WESTON
“We finally managed to stop the bleeding. Kate has what’s called uterine atony.” The doctor stands rigidly and I grow antsy not knowing how my wife and daughter are doing. “When her placenta detached from the uterus, it ruptured some vessels, all of which is normal. However, when her uterus didn’t start contracting right away after delivery to close up those blood vessels, she continued to bleed longer.”
“Are you saying that she’s going to be okay?” I grind my teeth together and run my fingers through my hair, praying and hoping the doctor eventually gets to the damn point.
“She will be fine. I recommend that she gets some rest. We gave her a large dose of oytocin, which is a medicine to contract her uterus and stop the bleeding. At this time, the bleeding has ceased.”
“Thank God. Can I see her?” Seeing my wife is all I want to do right now. I want to hold her, kiss her and run my fingers through her hair. I want to feel her heartbeat against my chest and know that it’s real, that my Kate isn’t going anywhere. With everything that has happened, I’m really scared, but I can’t let my wife know that. I don’t want my fear to be a burden she’s going to have to carry with her.
“Yes, you may. Just be gentle with her; she’s still quite sore.”
“What do you think I’m going to do with her? Throw her against the wall and have my damn way with her?” Asshole. I walk past him and into Kate’s room. She looks weak, but when her blue eyes meet mine, that special smile of hers breaks across her delicate face.
I go to her and hold her face in my hands, kissing every inch- her cheeks, lips, nose, eyes, forehead. My heart beats rapidly against my chest.
“Wes, I’m okay.”
“You always say that.” I kiss her lips gently and in no time she brushes her tongue against me and I cannot resist her. I open my mouth to her, her tongue meeting mine as the air around us grows thick with need.
“Charlotte.” She pushes me away quickly, as if she’d forgotten the reason we’re here in the position we’re in.
“She’s stunning, Katie. The most beautiful baby I’ve ever laid eyes on.” I run my thumb beneath her eye catching a stray tear that manages to fall.
“Where is she?”
“A nurse took her from me to measure and weigh her. Jazzy followed her, claiming and I quote ‘I will not be taking my eyes off my baby niece. The last thing we need is another switched at birth TV show, inspired by real events. Hell to the no.’” I laugh. “Have I told you how much I worry about your best friend?”
“Every day.” She giggles softly. Her face grows serious for a moment before she mumbles quickly. “I want to hold her. I need to, Weston.”
I nod slightly and give her a quick kiss before standing.
“Your wish is my command.”
KATE
Weston lifts our baby out of the rolling hospital bassinet with extreme gentleness. He cradles her little head in the large palm of his hand as he hands her to me.
Tears spring to my eyes almost immediately and an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and pride comes over me when I look down at the tiny sleeping bundle. I did this.
This baby right here, she’s everything to me. She’s got little chipmunk cheeks, a tiny little button nose and the world’s largest amount of dark hair sitting on the top of her precious baby head. Between her itty bitty fingers and toes, I’m just so blown away at this little person. There are no words that can explain the overabundance of love I’m feeling for a child that I barely know, yet one who is my reason for being.
I look up at Weston and, when I see his eyes beginning to tear up, it shatters any composure I have left. I hold my tiny gummy bear close, cradling her against my chest, feeling her soft skin on mine and her small heart fluttering beneath me.
“She’s my dream, Wes.”
“I know, Katie Kat.” His arms come around me and he buries his face into my hair. I feel his shoulders shake and I just know that nearly every fear and worry we both have been carrying has lessened thanks to this baby. Sure, I’ll have battles and other things to focus on soon, but one thing will always be certain.
Weston and I made this perfect little being. Our dreams made this possible; our love made it a reality.
Charlotte, my baby gummy bear.
My heart. My life.
My redemption.
~*~
Sitting in my wheelchair headed in the direction of the car as we’re about to go home as a complete family for the first time, everything feels so surreal.
Charlotte is wearing the sweetest going-home outfit that her Aunt Jazzy bought her. It’s quite fitting, really. The long sleeve onesie reads ‘Nobody puts Baby in a carrier’ and wrapped around her little head is the cutest little floral wrap headband to match her baby leggings and pink socks.
She is too freaking cute for words. And I’m aware that I may be a little bit biased, but I have the most beautiful child in the world. Jazzy even agrees with me and she had two babies; they were cute and chunky, but they didn’t hold a candle to my sweet Charlie.
“Promise, Kate.”
I don’t answer him as I toy with her little fingers, it’s something I’ll never tire of looking at. They are so tiny; even our dog, Callie, has larger ones.
“Kate.” He warns. “Promise me that we’ll figure out when you’re going to start your treatment.”
I sigh and roll my eyes. “Yes, Mister Prison Warden, sir. I’m well aware that I have cancer coursing through me and that I need to get the ball rolling on treatment. It’s not like I popped the most perfect baby out of my hoohah barely two days ago. Who needs time to rest? Psht. Let’s start right now.”
I roll my eyes again, this time much harder than the first. I’m almost positive that people on the other side of the continent were able to feel that movement alone. Weston mumbles some snide comment under his breath and I literally have to bite my tongue to keep from spewing more nonsense in his direction.
I just want to cuddle and love on my newborn while I can.
He opens the door to the backseat and peels her from my grasp. I pout and whine, but Wes ignores it as he buckles Charlie into her car seat, triple checking that everything is secured and the seat mirrors are positioned accurately.
I stand from the wheelchair and wince as I slip into the car. Luckily, I didn’t tear during childbirth, but I’m still sore and it’s going to take a little getting used to.
I glance back at Charlie and my heart soars. Will I ever get tired of looking at my beautiful bright-eyed baby? I doubt it.
Weston climbs into the driver’s seat and only after glancing at me and back at our daughter does he turn the car on and begin maneuvering it out of the hospital parking lot at a snail’s pace.
“Are you going to drive this slow all the way home?”
“Yes, and feel free to shut your mouth now. I intend to keep my pretty girls safe and, if I have to drive even slower than this, don’t think I won’t.”
I lean over and kiss his cheek.
“I’m sorry I’ve been moody lately, but I love you so very much.”
“I know, my love. I’m irresistible.”
“And the moment’s gone.” I sigh.
~*~
“I cannot believe it took us 45 minutes to get home from the hospital. I also can’t believe that you got pulled over for driving so far beneath the speed limit.”
“I said I would get my precious cargo home safely and that’s what I did. It was well worth the price I’ll be paying for that ticket.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“No, I’m being protective over what’s mine.”
I climb from the car and open up the door to the backseat. Charlotte begins screaming while I unbuckle her and as soon as the straps are out of the way, I lift her into my arms and soothe her. I support her head and hold her close to me while I walk towards the front door. Weston chuckles as he closes the car door that I’d left wide open.
“Babe, you do know that you can lift the entire carrier out of the car?”
“Yeah, I’m aware.” I wink at him. “Wes, I think she needs a diaper change. Will you do it?”
He laughs at me, but gladly takes her from my arms. I set my hospital bag down inside the door and inch my way up the stairs. I’m tired and beyond exhausted. It’s been a rough couple days and my body is aching and spent.
I watch him carry her gently and it melts me to see my strong man hold our 6-pound 3-ounce, 19-inch-long baby lovingly. It’s easy to see in his eyes how much he adores her and loves her already.
When we were kids and Wes had told me that he wanted a family, this is what I had always pictured. Him as the doting father taking care of his children- loving them, feeding them, changing them, and always, always protecting them. I just can’t get over the fact that I have it now; it’s surreal.
I’m married to the man of my dreams. The man who loves me and adores me. I’m the mother of the most precious, beautiful baby girl ever created. In all of my wildest dreams, I couldn’t picture life being this perfect.
“What are you standing there for?” Wes walks to the bottom of the stairs, rocking our daughter back and forth in his arms.
“Just thinking.”
He smiles at me and then carries her up the stairs to meet me. “What are you thinking about?”
I lean down and kiss our daughters soft cheek, before looking up into the pools of his green eyes. “I just never thought life could be like this.”
A silent agreement passes between the us before he laces his free hand with mine, pulling me towards Charlie’s now completed nursery. I remember peeking in there not long ago and I was completely blown away with all the work that Wes had put in. He had even left the windows open for more than two weeks to air the paint smell out of the room.
This nursery is fit for a princess. With enough stuffed animals to fill up a toy store, there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that Charlotte is going to be the most well-loved little girl that’s ever walked this planet.
“I think she’s as tired as you look.” Wes whispers, laying her down in her crib. He turns on the white noise machine clipped to the side and her little bright eyes flutter for a few seconds before closing tightly.
“Are you saying I look like shit?”
“Kate, language.”
“You know she won’t be talking for a while, I’ll have time to practice not cursing.”
The look he gives me causes my mouth to snap shut. It’s rare when he is serious, but when he is, I try my best show him the respect that he deserves.
“She’s too innocent for that language. It’s just something I want, Kate.”
“Okay, Wes.” I melt into his embrace as his large muscular arms circle my waist. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close, my nose resting in the crook of his neck, inhaling his musky scent, my home. “Did you ever think when we were scrawny teenagers that someday we’d have all this? That we would be able to get through everything we’ve been through?”
He looks down into my eyes, then back over at our sleeping daughter. His brows furrow in thought momentarily before his deep timbre meets my ears. “I always knew that you were it for me, Kate. Even when we were kids and struggling to find ourselves, you have always been the one I was meant to grow old with. You were always the one I was placed on this earth to love.”
Tears spring to my eyes at Weston’s declaration and that swarm of butterflies that only he could cause begins to flutter within me.
“I’m so happy I could give her to you. I wanted to give you a baby more than anything. I knew we both wanted it, but I didn’t know if—”
“Stop, Kate. Stop blaming yourself for your past. It cannot be changed. You have given me the most selfless thing anyone could give.” He leans down to my ear. “You’ve given me the other half of my heart. You, my beautiful wife, are my soul mate and my true love. You never needed to give me a baby to make our life perfect; you are all I’ve ever needed.”
“But what about Charlie?”
“Now that she’s here, I can’t picture my life without her. You’ve made me a daddy and there are no words to explain the gratitude I feel towards you. Both of you are my biggest blessings. But Kate, it’s your fault that our life is perfect now, not Charlies.”
Listening to his so-sure speech, I’m overwhelmed and speechless. “I don’t get it?”
He can only laugh at the confused expression I’m making, as I curl a strand of hair around my finger.
“Who’s the common factor in all this?” He asks, but when I don’t make a move to answer his question, he continues. “You are. You may have made mistakes, but at the end of the day, you gave us a daughter. You married me and made me the luckiest man alive; you have built a life with me- our houses, our dog, us. I couldn’t have this life with just any woman. You are the reason.”
“Thank you.” The tears spill down my cheeks and I bury my face into his chest, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders. All that pain and regret I’ve carried since I was 16 years old is finally beginning to disintegrate. Weston has made me see all my past indiscretions in a new light.
I’m forgiven. I’m lighter.
I’m free.