her spiteful tone.
“Exquisite. She’s glowing and that fiancé of hers is absolutely delightful, he’s so handsome.” She gushes, her cheeks turning pink.
I try to suppress my smile, it seems like my Aunt Carol might just have a crush on my sister’s fiancé. Gross.
“I bet they look great together.” I say proudly, truly happy for my big sister.
“They do.” Carol says coolly, turning on her heel before making her way back into the lounge.
I’m left alone in the hallway, unwelcome and discarded. The way it’s always been. I hang up my coat and rake my fingers through my long, blonde hair. I stare at my reflection, resenting my pale complexion and small frame. My sister is the beauty in the family, she’s tall, slender, olive skinned and brunette. We look so different, people find it hard to believe that we’re even related.
I sigh, realising I’ve done enough procrastinating, I have to get this over with and then I can go home. I smooth down my black pencil skirt and push open the door that leads into the lounge. Everyone turns to look at me as soon as I walk in, I can actually feel thirty pairs of eyes land on me and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I glance around the room, hoping to spot Rachel but can’t see her anywhere. I swallow nervously, wringing my hands together as I plaster a false smile on my face. I notice my mother is standing to my left and she whispers something to my Aunt Carol before making her way over towards me. She forcefully grabs me by the elbow, steering me into the far corner of the room.
“Where the hell have you been?” She demands, tightening her grip on my arm.
“I came as soon as I finished work, Mum. I raced home to get changed and got here as soon as I could.”
“You would finish work on time if you had a proper job.” She says spitefully.
“I do have a proper job, Mum.” I sigh impatiently.
“Teaching little brats how to finger-paint is not a proper job.”
I gape at her in astonishment. Her words are so cruel, it makes me wonder how this woman was even capable of giving birth to me.
“Don’t call them that! Working in a nursery with children isn’t something to be ashamed of.”
“Whatever. You’re already late so don’t embarrass me or your sister any more than you already have done by saying something stupid.” She orders, narrowing her cold and unfeeling eyes at me.
“Wow. Thanks, Mum.” I reply dryly, struggling to remain calm and composed in front of all these people.
She walks away from me and I breathe a sigh of relief, glancing around the room to see if there’s anyone I could possibly talk to. I groan when I spot one of my cousins making his way over towards me and I know that my brief moment of solitude is about to come to an end.
“Samantha, how are you?” Peter asks, throwing an arm around my neck.
I can tell he’s already had too much to drink and I cringe when I smell the alcohol on his breath.
“I’m good thanks, Peter. How are you?” I reply politely, disentangling his arm from around my neck.
“I’m great! Work is good, life is good. What more could I ask for?”
He brings me closer towards him and I recoil when I feel his warm breath against my cheek. I grab a glass of orange juice on the small table besides me, hoping it will allow me to move away from him.
“That’s wonderful.” I say cheerfully, taking a small sip of my unwanted drink.
“So… what’s wrong with you this week? Any life-threatening illnesses we don’t know about?”
He starts to laugh at my expense and it makes me feel sick. I can’t believe my mum told him all about my health anxiety. No doubt she did it to be cruel and malicious, wanting to humiliate and embarrass me in the process. Everything she does is intentional and deliberate. I’ve always suffered from acute anxiety but the preoccupation with my health is something I’ve been struggling with for over a year now and it hurts me when ignorant idiots like Peter make fun of me and treat it like a huge joke.
“Nope, I’m good this week.” I lie, trying to make light of his insensitive insult.
He’s about to say something else to me when we’re interrupted by Rachel. She startles me by throwing her arms around my neck in a warm embrace, squeezing me with all of her might.
“Samantha! It’s so great to see you, I’ve missed my little sister so much!” She exclaims excitedly.
“Rachel, you look incredible.” I tell her, reciprocating her affection by warmly returning her hug.
“I’ll get you away from him but you have to follow me.” She whispers directly into my ear before turning to our cousin. “Peter, I’m going to have to steal my sister for a little while but we’ll catch up with you later.”
He doesn’t even get a chance to respond, Rachel takes hold of my hand and pulls me over to the other side of the room before he can stop us. We’re now apart from the majority of people in the lounge and I can relax for the first time since I stepped into this house.
“Thanks for that, I can’t stand that guy.” I roll my eyes in Peter’s direction, struggling to believe the ignorance of someone who’s so young. He’s just a couple of years older than me but he’s so arrogant and narrow-minded. It’s pathetic.
“Don’t thank me, thank my fiancé. He’s the one who noticed you were in distress and told me to go and rescue you from Peter’s clutches.” She laughs.
I frown at her, wondering how the hell her fiancé noticed me in the corner of the room when I don’t even know who he is.
“Really? I’ll have to thank him when we’re introduced.” I say, taking another sip of my orange.
“There’s really no need.” A deep, masculine voice says directly behind me.
I whirl around and inhale sharply. I know it sounds like such a cliché but I have literally just come face to face with the most incredible, breath-taking and magnificent man I have ever seen. He’s really tall and has broad shoulders, he’s dark like Rachel and his eyes are extraordinary, they’re the colour of chocolate and match his dark brown hair. He’s wearing an extremely smart, metallic grey suit which is well tailored and fits him like a glove. It accentuates and compliments his athletically strong physique. He’s absolutely perfect and I’m not someone who even believes in perfection.
“Sam, I’d like you to meet my fiancé, Zack.” Rachel grins, taking hold of his hand as she smiles up at him in adoration.
“N-nice to meet you.” I stammer nervously, holding out my hand for him to shake.
I hope he doesn’t notice the fact that I’m trembling or the fact that I visibly gasped when I first saw him.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Samantha. I’ve heard so much about you.” He offers me a kind simile and let’s go of Rachel’s hand to take hold of mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Really?” I say doubtfully.
“Really.”
His penetrating gaze remains fixed on me, even when Rachel starts talking about the wedding and all the preparation and planning that still has to be done by August which is only four months away.
“Sam? Did you hear what I said?” Rachel’s voice pulls me out of my dreamlike state and I turn my head to look at her, wondering what I missed.
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I said I want you to be my Maid of honour. It would mean so much to me, you’re my only sister and we’ve really lost touch over the last couple of years since I’ve been away. I want to make amends for that and spend some quality time with you this summer. I’ve got several months off from the theatre company and I can’t think of anyone better than my own sister to help me plan my wedding. So… what do you say?” She beams at me, a hopeful expression on her face as she awaits my answer.
There’s a really long pause and I start to think that I’ve lost the ability to speak. They’re anticipating my response but all I can think about is how astonishingly mesmerising my sister’s fiancé is. I quickly realise he really is a perfect match for her, they’re both beautiful and utterly alluring. They’re children will be flawless.
“Of course I’ll be your Maid of honour! It will be an absolute pleasure, I can’t believe you even thought of me.”
It’s the truth. I really am flattered that she chose to ask me over any of her friends. She has so many of them that would jump at the chance to be Maid of honour. They’re all so glamorous like Rachel, I think that’s why it never even entered my head that she’d pick me over them.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squeals, pulling me in for another hug. “This makes everything perfect. Now you can come with me tomorrow when I go wedding dress shopping! We can make a day of it and get some lunch afterwards.” Her happiness is contagious and I find myself giving her my first genuine smile of the entire night.
“That sounds great. Count me in.” I assure her, shyly tucking a stray strand of my hair back behind my ear.
I can feel Zack’s steady gaze on me the whole time and it’s making me slightly uncomfortable. I feel like he can see right through my orchestrated charade, it’s as though he knows it’s all an act and can see right through my pretence. It’s unnerving and I don’t quite know how to deal with it. It makes me feel naked, it’s like someone can truly see me for the first time in my entire life. He hasn’t said a single word since to either of us since Rachel introduced us and his silence is a little disconcerting. I have no idea what he’s thinking, all I can sense is his eyes on me, watching my every move.
“Fantastic!” Rachel playfully claps her hands before she glances over my shoulder. “Mum wants a word with me, she’s beckoning me over.” Rachel leans into Zack and he’s forced to drag his eyes away from me to look at her. “Will you be ok if I leave you alone for five minutes?” She asks, stroking her manicured nails down his chest.
“I’ll be fine. I’m sure Sam won’t mind keeping me company?” His eyes look beyond Rachel’s, landing on my own once more.
I shift from one foot to the other, those extraordinary eyes of his fill me with the most exquisite, indescribable warmth I’ve ever experienced. He makes my whole body tingle and it feels like I’m on fire. My face is hot and my palms are sweaty, what on earth is happening to me?
“Sure. I don’t mind.” I say quietly, averting my gaze to the floor.
“Great, I’ll be back in a second.”
As soon as Rachel leaves, an awkward silence follows. My mind goes blank and I can’t think of a single thing to say to him, choosing to focus on my empty glass instead.
“It really is nice to meet you, Samantha. You have no idea how happy you’ve made Rachel by agreeing to be her Maid of honour.” Zack smiles at me, closing the distance between us as he takes my empty glass from me, placing it on the table behind him.
“There’s no need to thank me. It’s so kind of her to even ask, I’m sure she’s going to get a hard time from mum because of it and I don’t envy her that.” I sneak a peek at my mum and sister, worrying about the consequences Rachel’s decision will bring for her.
“Why would your mum give her a hard time? I can’t think of anyone better than her own sister to be her Maid of honour.”
Zack leans against the wall I’m standing next to, crossing one ankle over the other. He looks so confident and at ease with himself, I’m instantly envious of him and his ability to look unfazed when I’m a tumultuous wreck.
“Let’s just say I’m not her favourite person and… Rachel is.” I murmur softly.
If mum had it her way I probably wouldn’t even get an invite to my own sister’s wedding.
“But… you’re her daughter.” Zack states incredulously.
“Try telling her that.” I reply humourlessly.
There’s another prolonged silence between us and I’m just about to make my excuses to use the bathroom when Zack interrupts me.
“Would you like to step outside for a minute? It’s a little warm in here and I could do with some fresh air before we sit down to eat.” He locks those phenomenal brown eyes of his on me, clearly hoping I’ll take him up on his offer.
“Rachel will be back in a second, I’m sure she’ll go with you.”
“But I’m asking you.” His voice is low and deep, it makes my body tremble and my heart rate increase.
“Sure.” I shrug casually, leading the way through the throngs of people in the lounge to get to the back of the house.
Mum’s place is really huge, it’s a large, detached house in the middle of the suburbs and she even has a small balcony which overlooks the gardens at the rear end of the property. I decide to lead Zack there so he can get some fresh air and I can take in the magnificent view. We’re intercepted several times by my annoying relatives on our way out. They all want to make small talk or become acquainted with Zack and I expect him to stop and greet them every single time. However, he surprises me when he politely declines every single one of their attempts to try and engage him in conversation. He ushers me forward, placing his hand on my lower back to guide me. I quickly move to the side, choosing to ignore the scorching heat left over from his touch.
He closes the sliding door as soon as we step out onto the balcony, dragging his fingers through his short hair and exhaling loudly.
“Thank God for that. Some peace and quiet at last.” He chuckles, smiling over at me with those eyes that sparkle. There’s so much joy in them, I can’t help reciprocating his enthusiasm to be free of the claustrophobic atmosphere inside.
“They can be a bit much sometimes.” I say wearily, turning my back on him so I can look out at the spectacular view.
I hate everything about this house except for this. The scenic, picturesque beauty right in front of me has always been able to capture my attention and I used to sneak out here when I was little so I could be alone and read one of my books whilst the sun would set.
“So how long have you and Rachel been together?” I already know the answer but I don’t know what else to say and I’m still reluctant to turn around and face him. He’s standing right beside me but I just can’t do it. My feelings for him are too powerful and terrifying, it’s easier if I look straight ahead and ignore them.
Zack leans forward, resting his elbows against the wooden railing in front of us.
“About a year or so.”
“Wow, that’s a long time.”
“Yeah.” He whispers, revealing nothing.
“Well, you make a wonderful couple. You look perfect together.” I say brightly, chancing a look at him for the first time since we came outside.
“No one’s perfect.” He exhales quietly, gazing up at the moonlit sky. “Not Rachel and certainly not me.” He says solemnly.
“I’m sure my mum loves you already.” I say encouragingly.
“I have no idea. I really don’t care what she thinks of me to be honest.”
His reply takes me by surprise and I finally give in to temptation and allow myself to turn around to face him.
“You don’t want to impress your future mother-in-law?” I challenge him, arching my eyebrow in question.
“I’d rather know what my future sister-in-law thinks of me.” He smirks at me, folding his arms as though he can’t wait to hear my opinion of him.
I gape at him, bewildered and surprised. He raises his eyebrows at me and I can feel the corners of my mouth start to twitch as I try to supress the urge I have to smile. I decide to tease him a little instead, wanting to see if he’s so confident and self-assured after I make fun of him.
“Hmm… I’m not too sure what I think of you. You’re ok, I suppose. Rachel could have done worse.” I reply indifferently.
“What?!” He feigns outrage, placing his hand over his chest as though my comment has staggered him. He stands back so I can take a good look at him, holding his hands out so he can draw attention to his incredible physique. “Better than this? Impossible.” He shakes his head in mock disbelief, struggling to conceal the light-hearted grin on his face.
I peruse his body from top to bottom, pretending to scrutinise his appearance.
“Like I said, I’ve seen worse.” I lie, knowing for a fact that I will never see a man as beautiful as him in my entire lifetime.
“Gee, thanks.” He mumbles quietly, a slightly hurt expression on his face.
“Aw, come on. I’m joking.” I laugh, playfully slapping him on the arm.
“And I finally got a smile from you.” He winks at me, flashing me one of his own million smiles.
I can feel my cheeks turning crimson and bite down on my lower lip, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach and the pounding inside my chest. I can’t allow myself to feel this way about him. He’s going to be my brother-in-law, he’s marrying my sister and he’s completely forbidden.
“Rachel told me in one of her emails that you’re an architect?” I enquire politely, quickly trying to divert the conversation away from myself.
“That’s right. It’s all I ever wanted to be and I got my first job a few months after I graduated Uni. My work has been really supportive about our move up here, my boss granted me two months off so I can focus on the move and getting us settled.”
“That was nice of him.”
“Yeah it was. He’s an old friend of the family so he helped me find a new position up here, it’s still going to be with the same company so I don’t have to feel guilty about deserting them after all these years.”
“So you and Rachel are staying up here indefinitely?”
I never even considered the possibility that they might move back here. I just presumed they would get married here and then go straight back to London.
“Yeah, at least for the next twelve months or so. We knew we wanted to have the wedding in our hometown and figured we’d stay here a bit longer until we figure out what’s next.”
“That’s great.” I respond half-heartedly, wondering how the hell I’m going to cope with him living so close by.
Being in such close proximity to him is really going to mess with my head, I’ve only known him half an hour and my emotions are already in turmoil. I’m torn between what I know is right and my intense attraction towards him. Not that I’ll ever act upon my feelings, he’s with the most beautiful woman in the world and he would never look twice at me. Besides, I could never do that to my sister.
I gaze off into the distance, watching the sparkling water in the fountain gleam in the distant moonlight. The floodlights outside light everything up, bringing an ethereal glow to the gardens below us.
“You sound disappointed that we’re moving up here.” He laughs lightly, nudging me with his elbow.
“No, of course not. It’s great you guys are moving back home. It means I’ll get to see a lot more of Rachel and that’s what’s important.”
He’s about to say something else to me when the sliding door opens.
“There you are! I’ve been looking for you two everywhere. The food is finally ready so we best go through and take our seats.” Rachel takes hold of Zack’s hand, trying to pull him out the door. “You coming, Sam?” She looks back over her shoulder, preoccupied with the thought of her impending meal.
“I’ll be through in a minute.”
I encourage them to go on ahead, needing a few moments by myself to collect my thoughts.
“We can wait for you if you if you’d like?” Zack offers, lingering behind and ignoring Rachel’s protests for him to hurry up.
“Thanks but I’ll be ok. See you in a minute.”
“Ok… thanks for keeping me company.” He lingers by the doorway for a moment longer and I can see how reluctant he is to leave me alone outside.
I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as I’m alone, knowing that I really need to sort my head out before I go inside. The roof of my mouth is dry, my whole body is trembling and my stomach is churning with anticipation. I feel really, really nervous but I haven’t the faintest idea why. Sure, these family meals are really tedious and uncomfortable but I can normally find my own way through it and deal with everything my contemptible mother throws at me. Maybe it’s because I’ve just found out Rachel’s moving back home. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister but I know how hard it will make things for me to have her close by. Mum will constantly be comparing me to her, she’ll belittle and insult me at every opportunity and I know how much she loves to make me feel inferior.
Ugh, what am I doing out here? I should have gone inside with Zack and Rachel when I had the chance. I smooth down my skirt and tuck in my black ruffled blouse, preparing myself for another hour of discomfort. I plan on leaving as soon as this meals over, I’ll make up some excuse to Rachel and quietly sneak out when no one’s looking. I don’t mind meeting up with her tomorrow, I don’t even mind going shopping with her but I do mind sitting around a table with a bunch of people I despise and barely know. They’re my relatives but we haven’t got a thing in common, they’re either rude to me or ignore me altogether and I have to admit, I prefer it when they do the latter.
I close the sliding door behind me and make my way into the extravagant dining room where my mum is hosting dinner. She hardly ever uses this room so it shows how important she thinks tonight is to have us all in there. I notice Zack and Rachel are sitting side by side at the centre of the table and the only seat left available is the one at the other end in the far corner. I guess I know my place. It’s clearly been assigned to me by my mother and even though I would love to make a scene and embarrass her, I know I can’t do that to Rachel. Struggling to remain calm, I scuttle around the edge of the table, ignoring my mother’s accusatory stare for being the last one to arrive.
Zack’s eyes follow my every move, frowning when he notices where I’m seated. He turns to Rachel and whispers something in her ear. She immediately looks over at me, mouthing her apologies to me. I playfully stick my tongue out at her and roll my eyes, hoping she won’t let it worry her and continues to enjoy her night. I really don’t care where I sit so long as I’m nowhere near my mum. It would have been nice to sit next to Rachel and Zack but then I’d have been forced to participate in their conversation for the rest of the night and I really don’t think I’m up to it. I don’t mind being by myself, it’s something I’ve become accustomed to over the years.
I can sense Zack’s concerned eyes on me throughout the entire meal. They remain on me for a long period of time before he’s forced to glance away when someone asks him a question. Professional caterers and waiting staff were hired for the night and they were so obliging and hospitable, it made everything feel so special and I could see what my Aunt Carol meant when she told me that Rachel was glowing, she actually was.
I don’t speak to anyone for the remainder of the meal, allowing the party atmosphere to just glide over me, not really concentrating on anything anyone is saying. I’m too far away from my sister to hear anything substantial and by the end of the main course, I’ve somehow managed to tune everyone out altogether.
“Rachel, you have to tell us all how Zack proposed to you. It must have been so romantic.” A distant cousin of mine asks her.
This captures my attention and I turn to look at her curious to hear the story of their engagement.
“It certainly was. Zack later told me that he had bought the ring three months before he even gave it to me. He said he was waiting for the perfect moment and he was actually terrified I’d say turn him down!”
Rachel beams proudly, turning to face her fiancé who looks slightly uncomfortable now that everyone’s focus is on him. His eyes seek out my own as though he’s drawn to them but I quickly lower my gaze, choosing to concentrate on the tablecloth in front of me.
“Why on earth would you have said no?” My mum laughs, appraising Zack with those superficial, soulless eyes of hers.
“Exactly. It would have been impossible for me to say no, especially when I saw this!” Rachel removes her hand from her lap, revealing the most sensational ring I’ve ever seen. It’s dazzling and must have cost an absolute fortune. Everyone gasps in awe and delight, admiring the new addition to Rachel’s finger. She must have slipped it on during dinner because I haven’t noticed it until now. A ring of that size is hardly modest, I would have spotted it before now if she’d been wearing it.
“Good gracious! That ring is incredible, Rachel. You’re a lucky, lucky girl.” Carol coos, simpering with admiration and envy.
“I certainly am. Zack proposed after we had been out for dinner one night, he took me on a moonlit walk after that and took me by complete surprise when he got down on one knee and proposed! I could scarcely believe it, it came as a complete surprise! Of course I said yes right away, I would have been a fool to say anything different.”
I watch my sister relive the night of her engagement and smile, I truly am happy for her. She’s always worked hard and treated me kindly, she deserves her happy ever after and I can tell she’s met her perfect match in Zack. I haven’t known him for very long but I can already see that he’s kind, considerate, caring and real. I don’t know if he’ll fit in with this family but he’s definitely got their seal of approval. He’s astonishingly good looking and successful, he’s my mother’s ideal image of what a suitable son-in-law should be.
As soon as we’ve finished our dessert, I decide to make my excuses and leave, feigning tiredness and exhaustion from a hard week at work. It’s Friday night but I’ve promised Rachel I’ll go shopping with her tomorrow morning so I know I’ll have to get up early. I would have liked to have been able to say goodbye to Rachel and Zack but they were both surrounded by a large circle of people and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to push past them. It would take me at least thirty minutes to even snatch a few seconds with them.
I’m in the hallway fastening up my coat when my mother sneaks up behind me.
“I hear that Rachel’s asked you to be her Maid of honour?” She says, circling around to face me. Her voice is so cruel and calculating, it sends shivers down my spine.
“That’s right.” I reply simply, forcing myself to meet her cold stare.
“God knows what she’s thinking of… it’s obviously something she’s done out of pity.” Her words must taste like poison because they’re practically dripping with venom. They’re aimed right at me and they pierce right through my heart, wounding me beyond repair.
“Goodnight, Mum.” I try to squeeze past her but she blocks my path, shaking her head.
“Don’t even think about doing anything to ruin this wedding. I know you, Samantha. I know how vindictive and resentful you can be. I want you to know that I’ll be watching your every move. You’ve always been jealous of your sister, she’s everything you’re not and she’s everything you could never even hope to be.”
“I have no intention of trying to ruin anything for her. I’m pleased for her and her engagement, I like Zack and agree that they make a wonderful couple.” I tell her, striving to remain calm and unaffected by her malicious outburst.
“You do like Zack, don’t you? I saw you drag him outside and force him into a loathsome conversation with your despicable self. Keep your wicked little thoughts to yourself and stay away from him.” She snarls, poking her finger in the centre of my chest.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about or trying to insinuate but I don’t like it.”
My mum’s not much taller than me but I’m only five foot three and have to look up at her when I talk. She used to use this to intimidate me but I’ve finally reached an age when I’m no longer scared of confronting her. I’m twenty-three years old and refuse to put up with this diabolical treatment anymore.
“I’m not insinuating anything but I am telling you to back off. Although, I don’t really know why I’m bothering, even if he weren’t with a stunning girl like Rachel, he wouldn’t look twice at someone like you.” She sneers disdainfully, looking me up and down in disgust.
Her ridicule stings. I know I know I’m not a breath-taking beauty like my sister but I’m not repulsive either. The revulsion on her face makes me angry and I’d love nothing more than to wipe that spiteful smirk off her face.
She glowers contemptuously before leaving me alone in the empty hallway. I can feel my eyes start to fill with unshed tears and I’m furious with myself for allowing her to make me feel like this again. I’m just about to lifting the latch on the front door when I’m startled by a voice behind me.
“Leaving so soon?” Zack smiles weakly, nodding his head towards the door I was heading out of.
“I’m pretty tired, thought I’d get an early night before I have to meet up with Rachel tomorrow.” I speak casually, as though it’s no big deal.
In actual fact, I’m amazed he actually followed me out here and came to see where I was. I expect no one else has even noticed my absence.
“You didn’t say goodbye. I just wanted to know if everything is ok.” He walks over towards me, leaning back against the wall opposite the doorway.
“I’m fine.” I smile at him, throwing my hair back over my shoulder.
I watch his eyes follow my movement, taking in my blonde tresses before he forces himself to look away.
“So how are you getting home?” He asks uncertainly, checking my empty hand for my car keys or phone.
“I’ll call a taxi when I get outside. I might even walk, it’s not too far to my house.” I inform him.
“You can’t walk alone at this time of night, let me drive you.” He speaks firmly, turning around to reach inside a pocket of one of the coats hanging up on the rail behind him.
I presume he’s searching for his car keys and frantically think of something I can say to stop him.
“Don’t be silly. It’s your special night, you should really stay here. I’ll be fine.” I turn to go again but his hand reaches out, gently circling around my wrist and preventing me from opening the door.
“Samantha, I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s late and I’m not about to let you walk home by yourself.”
“I’ll call a taxi.”
“It’s still not safe.” He says with determination.
“Now you’re just being silly.” I laugh faintly.
“Nope, just cautious. Now come on.” He turns back to retrieve his keys and opens the front door for me, waiting for me to step outside.
“Aren’t you going to tell Rachel where you’re going? She might want to come with you.” I hesitate, loitering near the front door in case he decides to call her.
“She’s inside showing off her engagement ring, she won’t even notice I’m gone. Besides, you said you don’t live too far, right?” He asks casually, already making his way down the driveway.
“My place is about a ten minute walk from here.”
“Really?” He pauses and twirls his car keys between his fingers, as though he’s considering something.
“What is it?” I furrow my brow, coming to a halt behind him.
“I’m just wondering if you’d like to walk instead. It’s a warm night and if you only live ten minutes away…” He trails off, a buoyant, light-hearted expression on his face.
“I would but I can’t walk very well in these heels.” I complain, rubbing my ankle.
He seems disappointed but nods his head in reluctant acceptance.
“That’s a shame, maybe some other time?” He asks, gazing down at me.
“Sure.” I reply evasively.
The truth is I have no intention of allowing him to walk me home. This whole thing is already too dangerous for me, my feelings for him are entirely inappropriate and I don’t see the point in tormenting myself by something I can never, ever have.
I follow him over to his car, it’s a black Audi which sparkles underneath one of the streetlamps it’s parked under.
“Hop in.” He unlocks the car and opens the door for me like a chauffeur.
“Wow, this is a nice car.” I tell him, fastening my seatbelt as I admire the interior. It’s so sleek and refined, I feel like I shouldn’t even be sitting in it.
“I suppose.” He replies offhandedly, as though it’s meaningless and not important.
“You suppose? It’s gorgeous.” I trace my fingers over the seat, appreciating the smooth texture of the leather interior.
“You know much about cars?” He chuckles, switching on the engine which purrs quietly.
“Hardly. I can’t even drive.”
“Why is that?” He glances at me before placing his arm on the back of my seat, craning his neck to look out of the back window whilst he reverses out the driveway.
“I guess I just never got around to it.” I shrug, turning my head so I can look out of the passenger window.
“Well, it’s never too late. You’re twenty-four, right?”
“Twenty-three.” I correct him.
“Precisely. You have all the time in the world to learn how to drive.” He says simply.
“Maybe.”
“You don’t sound too keen?”
“I think I’ve let it too late, I’d be terrified of taking lessons with an instructor.”
“Because they would be a stranger to you?”
“I guess, it would be so much easier with someone I know.”
“Well, I could always give you a few lessons if you’re up for it? I’ve got plenty of time off over the summer and need to fill my time in somehow.” He offers kindly.
“I don’t know… I was speaking hypothetically, I’m not sure I really want to learn right now but thanks for the offer.” I smile at him in appreciation.
There’s a couple minutes of silence between us but it’s not awkward like it was before. It’s kind of nice after all of the hostility I had to face back at the house.
“So… I couldn’t help noticing the awkward atmosphere tonight, especially between you and your mum. Is everything ok between you?” He inquires, a hint of concern behind his voice.
I gape at him in astonishment, it’s like he just read my mind or something.
“I guess my relationship with her is a little complicated.” I confess, resting my head against the back of my seat, absorbing everything about him whilst he’s still preoccupied with driving and can’t notice me observing him.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s really none of my business but I didn’t like to see you alone in the corner looking miserable. You should have been sat next to Rachel, joining in with the celebration. It wasn’t right of whoever it was that decided to place you at the other end of the table.” He mutters angrily, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.
“That will have been my mum. We don’t exactly see eye to eye and it’s been like that for as long as I can remember.” I murmur softly.
“That’s got to be tough, especially with Rachel being here.”
He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, reminding me of how perceptive he can be. It’s as though he can read my thoughts and it unnerves me, he’s only known me a couple of hours and he already seems to know my character far more than my own family do.
“She’s mum’s favourite. It’s always been that way.”
“What about your brother?”
“Andrew? He’s the only boy so he’s also cherished. I’m the only black sheep in our family.”
“That makes me mad. Why would anyone label one of their children anything less than any of the others? It’s sickening and shouldn’t be allowed.”
“I guess things were easier for me when my father was around.” I whisper sombrely.
“I’m sorry, Sam. Rachel told me he died when you were both really young?”
“In a car accident. I was eight years old.” I can feel my eyes fill with tears, remembering my dad always has this effect on me. The pain of his death is still raw and the grief is still extraordinarily painful.
“That must have been… fuck, I don’t even know how that must have been.” He speaks with so much compassion, it wrenches at my heartstrings.
The yearning I already have for this man is inexplicable, he’s completely unattainable to me and he always will be. This is something I must keep on reminding myself. I can’t allow myself to forget it, not even for a second.
“I was such a daddy’s girl. We had a really unique relationship, it was special and not many people understood it, especially my mum. I don’t know if she was envious of the love he gave me, maybe that’s why she resents me now.”
“If that’s true then she’s crazy. It’s her own issues she needs to deal with instead of punishing you for them.” He says firmly, a stony expression on his face.
He pulls up right outside my apartment complex a few minutes later. The light in my apartment is on so I know that Jason must be inside. He’s one of my oldest friends, we first met when we were in primary school and have been inseparable ever since. He lives in the same complex as me and comes and goes as he pleases. I’ll often come home to find him on my sofa watching TV. It really doesn’t bother me because I treat his place exactly the same way. It’s my second home and I’m so lucky to have my friend so near.
“Jason must be home.” I mutter to myself, unbuckling my seat belt.
“Boyfriend?” He asks abruptly, turning off the engine.
“No, just a friend.”
“I hope we can become friends.” He declares, taking me by surprise.
I gape at him in shock, not sure how I should respond to his sudden statement.
“Sure, you’re marrying my sister. It would be great if we could get along.” I tell him optimistically, ignoring the ache I feel in my chest when I’m forced to admit the truth. He is marrying my sister, he’s engaged to her and that means he must be in love with her. This fact really shouldn’t upset me but that’s exactly what it does.
“So how long have you been living here? It looks like a nice place.” He scans the outside of apartment complex, appraising the area I now call home. My true home.
“I’ve been here a couple of years now, I moved out as soon as Rachel left for London. I couldn’t stay inside that house with my mother.” I say bitterly, remembering the first couple of months with her after Rachel moved away.
“I don’t get that woman, she seemed so kind and welcoming to me when I first met her. My opinion of her changed as soon as I saw how she treated you.” He turns to face me in his seat, surveying my emotional response to what he said.
“Listen, don’t worry about it. I don’t trouble myself over what she thinks of me anymore. It doesn’t matter what she says or does to me, I don’t care.”
“I care. Maybe no one has before but I don’t like the way she treats you. Rachel asked you to be her Maid of honour for a reason and we both want you to play a part in this wedding. I don’t give a shit what your mother thinks, we want you to be involved.” His warm gaze draws me near, I can actually feel the pull deep inside of me which longs for him and his understanding tenderness. His consideration is overwhelming and I find it difficult to believe he actually cares.
“Thank you, Zack. That means a lot to me.” I say truthfully.
Silence descends upon us, not a single sound can be heard from outside the car or inside of it. I figure that it’s time for me to go and unlock the door, I’m just about to step out of it when Zack reaches out, encircling my small wrist with his fingers.
“Goodnight, Samantha.”
He holds my gaze for several seconds. I swallow and nod my head before closing the car door behind me. He waits until I’m inside before he even turns on the engine of his car. He must think I’m walking along the corridor to my apartment but I remain in the entrance for a few moments longer, watching his car’s headlights through the window as I peek out between a small space between the blinds. I frown when I notice his dark silhouette leaning forward, resting his forehead against the steering wheel. It’s as though he’s in pain and he stays like that for a long time. I observe him in fascination, wondering if he just received some bad news or something. The next thing he does is rev the car’s engine, turning the wheel with so much force, his tyres squeal against the asphalt as he leaves. He speeds off into the night, disappearing around the corner. It takes me several minutes for my heart rate to slow down and I somehow know that my dreams that night are going to be about him.