CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
From the Texts and other assorted messages of Shane Willoughby and Jake “the Dragon” Falcone
Text from Jake: Shane, I called you a second ago. I’m getting ready to call again, so please pick up. I need to make sure you’re okay.
I promise not to push you about tonight or anything else.
Just pick up, all right?
Shane’s Voicemail Greeting: Hello, you’ve reached Shane Willoughby. I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m either asleep or have chosen to embrace freedom from the bonds of my cell phone and venture out into the big wide world without anything digital on my person.
Don’t you miss those days? When there were no messages or social media or texts stabbing holes in your thoughts? Those were nice, right? It felt like there was more…space back then.
But it’s nice to keep up with friends, too, and I definitely want to know what you have to say. So leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m ready to plug back in. Have a lovely day.
Jake’s First Voicemail Message: I know you’re not asleep. You only left the Rainbow Room twenty minutes ago.
Please, Shane, pick up the phone and talk to me.
I’m sorry if I went too far, too fast, or if something I did scared you or if I’m…
Shit, I don’t know, maybe I’m just really shitty in bed and women have been letting me down easy and faking it for years.
I don’t know what happened.
I thought we were having a good time, a great time, and then you were crying and I went to get napkins and water and anything else I could think of to make you feel better and…you were gone.
And I feel like shit, princess.
Like absolute complete shit because I never meant to hurt you. In any way.
You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and I meant what I said tonight. I like you. A lot. And I want to be where you are. Especially now, when I have a feeling you could use a friend.
I can be a friend, too, you know, I—
Jake’s Second Voicemail Message: Shit, I got cut off.
Fuck…
Sorry…
I don’t know how much of that last message you heard, but I was trying to say that I can be a friend if you need one. I can listen and give advice. Or I can keep my mouth shut and let you get out whatever you need to get out.
Or if you don’t want to talk, I’m good at that, too.
We can just take a walk or get something to eat or watch shitty TV until our minds are so numb you’ll forget why you were upset.
Please, just pick up, Shane.
Or at least text that you’re okay. I’m worried about you.
Really worried.
Text from Shane: I’m okay. Don’t worry, dragon.
Jake: Thank God. I’m sorry, princess. I’m so sorry.
Shane: You don’t have to be sorry. I should be sorry. I left without saying good-bye and probably ruined everything.
I don’t know if anyone saw us leaving separately, but if they did that isn’t good for your intervention.
Jake: Fuck the intervention. I don’t care about the intervention.
Shane: Well, you should. You need to get Keri out of your life.
She left a package for me with my doorman this afternoon.
Jake: Fuck. You didn’t open it, did you?
Shane: I did. I figured anthrax was too old school to be cool with the stalkers of today, and that she wouldn’t have put her name on the envelope if she was trying to poison me.
Jake: What in the hell was in there?
Shane: My mug shot from the time I got arrested in college and a promise to dig up every dirty secret from my past to prove to you that I’m not good enough to be your girlfriend.
Jake: Jesus. I’m so sorry.
I never thought she’d change gears so quickly. I thought she’d stay after me, not go into full persecution mode on the next person I started dating.
Shane: She’s unhinged, Jake. It’s a lot more serious than I thought it would be. I’m honestly not sure an MBC intervention is going to be enough.
You may have no choice but to go to the police.
Jake: You should go. Right now.
I’ll come get you, take you to the closest station, and you can tell them what happened. It might be enough for you to get a restraining order.
Shane: Doubtful. And I don’t want a restraining order. I want you to have never dated this woman in the first place.
Jake: You and me both.
Shane: But if you hadn’t dated her, I might have never met you.
And I’m glad I met you.
Jake: Yeah? Even though I made you cry?
Shane: You didn’t make me cry. It had nothing to do with you.
Jake: Ouch.
Is this one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” breakups?
I mean, not that we were together, but…
Shane: No, it’s not one of those.
It’s more…
It’s hard to explain in a text.
It’s just…the past, and things I can’t change, and things I thought I’d put to rest that I obviously haven’t. Because if I had, my first non-self-administered orgasm in over a year wouldn’t have made me cry.
Jake: Over a year? Wow.
Must have been a bad breakup.
Shane: More like a bad ending.
Jake: You want to talk about it? I could come over. Or we could talk on the phone if you’ll pick up.
Shane: I don’t want to talk about it.
I wouldn’t know what to say.
I’m not even sure what I’m feeling right now except sad and kind of scared.
Jake: Why are you scared?
Because of Keri?
Or me?
Shane: Because of me.
I’m scared I’m never going to be normal again.
Or normal for me, anyway.
Jake: Normal is boring. I like you the way you are.
Shane: I like you, too, Jake. I really do.
But I’ve got a bad feeling I’m going to screw this up before it even gets started. Self-sabotage is something I’m really good at.
People think I’ve got it all together, but that’s only because I’m so good at avoiding things that take me out of my comfort zone.
And you take me way out of my comfort zone.
Jake: Listen, I don’t want to take you anywhere you don’t want to go.
We can go as slow or as fast as feels right to you.
You can call the shots, princess. I’m happy to let you set the pace.
Shane: Maybe I don’t want to call the shots.
Maybe I like that you take what you want and didn’t bother asking me if it was okay to touch me in places I’ve never been touched by anyone else.
That was virgin territory for me, dragon.
If you get what I’m saying…
Jake: Ha…yeah…
I was wondering if that might have been too much…
But I would have stopped if it had seemed like you weren’t into it, or the second you told me to stop, I promise.
Shane: I know. I trust you.
And before the crying part, tonight was amazing.
Probably the sexiest night of my entire life.
Jake: And there’s more where that came from. But we don’t have to rush.
I can call the shots when that’s what you want and give you space when you need space. I’m flexible.
I just don’t want tonight to be the last time I ever touch you.
Shane: Me, either…
I’m sorry I ran away.
Jake: It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re talking to me now.
Or…sort of talking.
I really would love to see you in person if you’re up for it. And like I said, it doesn’t have to be anything heavy. We can just sit quietly. Maybe start a book club or something.
Shane: Hmmm…You ever been in a book club?
Jake: My brother and I had some dirty paperbacks we passed back and forth when we were in high school, a twisted version of Sleeping Beauty with lots of spanking in it. Does that count?
Shane: Lol. I’m not sure.
In any case, I don’t think I’m up for book club tonight, but you’re welcome to come over. We can make popcorn and watch something funny on television and not talk about anything serious?
Or something like that?
Jake: Sounds perfect.
Is it creepy if I’m already standing outside your building?
Shane: Well shit, you are.
I see you.
Hi.
Jake: Hi.
Want me to walk around the block and pretend I’m just getting here?
Shane: No. I’m glad to see you.
Stalking is more fun when you like the person following you around.
Jake: I was concerned, not stalking. I’ll go away if you tell me to.
Shane: How about I call the front desk and ask them to send you up instead?
Jake: Much better.
Shane: Okay, but you have to answer one question first.
Jake: Shoot.
Shane: Aren’t you even a little curious about why I was arrested?
You sure let that mug shot thing go without blinking.
Jake: It’s hard to blink in a text.
Shane: ;)
Jake: Point taken. I don’t know, I guess I figure that whatever you did to get arrested is your business and you’ll tell me about it when you’re ready.
If you’re ever ready.
Shane: That’s very…chill.
Jake: I don’t judge people on who they used to be.
You clearly have your shit together and don’t seem like the type to be secretly dealing drugs, doing drugs, or getting involved with organized crime, so…
Shane: OMG, no! None of those things!
I was arrested at a protest for immigration reform back when I was in college.
I wasn’t even really doing anything illegal. It was a peaceful protest, but someone didn’t get the right license or permit or something and a bunch of us were arrested.
Jake: I figured it was something like that.
But even if you had screwed up, college was a long time ago. I’m not interested in Shane Willoughby from ten years ago. I’m interested in who you are now.
Shane: I’m interested in who you are now, too.
Though, I would like to know what happened to make you hate the police…
Jake: I don’t hate the police.
Shane: Mistrust the police? Doubt the effectiveness of the police?
Jake: If you want to hear my story, you’re going to have to let me in, princess. My fingers are getting too cold to text.
Shane: So you’re going to tell me?
I got the feeling that was a closed subject for you.
Jake: I don’t usually talk about it. But I don’t usually follow women home without being asked, either. I want you to let me in, Shane.
And I’m not just talking about your front door.
So I figure I should let you in, too, right?
Shane: Yeah. I guess so.
You’re pretty great, you know?
Jake: Thanks. You, too.
I’m coming up, princess.
Shane: I’ll start the popcorn, dragon.