CHAPTER TWELVE
I saw Alex leaving the studio during the break and decided it was just as good a time as any to have the talk with him. I didn’t want to do it; I didn’t even think that it would go particularly well. But I might as well get it over with, I figured--there didn’t seem to be a good time until after the album came out to do it, and then it would be beside the point.
“Yo--Lex,” I called out, following him out of the studio. “Wait up.” He turned around and raised an eyebrow at me, but stopped.
“What’s up?”
“I wanna talk to you for a second,” I told him. Alex kept looking at me for a moment and let me come towards him, looking skeptical, but not pissed.
“It’s about her, isn’t it?” Alex cracked the knuckles on his right hand and leaned against Jules’ car.
“If by her you mean my girlfriend, yeah,” I said.
“She’s after you to do a photoshoot, isn’t she?” I counted to five mentally.
“Actually, I’m pushing that idea,” I told him. “Dan and Nick are down for it, Jules is indifferent, but she thought I should get your approval before I suggested it to the label or to Ron.”
“She’s a decent photographer,” Alex said, moving to his other hand to crack the knuckles there, too. “But don’t be surprised if she dumps you as soon as she gets the score.” I rolled my eyes.
“You know, when you found Mary I was happy for you,” I pointed out. “I have been happy for just about every member of this fucking band finding women who like them.”
“Except Dan,” Alex countered.
“Do you really care about that? It’s resolved.”
“It threw off our schedule by months,” Alex said.
“So, you’re still blaming me even though we’ve turned the corner and are putting out a better album as a result.”
“I’m saying that you’re being a fucking idiot,” Alex said. “She’s using you.”
“So you keep saying.” I sighed. “Look--if she’s using me and you’re right about it, then you get to be big old Mister-Fucking-Right and I’ll take my lumps like the damned chump I’ll be,” I said. “But it pisses me the fuck off because it looks more like you can’t deal with me having something of my own for once.”
“Everyone in the band has something of their own,” Alex said, rolling his eyes. “That’s not the fucking problem. The fucking problem is that you’re not paying attention.”
“I’m not?” I waved towards the studio we’d just walked out of. “I’m working as hard as anyone else in the band, asshole. I’m laying my tracks down, doing my work. I’m more on top of things than I was two months ago, that’s for damned sure.”
“And you’re so wrapped up with her pussy that you don’t care whether she’s actually with you because she wants to be with you or because she wants to get some career action and then move on,” Alex insisted. “And then when she does dump you because she’s got what she wanted, you’re going to act like an asshole again, and who even knows whether it’ll be while we’re trying to finish the album or trying to promote it or touring for it--any of those times you going all to shit again would fuck everything up.”
“Oh, right, because I’m such a fucking wimp that losing a girl is going to derail me again,” I said, shaking my head. “Look, I wanted to talk to you because Nick and Jules thought it was a good idea, and because Allie is at least honest enough to not want to push any kind of professional involvement without you being okay with her.”
“You’ve done it,” Alex said, crossing his arms over his chest. “So, what now?”
“Now you either decide if you’re okay enough with her taking some pictures of us so we can promote our own fucking album, or you decide you’re going to be a petty fucking asshole and shit all over the best thing that’s happened to me in over a year.”
“Invite her to take pictures,” Alex said. “I don’t really care. But you better fucking promise me that when she ditches you, you’re still going to be capable of doing your goddamn job.”
“You know,” I said, taking a quick breath and shaking my head slowly, “this band used to be about us hanging out. Having a good time together. Being fucking friends in a group.”
“That went out the window when we started to let management decide things for us,” Alex said.
“Why does it have to?” I held his gaze for a minute. “I mean yeah, we can let Ron and the label decide some things--that’s what the fuck they’re there for. The goal was to make our lives easier, to let us focus on the fucking music. All we’ve done is become some fucking hit factory.”
“Don’t like it? This is what success as a band is,” Alex said.
“No, this is what selling out is,” I countered. “We don’t have to be businessmen to make this work. We can be goddamned friends. We used to be able to do that.”
“As your friend, I’m worried that you’re going to lose your fucking mind if it turns out that Allie is using you,” Alex said. “As the lead singer of your band, as one of the guys working with you, I’m worried that you losing your fucking mind is going to cost all of us money.”
“I’m worried that if we can’t fucking exist as friends anymore without ripping each other’s asses over the choices we make, we’re not going to be a fucking band anymore,” I told Alex. “Everything is like this, any time there’s any little shake-up. Someone gets pissy and everyone either is for or against and we sit around in stalemate for fucking weeks until someone breaks.” I shook my head again. “And you’re pitching your own bitchfest over me dating someone and trying to dress it up as being worried about me.” I scrubbed at my face with my hands. “Look--this was a mistake. Forget I said anything.”
“It wasn’t a mistake,” Alex said quietly. “Let’s talk about this again when we’re not on break.”
“We’re not in the studio that much longer,” I pointed out.
“If you want her to come in and take some shots, invite her,” Alex said. “I’ll be pleasant to her.”
“But you don’t like her or trust her,” I said.
“I don’t have to like her or trust her to be pleasant to her,” Alex said, smiling slightly. “I don’t like or trust our A&R guy at the label, and he doesn’t even know it.” I laughed.
“Fifty bucks says he does,” I countered. “But he’s A&R--it’s probably pretty rare that any artists like or trust him.”