Chapter Fourteen
Over the Cliff
“I told Shea about you,” Walt said as we slid the last of the kayaks back into their cradles.
I nearly dropped the tablet I’d been using to log the boats. “You did?”
He wiped his hands on his tee shirt and smiled at me. “Uh huh.”
“Well...how did he react?”
Walt chuckled. “He was fucking shocked.”
“Shit. Was he mad?”
“What?” Walt frowned, then laughed. “No, he wasn’t mad. It was an ordeal, because first I had to tell him I was bisexual, which wasn’t easy, because of all the shit I’d said to him in the past. But he absorbed that pretty quickly. But then I told him I was in love with you.”
Heat rushed to my cheeks. I still wasn’t used to hearing him say that. And it still thrilled me every time. “You said that to Shea?”
He shrugged. “Of course. I am in love with you. Did you want me to hide it?”
“No. I like that you told him. But what did he say?”
“At first he thought I was joking.” He snickered. “He kept going, ‘Cut the shit, you’re just busting my balls’ and so on. I guess that’s what I get for constantly busting his balls. Boy who cried wolf, now he doesn’t believe a word I say.”
“So what happened?”
“I finally got it through his head that I was being serious when I told him about our past. Filled in the blanks for him. About what really happened that night at our house, you and me in school together, how I felt about you and all that. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No. It’s fine. It’s the truth, after all.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “Then I had to tell what really led to these scars on my ass. The way Dad hurt me when I told him I was bi. That sobered the conversation up real quick.”
I flinched. Walt and I had been spending most nights together lately, and I’d now seen all of his scars. Felt them. Licked them. They weren’t overly prominent, didn’t mar the beauty of his perfect skin, but they did give me feelings every time I looked at them. Feelings of love and anger and wanting to go back in time and warn Walt not to confess to his father. To spare him that pain.
“Julien? You space out on me?”
“I’m listening. Was Shea upset?”
“At first. But for me, not at me. We got past that part, then he just started giggling. He was like a little kid.”
I smiled. “Giggling about what?”
“I don’t know. He was happy for me. He was teasing me, ‘Walter has a boyfriend’ and he just kept laughing. Then he decided to take credit.”
“Credit for what?”
“You. Shea claims that he knew when he met you that you were going to be part of our lives. That you were meant to be in our family, but that he had it all wrong. Thought you were for him, when it ended up you were for me. But he was very proud of that.”
“So Shea’s...accepting of this?”
“Oh totally. He’s excited. Wants us to go out on the boat with him and Terry sometime.”
We left the boathouse and headed back toward the motel. “So he and Terry are doing well?”
“Yeah, they’re good. Shea’s really happy.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Walt wrapped his arm around me. “So when are you going to tell your family about us?”
“Lindy already knows!”
“But you haven’t told Toni.”
I side-eyed him. “Toni? You’re on a first name basis with my mom?”
“Of course. Have been for a while now.” He grinned. “Parents love me. I’m very charming.”
“You are that. Oh, there she is now.”
My mom was sticking her head outside the office door, waving us over. “Get in here, both of you,” she said. “We’ve got an emergency.”
Walt and I looked at each other, then jogged over to the motel. My mother disappeared inside, and we followed her.
When we stepped into the office, Damarcus, Gil, and Lindy were in there, all of them smiling. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing.” My mother wheeled a cart out, a cake and two bottles of champagne on top. “It’s Walt’s last day, so we thought we’d give him a send-off. I’ve got champagne and sparkling cider. Lindy made the cake.”
“Aww!” Walt beamed and walked over, hugging my mother and picking her tiny body off the floor, making her yelp. “Thank you so much.”
“We’re gonna miss you,” Gil said. “Can we open the champagne now?”
“My God, Gil,” Damarcus said, grabbing one of the bottles. “Jude, he’s been asking for an hour when you guys would be done working so he could drink.”
“I like champagne!” Gil said. “Walt, will you come back and visit?”
Walt said nothing, and his silence drew every eye in the room. He looked at me, and I understood. This was my cue. I cleared my throat. “You’ll be seeing Walt,” I said.
Rolling his eyes, Walt shook his head. “Julien...”
My mother smiled, and began cutting the cake.
“You’ll be seeing more of Walt,” I said. “Because he’s my boyfriend.”
Gil choked on his champagne, and Damarcus smiled and slapped Walt’s shoulder. “That is some unexpected shit, but I’m happy to hear it.”
“Yeah.” Gil wiped his mouth, then frowned at Lindy, who was stuffing cake in her mouth, unaffected. “Lind, did you already know?”
She nodded.
“Why am I the last?”
“I didn’t know either,” Damarcus said.
“Mrs. Applegate?” Gil pointed to her. “Did you know?”
My mom poured a glass of champagne, then shot me a grin. “Yes, I knew.”
“What?” I took my champagne from her. “Mom, you knew?” I turned to my sister. “Lindy!”
“Not from me.” Lindy wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Not a word, I swear.”
“Jude.” My mother shook her head. “I saw you and Walt in the courtyard, day before yesterday. He was looking at you a certain way. And you were looking at him...well, the way your father used to look at me.”
“Aw, Mom,” Lindy said.
“In fact, in that moment, you looked just like your father.” My mother’s eyes filled up, and she swiped a tear away. “Exactly like him.”
I pulled my mother into a hug.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and laughed. “Sorry everyone! It still sneaks up on me once in a while.”
“I get it,” I said, releasing her. “I still miss him all the time.”
“I think he’d like you,” she said, smirking at Walt, who’d retreated into a corner, nibbling on a piece of cake.
“Oh, I’m not so sure.” He chuckled.
“He would,” she said. “Because you make Jude smile. And Jude didn’t smile for a lot of years.”
“Yeah.” Walt huffed. “I know. Got a lotta smiles to make up for.”
“Okay,” Lindy said. “No more gushy talk. Walt, good luck with your hotel. And thanks for all the help around here. It was great having you around.”
“Thanks, Lindy. I’d say I’d do it all again but don’t want to piss off Julien. I’m learning he was very attached to that beaver.”
My mother laughed hard, nearly spilling her champagne. “Oh, God. I’m so glad that thing is gone.”
“Have you been to Jude’s cabin lately?” Walt asked. “It’s. Not. Gone.”
“Yes.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen Emmet’s parting gift.”
“He did that to torment me, I just know it,” Walt said.
“No, he didn’t!” I laughed. “He gave it to me as an apology. It’s my Guiltmas present.”
Walt shook his head fast. “It stares at me. It just...stares. Accusingly.”
“I’ll get rid of it,” I said. “I promise.”
“We should have a Bucky head-burning party,” Lindy said. “On the beach one night.”
“I’m down with that,” Damarcus said. “I’ll bring smores.”
Walt and I left shortly after, and drove out to the cliffside. “That was nice of them,” he said as he stuck his hand out the truck window, letting the wind blow through his fingers.
“It was. And I got to say you were my boyfriend.”
He flashed me a grin. “Do you like saying it?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“I got to say it to my ex-wife a few days ago.”
My stomach dropped and I did a doubletake at him. “To Brie?”
He nodded. “She came by the house.”
“What for?”
“To make peace.” He glanced at me. “She’s pregnant.”
I stared straight ahead. “Oh.”
“She thought I should hear it from her. And she’s getting married again. She seems happy. Even apologized for the scene at Shannon’s party.”
“Do you...um...”
Walt’s hand rested on my knee. “What?”
“Does that bother you? That Brienna’s having a baby?”
He squeezed my leg. “Honestly? It stung a little. Only because it was a reminder of what I did to her.”
“Do you wish you could have kids?”
He was silent for a long moment. “I thought I wanted kids really badly. But I had this fantasy of the perfect happy home with kids running around. Tucking them into bed. No one ever cried in my fantasies. No one had any problems. You know. Christmas mornings. Holidays where no one got drunk and hit anyone or set the Christmas tree on fire.”
“Yikes.”
“Yeah. I think I wanted to do my own childhood over. Kind of erase it by having my own kids. But then when the time came, I panicked, and you know the rest.”
“But do you still want that?” I glanced at him. “Do you wish...”
“That I was with a woman?” He huffed. “Is that what you’re asking me?”
“I guess. Kind of.”
“Julien.” He shook his head. “Right now, I have no desire to ever be a father. And if I ever do I wouldn’t want it without you by my side. I don’t want anything without you by my side. You need to get that through your thick skull.”
I chewed my lip, then smiled. “Okay.”
“Okay?” He rubbed the back of my neck. “Is it getting through now?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
We were planning to spend the night finishing up his bar and restaurant, which was almost complete, but there was some carpet he wanted to rip up and I’d offered to help. But when we pulled up to his house, a car I didn’t recognize was there, and on the front porch, I recognized Terry, Shea’s boyfriend, and another guy I didn’t know.
“Shit,” Walt said. “What the hell are Terry and Harrison doing here?”
“That’s your brother?”
“My oldest brother, yeah.”
Terry looked troubled, eyes weary beneath his glasses, shirtsleeves rolled up. He sat on the porch, arms resting on his knees, watching us drive up. Harrison was a strikingly attractive heavy-set guy with dark wavy hair. I could see the Cook resemblance in his jawline, but he had blue eyes like their mother. He was in a business suit and looked irritated, his face flushed as he stood and trotted down the stairs.
“What’s wrong?” Walt asked as soon as we got out of the truck. “Where’s Shea?”
“Shea is fine.” Harrison held his hands up. “Don’t panic, Walter.”
Terry walked over. “Your father got arrested. He’s in jail.”
****