CHAPTER FIVE
Havoc
I’ve been up half the night thinking about what could have happened on the couch last night, wishing like hell I had let it happen. It wouldn’t have taken much for me to have her clothes off, legs open, and my still-hard cock buried deep inside her body. I wanted it so bad I could taste it, can still taste it this morning. However, I know if I had sampled it, I’d have a foul taste in my mouth on what would be the morning after. I wouldn’t respect myself very much, and I’ve worked hard to be a guy I can at least respect. When the two of us finally seal the deal, I want it to be because we’re crazy with passion and feelings, not because I’ve had a close call and she’s reacting to the clues I’m giving her. I want it to be organic. Hell, maybe last night was organic, I don’t know, but I don’t want her to ever feel pressured.
Unfortunately, the part of my personality that was a good guy last night and is trying to talk the bastard I feel like this morning down, is super pissed off at himself right now. I’ve tossed and turned, seen every hour on the clock, and I’m cursing my good guy self right now for not being the selfish asshole I wanted to be last night.
Rolling over, I face Leighton, looking at her in a way I only ever get to when she’s asleep. I spend a good portion of my time watching her when she doesn’t think I am. Kinda makes me feel like a creeper, but she makes me feel too much shit. Emotions I thought I had a lock on, things I never thought I’d feel again. I’m not comfortable letting her in on those feelings yet, because I’m not sure of the future.
Whoever is sure of the future? That’s what you’re thinking, I know, but I’d like to know we have one before I go completely all in with her. There’s still a chance I could be a fucking chump and she could stab me in the back. She’s still not been honest with me about what her family’s done. Can’t say that I blame her, but one day she’ll trust me enough to tell me, and then I’ll have to decide what I want to do; betray her or the job. I’m not anxious for that day to come.
Instead, I let my eyes take her in again and forget all the fucked-up parts of the lives we’re living right now.
In sleep, she has the innocence of a teenager. The things she’s seen don’t cloud her eyes and they don’t make her frown or grimace with some unknown memory plaguing her. She doesn’t turn a corner to avoid a family member at the grocery. In sleep, she has no worries, is beautiful in her tranquility. It’s the kind of serenity I want to put on her face, the level of comfort I want her to have with me.
I roll over onto my back and close my eyes, hoping and praying that someday what we have can be the real thing, not because it benefits us both and not because she’s scared of her family. But because we both want it so bad we can no longer deny the feelings between us. What I want is real, and I think she does too, but we’ve gotta cut through the shit first.
Leighton
It’s a slow day at The Café. After the lunch rush, we haven’t had any of the stragglers we normally have. They usually help pass the time, but today there’s only been one or two customers. Given that it’s a rainy Wednesday, I can’t say I blame everyone for wanting to stay at home and take a nap. If I was given an option, I’d probably do the same thing.
Since it’s slow and I’ve already taken care of what I need to, I sit down at the bar and pull my laptop from the bag I carry with me everywhere.
“What are you doing?” Violet, a waitress newer than me, asks as I wait for my MacBook to boot up. She’s a little older than me, maybe by a couple of years, but I think we could be friends if given time. There’s a kinship you can instantly recognize with people who seem to have had hard lives, and I recognize it within her. It’s the dark moons that mar the space below her eyes, the way her eyes dart back and forth when the bell rings, and the way she looks up when anyone new comes into the building. I’m not sure who she’s looking for, but I have a feeling I’ll know the minute they walk through the door.
“Taking online classes.” I crack my knuckles, before I put in my password and connect to The Café’s Wi-Fi. “I can’t make it down to Birmingham to go to classes on campus, but I’ve been able to sign up for their online program. I think it’s going to take me a little more time, but it’s important to me to have an education.”
She glances at me, a hesitant look on her face. “Your husband doesn’t care?”
The question catches me off-guard. Why wouldn’t someone’s significant other want them to improve themselves? It was never a question for me. “He supports it completely. He knows how important it is to me.”
In fact, it had been Holden’s idea for me to start the online classes. One of the first things he’d helped me sign up for after we’d gotten married, since there was a tuition reimbursement program through the department.
He’d sat down with me and we’d filled the paperwork out together. I’d thought it odd, but I didn’t really have any kind of experience with which to gauge it by. Looking at her face, I think I kind of see how odd and endearing it is.
“That’s amazing.” She smiles slightly, grimacing as she eases herself into a sitting position on the stool next to me.
“Are you okay?” I ask as I watch her take a careful breath. Kind of like I did when my ribs were sore from the last time I left my family and they’d made sure I’d feel it for a couple of days.
Her eyes don’t meet mine, and she doesn’t answer the question.
“That’s got to be expensive, right?”
I can’t tell if she’s genuinely interested or she’s making sure I don’t ask any more questions about why she’s having a hard time sitting. Either way, I indulge her.
“There’s a tuition reimbursement program through the department, and since I’m Holden’s wife, I’m included,” I answer, catching on to the fact this is obviously something she wants to do when I see her eyes flair at the tuition reimbursement. “If you could go to school, what would you study?”
“I want to be a lawyer.” Her answer is swift and precise, and completely to the point. “I want to help women who can’t help themselves. I would do a ton of pro bono work to get women out of dangerous situations,” her voice is soft as she shares.
“That’s commendable.” I’m careful with what I say, because maybe I’m reading between the lines, but it seems as if she’s telling me something without really telling me. “There are a ton of women who need help getting out of situations that seem helpless.”
“And there’s not a whole lot of people who will help if it doesn’t concern them.” She takes a drink of the Coke in front of her.
There are a ton of questions on the tip of my tongue. I have a feeling the reason she’s grimacing and asking these questions is because she’s in a hopeless situation. I want to help her, but I don’t know how.
“What are you going to school for?” She turns the conversation back to me.
Now this is a question I can answer. “Accounting. I know it’s kind of boring, but I want to go into forensic accounting.”
“What is that?”
“Where you find out how people are stealing money. You can notice patterns of fraud and figure out where they’re filtering the money to.” I shrug. “I hate people who steal from others; it’s a pet peeve of mine. Plus, I find it fascinating, and I always did the books at my family’s business.”
Immediately I close my mouth. I probably shouldn’t have said that, but Violet didn’t grow up here, she doesn’t know my family. “I never had any formal training with it, and I’d like to be able to work from home. A lot of this is just companies emailing you files and you combing through it, looking for something out of the ordinary.”
“Yeah, sometimes working with the public isn’t my cup of tea.” Violet rolls her eyes at me as we share a smile. Both of us have had some unwanted attention, no matter how much we try to make it go away.
Earlier in the day, she had someone who was passing through hit on her. I know what she means, but most everyone knows I’m married and leaves me alone. Unless it’s someone from out of town, then I have to go through a spiel of showing my wedding ring and letting them know my husband is a cop.
Just as I’m figuring out which assignment I have to do for this week, the bell chimes, signaling we have customers for the first time in over an hour.
“I’ll get them, I could use the tips.” Violet scoots off the stool, hissing slightly as her feet hit the floor. My heart hurts for her, it sucks not having anyone to go to, but I know it’s not my place to help her. She has to come to that conclusion on her own, and be willing to accept the help.
I glance over my shoulder, trying to see who came in on this nasty day. I grin when I notice Ace and Menace from the Task Force taking a seat at one of the empty tables. I give them a wave, watching as Mason gets up to walk over.
My attention for a minute, however is on Ace and Violet. Ace isn’t the kind of guy who knows how to keep his voice down.
“Hey gorgeous,” he greets her. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced, but I’ve seen you around here. I’m Ace.”
“Violet.” She doesn’t hold out her hand the way he does. If anything, she shrinks back into herself. Ace is like all the other members of the MTF and notices everything. He shoves the lame hand through his hair and rattles off a drink order for her to take down.
I notice his eyes follow her as she moves back to where we keep the fountain. By this time, Mason has made his way over.
“Hey,” I greet him. It’s still hard for me to believe this man, who’s younger than Holden, has a fifteen-year-old son.
“I wanted to thank you for taking Caleb home for me the past few weeks. I’ve been working some security in Birmingham, saving up for the college prep exams he’ll need to take and the application fees for college in the next year or so. I know it’s a little out of your way, but I appreciate it,” Mason thanks me, running a hand over his neck, possibly with the air of embarrassment. Again, I want to ask about where Caleb’s mom is, but I know it’s not my business. If Mason is working this hard to give his son everything he needs to be a success, who am I to question him?
“It’s not a problem, he’s a really good kid, and I don’t mind helping. I kind of understand how he feels, to be honest. As a teenager, you never want to be a problem for your parents. He’s in that awkward stage where he can’t drive because he doesn’t have a license and he’d rather not walk or take the school bus.” I shrug, letting him know it doesn’t bother me.
“Either way, you’ve been really good to him, and I know it’s not easy. Sometimes he’s got a smart mouth.” He hooks his thumbs in the belt loops of his pants and rocks forward on his boots. “If he gets out of line, please let me know.”
I laugh, because Caleb has never, not once, gotten out of line. Mason obviously doesn’t know what kind of a young man he’s raised. “No smarter than what I grew up with or what I live with on a daily basis. He’s a good kid, and I’ll help him anytime I can.”
He laughs along with me. “So true, and probably why you handle him so well. Probably nothing you’ve never heard before, huh?”
“No, and if he ever got out of hand, I would handle it and let you know. He hasn’t though; he’s a good kid who works hard. You should be proud of him.”
Mason doesn’t say anything and I can tell I’ve touched him by the way his face takes on a different shade of red. The earnest tone of his voice gives emotion to the words. “I try hard with him.”
Reaching over, I put my hand on his shoulder. “Trust me; you’re doing a great job.”
He sighs, seeming to take in my praise before he gives me a quick smile. “That means a lot, Leighton, he’s lucky to have a friend like you. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. No one’s ever gone out of their way to help us until I came to town to be a part of this unit.”
“I know how much the MTF means to Holden,” I explain, and in my own way of helping them means I help my husband, which makes me feel good. “I’ll do whatever I can to help. It’s a type of family I’ve never been a part of before.”
He chuckles. “Me and you both. I didn’t know there were people like this in the world, but this group of guys constantly amazes me.”
“You aren’t the only one,” I laugh along with him.
He tips his head and goes back over to the table when the bell above the door rings again, this time bringing in the man who makes my heart beat ten times faster.
My eyes meet Holden’s as soon as he walks into The Café; it’s like we’re drawn to one another. He’s walking next to Ryan Kepler, deep in conversation, but the minute he catches my gaze, he stops and gives me a grin.
I can’t help it, I grin back at him, especially when he says something to Ryan and then heads my way.
“Still raining out there?” I ask as I take in the damp appearance of the dark button-down officer’s shirt he wears today. Usually it’s a dark blue, but it looks black in the dim lighting of The Café. His long eyelashes are spiked with water, and I can see moisture dripping from his neck.
“You could say that,” he says as he leans in, not touching me, as he lands a soft kiss on my lips. I don’t miss the way his eyes go to my neck, where I spent a lot of time this morning applying concealer and foundation to camouflage the huge hickey I have. “There was a wreck out on 101, and we were directing traffic while EMS did their thing. I didn’t have my hat with me and got a little water-logged. All of us responded and missed lunch, so here we are.”
“Sounds like you’ve had a busy day.”
He glances around. “Looks like you’ve had a slow one, why don’t you and Violet join us while we grab a bite?”
I think he’s flirting with me, but I have absolutely no basis for comparison. Guys have never flirted with me; they’ve always been too scared of my family. After last night, I can see why he would flirt, but it still confuses me. “I guess we could, not like we’ve done a whole lot today.”
“I mean if we aren’t intruding on your busy schedule.”
I giggle. “Holden Thompson, did you just make a joke?”
He leans in, this time pressing his wet chest to mine. “I do know how to have a little fun every now and then.”
Deciding I want to flirt a little too, I duck my eyes, looking up at him past my eyelashes. “I can’t wait for you to show me what you think is fun.”
The grunt I hear from behind his closed lips is worth the flirt, and totally worth the way his eyes scorch me with a look. “One day, little Leighton, you’re gonna find out.”
And I can’t wait for that day to be here.