CHAPTER NINE
To my surprise, it wasn't a pair of Huskers coming down the ravine, but instead Nick and Blaine, both of them wearing expressions of clear concern. Suddenly embarrassed to be seen weeping for some reason, I covered my hands with my face, though I still couldn't stop my tears and sobs.
When I felt them both sit down right in the dirt on either side of me, I didn't even lift my face. "Sorry. Just can't stop. Just give me a minute, and I'll be ready to continue on with the group."
I'd thought that I might get a verbal response from either one or both men, something like an awkward Oh, no problem or Take your time while they both squeezed the backs of their necks or raked their hands through their hair, looking off into the trees. However, instead of a verbal response, almost immediately, I got a physical one.
On my left, Blaine gently, yet decisively and firmly, pulled me into his arms and set my face against his chest. With my eyes still squeezed shut, I only knew that it was him on my left, and not Nick, because of his scent.
At the same time, Nick, on my right, kind of covered my back with his chest, running a strong, firm hand up and down my right arm, and spoke in a low voice near my ear. "If you don't like any of this, just tell us to leave you be, and we will...but we just want to help comfort you if we can."
Through another wave of shoulder-wracking sobs, I managed a few words. "I like it. Please stay."
I did like it. A lot. I liked their deep voices near me, their scents, their strong, chests, hands, and arms. So I wasn't quite sure why all this should just make me cry harder. Blaine didn't seem to mind that I was soaking the front of his t-shirt with tears, however, and kind of tentatively started smoothing my hair with a hand.
Which, for some reason, struck me as painfully, heartbreaking sweet, just the fact that such a masculine, grunting mud bucket like him was touching me so tenderly, and also just the fact that he hadn't seemed at all shy about pulling me into his arms, but now was seeming a little shy about issuing a gentle caress.
Not wanting him to stop, I spoke against his chest in a voice that was actually becoming froggy just from crying. "Please keep stroking my hair. It's good."
He did keep going, with his touch becoming a little firmer, more confident. I just cried and cried and cried. Sobbed. Wailed. All the while doing so into Blaine's chest, so as to muffle the noise and not attract Huskers.
Caressing my hair and arm, respectively, Blaine and Nick seemed ever-patient, like they weren't getting bored or stressed by my crying at all, like they had all the time in the world to comfort me. And they were comforting me. But still, I just. Couldn't. Stop.
And, after several minutes, I lifted my face to look at Blaine and spoke in a froggy, hiccupy, almost panic-stricken-sounding voice. "I'm sorry I keep going, but it's almost starting to scare me. It's just...too much. Just too much something...that I've been keeping boxed up for almost two years. You guys may as well just climb out of the ravine and just go on ahead with the others...I'll head north and catch up later. I just feel like it's never going to stop...at least maybe not for hours."
"Then we'll just stay down here with you for hours."
Blaine's gruff, gravelly voice, combined with what he'd said, just made me sob harder, no huge surprise, and I buried my face in his chest.
However, very soon, as he continued stroking my hair, and as Nick began slowly rubbing my back with a firm hand, something started to shift. I started to get the feeling that the living thing inside me had finally made its way out. My tears began to slow, becoming more periodic sniffling than outright crying.
About this time, I felt Nick seeming like he was trying to pull me from Blaine's arms to his own, and Blaine let me be pulled, pressing the briefest, lightest of kisses on the top of my forehead while he did so, making fresh tears fall down my cheeks for some reason. But only a couple of fresh tears. And once I was in Nick's arms, with the side of my face against his chest, Nick wiped one away with the pad of his thumb.
While he smoothed my hair, rocking me almost imperceptibly over the next minute or two, my sniffles decreased and then finally stopped. It was over. All the tears I'd bottled up over the course of two years had all finally, finally come out and had all finally, finally stopped. With help from the men of the magical tear-drying chests, I thought, actually almost laughing.
Nick seemed in no hurry to push me out of his arms, though, and I just continued to rest with the side of my face pressed against his hard pecs, reveling in the feeling of being wrapped in strength and safety. However, after a little while I began to feel incredibly warm and drowsy.
I lifted my face to look at Nick, afraid I might fall asleep and hold up the rest of the group, if they hadn't all already continued on by now.
"I think I'm ready to keep going on now. Thank you. And thank you, too, Blaine."
Nick responded by pressing a light kiss against my cheek, and as I'd expected, Blaine responded with a grunt, making me realize that I was almost beginning to find his grunts somehow charming.
Fighting a smile, I extricated myself from Nick's arms, so that I could look at Blaine. "I'm sorry I nicknamed you Mud Bucket. That wasn't very nice."
To my surprise, he now almost looked like he was fighting a smile himself. "I didn't mind. I was actually starting to get a little used to Mud Bucket. Wouldn't mind if you still wanted to call me that sometimes...maybe when it's just you, me, and Nick."
Unable to fight my smile any longer, I just let loose with it. "All right. I think I'd like that. Mud Bucket."
Cracking a smile himself, he looked away in an almost bashful sort of way, which just endeared him to me further. Although when he returned his gaze to my face, his expression was completely serious.
"I'm sorry I called you an ice queen. I didn't mean it. And even then, I didn't believe it."
Willing my suddenly-misty eyes to just dry the hell up for good, I said it was okay. "I can see how I might have come off that way."
Sitting side by side in the sunlit forest, the three of us briefly fell silent, but then Nick kind of loosely, casually took one of my hands in his own and spoke in a quiet voice.
"I think I speak for both Blaine and myself when I say that we're both so very sorry that you lost your sisters, and that you had to find out about it how you did, and so long after."
Staring at my shoes, I nodded. "Thanks."
Nick gave my hand a little squeeze before speaking again. "Do you feel like you might want to tell us some about your sisters right now?"
I took a deep breath, realizing that I did. "Well...I guess the first thing to say is that Jessica and Ebony weren't my biological sisters, but they may as well have been. We grew up skating together, we were all only children, and we always called ourselves sisters...and we were probably honestly closer than many biological sisters. We always called each other heart sisters. And when we were maybe six or seven, we even went around telling people that we weren't just sisters, but triplets.
“Not many people bought that, though, since Jessica was Korean-American, Ebony was African-American, and then there was me, a blue-eyed blonde of French and English descent."
Recalling our childhood ruse, I cracked a smile, glancing over at Blaine and Nick, and they both chuckled quietly.
Gazing back on my shoes again, I continued, recalling my two sweet sisters. "Jess and Eb were both just gorgeous, inside and out. Eb even won a few state-level beauty pageants in her late teen years. She wasn't just beautiful, though. She was just...so, so goofy and funny. The funniest, silliest person I've ever met. I couldn't not laugh when I was around her. She made everyone smile. She was so big-hearted and generous, too, making friends wherever she went.
“To boil it down, she was beautiful, inside and out. And same with Jess...she just had the most loving, radiant personality. She was always the first to help...with anything, no matter what it was, or who it was for. She'd just always say, 'How can I help?' and then got right to work doing whatever it was that was needed."
With a little ache in my chest, I paused, wondering if I'd ever be able to think about my sisters without hurting. "Jess and Eb were also very talented singers, and they'd already started on a very promising career as a country music singing duo in Nashville when the virus hit. They'd wanted me to come with them, but I just couldn't. We had big plans for the future, though.
100“After my final Olympics, and once their singing career was really up and off the ground, we were going to start taking lots of long vacations to all these tropical destinations together, hopefully with our husbands. We all wanted to get married around the same time and all have kids around the same time so that we could raise them as cousins and have them be really close.
“And even after the apocalypse happened, I guess I thought there was still a chance...that maybe someday...maybe some version of that dream could all work out...maybe just minus all the exotic vacations. And now...I guess it's probably going to take some time for me to fully realize that our dream of having families around the same time and having our families and kids be so close is never going to happen.
“I understand with my brain that Jess and Eb are gone, but it's going to take some time to get it through my heart probably."
Nick commented that Jess and Eb sounded like the most wonderful, loving sisters a woman could have asked for, and Blaine grunted in agreement.
Suddenly misty once again, I said thanks, sniffed a little, and then thanked them both for listening to my memories. "I guess we should probably rejoin the group now...before we all find out if I have a secondary reserve well of tears somewhere deep inside of me."
Nick and Blaine both got up first, then simultaneously extended hands to help me up.
Once on my feet, I didn't let go of their hands, deciding to say something that had just kind of bubbled up in my mind. "Before we all head back up the ravine, I just want to tell the two of you something."
Nick said to go right ahead. "You can tell us anything."
I hesitated for just a second or two, choosing my words. "I just want to tell you both that I don't know yet what I want to ultimately happen between the three of us. And that's it, I guess. Just that I might be...open to...well, certain future-type things in the future, I guess...things that I've heard are pretty common in Helena...and of course, providing that the two of you are also ultimately open to the idea of certain future-type things in the future.
“But as for me right at this moment...I really don't know for sure yet exactly what I'm thinking, because everything's still so new. And also because up until an hour ago, I had plans to try to escape Helena the first chance I got, to be completely honest. I was really trying not to think much about the two of you in regards to me, and in regards to different things about Helena."
Somewhat to my surprise, Blaine responded first. "I think we both want you to take all the time you need getting to know us. Nick and I are both patient men. We've both spent a lot of time waiting for a special, certain kind of woman to come along...one that we both think we might be able to spend the rest of our lives with. So, just know that there's no problem taking things day-by-day.
“In the meantime, you can get to know us a little better, and us you. And then, at some point in the future, we can talk again."
I'd liked every single thing that he'd said, and I gave him a little smile, kind of melting beneath the feel of him tracing slow circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. "That all sounds good to me. And what about you, Nick?"
He smiled, giving my other hand a squeeze. "Sounds good to me."
I ended up getting out of the ravine by way of riding on his muscular back, clutching his thick mane, while he was in his lion form. When we emerged out on the road, I was a bit tickled to see Tracy enjoying a similar animal ride, though on the back of a shaggy gray wolf that I had a feeling was either Trent or Donovan.
Nearby, another gray wolf ambled around kind of aimlessly, almost as if waiting for his turn to give Tracy a ride, and I figured that this wolf was the one of Tracy's two suitors who was not currently giving her a ride.
She, Elisa, Kathy, and I all finished the trek to Helena on the backs of our respective shifters. And by the time we approached the high steel gates of the community, I was smiling.