Thorn

Never in a million years did I expect to see her when I was in that conference room this evening.

I also wasn’t expecting to see her with a baby and another man.

Our baby.

Our daughter.

A man she claimed was just her friend.

My life was always about the next adventure. The next investment that would make me more money.

Now it just got a lot more complicated.

Who knew seven days would turn my world upside down? It was supposed to be just fun. A few days and nights with a beautiful woman. But it was more. So much more. When I woke to find her gone, I didn’t know how to feel. Most men would probably feel relief. Not me. I was angry. Hurt. And confused as hell. I had no way to contact her. No last name. Nada. So I did what any other man would likely do. I drowned my sorrows in booze and women. Too many drinks. Way too many women. And now I regretted it all. While I was out doing all those things, she was here pregnant and alone with Owen. The friend. And then she had to have our daughter without me by her side. So much regret. So much wasted time. When all she had to do was wait for me to wake up. Hell, she could’ve, should’ve woken me herself. But we couldn’t go back and erase time.

I stared down at our beautiful, sweet daughter’s face and was glad I made the decision I’d made to not stay as silent as I’d been in Hidden Paradise. It led me right back to where I was meant to be. With her. With Hali. We could iron out all the details later.

I needed to put her down, but I couldn’t move. My legs kept rocking my sleeping angel. She cuddled into my chest like she knew exactly who I was, and my heart soared with pride and love. So much love I didn’t know I could feel or give. I took a deep breath and decided I needed to put her down now or I likely never would. Carefully, I stood and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before I laid her in her crib.

Looking over, I noticed Lily wiping her eyes and turning toward the door to leave. We exited quietly, and I followed her back into the living room. There were so many thoughts running through my head. I knew I needed to take all of this slow. Ask the right questions. Form a plan and follow it to the letter. But all that rationalization flew out the window when I took one look at her. No longer did I think or feel like taking anything slow. Nothing about our time together was slow, and it was hard to push back the feelings I had to pull her into my arms and not let her go.

She sat on the couch, and I sat beside her. Neither of us speaking or looking in the others direction.

It was hard to be like this around her. I could talk so openly with her before. Now we were strained, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. As much as I didn’t want to, because I was a take charge kinda guy, I had to follow her lead on this one. For now, that is.

“Where do we go from here?” she said so quietly I almost couldn’t make out what she had stated.

“Where would you like us to go from here?” Her question could mean so many things. So many possibilities. I couldn’t allow myself to get hopeful when maybe there wasn’t any hope left at all. That kiss we shared didn’t feel like there wasn’t any, but she could’ve just been responding to my advances because she was in shock.

“Us? I didn’t mean it like that. I meant regarding Hali. She’s my number one concern now. I’ve changed over this last year. For the better, I’d like to think. And I don’t make crazy, rash decisions anymore. I have to think about her in everything decision I make. Especially when it comes to you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I tried not to ask that question harshly, but I knew I didn’t succeed. I was pissed that she’d think any decision regarding me would be a wrong one. Especially when she was the one decision that felt right in my eyes.

“It means, I can’t do anything crazy. I can’t afford to make a mistake like that right now. If you want to be in her life, I’m all for it, especially when I thought you’d never get the chance. I wanted that for her, and I hated the possibility that she’d never get the opportunity to know her father. That you’d never have the opportunity to watch her grow. But I need you to be all in or walk away. I don’t want her to have a part-time parent. I want her to have someone who’s all in. She deserves that.”

She started to choke up on her words, and she turned away so I wouldn’t see the pain she felt when she thought our daughter would miss out on something every child should have in their lives. There wasn’t a chance our daughter would go without. Especially when it came to her parents.

“I’m not going anywhere. I know you don’t know if you can trust that right now, but I’m going to show you just how much I mean those words. I only held her for a few short moments, and I already love her. Hell, I loved her as soon as I saw her in the elevator. I didn’t need to ask. I felt it as soon as my eyes landed on her. It’ll take a while to come up with a routine that works, but we can do it together,” I promised. And hopefully, in that time, she’d realize what they both meant to me.

“Just promise me one thing,” she whispered. In that moment, I’d promise her the world if it meant I could just hold her in my arms and comfort her, but I knew she wouldn’t let me.

“Anything.” I meant that single word, more than she’d ever know.

“Don’t take her from me. I couldn’t take it.” She fell apart after she said those words, like the thought alone killed her on the inside. And I couldn’t take not touching her a second longer. I stood from the table and pulled her into a standing position, wrapping my arms around her the second she stood upright. She sobbed into my jacket and I pulled her tighter into my body. I didn’t understand this breakdown, but I felt like there was more to it than just the thought of me taking Hali away from her. I’d get to the bottom of it and, hopefully, come out on top in the end.

She calmed down and pulled back from me, trying to hide how embarrassed she was for breaking down.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she tried to turn away from me while she wiped away the remnants of tears from her face.

“None of that. You don’t have to hide from me. Not ever.”

I turned her back toward me and, using my thumbs, I wiped away the tears that still fell from her eyes. I should’ve stopped myself, but I couldn’t. She was crying and I just wanted to take away the pain. Heal her sorrows.

Leaning down slowly so she could back out, I looked into her eyes when my lips hovered right over top of hers. I couldn’t read her reaction, but she didn’t push me away so I leaned in closer and pressed my lips to hers. Softly, I explored her mouth as she returned the kiss. Her lips were soft from her tears, and the taste of the salt reminded me that I needed to tread carefully. Give her time to adjust. But my actions went against my rational thought.

I leaned down and put my arm under her knees and picked her up. Walking down the hall, I went to a room that I assumed was hers and opened the door. The room was dark and my eyes had to adjust, but I saw the bed in the middle of the room. Gently, I laid her down, but I didn’t follow. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I did. I also wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I got her into bed while she was vulnerable. I needed her trust. I needed to show her that I meant what I said.

Softly, I kissed her lips one last time and pulled back. Her hair was spread out on the pillow, and I had to think of everything else but how beautiful she looked in that moment or else my good intentions would go out the window, and I’d do something we’d likely both regret.

“I’m sorry if I took that too far. I just wanted to kiss away your pain. A woman crying does things to me, and I go into fix-it mode. I meant what I said. I love our daughter. I want to be in both yours and her lives.”

She went to speak, but I covered her lips with my finger.

“We’ll work up to all of it. I’m not going anywhere.”

I leaned down and kissed her forehead before I turned toward the door of her room to leave. I got as far as turning the doorknob before she spoke.

“Thorn,” she called out.

I turned to face her to see what she had to say.

“You never responded to my other statement.” She looked so scared to hear my response. Even with all the money in my bank account, I’d never do that to her or to Hali.

“Never,” I vowed before I left her room then her apartment.

Tomorrow I’d start on gaining her trust then her love.