Chapter 8
Bailey
After I’d said goodbye to the final guest at the funeral, Leah helped me clean up at the church. She’d offered to take me to a nearby bar and have some “farewell shots” for my dad, but I didn’t feel like doing anything.
We went to my dad’s house together. We’d contemplated having food served at the house for the guests that had come to the funeral, but had decided against it. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to pay for food, far from it. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore that day about my dad. I felt exhausted from the whole ordeal and didn’t want to subject myself to any further strain.
We sat, and I reminisced about my childhood and what it was like to grow up in the old house. Whenever my dad entered the conversation, it was always in a light manner that didn’t make me dwell on my regrets.
A regret that I had that was unrelated to my father’s funeral was the invitation I’d made to Darren. Soon after he’d left the cemetery, I’d texted him and told him we’d meet at Floyd’s at 6:00. But, as 6:00 drew near, I began to feel twinges of fear.
Whenever I felt those twinges and fell silent, Leah would typically take over conversation or find something to look at on TV.
“Darren’s friend was nice,” said Leah. “He was cute, too.”
I nodded absentmindedly.
“He said he’d known you for a long time,” said Leah. “Garrett was saying we should all go out for drinks sometime before we go back to Memphis.”
The TV was playing a commercial for paper towels.
“I found myself jotting down lyrics on my phone earlier,” said Leah. “I know I’m not a songwriter—you’re the star, I’m the manager—but I was feeling oddly inspired. You were saying the other day how you had a lot of music without any lyrics. I think the words were pretty good, just saying. If you ever want to give them a look.”
I looked around at the pictures that my dad had on the walls and on shelves. There were a few of him with his family growing up. There was a couple of him at college and with friends. Most of them were of him, my mom, and me. There were several pictures of me scattered around at various stages in my life.
“I’m a little annoyed with the guys over at the label,” said Leah. “They keep saying how bad they want us to sign. And yet, even though I told them what we were doing here in Georgia, they still called me twice. Badgering like that might be a bad omen, you know.”
I nodded as a car commercial came on, playing a corny jingle that I’d heard in hundreds of other car commercials across the country.
“Talk to me, girl,” Leah said to me. “Let me know what you’re thinking.”
“I know I’m supposed to meet Darren at Floyd’s super soon,” I responded. “I’m the one that said we should go out to eat. I’m the one that suggested it. But, I don’t think I want to go.”
“Your dad just died,” she stated. “I think he’ll understand that you’re not feeling up to it.”
“That’s not it,” I said. “I can’t make myself go through with it after our—after the past we have. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes to tread near him.”
“What do you mean?” she wondered.
I scoffed. “I mean we were best friends for years—he was the closest friend I ever had—then, we fucked it all up when we tried being together.”
“Elaborate on that,” she said. “What happened? What went wrong?”
“Nothing went ‘wrong,’” I said. “It’s just he knew I was going to move on to somewhere new, and he still wanted to give us a shot. Then, when things were going really well, and I got my chance, I jumped and wanted him to jump with me. But he didn’t. I don’t know how he feels or even if he still feels anything. And, I don’t know what’s best. I reckon it’s better that I just stay put.”
“So, why didn’t he want to go with you?” she asked.
“I still ask myself that sometimes,” I replied. “Darren is a gifted musician and an amazing songwriter. When I got my foot in the door in Tennessee and got those awesome opportunities, the door wasn’t just being held open for me. He had the same chances to go somewhere better like I did. But, he rejected everything that was being offered to him to stay here in Rome. He chose to stay here over Memphis. I mean, can you believe that shit?”
“Well, the city life isn’t for everyone, hun,” said Leah.
“I know,” I groaned. “But, if you’d been in my shoes?”
She laughed. “I would have been on the first plane out of Atlanta. But that’s just me. Why didn’t he want to leave Rome?”
“I have no damn idea,” I said. “I didn’t know then, and I still have no idea.”
“Do his parents live here?”
“No.”
The TV was playing a commercial for car insurance.
“Darren never took much seriously,” I continued. “He’s not lazy or anything. he’s chill. That’s the only way I can describe it. You know?”
“He can’t be chill in Tennessee?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I hated how it didn’t work out with us. I liked him a lot. He and my dad got along great.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, sometimes Darren would come over even if I wasn’t here,” I said. “He and my dad would go hunting together. They never shot anything. I suspect they just liked doing something ‘manly’ together. Darren wasn’t close to his dad, and I think my dad always wanted to have a son to go along with me.”
“Aw, he looked at Darren like a son?” asked Leah.
“I mean, he wasn’t trying to be a dad to him,” I said. “He just liked doing things with him that a father and son would do. It was sweet.”
“Good thing Darren was at the funeral,” Leah remarked.
“Definitely,” I said. “I remember there was one time I got a little jealous of all the time Darren was getting with my dad alone, so I begged them to let me come along with them once. They were going fishing right near the Alabama state line, and I’d never gone. I wasn’t too crazy about fishing, but I wanted to do something I knew my dad liked to do.
“So, we got up at four in the morning, after I’d only gotten like five hours of sleep. I’d spent the whole day and night before writing music. We got up, my dad drove us to the lake near the state line, and we sat in our boat for two hours catching nothing. By the time the sun was all the way up, and more boats were on the water, I actually fell asleep. I felt so bad. I felt like I’d hurt my dad’s feelings.”
“I bet he was just happy that you wanted to come along,” said Leah.
“Yeah, probably,” I smiled. “Darren was kind of bummed at first. I think he liked having things that only the boys did together. But, I didn’t like feeling left out. My dad and I did things together. But he always seemed so happy whenever he’d get back from hunting or riding around on four-wheelers, or anything he did with Darren. I wish I’d tried to be a part of those things more often. Now, it’s too late.”
Leah patted my hand, giving a sympathetic frown.
“I had a lot of good times with my dad,” I continued. “I especially liked whenever he’d play music with me. If he picked up the acoustic, I took the electric. He never sang in a serious voice. He was always way over-the-top. But, I loved that. He was so much fun.”
Leah hugged me, and I buried my face in her shoulder.
“Don’t have any regrets, hun,” said Leah. “Your dad wouldn’t have wanted that. He was so proud of you. You just have to keep moving forward.”
“Oh, I’m not going to stop. Don’t worry,” I assured her.
We sat and continued to reminisce as the clock continued to tick. 6:00 had come and gone, and although we both had been eying the time, neither of us brought up dinner with Darren.
Then, at around 6:30, Leah stood up and headed for the door.
“I’m heading back to the hotel for the night,” she said. “What are you thinking?”
“I think I’ll stay here at the house tonight,” I replied.
“Do you want me to order our tickets back to Memphis yet?” she asked.
“Let’s hold off for a little bit,” I told her. “I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything if I went back tomorrow anyway. Plus, I don’t mind having this little break from city life. I think I might want to stay a little while longer.”
Leah raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
“What’s the look for?” I asked.
“I thought you didn’t want to be here any longer than you needed to be,” she answered. “You sure you don’t want to move back here?”
I laughed. “Leah, I’m just staying for an extra day or two. No worries.”
“See if you can bunk with Darren for a few days,” she suggested with a playful wink. “Want me to head back to Memphis?”
“Selfishly, I kind of want you to stay.”
“Then, I’ll stay. Keep me posted on things, superstar. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” I said.
Leah went back to the hotel, leaving me in the house I grew up in alone with my thoughts.
The only interruptions that I got from my various trains of thought were a variety of phone calls that I was receiving. Many were from family friends or people that knew me and wanted to send their condolences.
However, three of the calls came from Darren. He never left a voicemail, but I knew why he was calling. The dinner that I had arranged wasn’t going to come to fruition, and he was likely wondering where I was.
I was in bed in the bedroom that I’d grown up in, watching funny videos on my phone as I began to drift off to sleep. I didn’t answer his calls. But, in his defense, I wasn’t answering most of the calls that were coming in. He began to text me, asking me where I was. I didn’t respond to those, either.
I wasn’t ignoring him out of bitterness. I wasn’t trying to make a point or make him feel bad. I had fully intended on going out and seeing him that night. But, it’s not every day that you spend grieving the loss of one of your parents. I hoped that Darren would understand.