We piled into the gym, one by one, side by side, large groups. I shot off a manic prayer to the man upstairs after we voted for Homecoming candidates, a half hour ago, and my reward was a scheduled tornado drill. That distraction gave me more time to work myself up. I was being taught a lesson. Thanks, God.

Christina held my hand, trying to calm my nerves. I thought I might puke and turned an ugly shade of pea green. I was sweating in January. My birthday was nearly here, and I couldn't believe I was about to turn eighteen. I was an almost eighteen-year-old virgin with no car and an all-consuming crush that was about to fucking crush me.

There were a lot of things in life that didn't make sense to me. The way crickets scared the shit out of me. The way my father could eat twice as much food as me and never gain a pound. Compound fractions. The fact that none of my friends loved the Harry Potter books as much as I did.

I could now add the fact that my friends and I had pulled off the biggest social status underdog wins in Burlingame High School history.

First, Britt took Fall Fest. Then Akia took Miss Merry Christmas. Homecoming was fast approaching, it was time to pick a nominee, and I had miraculously pulled that slip out of the hat that fateful fall day with my best friends.

I felt sicker and sicker to my stomach with every week that went by. Every moment we got closer to the day voting started, to about twenty minutes ago.

The popular girls were on to our game, and they were not happy with us. A few weeks ago, Aurora Trent shoved me into a locker when she saw me laughing at one of Akia’s jokes. When I turned back to her, she hissed at me, and that shut me right up.

Aurora was 5'11 to my 5'1. I wasn't going to look at her funny or cross her in any way. I knew better. In second grade, she stuck a piece of gum in my hair, and I had to cut my hair. Six inches, gone.

I still couldn't look her in the eye.

Knowing that she was showing interest in Bryan these days made things reach a new level of massively shitty.

Whatever Aurora wanted, Aurora got. I didn't stand a damn chance. We all knew it, we just rarely spoke of it. It was too depressing.

I had been watching them in the hallways for three weeks, and they were always close, the way they are now. I stumbled over my feet, watching them. Akia grabbed my arm and steadied me.

We found a spot at the top of the bleachers, our spot. Below, the class president, Erica, was down on the gym floor, staring up into the crowd. When she locked eyes with me her lips turned up at the corner, and I felt a wash of heat flow over my body, from my top to my toes. Fuck. How was this going to go? 

Sometimes the one thing you want is actually what you don't want, when you think about it long enough. I didn't like to be the center of attention. I was a writer, and a performer only when it was absolutely necessary. And only on the theatre stage. I wanted to be in the back. I wanted to be behind the curtain, giving cues, giving advice on how to speak lines, how to walk across the stage.

I didn't like to be out in the open. I didn't want the whole school to look at me as I walked across that gymnasium floor.

I turned to Christina and stared at her, wide-eyed and white as a sheet. I could feel the color draining from my skin.

"What?” She looked around, searching for what may have pushed me further into my hysteria.

"This isn't some sort of weird self-confidence thing, or ego playing out in real time. But, I think I am going to win this. We have been making this happen, and I know this is a bigger crown, but I can feel it. I am going to get nominated, and I don't know if I can do this. This isn't just a parade or anything. This is Homecoming. And it all sounded so cool in my head when I played it out. I would get nominated and then I would ask Bryan to be my escort, and he would fall head over heels in love with me, and we would spend the rest of high school attached at the face, and maybe groins, if I'm feeling ambitious, but now THIS IS REAL! I can't do this. Erica just practically winked at me from down there, and she has the results in her hand. What the fuck? Why did we do this?” I aimed for a whisper, but my pitch was all wrong. People around us started to turn their heads and Christina placed her palm on my lips to stop me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You need to pull it together. It won’t be the end of the world if this happens. And yes, I think it’ll happen, too. But we gotta keep it together. We have to act like this doesn't scare us at all. Because the junior class? They're looking at us. And the sophomore class? Same there. We made this happen, and this is showing everyone who will come after us that the old rules, they don't have to apply. We can change things when we band together. So suck it up and be brave. Be fucking brave. Okay?”

I shook my head up and down; the vibration of a microphone being turned on made me jump.

"Okay, ya'll! Burlingame High! Are we excited to find out which lucky ladies are going to be our Homecoming Queen candidates?” Erica’s voice boomed around us and I shot forward in my seat. My sweaty palms grabbed onto the bleachers.

They would start at the freshman class and work their way up. Torture. Sweet, typical torture. That's all high school was really.

The voices melted together, and I retreated inside. My eyes aimlessly wandered, finally landing on the back of Bryan’s head. I could see that he was hunched low in his seat, his knee bopped up and down. It was a nervous habit of his. I had seen him do it when working on essay questions in English class.

I looked down at my own knee, jumping up and down like a grasshopper. I stilled it with my hand like it was a foreign entity. I barely felt in control of my own body.

I had no release for this stress, and the climb was too much. I needed this over, so I could process whatever came from our plan.

I focused on the voices filling the gym. The junior class candidate was just announced, we were so close.

My stomach lurched, and I leaned forward, pushing my face into Britt’s hair. She reached back, pinching my nose and making me chuckle.

Erica stepped forward, taking the microphone back from the junior class president as their class slowed their clapping. I pushed back in my seat and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head.

"Okay, senior class. This is the moment we have all been waiting for. Are you ready to hear who will be representing the girls as homecoming candidate?”

Cheers and wolf whistles echoed around the gymnasium.

Erica waved the microphone in the air and hopped up and down, reveling in the energy swirling around us.

"Okay. Without further ado, I present to you, the senior class candidate…our very own Miss Severin Thompson!”

The ringing was immediate. My ears burned hot and every sound melted together. I felt hands on my arms, my shoulders, and I rocked back and forth in my seat, a hysterical laugh pulled from my throat. When I pulled my hood back and looked into the crowd my eyes landed on Bryan again.

And he was smiling.