KATE
“Are you sure this is okay? I know it’s getting close to that time and I don’t want to make this harder on you,” Jazzy asks leaning against the burgundy door frame, intently watching me. I squeeze my eyes closed and take small, quick breaths.
“It’s always hard on me, Jazz, even when it’s not this time of year.” I sigh, mentally vowing not to let anything ruin today. “I love you and your boys. Let’s do this.”
“If you insist.” She turns around and yells inside her front door. “Boys, you better be down here in 2.5 seconds if you want us to stop for ice cream afterwards.” Jazzy’s little blonde-haired, five-year-old twin boys come scampering down the stairs, their backpacks and Nintendo Ds’ in hand. “Nope, not a chance.” She shakes her head, definitely owning the whole mom scolding her children look. “The video games stay here.”
“Mo-o-o-o-om.” They both moan, but all it takes is one look from their mother before they obey and set the game systems down on the small table inside the front door. They race past us to the minivan sitting in the driveway just as Wes walks up the porch steps.
“They test me every fucking day. It’s frustrating. The worst part? There are two of them, so they gang up on me.” Jazzy turns, locking the door behind her.
“Boys will be boys.” Weston responds, pulling me against his chest, while resting his chin on top of my head and toying with the tips of my hair.
“You don’t know the half of it.”
I can’t help but laugh at her as she continues complaining all the way to the van. “I mean, I turn around one damn second and they’ve removed a shoe or sock and lost it completely. Seriously, they lost it within seconds. How is that even possible?” She climbs into the driver’s side and I slide into the passenger seat. Wes gets comfortable between the two boys in the back. I glance back and bite my lip at the overwhelming attraction I’m feeling towards him as I watch him act like the best of friends with the little twins.
Whenever all of us get together and I don’t have a choice but to listen to the banter between him and the boys, it just about breaks my heart right down the middle. He’s so good with them and I want a life like that, with more than just the two of us. Sure, we have our pup, Callie, but it’s not the same and it never will be.
I reach for the radio to distract myself but am stopped by the deep vibrato in his voice. “Don’t think about it, Beautiful.”
I twist in my seat, glaring straight into his eyes- his green ones meeting my determined blues. “And why the heck not?”
“You’re not allowed, remember?” He winks at me, eliciting an oh-so-sexy grunt from my lips.
“Uncle Wes, why is Auntie Kate not allowed to listen to the radio?”
Jazzy starts laughing beside me and I reach out and punch her on the shoulder. “Ow!” She should know not to interfere with our verbal wrestling matches. Payback I mouth at her, but she just shrugs, not looking the least bit ashamed by her apparent amusement.
“Auntie Kate is grounded. I caught her listening to music with bad words.” Weston winks at me and I stick my tongue out at him, not caring that it’s the least bit childish and immature, going hand in hand with our usual repartee.
“Mom, Aunt Kate stuck her tongue out at Uncle Wes.” My nephew Carson whines. “She needs a timeout.”
“Don’t worry, little man. I’ll punish her when we get home.”
“I’m sure you will.” I mumble as I turn around, tuning out the laughter coming from my infuriating fiancé and my best friend. The boys won that round hands down and Wes is more than aware of it. What he probably isn’t realizing is that he’s marrying me and must deal with me until the day I die. Not quite sure how well he thought that plan through.
It takes no time at all before we’re pulling up to Carson Beach- the place where Jazzy and her husband conceived the twins. There’s a whole story behind it, but that’s for another day.
The little ones are practically jumping from their secured seats and struggling to open the door. “Let’s wait until your mom and Auntie Kate get out first guys. After all, ladies first.”
“Girls have cooties. That’s a dumb rule.” I giggle silently into my hand and I applaud his effort, but in this case, his two amigos have turned on him. Jazzy looks at me, her eyes twinkling with amusement, but she makes no movement to get out of the car.
The twins succeed in easing open the door and, in a matter of seconds, are sprinting out into the sand, dropping various clothing items as they go. Weston looks back and forth between the two of us, at the same time we look at him, realizing that essentially, we’re throwing him to the wolves in the form of two rambunctious five-year old’s.
“Think of it as practice, Wes.” Jazz shouts after him as he follows on the heels of the boys. I see Weston momentarily stumble in the sand before looking back at me, my eyes dropping to my long fingers fumbling with the seat belt.
“What the hell, Jazz.” I can feel Weston’s eyes bore into me and I’m not sure whether to cry or be upset over the fact that because of me. we’ll never have children together. I know he wants a family; he just doesn’t know that I won’t ever be able to give him that.
“Ooops. Didn’t think that through properly.”
“You think?” I growl before climbing out of the car and tossing my beach bag onto my shoulder. I slam the door a little harder than I’d intended before heading towards the sand.
I lay my towel down and start peeling off my shorts and tank top. Weston keeps looking at me while playing in the sand with the boys and it unnerves me. Normally, I’d love the attention, but kids? Well, that’s a touchy subject.
In the past when Weston has brought it up, I’ve brushed it aside nonchalantly. I haven’t wanted to dwell on what I can never have. It kills me that I can never give him that and someday I’ll be ready to tell him the truth, but even though 10 years have passed since then, it’s still too raw in my mind and heart, like it was yesterday.
After I lather sunscreen over my midsection and shoulders, I put on my floppy sun hat and walk over to the boys.
“Who wants to go swimming?” I look at the little ones completely covered in sand. I want to feel sorry for Jazzy, knowing she has a hell of a mess ahead of her, but I don’t. So, I might be holding a small grudge, but I know I have every right to be a little upset with her and her big mouth.
Carlisle jumps up, sand splattering over my feet. “I do!” I can’t help but laugh at his excitement; it’s infectious. I grab his hand and we walk together towards the water, the cold white waves splashing against our feet. “Ahh,” he screams. “It’s freezing!”
I drop his hand and scoop some water into my palms, splashing it at him. He screams and laughs, mimicking my motions and splashing me back. It is freezing, but with how hot it is outside, it feels more refreshing than anything.
Carlisle and I wade in the water for a few moments before dunking ourselves and rejoining the rest of the group. That little boy is a spitfire and, being around him, I can see so much of Jazzy in there. Her husband is quiet and reserved; his hair line is receding, and he isn’t the most attractive man on the planet, but he loves her to pieces and that’s all that matters, right?
I plop down onto my towel beside Jazz, rolling onto my stomach, hoping to get a decent tan on my back.
“I really am sorry, Kay.”
I look over at her, seeing the remorse in her eyes. I’ve known her since I was two years old; I know her almost as well as I know myself. She didn’t mean to say what she said, and I truly think it was an honest mistake on her part. How can I fault her for one miniscule mistake when I’ve committed so many massive ones myself?
“It’s cool. I still love you anyways.”
She sighs while I lay my head down, blocking out the world. I’m left alone in my own thoughts, wishing I was anywhere other than stuck in the memories of my past.
WESTON
“You awake, babe?” I sit beside her, seeing the breath enter and exit her body. I’ve slept beside her enough nights in our eight years together to know she’s awake. I’m just not sure she’s going to want to talk. I saw how pissed she was at Jazzy and she’s damn good at avoiding subjects when she isn’t ready to talk about them. I can’t even count the times.
“Mhmm...” She mumbles, looking up at me through those incredibly long lashes of hers.
“Are you—” I clear my throat.
“—Pregnant? No.” She looks away, her voice betraying her disappointment, but she doesn’t elaborate further.
“Did you think you were?”
“Fuck.” She mumbles, biting her lip. “No, I never thought I was pregnant, Weston.”
“Oh.”
What the hell do I say to that?
Do I tell her that the idea of her possibly being pregnant made my heart swell with excitement and pride? Do I tell her that finding out that she isn’t makes me feel more than a little disappointed because, if she was, it’d be the best news I’ve ever heard? Do I tell her that I want her to carry my baby more than just about anything? Or that there’s not a doubt in my mind that she’d be the most incredible mother?
No.
I don’t say any of those things because I can see her shutting down before my very eyes. This isn’t the Kate I’m used to—the one I’ve grown to love and cherish, the one with whom I’ve built an amazing life.
I’m smart enough to know that whatever’s bothering her now will come to pass. I just hope that it happens soon because I don’t like seeing her like this.
I kiss her hair and whisper into her ear. “I love you Katie Kat. Please know, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
I stand, brushing the sand from my legs and ass before walking away and giving her some space.