Lauren

I sleep most of the ride back to Madison. I want to make sure I’m well rested so that I won’t be tired when I see Caylen. I called Mrs. Scott and told her that we were coming, and thankfully she seemed better than the last few times I’ve talked to her. I can’t begin to imagine what is going on in her heart or replaying in her mind. If Cal had done to me what Mr. Scott had done to her, I don’t know what I would do. My eyes glide over him, thinking of how many times I’ve made this ride, with Caylen, alone, with Chris, with Cal. Where my thoughts were then, where they are now, how things have changed so much. Not just for me but for his entire family. How broken things are for all of us.

“Do you think it would be better if we didn’t tell her who I am?”

He’s been quiet the entire time I’ve been up. “What do you mean?”

“For Gwen. After everything that’s happened, maybe this isn’t the most appropriate time for you to introduce us,” he says in a joking tone.

“God I haven’t even thought about that.” I rub my temples, feeling the stress coming on again. I don’t know when would be the appropriate time to say, ‘Hey, Chris has checked out again, and this is Collin, another one of his personalities.’ Not only that, I’m pretty sure that no one’s told her about what has happened over the past few days. It will be a shock for her to know that her son is really Dexter Crestfield Sr.’s biological son and that he pulled a gun on the man he thought was his father. I don’t know if she’s even speaking with Mr. Scott yet. It would be so much easier for Collin to be Chris, for her to get the comfort of normalcy. My eyes glide over Collin. He’s wearing a white button-down collared shirt, pushed up slightly below his elbow and slacks. I don’t know if he could even pull Chris off dressed the way he is.

“No, keeping secrets haven’t been good for anyone in this family,” I let out a laugh, and he nods in agreement. I feel a sudden panic. What happens if this goes on forever? How would Caylen handle this? I take a deep breath and store that in the back of my mind to sort out later. Right now I focus on seeing her smile, hearing her little voice. At least a version of her father is here now, and I have to be grateful for that. Collin opens the door for me, and I feel butterflies in my stomach since his hand has landed on the small of my back. We walk toward the house. He slows his normally quick stride so that I can lead. We approach the front door, and I knock. I can hear music playing, some country song with a woman crooning away about heartache. I remember how I used to listen to sad opera music when Cal left me, and I fight the distant ache that used to settle in my heart.

“Hi!” Gwen’s voice is enthusiastic, and her smile is wide when she opens the door. The same warmness that’s always around her is still there, and I’m relieved.

She pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. I look behind me and see Collin has stood back at the bottom of the stairs. She looks past me, her eyes wide with excitement as she looks down at him.

“What are you doing down there, honey? I made your favorite for lunch so hurry inside.” She’s doing a good job covering up whatever pain she’s feeling.

“Hello, Gwen,” Collin says evenly, but there’s a hint of warmness and a bit of sympathy to his voice which I haven’t heard from him before. I guess Gwen holds a special place in all of their hearts. I watch her eyes squint, and they dart to me before landing back on him. Realization dawns on her face, and there is obvious confusion, but she hides it well.

“Cal?” she asks with a small smile.

“Not exactly,” I walk into the kitchen, and I hear Collin follow behind me. She closes the door behind us, and we stand around awkwardly for a second.

“Hi, Gwen. I’m Collin,” he says, keeping one hand in his pocket and extending the other out to her. I see her swallow hard and her eyes widen, her eyes meet mine and I nod and smile. She lets out a nervous laugh.

“Oh.” She says biting her lip. Collin puts his outstretched hand back in his pocket.

“I understand that this can be quite a shock for you.” Gwen looks frozen for a moment, but then she smiles widely before shaking her head and giving him a big bear hug. After a half of a second, he hugs her back.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Her eyes are closed tightly while holding him. I can’t imagine what she’s thinking, but I guess considering the circumstances, she’s glad that he’s home—here and safe—and in this moment I am too, especially after the events that just transpired. Collin looks over at me, and I give him a genuine smile. After a minute, she lets him go and wipes the wetness from her eyes.

“Well, do you like smothered pork chops and mashed potatoes?” she asks.

“I do.” Collin flashes a wide, charming smile, and I can’t help but blush.

“Great! Great.” She repeats to herself rubbing her palms on her thighs.

“How about you and I go check on Caylen?” Collin says to me.

“Yes, that’s a great idea, and I’ll set the table,” Gwen smiles. “She’s in her room.”

“Okay, we’ll be back.” Collin and I quickly leave the room, and I can imagine her letting out a big sigh of relief that things went so well when we leave.

“That wasn’t so bad right?” I whisper as we cross the house to Caylen’s room.

“As compared to what?” he asks smugly. I roll my eyes.

“Well, she could have fainted,” I laugh. I open the door to Caylen’s room, and I feel so much stress melt off me just seeing her. Tears immediately come to my eyes, and it’s the first moment in a week where I’ve been truly happy. She sleeps on her back and looks so peaceful just like her dad. Her dark, curly hair is in two pigtails, and I lean over and give her a kiss on the forehead.

“Mommy’s missed you so much sweetheart,” I whisper. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone.”

“I have to take the blame for that princess.” He kisses her on the cheek and puts his hand on hers. He squats down next to me and looks at her the same way Chris did.

“She’s the best thing we’ve ever done.” I can’t help but smile at this, and I put my hand on his. He looks at me a little surprised, and I’m surprised myself actually. I won’t say that it feels right, but it doesn’t feel as awkward as I thought it would be, even though he sort of flinched when I put my hand on his at first. What if Collin doesn’t like me? What if he secretly hates me? I could see Jenna being more of his type, but that’s neither here or there. Only happy thoughts now.

“I’m starving!” I say standing quickly. He does the same and gestures to the door.

“Ladies first.” I smile tightly before heading to the kitchen.

* * *

I wonder what Mrs. Scott is thinking. Her eyes are glued to Collin, and she’s been awkwardly silent for a woman whose marriage just imploded, and now her son’s alternate personality is sitting down for dinner with her.

“This is so good,” I say trying to fill the awkward silence.

“It’s delicious,” Collin adds.

“Oh thank you,” she smiles nervously. “Would you mind calling me mom?” she asks hesitantly. He smiles again, and I’m reminded of Chris.

“No, not at all.” I’m shocked by how warm he is with her.

“Good,” she lets out a relieved sigh. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but… where is Chris? Is there a reason that you’re here and not Cal?” she asks cautiously.

Collin looks over at me, almost as if asking for permission to answer honestly.

“Was it because of… what happened… what Will did…” her voice is lower and audibly shakier.

“When was the last time you spoke to him?” I ask hesitantly.

Her eyes fall. “He calls every day and leaves a message. I’m just not ready right now,” she says almost apologetically.

“It’s all in your own timing,” I squeeze her hand from across the table. She smiles but tears come to her eyes.

“Would you excuse me?” She stands from the table and quickly leaves the room.

“Maybe it’s best that we don’t tell her everything that happened at this particular moment,” Collin says quietly, and I nod in agreement.

* * *

The rest of the day is relatively quiet. Everyone is left alone with their own thoughts. Luckily Caylen drowns out so many of mine. She’s so happy to see me, clinging to me the last few hours of the day. Mrs. Scott disappears into her bedroom, I assume giving us our private time alone with Caylen or maybe making sure her emotions are in check before joining us. Collin has disappeared into Chris’s… or his old bedroom. When I walk past, he’s on the laptop and or cell phone, obviously trying to accomplish. His work is diligent, and he speaks with confidence and authority… so Crestfield-esque. The brief moments when he joins Caylen, and me he reminds me of Chris—gentle, kind, and not so stuffy. I think of how much time Cal has missed with our daughter. I think of how much I miss him—even with him making an extremely bad decision of trying to kill his dad, or who he thought was his dad—how broken he was when he realized everything that had happened to him as a child. How does anyone handle that? How does someone not blame himself even though he absolutely shouldn’t? As I hold Caylen in my arms, I think about how a mother could be so vile, so selfish, and hateful. How much further her actions reached beyond herself. Did she think it would hurt Dexter Sr.? From what Clayton told us, he didn’t so much as blink when he came and whisked his son away. How do you walk away from your child after that, when they need you the most? Growing up with the Scotts is probably a lot better than if he grew up as a Crestfield. Dexter Sr. gave me the creeps. Not in a perverted kind of way but in a way where you can sense someone’s desire for power, can almost hear the wheels clinking in their head. Collin has a bit of that same presence to him. I hate that he wants to be so involved in that world. I’d prefer to be as far from it as possible.

“Knock knock.” I turn to see Mrs. Scott at the door. Her long red hair is pulled into a low ponytail. Her eyes are wide and bright but puffy. I wonder how much she’s cried today.

“Hi,” I say cheerfully. She comes in and sits beside me and Caylen on the floor. Caylen keeps trying to eat the Play-Doh instead of making the cake I’ve been sculpting.

“She loves this stuff.” She laughs while taking a red piece and kneading it in her hands. “I’m going to be making dinner soon. Is there anything special you wanted… or you think that Collin would like?”

“Whatever you make will be great. You’re an amazing cook.”

“It helps to take my mind off things. Caylen did a great job of that too.” She twirls her finger around one of Caylen’s pigtails.

“I’m glad. I know she’s had a great time.”

“Has Will tried to reach out to Chris?” she asks steadily keeping her eyes on the Play-Doh Caylen’s been kneading.

I swallow the nervous lump in my throat. “Yeah, I actually called him…” I say feeling traitorous. Her eyebrows rise ever so slightly, but she doesn’t immediately ask for an explanation.

“There were some things that happened with Chris and I didn’t know who else to call.” She looks slightly hurt at my admission. “Not that I wouldn’t call you. It’s just after everything that happened, I didn’t want to put anything else on you,” I explain quickly.

“You can call me anytime you need me, Lauren. I know I haven’t exactly been myself but I took care of myself and two grown men while dealing with cancer. This won’t be the death of me.” She smiles but her voice is stern, and I nod letting her know that I understand.

“So what exactly happened? Why did you call him?” She asks, and I begin to tell her everything that happened. When I finish, tears are coming down both of our eyes. She shakes her head in disbelief.

“What type of woman would do that to her child?!” Gwen’s anger beats out her sadness.

“I know.”

“And Dexter. Ugh,” she growls. “I can’t believe William never told me.” Her lips are pressed together, and I realize that this situation isn’t going to bring them any closer.

“He said that Mr. Crestfield made him sign a confidentiality agreement,” I tell her hoping to soften the blow a bit. She lets out an angry sigh.

“I shouldn’t be surprised though, after everything that has happened.” She laughs bitterly. I pick up Caylen and hold her close to me before she wiggles out of my arms, her dollhouse now the receiver of her attention.

“My poor boy,” she says quietly, her thoughts obviously going back to the little boy that arrived on her doorstep all those years ago. “I’m so angry I feel warm!”

“Poor Cal, poor Chris… Collin.” She shakes her head and covers her face. “How are you doing, honey?”

“I’m doing,” I chuckle, and she nods sympathetically. “I’m more worried about him.” I admit looking toward the door as if he’ll show up.

She lets out a deep sigh and shakes her head. “Me and Will really screwed this up. We didn’t have a clue what to do, but it looks like we made all the wrong choices.” She starts to cry a little harder, and Caylen walks over to her looking in curiosity. She laughs and hugs her. I get up and grab a box of Kleenex taking one for myself and handing the box to her.

“Things could be worse.” I shrug, and she starts to laugh and I laugh too because it seems unlikely that it could be but things always could.

“Is he nice to you?” she asks after we both come down from our laughter.

I think for a moment. “He is actually,” I tell her honestly. “We haven’t been around each other long, but, I can’t say that he’s been mean…” I trail off, and she waits for me to continue.

I shrug. “He’s just so different and… new,” I say quietly. “Just kind of when I got over the get to know you hump,” I joke and she smiles.

“I’m glad William was there for you.”

A moment passes.

“He misses you, and he looks terrible,” I say honestly, knowing it probably won’t make her feel better.

“I’m sure he does. I just keep thinking about how arrogant I was. Thinking how superior I was to women I knew who’d been cheated on. Thinking that they chose the wrong man, or they let the spark go, or they couldn’t have really been in love. How that would never happen to me,” she shakes her head and laughs.

“I thought my love was enough.”

My heart breaks for her and I’m quiet not knowing what to say, how to comfort her. We all hope that, we have no choice but to believe anything else.

“I’m going to go get dinner started,” she says pushing herself off the floor. I start to tidy things up in the room from the big mess Caylen made. She follows Mrs. Scott out of the room.

“It’s fine, it’s become our ritual,” Mrs. Scott scoops her up in her arms and carries her to the kitchen. I make my way up the stairs to Chris’s room, remembering the first day I walked through it. How I was able to peep into a life that I’d never saw glimpses of before. The door is cracked open, and I see Collin on the phone pacing back and forth with the phone to his ear. His movements are smooth, his stare concentrated but not stressed. He glances at me and smiles. Whenever any of them smile, they have the ability to make a girl swoon. He puts up his finger to say give me one sec, and then tells whoever is on the line that they’ll connect later and hangs up. He walks toward me, his eyes on mine.

“You wanted to talk to me?” We’re only inches apart, and being near him makes my pulse race and my memory go to places they shouldn’t right now. He smells good, like Cal having used his shampoo and wash and for a moment I forget why I’m here. My thoughts taking me to moments of the past.

“Dinner. Mrs. Scott is making dinner,” I say hating my voice for being weak. He looks at me amused and resembles Cal in this moment more than he ever has before. For a moment I wonder if this is a trick, if this is really the man I’ve always known and fell in love with. Especially when he tilts his head to the side and with a hint of a smile looks into my eyes and asks me if I’m okay. No, I’m not okay. This is so freakin' confusing, and I miss him so much.

“Yeah,” I lie. “You’ve been working a lot.” I try to change the subject.

He nods. “That’s sort of what I do.”

“Right,” I stuff my hands in the pocket of my jeans, and glue my eyes to my shoes. It’s starting to become too hard to look at him without wanting to kiss him. But he’s not Cal, and surely not Chris. He’s Collin, and I’m not even sure if he’s attracted to me… not that him being so should be a priority with as much going on as it is.

“How long did you plan on staying here?” he asks me and I shrug, feeling like a high school girl with a crush on her teacher.

“Well, I just think it’s important for me to start seeing Helen.” I look up at him in shock. He smiles widely, then steps a bit closer to me, and I hold my breath.

“I’m not your enemy Lauren, if anything I’m your asset. I want what you want.”

“Which is…?” I search his eyes, the eyes that can reveal so much and so little about him.

He leans down near my ear. “For us to exist as a whole.” His lips graze my cheek before leaving the room.

* * *

Family dinners shouldn’t make you nervous, but we haven’t exactly had a good track record with them. It’s hard not to shake the feeling of dread that’s lurking in the back of my mind regardless of how good the food is. It feels less tense than it was earlier, but I guess it would be for a woman to meet another segment of her son. Caylen being here has helped the awkwardness in the room as well. Laughing and spitting out random words she’s picked up. What’s the most shocking to me is how smitten she is with Collin and he with her. He just didn’t seem like someone who would take to a child. I catch him making funny faces at her, and she bursts into giggles which make us all do the same. It’s especially funny how serious he looks in between his goofs for her laughter.

“This is so good. Your food could be the answer to world peace,” I joke destroying the last of my asparagus. I don’t even like asparagus, but the moment I put it in my mouth, I fell in love.

“You’re too kind,” she says bashfully.

“It really is spectacular. Have you ever thought about writing a cookbook,” Collin asks, and she smiles brightly.

“Thank you, no I haven’t. I have recipes here and there,” she says a little taken aback.

“That would be an awesome idea actually,” I say encouraging her and she fans her hand.

“I’m serious. It’s the digital age, and it’s much easier to market and create a platform,” he continues. He starts to go into the analytics of e-commerce and the ideal conditions for content to go viral, and we both look on a bit stunned.

“That is something to think about. At the very least it’d give me something to do, and I’d always wanted to pass along my recipes.”

“I could help you with whatever you need,” he adds, then turns his attention towards me.

“And an art gallery in the area we’re in, you have the perfect demographics.” Collin finishes a glass of wine and it’s my turn to be stunned. My thoughts drift back to the night when Cal suggested it, but we are interrupted by knocks at the door.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Collin asks and I can see her eyes widen.

“No,” she says quietly. Collin stands and goes to open the door.

“I knew she was here!” I can’t help but crack a wide smile hearing that voice.

“Hillary!” I say excitedly getting up from my seat.

“Nice hair cut, Cal.” She jokes referring to his hair being styled so neatly. She maneuvers past him, and he steps back gesturing for her to go.

“What are you doing here?” I ask surprised as she tackles me into a hug.

“Aidan,” she giggles in my ear, and my mouth drops in shock.

“What?!” I scream and Collin clears his throat.

“Since when did you become such a prude, Cal,” she laughs rolling her eyes.

“Actually I’m not Cal, and Gwen is sitting right here,” he says slightly annoyed.

“No, it’s okay, Collin.” Mrs. Scott turns red with embarrassment.

“Who the hell is Collin?” Hillary asks, confusion evident all over her face as she shoots me a glance.

“I’m Collin!” he says with a sigh.

“Not another one,” Aidan is in the kitchen now looking exasperated.

“Aidan…” Collin gives him a half-hearted greeting.

Aidan begins to laugh. “What are you auditioning for the cover of Ralph Lauren?” Hillary joins in laughing with him while giving Caylen a quick kiss on the cheek. Both Mrs. Scott and I turn red.

“Aidan!” Mrs. Scott says in a warning tone. He throws his hands up in defense, his laughter only subsiding a small amount.

“It’s okay, Gwen. Kids will be kids,” Collin says returning to his seat.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Red. It’s just…” he looks at Collin with confusion all over his face.

“Don’t look at me,” Hillary squeals. I can see she’s trying her hardest not to laugh.

“It’s just so weird,” he looks at Collin as if he’s trying to examine him. I have to give it to Collin. He only looks mildly perturbed. Cal would have punched Aidan in the face by now.

“Chris, come out!!!” Aidan says loud and exaggerated in Collin’s face, and at that point I realize they both smell like Tequila. They’re drunk! I see Collin stand, and I immediately rush over between them.

“What, are you upset prep school?” Aidan asks.

“Collin, please.” I beg him, but I only see his fist clench. “Please not while Caylen is here.” I beg and he allows me to guide him to the other side of the room.

“Aidan, you’ve got to go right now,” Mrs. Scott leads him toward the door with Hillary in tow.

“I’m going to call you, hun!!!” Hillary sings to me.

The Scotts kitchen is seriously jinxed.

* * *

“I’m so sorry about that,” I say breathlessly once we make it upstairs to Chris’s room. Collin lets out a held in breath and rubs the back of his neck. His skin is tinted red, and it’s the only tell that he’s flustered. Though I admit, it’s nice to see that he can be affected, that he’s human.

“It’s not your fault that Chris’s friends are idiots,” he sits on his bed.

“Well, one of those idiots is my friend.”

“They were just drunk,” he says calmly. I chuckle watching him remembering my thought from earlier.

“What?” he asks curiously.

I shrug. “Earlier I just had this thought that you were Cal playing me,” I admit.

He grins. “Yes, Calvin has a hard time walking away.”

“Yeah, that he does,” I say, and my thoughts can’t help but drift to when he walked away from me.

“He loves you.”

My eyes widen. “Are you a mind reader?” I joke to lighten the mood.

“You don’t have to be psychic to tell what those you’re closest too are thinking,” he says, and I wrap my arms around myself. It’s so odd for him to look at me as if he knows all of my secrets. I think of his words from earlier, saying that we want the same thing, that he wants them to be one. Chris nor Cal has ever said that to me.

“When you said earlier that you want what I want, about you all being one, you really feel that way?” I cautiously sit near him on the bed.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“How do we do that?” I am almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Is that really what you want?” he asks me, and his look is serious.

“Of course that’s what I want. Why wouldn’t I?” I ask offended.

“The man who comes out on the other side may not be the one you fell in love with,” he says, and I swallow hard.

“Please don’t tell me that you’re going to ask me who I love the most,” I laugh nervously.

“No, there isn’t a competition. If we all don’t cross the finish line then none of us will, but if they don’t believe that, none of us have hope,” he says quietly.

“The barn’s been cleared.” We turn to see Mrs. Scott in the doorway with Caylen on her hip. “I could put her to bed if you like.” she says a little awkwardly.

“No, I can do it,” I quickly stand.

“Are you sure,” she asks again. I look back over at Collin.

“No it’s fine, I’m sure she’s missed that,” he answers back.

“Okay.” I go over to Mrs. Scott.

The weight of his words are heavy in the air. Does he realize what he’s just told me, how important that is to me?

“Collin, do you mind if we talk for a little while?” Mrs. Scott asks as I take Caylen from her arms. I wonder if she heard what he said, I wonder if she believes him.

“I’ll be downstairs,” I tell her before leaving the room.

* * *

Collin

Most men think women are difficult to understand.

Too complicated to figure out, their motives foreign. I’ve found the opposite to be true. It doesn’t take someone to be a genius to understand them—even though with my IQ it wouldn’t be misleading to call me that. It just takes attention, the majority of them are easy to read. Understand what motivates them as an individual, not as an entire sex. It’s all different—love, control, consistency, wealth, assurance, and fear. The same things that motivate men—because when it comes down to it, we all want the same things—we’re just guided by different principals.

Once motivation is found, determine if they’re seeking acceptance. Are they operating out of guilt? Who is on offense, who is on defense? The person that knows their place holds the power. Most people don’t know what to do with that power when they get it, and if they don’t know that, they won’t keep it.

It’s all very simple. Give a person what they’re lacking, make sure you know that you have something that they want or think that they need, and if they don’t need it, you make them believe that they do. It is what both Cal and Chris didn’t understand.

Cal believes that he has more to offer than he does and Chris believes he doesn’t have enough. Chris gives too much of himself to people but Cal doesn’t give enough. There is a balance to everything and neither one can master it without the other and definitely not without me.

It is for that reason why I’m the constant.

Why I am here when they leave. When they think the hurt is too sharp, when the anger is too much, when the fear is so deep they feel as if they’re drowning. That makes them the lifeless body and me the life jacket. I’m the one who keeps Calvin from putting us in jail and prevents Chris from putting us in the insane asylum.

It was a bad volleyball game once upon a time. Bouncing from one extreme to another. Cal wanting to live life indulging in whatever pleasured him at the time, regardless of the consequences, and Chris only doing what he thought would be acceptable, pleasing to the people most important to him, completely unaware of the dirty little secrets that were being kept hidden from him by the people he loved most. It seemed purposeless at first, the balancing act that is. Swinging from one extreme to the other, no common ground. Part of me believing he knows it all while the other part walking around completely clueless. Cal more than happy to keep Chris in the dark, in his eyes, it was fun playing the choirboy. No commonality except for the women that they love.

One being poor Gwen. I am exhausted just thinking of what Chris’s hero, his moral anchor did to her. It was almost sickening to watch her with him; oblivious to his deceit, unaware of his deception, truly believing that the man she loved for so long was incapable of something so vile. Watching Lisa parade around as if the secret she held never existed, both of them so wrapped up in their own glory of getting away with the ultimate mistake. William was so self-righteous toward Lauren, and deathly afraid of Calvin. He displaced his own guilt with anger toward the people that could pull the curtain up on his little show. I have to give him credit. He held up pretty well for a man walking around land mines not knowing that at any minute everything could explode. I’m disappointed in him though. I thought between him and Lisa that he would be the one to finally expose everything, but fear motivated him more than his love did, and for that, I feel truly sorry for Gwen.

“I thought that we should talk,” she smiles away her pain. I respect her for that, something both her and Lauren have in common.

I stand and allow her to sit on the bed. She looks around the room letting out a cleansing breath.

“I wanted to thank you for being… kind.” She says as if she’s searching for the right words.

“You’re welcome.”

“I always wanted a relationship with Cal, he just… I guess he hated us.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” I tell her and she gives me a lopsided smile.

“Lauren told me about everything that’s happened. I wish that I had known, that there was something that I could have done.” Her sorrow sweeps over her instantly.

I take her hand and I can tell she’s surprised. “You did the best thing you could for us. You were a great mother, you are a great mother, and we’re going to be okay,” I reassure her. Her eyes raise to mine and she smiles. I see hope in them; hope that things are going to be okay. I know that she wants to believe me, that if she looks hard enough she’ll see the little boy who was easy, who wanted to please her, who she could solve all of his problems with a glass of milk and a chocolate chip cookie.

“A-are there any more of you?” she asks hesitantly. I squeeze her hand and I hope it melts her heart.

“No, I’m the last of the Mohicans,” I tell her and she lets out a relieved sigh.

“Not that I wouldn’t love anyone else,” she explains quickly and I nod in understanding. “I also apologize for Aidan earlier, he’s usually much better behaved. Thank you for not escalating things.”

I grin, because it did take a lot to stop that from happening. Cal tried to use the building anger to slip out through the cracks. He’s on time-out until he learns how to play well with others again. Cal has the emotional stamina of a six year old, and after finally showing him what he arrogantly blocked out, he has no idea how to control his thinking or actions. He’s out of order, until I can get things stable.

“I told Lauren that there’s no need for an apology.”

“You’re so different from them,” she says with a perplexed look on her face.

“I have to be.”

“When you’re not… when you’re not in control… where are you?” she asks, her tone mixed with curiosity and concern.

“I am always around. I never go dark like Chris does or like Calvin decides to do most times. I have to always be aware.”

“Go dark… what does that mean?”

“Unconscious, a deep sleep,” I tell her simply. Her eyes widen, she seems caught off guard by my forthrightness. It makes sense, in a family that is so used to half-truths and hiding secrets.

“You’re like the co-pilot,” she deduces and I grin.

“That would be the perfect analogy,” I tell her and she smiles.

“Mrs. Scott?” We both turn to see Lauren nervously at the door. “Mr. Scott just got here.”

I turn to Gwen to see her face has drained of color.

“Do you want me to ask him to leave?” I keep my voice cool and even because I want her to know that I’ll ask in a way that won’t lead to an altercation or emotional breakdown, like my counterparts would.

“No, no it’s his home too. We’ll share it until I decide what it is I’m going to do,” she says quietly and stands. She walks past Lauren who is almost frozen in the doorway. She looks over at me, her wide hazel eyes full of confusion—the same eyes that both Cal and Chris fell in love with, eyes that can light up a room, or be clouded with sadness depending on which man chooses what action. I’m grateful for Lauren. She was the connection, the bridge that both needed, someone that they both could love. I was skeptical if Chris would, since she was so different from Jenna. Not that I didn’t like Jenna, but she would’ve never been the one that Cal would sacrifice the life he built for. He detested her, or better yet regretted the chance he gave her to slip in.

I remember the day Cal had given up, resigned to letting Lauren go, doing the most selfless thing he’d ever done, or so he thought. It’s not unusual that Cal’s actions tend to backfire because he acts in the moment, strictly out of emotion, without envisioning the long-term effects. Passionate to a fault, the same thing Lauren loves about him is the same thing that causes her so much pain.

“Do you think we should go down there?” She looks to me nervously.

“No, I think they need to work things out themselves. Whichever way it goes.” Her eyes narrow in on me, full of curiosity, as if she’s still trying to figure me out.

“Do you think she’ll forgive him?” she asks, and I sit beside her. She rubs her hands across her thighs.

I make her nervous, and not because she’s scared or uncomfortable, but because she isn’t and she feels like she should be.

“I think that she will,” I tell her honestly and she raises an eyebrow. “You disagree?”

“How can she trust him after something like this? I don’t know if she could get past a betrayal like that.” She takes her time with her words, putting herself in Gwen’s situation.

“I don’t think Gwen is motivated by certainty. Love drives her. If he can convince her that he still loves her, that the family can survive this, she’ll take him back,” I say fairly confident.

“You sound so sure,” she looks at me perplexed and slightly annoyed.

“Once you find out what motivates a person, you can usually figure out the outcome of the decisions they make fairly easily. For instance a woman whose driven more by certainty and routine would never be able to take a man back who has broken her trust—it breaks down her core motivation. A woman like that would never be able to have any peace not knowing if he will go with the wind so to speak.”

She smiles and her eyes narrow in on me, studying me. “How do you know all of this? How did you have the time to become so intuitive?”

“Not intuitive, observant,” I correct her and she rolls her eyes.

She shifts her body toward me. “Well, Dr. Scott, no Dr. Crestfield, that would be more appropriate right?” There’s a challenge to her voice but it’s laced with a tad of flirtation, and I’m intrigued. I shift toward her.

“You and Gwen are one in the same,” I tell her with a smile. She gives me a dismissive grin.

“Well let me tell you, if you or any of you decided to cheat on me with one of Caylen’s friends when she gets older, I will kill you.” She looks me in the eye and for the first time in so long they are wide and bright and playful. A look she’s never given me, and for a second I forget that she’s their distraction, not mine, and for a moment it’s as if she forgets she’s in love with them and not me. Then she remembers, tearing her eyes away from mine.

“I’m okay with leaving tomorrow afternoon.” She stands and I do as well. “I think your treatment takes priority over anything else right now.”

“Goodnight, Collin.” She waves before leaving the room, and I ignore the feeling that I’ve never felt, can’t quite describe, but I am pretty certain is disappointment.