How was it December already? I think the last two months passed so fast because of my time with Dylan. Time really does fly when you’re having fun, I guess. I’d only left him this morning, and already I was missing him. It was cowardly of me to take off, leaving a crappy note. I should have told him to his face that I needed time away from him, but I was afraid I’d admit to how I really felt about him. If he knew he was halfway to stealing my heart, he might try to talk me out of going, and I might agree. I think if that happened, the guilt would eat away at me for breaking my promise to Natalie.

It was finally starting to feel like winter. We’d had a few snow flurries this morning, but they’d melted before hitting the ground. I glanced out the window. The trees were bare, the mountains an ugly brown. As soon as Autumn and Brian were married, I’d go. I’d even turned in my notice to Angelo. He wasn’t happy, but I’d never hid my plans from him.

Travel brochures I’d collected over the years covered my kitchen table. I sipped my coffee, staring at the budget up on my laptop screen that I’d made for my world tour with a sense of excitement and dread. My tips during leaf season had been exceptionally good. Adding the money my parents had gifted me toward my trip, I had surpassed my goal. That would mean I could travel longer than I’d planned.

That should make me happy, but it didn’t. Why did I have to meet the perfect man now? If Dylan had waited to walk into my life in a year or two, it would have been perfect. Would he even consider waiting for me? A year would go by fast, right? No, that wouldn’t be fair to him.

“Damn it.” I squeezed my eyes shut against the sting of tears. How did one choose between a promise made to the most important person in my life and love? Not that I loved Dylan yet… Okay, maybe a little. I just didn’t know. What if I gave up my dream, Dylan and I got married, and ten years later ended up divorced?

A hysterical-sounding laugh burst out of me at having us already married. After what he’d been through, the last thing he probably wanted was another wife. In which case, there really wasn’t a future for us, just some good times until he moved on. Should I risk my dream on the slim chance that Dylan and I could find something special that would last a lifetime?

My phone rang, Autumn’s name coming up on the screen. “Hey.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You got that from one word how?” I heard Autumn’s snort in my ear and couldn’t help grinning.

“Because I know all your heys and that wasn’t a happy one. I just finished my last appointment, so I’m going to swing by Mary’s, get us some of her mouthwatering chocolate cheesecake slices. Be there in twenty. Have me a glass of wine poured.”

She hung up before I could protest. Autumn was an interior designer, a good one. She’d helped me make my tiny apartment cozy on very little money. There was no one I’d rather pour my heart out to right now than her, unless Savannah was here, too, to join us.

“Let’s call Savannah,” I said as soon as Autumn walked in the door.

She handed me a white paper bag. “Cheesecake and wine first, then we’ll call her. Mary said, ‘Tell Jenn the answers are in the stars.’ I just dug my nails into my palms to keep from going bug-eyed on her. What does she know that I don’t?”

“I don’t know how to read the stars.” If only I could, then maybe I’d be able to see a future with Dylan. My lips quivered. “How does she even know I need answers?”

“The woman’s spooky, that’s for sure.” Autumn wrapped her arms around me, giving me a bestie hug. “Whatever this is, we’ll figure it out, okay? As soon as we eat.” She eyed the cheesecake slices as I put them on a plate. “That’s at least five pounds right there that I shouldn’t touch if I want to fit into my wedding gown, but you mean more to me than a dress.”

God, I loved her. Without Autumn, I’m not sure I would have survived losing Natalie. My parents had been wrapped up in their own grief, and I hadn’t wanted to add to their sadness. Savannah had been there for a few days, but then she’d left for New York. It had been mostly Autumn I’d turned to. She had held me, cried with me, sometimes rocking me like a baby during the hardest days of my life. I burst into tears, suddenly missing my twin with a bone-deep ache.

“Oh, sweetie, you’re thinking of Natalie, aren’t you?”

Unable to speak, I nodded.

She picked up one of the glasses I’d filled with wine, handing it to me. “Drink up, then start talking.”

I downed half the wine. Setting the glass back on the table, I buried my face in my hands. Somehow, between sobs, I managed to tell her how torn I was between Dylan and my promise to Natalie. “I don’t…” I peered at her through watery tears. “I don’t know what to do. I could love him, Autumn. Like I’ve never loved another man. But I promised Natalie I’d go to all the places we dreamed of going together.”

“Sweetie, the two of you were barely out of high school when you made that promise. Loving a man forever wasn’t even on the horizon for either of you to take into account. If Natalie knew what Dylan meant to you, she’d be the first to tell you to go for it.”

“Maybe.” I blew my nose into the paper towel she handed me. “I don’t think he can ever love me like he loved his wife.”

Autumn’s eyebrows lifted. “Whoa. Where did that come from?”

“I don’t know,” I wailed. Maybe I did know. It had been the pain I’d seen in his eyes when he’d talked about her. “I’m such a hot mess.”

“Tell me this. If he asked you not to go, what would you do?”

“He’s not going to ask that, so it doesn’t matter.” Would I stay, though? Maybe. Probably.

“If he does, you need to ask yourself one thing. If you gave up your dream…because it was that along with your promise to Natalie, right?”

“That’s true. Wanting to travel the world has always been more than just my promise.” I glared at her. “You were supposed to go with me in her place.”

“And I would have if I hadn’t met Brian. He’s my soul mate, Jenn. Choosing him was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” She took my hands in hers. “Can you honestly say that if Dylan did ask you to stay, that you’d never resent him for it someday?”

Tears pooled in my eyes again. “I don’t know. What if he’s my soul mate but I’m not his?”

“Only one way to find out. Talk to him, tell him how you feel.”

“I’ll think about it.” I probably wouldn’t, though. The thought of Dylan never loving me like he had his wife was a brick wall I couldn’t tear down. And did I even want to try? “Do you think you only have one soul mate in life?”

“No, but I do think you love each one differently.”

I laughed through my tears. “That makes absolutely no sense.” I poked holes in the last half of my cheesecake. “We were just going to be a fling, you know? I’m not supposed to be sitting here talking about soul mates and crying over the thought of leaving him.”

Autumn put her hand on my wrist, holding it still. “Stop killing your cake. You can’t leave until after my wedding, so spend the time between now and then with him, see how it goes. Nothing says you have to step on that plane when it takes off.”

I smiled at my friend through watery tears. “I love you, you know.”

“I know. Let’s see if we can run down Savannah. Then I need to head home and get ready for my first appointment in the morning. A couple retiring here from New York bought the Miller house and want a complete redo. I hope Brian can love a bald woman because I have a feeling I’m going to pull all my hair out before I’m done with them.”

“You’ll be brilliant as always, and she’ll be thrilled with it when you’re finished.”

Autumn laughed. “I love your faith in me. Call Savannah.”

I picked up my phone, putting it on speaker.

“’Lo,” a sleepy voice said.

Autumn and I exchanged glances. It was midafternoon. Savannah had never been one to take naps. “Hey, Savannah.”

“Jenn! Is Autumn with you?”

“I’m here,” Autumn said. “Sounds like we woke you.”

There was silence, and we heard the rustle of bedsheets and a man’s voice. “Oops,” I whispered to Autumn.

“Hold on a sec.” A few moments later we could hear a door close. “Hey, you two. This is a great surprise.”

Yet it didn’t sound like she was all that happy to hear from us. When she’d first arrived in New York and we would call her, she would scream when we called, and would excitedly tell us everything going on in her life. Now we couldn’t get any details out of her when we called.

“How’s the wedding planning going, Autumn?”

“Everything’s pretty much done. We can’t wait to see you. It’ll be like old times, the three of us together again.”

“About that—”

“No!” Autumn and I both yelled together.

“You listen to me, Savannah Graham,” I said. “If I have to come to New York and drag you home for Autumn’s wedding, I will. You know I mean that.” How could she even consider not being here for Autumn? “You’ve had the date for almost a year now. That was plenty of time to work it into your busy schedule.”

Autumn put her hand on my arm, shaking her head, but I didn’t care if I was upsetting Savannah. I was the maid of honor, but Savannah was Autumn’s only bridesmaid. She damn well was going to be here. She’d promised.

Someone banged on the door in whatever room Savannah had gone to, and we heard muffled voices. She must have been holding her hand over the phone. Even though the man’s voice was muted and we couldn’t understand the words, he sounded angry.

“Listen,” Savannah said, coming back on the phone. “I have to go. I’ll call you soon.”

“Savannah…” She was gone.

Autumn stared at the phone, a frown on her face. “Something’s not right.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely not the Savannah we know and love. At least we’ll be able to see for ourselves how she is when she gets here.”

“I just wish we knew what was going on with her,” Autumn said, glancing up at me with worry in her eyes.

So did I.