CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Leighton
I’ve struggled with doing this for months, not sure if I should, but scared of what happens to me as a person if I don’t. It’s been almost a year since Brooks was put behind bars. A year since I’ve seen the person I once considered my best friend. This has been heavy on my heart though since I saw my dad on the side of the road.
I’ve missed him more than I can say. I don’t miss the Brooks who hit Trevor, I miss the brother I know, the one no one else got to see. He was kind to me, even when he was an asshole to others. He supported me going to Birmingham, and there were nights we’d talk about what we’d do if we ever got away from our Dad. That’s the Brooks I miss. When I see Trevor and Whitney together, I miss the relationship I had with him before everything went sour. Before my dad got hold of him and turned him into the person he is now.
“I’m here to see Brooks Strather,” I say quietly to the person behind the sign in desk at the state penitentiary where my brother is being held. Holden has pulled some strings for me, and I’ll be allowed to actually be in a room with him.
“Name and ID,” the receptionist holds out her hand.
“Leighton Thompson. I’m his sister.”
I’m nervous as I wait for her to make a copy of my ID, run my name, and then finally hand me a badge. “Go to that door,” she points down the hall to the left. “The officer will take you to the room, and they’ll bring the prisoner to you.”
I flinch as I hear the term prisoner. It still bothers me that’s the term my brother will be known by for the rest of his life. No matter what he does, he’ll always be the guy who almost killed Trevor Trumbolt and showed no remorse. My heart hurts because I know that isn’t him; he’s been colored by his environment and wasn’t able to shake the influence. In a way, I feel as if I’ve failed him. If I had been a better sister, maybe I could have helped him. I could have given him the female influence he so desperately needed after our mother left. I so wish I could go back and change things. He deserved a chance at a better life; he should be at college right now, living it up as a frat boy.
“Hello, Mrs. Thompson, I’ll take you to your brother.”
My thoughts are running so deep, I didn’t even realize I’d made it to the door. “Thank you.”
As he leads me into another room, my hands shake and my stomach has butterflies. After all this time, I’m not sure how Brooks will react to seeing me. I hope like hell he doesn’t send me home.
“Have a seat, and we’ll bring him in. Just a warning – you won’t be allowed to touch him.”
So I can’t hug him. God, I’d wanted to hug him so tightly. “I understand,” I whisper as I play with the badge they’ve given me. I’m nervous and I need something to do with my hands.
I hear sounds and clicks, noises I’m not used to, but I remember from my one night in jail. When the door opens and I see my brother for the first time in almost a year, my breath is taken away from me.
“You’re who wanted to see me, huh?” There isn’t any happiness in his voice, or any disappointment. It’s emotionally dead, and I worry that’s where he is at this point in his life that he has no emotions.
I smile at him. “Yeah, it was me. I’m so glad to see you, Brooks.”
“You come to brag about how you married a member of law enforcement? About how you’re better than me?” This is our dad talking, and I know it, but it still hurts. It hurts more than I can say.
“No, I came to see my brother, you know the one I held when he cried at night after Mom left. The one who stood up to Dad for me when I was little.”
I’m hoping that a reminder of who we used to be to one another will break through this wall he’s built around himself.
“Got my ass beat a million times for you, Lee Lee.”
Hearing the nickname makes me want to cry. “And I’ve never forgotten any of them.” My throat closes as I speak to him. “So I hope you understand I had to marry the man I did to save my life.”
“Bullshit, Lee Lee. You should have run like Mom did. Gotten on 65, drove until your tank of gas was empty, and never looked the fuck back. Being in the same county as our old man is just as bad as being under his roof.”
“Holden’s kept me safe so far.” I give him a small smile, hoping the love I feel for him doesn’t show on my face. It would be something that people would use as ammunition between the two of us.
“I’ve heard a lot about him since I’ve been in here. He doesn’t seem like a dick.”
I snort. “Sometimes he’s an ass, not gonna lie, but for the most part, he’s a really good guy, Brooks.”
He folds his hands in front of him. “Do you care for him? Are you happy?”
Conveniently, I skip the care question. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been. The only thing that would make me happier would be if you were with me. I’m working at The Café and doing online school through the University of Alabama at Birmingham. I’ll graduate earlier than I expected if I keep it up. Holden approves of my goals and he’s done everything he can to help me achieve them. Regardless of how our lives end up, I’m glad to have had this time with him.”
“I’m happy for you, Lee Lee. One of us should have been able to get out of that fuckin’ hell hole and live a good life.” His voice is almost inaudible, but I can hear the happiness for me in the inflection. There’s emotion left in him, he has a shot at being a good man. I know it with everything I have in me.
My stomach hurts because it’s so obvious he doesn’t think he deserves a good life. I can see it in the set of his shoulders, in the way his face has lines that no person his age should have. His eyes? They’re dead, completely devoid of emotion, and I want so desperately to put a spark of life back into them. “You’ve gotta fight for your life, Brooks. No one else will fight for you.”
“Fight for it?” He clenches his jaw. “You have no idea what I go through in here, every day. Fuck, every night. We thought living with Dad was bad?” He gives me a dark chuckle. “I would go back any day of the week.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my heart aching for him in a way I can’t explain.
“You’re sorry?” He slams his fist down on the table. “Lee, they stuck me in here with fucking murders, rapists, and child molesters. I made a mistake by not respecting the law and not slowing down, and then I was a jackass about it at the trial. I know that now, but I’m not the type of person who deserves to be here. This place is hell.”
I’m calculating dates in my brain, trying to make him see it’s not as bad as he thinks. “Two years, Brooks, they said you can get out in two years with good behavior.”
His eyes meet mine, and again there’s that crater of blankness, a canvas with no emotion. “Lee Lee,” he swallows roughly, “I’m not gonna make it that long in here.”
A coldness washes over me. A bone-deep frigid blast of artic air like I felt the day of the ice storm. He’s given up, and I’m not going to be able to convince him to hope for a chance. To hope for the life he could have when he gets out of here. He’s already decided he’s never getting out and even if he does, he’s never going to have what he wants. “Please don’t give up.” I reach across the table, grabbing his hand. Desperately I want to offer him some sort of comfort, let him know he’s not alone, and I’m not abandoning him the way our family has done to both of us over the years. “Please try and make it. I need you in my life.”
“Let him go,” one of the guards from across the room directs me, and I realize I’ve done something I shouldn’t have done. Reluctantly I let the connection between us drop.
“No one else does, Lee. And what happens when I get out of here? You think your law enforcement husband is going to welcome me into the family you’ve made, welcome me into your home? I almost killed one of his officers. He’s never going to forgive me.” He rubs at his cheeks. “Fuck, I’m not sure I can forgive myself.”
There’s the little boy I knew who cried when he fell down, who begged me to read him a story at night after our mom left so he could fall asleep. He’s in there, I know he is. “You’re right, you did make a mistake, and you’re paying for it. I don’t think the people we live with will banish you forever, but I think when you get out of here.” I put an emphasis on it. “You’ve got to prove you’ve changed.”
He leans his chin down into his chest. “What if I can’t change? What if I’m the same man, no matter what I do?”
“You can, I know you can, and I’m going to promise you here and now, if you need me to come visit you every week, Brooks, I’ll do it. Even if I’m your only source of support, I’ll be there no matter what. We’ve always stuck together. And if there’s one thing I know about Trevor Trumbolt? He loves his sister more than anything in the world. He understands the bonds between siblings. The most important thing is to not let your ego get in front of what makes you humble. Use this opportunity to become the person you’ve always wanted to be, not the person our family tried to make you be.”
I get up from the table, because I can’t take anymore. I can’t stand to see him look at me this, can’t stay here and know that I’m going to walk out of the jail without him. I want to take him home and show him what kind of a life we can have together, that not everything our family put us through was right with the world. There are different types of people, and there are different types of families. But I know he’s not ready for it yet.
The guard comes to stand beside me, directing me toward the door. Another guard directs him toward his door, opposite of mine.
“Will you?” He stops me as I fully turn my back to him.
“Will I what?” My heart pounds in my throat. He’s extending an olive branch and I want to grasp it tightly in my hands. I glance over my shoulder, giving him my attention.
“Come see me?” He’s almost shy with his request. “Not forget about me in here.”
“Never.” I give him a smile. “You want me to come every week?”
He shrugs. “Whenever you feel like it. I can’t make demands on your time when I didn’t give a shit about time for other people.”
“I’ll see ya around.” I wave at him as he’s taken back behind the door, and I walk out of my own. Whether he knows it or not, he’s started his redemption in my eyes, and he’s on a path without the influence of our family. I hope and pray it continues, because once I have him out of here, I don’t ever want to lose him again.