The first breath of night air made up for all the shallow, dirty ones inside the club. Normally, by this time of the evening, I’d be so drunk I wouldn’t have even noticed. But I’d been so enthralled watching Declan perform, I’d forgotten all about my drink, so I was too damn sober.

I stood on the sidewalk and looked down the street, expecting to hear his voice any second. I heard lots of other voices, but not his. But I didn’t want to turn around. I was still pissed at the way he’d spoken to me and didn’t want to take the chance he’d be standing right behind me, silently looking at my ass. Because then I might start laughing, and then he’d think everything was okay.

This not-dating thing was a killer. If it had been any other guy on any other day, I’d have just left and chalked it up to him being an asshole and me not caring. But unfortunately, while I wasn’t paying attention, Declan and I had moved past that point.

I was hoping. I wanted him to be following me, staring at my ass. I wanted him to apologize and go back to being the guy I thought he was. But I also didn’t want that. I also wanted this whole thing to stop, and for me not to care if he was objectifying me.

Unfortunately, what happened was much, much worse than anything I’d imagined.

I heard him whisper my name, felt his heat as he stepped closer to me, his breath sending ripples of goose bumps down my back. No part of him actually made contact with my body, but I could feel him in every cell.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not that kind of person.” I turned around, jerking backwards when I realized how close he actually was. “I don’t deliberately fuck with people. I would never go after one of your friends, knowing that you…” What was the right word? One that meant something without meaning too much. “That you think you want more from me.”

“I don’t think that.”

“Oh.” I squeezed my eyes shut in humiliation.

“I know that. Which is why I was an idiot. A jealous idiot who assumed the worst because I was afraid—”

“Of me?”

He laughed. “No. As intimidating as you are, I’m not afraid of you. I was afraid I’d never get to talk to you again. When I found out you were here, I thought, ‘This is my chance.’ But when I heard you’d left with Sam, I flipped. I thought…” He shook his head.

“What?”

“I’m in a band that’s doing pretty well. It’s hard for people to understand exactly what that means. But one thing that’s different now is the way women…” He cocked his head, probably weighing his words. “Women treat me differently now.” He chuckled. “At least I hope they don’t treat everyone the way they treat me.”

Sam’s complaints came back to me—drummers don’t get the girls. Which meant lead singers probably did. And for some reason, Declan didn’t seem happy about it.

“How do they treat you?”

“As if they think all I want to do is party and fuck. As if I don’t have feelings or want more than that.”

Was that why he didn’t tell me what he really did for a living?

“When I heard you’d left with Sam, I figured that I was just something to cross off your to-do list—sleep with a guy in case his band gets famous.”

“I didn’t leave with Sam. I waited for you with Sam. And I didn’t know about the band.”

“I spoke to Carissa, Sara. I know she told you about me.”

“Yeah. Yesterday. Right after she made me think you were a serial killer. She thought it was hysterical.”

He paused to study my face, maybe judging my expression. I hoped he could recognize honesty because that’s all that would be there. Along with a little bit of hurt, I guess.

“You really didn’t know about me or the band before yesterday.”

“I really didn’t. And honestly, I don’t understand why you think it would be a big deal to me.”

“Because it’s a big deal to everyone else. Big enough to make me shamefully paranoid that every woman I meet cares more about the band than about me. Then, when I finally meet someone I think I really like that paranoia makes me believe things that aren’t true and act like an asshole.”

“Not sure if this will make you feel better or not, but it definitely should prove I didn’t know who you were.” I couldn’t believe I was about to tell him this. “Until I looked at the card with your name on it that morning...I wasn’t even sure if your name was Declan or Dylan.” I pretended not to notice how huge his eyes got, but inside, the humiliation was complete. “That karaoke bar was really loud and, once we left...I was too embarrassed to ask.”

“Seriously, Sara?” He ducked his head down and laughed.

“Yes, Dylan, seriously.”

That only made him laugh harder. “You were right—that definitely proves it.”

“The reason I went home with you was because you’re insanely hot and have a fantastically honest-looking smile. And there aren’t enough of those in the world.”

He looked at me and proved my point. “Then why’d you run away so fast?”

“You wouldn’t understand if I told you.”

“I hate that answer. You won’t give me a chance because I don’t understand, but there’s no way I could understand because you’re not giving me a chance. So, who do you let in, Sara? Carissa? Assholes like Cal?”

“Are you kidding? Carissa thinks I’m insane for not having already tattooed a flag with my name on it across your chest to claim you. And Cal?” Even his name left a bad taste in my mouth. “Cal has never understood a single thing about me.”

“Can I at least know what the deal is with you two?” He caught my arm before I could get away, but his grip was light, as if he knew that being trapped was how I’d felt with Cal. “Is it his fault? Is he the one who fucked you over?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Then what do you want to talk about?”

I shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Yes, you do,” he said, “or you wouldn’t have come here tonight. One conversation. Sitting down in a quiet, public place. No fucking around. Just talking. Honestly. No judgment, no hiding, no shame.”

“You mean, tell each other our deepest, darkest secrets?”

He nodded slowly. “If you want, we can even do each other’s nails and talk about who we’re crushing on. But spoiler—I’m probably going to say you.”

I would definitely say him. “Sounds like a blast, but I don’t think so.”

“Come on, Sara. Don't you want to get out all the shit you’re pretending not to feel? If we both confess our”—he used air quotes—“‘deepest, darkest secrets,’ both of us have something to lose if someone blabs. Ladies first, except this time. I’ll start if it’ll make you more comfortable.”

I looked away, not wanting him to know how tempted I was to say yes. To stop dancing around the truth and finally just admit it to someone.

“Maybe the fact that we can’t affect each other’s lives right now is exactly the reason we could understand each other. We barely know each other, and nobody’s life will fall apart if we never see each other again, so why not at least try? What do we have to lose?”

“Why do you want to know me so badly?”

“Because I’m ninety-nine percent sure we’re both trying to hide in plain sight. So, we might be able to understand each other better than someone else ever could.”

“What do you mean—hiding in plain sight?”

“My guess is that you stick to one-night-onlys because you don’t care enough to have to pretend to be someone else. I think you’re afraid of giving me a chance because if I get to know you, you’ll have to start being that other person with me, too. So you stick to strangers because it’s the only time you don’t have to convince anyone that you’re the person they think you are.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “And even though our reasons aren’t the same, I feel exactly the same way. All I do is pretend. I work my ass off to convince other people that I’m someone I’m not, someone happy, someone who’s in control, someone who’s not scared shitless that he’ll spend the rest of his life pretending to be who everyone needs him to be.”

He was right—he felt exactly the same way I did. He was just better at it, I guess.

“I don’t have anyone to talk to, Sara. If I came clean, the lives of everyone around me would change. And that’s a shitload of pressure I don’t want.”

“One conversation.” My voice was small, scared.

“I’ll take it.” He took my hand and started walking.

“Where are we going?”

“Far enough away that we can talk without being interrupted.”