Emma’s car was in the driveway as I left Ash’s house, though she was nowhere to be found. I had no idea how long she’d been home—or even how long I was with Ash. But if she thought I’d continue to allow her to have the upper hand…she had another thing coming.

She was in the kitchen when I walked inside. Her hands moved, spreading peanut butter on a slice of bread, while she tracked my every step toward her with a cynical, contemptuous stare. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she mumbled under her breath.

What she didn’t expect, though, was to be met with my retaliation. I tossed my keys onto the counter with a harsh clunk and then leaned into the wooden top of the island, directly across from where she stood. I leveled her with my sober gaze, daring her to call my bluff.

At least she heeded the warning and didn’t speak.

“You’ve had your time, now it’s over. If you want to be mad at me…go for it. If you disapprove of who I’m with…I can’t stop you. But none of that gives you the right to tell others about what I do in the privacy of my own home. Understood?”

She was quiet for a moment, yet I should’ve recognized that as the calm before the storm. “If you’re so ashamed of it, why do it? Clearly, you know it was wrong; otherwise, you wouldn’t have felt the need to hide. And you wouldn’t be so pissed if others knew.”

“How about you stay on topic here—the fact that you went around sharing my business with other people. This isn’t about what I did. It’s not about my relationship with Ash or what we did behind closed doors. It’s about your blatant lack of respect by sharing personal information about me with your friends.”

“Oh, come on, Mom. You make it sound like I got on the intercom at school and told everyone. The only people who know are Tori and Thomas.”

I fisted my hands, pressed my white knuckles into the countertop, and took a deep breath to calm myself. “And you think they won’t say anything? Apparently, Thomas did, which earned the three of you a trip to the principal’s office. I had to be called away from work to come deal with the fallout of what he said to Ash. So don’t stand there and act like telling two people is no big deal.”

“Does this mean you’ve decided to be with him? He throws a couple punches, gets a little scratched up, and you fall at his feet again? Mom, I’ve seen girls at school throw themselves at him. It’s embarrassing that my own mother would do the same.”

“No. I already told you…what we had is over. You’ve made it very clear how you feel about it, and you won. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stand back and let you ruin my credibility because you’re angry. And it doesn’t mean I’ll continue letting you treat me like you run this show. It seems I’ve been a little too lenient on you over the years, and now you’ve forgotten your role. In case you need reminding…I’m the mother. You’re the child.”

“Why am I getting reprimanded when you were the one caught naked with a high school student? You’ve done nothing but lecture me about how I should treat sex like a lifelong commitment, and the only way anyone will respect me is if I respect myself—my body included. Yet it doesn’t seem like you practice what you preach, does it?”

I gave up. Not on the fight, but on my restraint.

“This is how it’s going to go…ready? You’re going to go to your father’s for your weekend with him, and when you come back, you’ll do so with a little more tact and a lot less attitude. You’ll come home with the understanding that I’m the adult, and as such, you won’t speak to me in this manner and get away with it. I don’t owe you anything—not an explanation, not a discussion, nothing. I’ve given you enough, and I’m done. The level of disrespect you’ve shown me is disgusting, and I refuse to deal with it any longer.”

“Fine. Then maybe I’ll just stay at Dad’s.”

“If that’s what you want, then I can’t stop you. Just keep in mind that if you do, that means you’ll have to go to a different school for your senior year, because he doesn’t live in this district. And I won’t use my address just to keep you there with your friends.”

“You’d really make me transfer in my last year?”

I ran my palms against the smooth, hard wood and leaned forward. “I didn’t graduate high school, because making sure you were taken care of was more important than my diploma. I never went to college; I couldn’t do that, work to pay the bills, and raise you at the same time. It took me sixteen years to buy a house, just so you had a stable place to live and come home to during breaks from school, because every penny I’ve ever earned has gone to you. And now, I’ve given up the one person I’ve ever been in love with, all because you can’t stand the fact that he’s eighteen. I’ve sacrificed everything for you, and not once have I ever asked for anything in return. So don’t you dare act like I’m the selfish one for saying you’ll have to change schools if you decide to leave me to live with your father.”

The words spilled out without an ounce of forethought. It wasn’t until I took a breath that I even grasped what I had said. I’d never wanted to throw in her face the things I’d done for her; they were selfless acts. Nothing a parent did for their child should ever be used as a weapon against them, yet I’d inadvertently done just that. I’d only meant to put things into perspective for her, make her realize I wasn’t the heartless person she made me out to be.

But what shocked me the most was what I’d said about Ash.

The truth that I’d denied myself for months.

It came out as if I’d said those words a hundred times.

The one person I’ve ever been in love with.

I clearly needed a moment before I found myself groveling at her feet, begging her to forgive me. While she deserved my apology for wielding my sacrifices around like a double-edged sword meant to slay her into submission, giving her that would only reinstate her theory that she held all the power.

Taking a step away, I regained control of my breathing and steadied my voice to say, “Go to your father’s for the weekend. I’ll see you on Sunday. If you decide you want to live with him, we can discuss it later. For right now, I think it’s best if we leave things the way they are, without making any decisions out of anger or spite. We’ve both said and done things that have hurt the other, and if we have any hope to rebuild and move forward, we both need the time to settle down.”

I didn’t need to wait for her approval, yet I did so anyway. And as soon as she offered me a solemn nod, I turned and headed to my room, closing the door behind me so she wouldn’t see me break down. I then went to the bathroom, turned on the water in the shower, and sat on the toilet lid with my face in my hands, breathing through my sobs so she wouldn’t hear me fall apart.

Ash had told me I wouldn’t crumble.

Yet that’s exactly what I did.

An entire weekend home alone had allowed me a lot of time to think—mostly about my feelings for Ash, as well as what he’d said in his kitchen while I attempted to clean his wound. He loved me. And I loved him.

But my daughter would never accept it.

And because of that, I couldn’t have him. Not if it came at the cost of driving a wedge between Emma and me. She was all I had. My family had pretty much turned their backs on me after I’d gotten pregnant, and ever since then, it’d been the two of us.

When I bought this house, I had high hopes that it would give her stability. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect living here would tear us apart. Granted, I couldn’t blame the house. And in truth, I couldn’t even blame Ash. I’d been the one who fell for him, possibly before he ever turned eighteen—not by choice.

Had Will not been home this weekend, I might’ve given in and gone to see him. My heart still ached for Ash, and I doubted I’d ever find someone who could make me feel the way he did. I was a fool to believe we could keep things strictly physical. I was a stupid, stupid girl for ignoring the signs from the start.

It was like racing down a highway with warnings of the road closed ahead, seeing them, yet telling myself I would exit the interstate before that happened. And now, I was stuck, buried beneath the wreckage of my stupidity, bleeding out without a single person around to save me.

The only way Emma would help was if I agreed never to get behind the wheel again—or at the very least, never travel down that same road. And while I was willing to do those things for her, it killed me every time I thought about how that highway made me feel…carefree, unafraid to live and chase what made me happy.

“So, does this mean you’ve decided to stay here?” I asked her after she returned on Sunday. It would be an understatement to say things were strained, and talking to her felt much like walking on broken glass.

She glanced away, eyes squinted as if she had to give my question deep consideration before responding. Finally, she shrugged, yet she didn’t bother to cast her gaze my way before speaking. “I would like to, but if I’m being honest, I’m still very confused about everything.”

“Like what? Maybe talking about it might help.” It wouldn’t, but it was worth a shot.

“On Friday, you told me he’s the only guy you’ve ever loved.” Swinging her attention to me once more, she pinned me against the couch with the intensity of her stare. “Is that true? Did you really feel that way about him?”

I wanted to correct her and tell her I still did, but that wouldn’t get me very far, so I kept my opinion to myself. “Yes, Emma. I know you think I’m going through some mid-life crisis or something, but I’m not.”

“I guess I just don’t understand how or why you’d even get involved with someone his age. Like how does that even happen?”

This was the part she needed to know, yet until now, I hadn’t been able to explain. Not because I wasn’t sure how, but because she hadn’t given me the chance. All she knew was what she saw when she’d entered my room without knocking—something that would definitely change from here on out. It was easy to infer a number of things based on the compromising position we were in plus our ages. However, none of those conclusions would come close to the truth.

“For a while, I was under the impression he was older. I made the mistake of assuming he was in his twenties, and he kept the truth from me for about a month. By the time I found out, I’d already—”

“Ew…gross, Mom. I don’t want to hear the disgusting details.”

“No. That’s just it, Emma. Ash and I spent months without ever touching. We talked, we shared things, we got to know each other. Even when I thought he was older, he kept the lines clear in the forefront of his mind, never blurring them or taking advantage of the fact that I didn’t even know there were lines. We never did anything wrong.”

“Wait.” She frantically waved with both hands, forcing me to stop and listen. “Months? How long has this been going on? Since Thanksgiving, hasn’t it? I knew it. I walked into something when I came home.”

I shook my head, my heart hammering against my sternum. “No, honey.”

“Then when? When did it start?”

“Initially? When we first moved in.”

“Since last summer?” Her eyes widened, her mouth agape, surprise intensifying every aspect of her expression.

“Technically, yes. That’s when I believed he was in his twenties. It wasn’t until the Fourth of July that I found out his age…as well as the fact that he was still in high school—is still in high school, I mean. By then, I think I’d already fallen for him. But I swear to you, once I learned he was only seventeen, I cut ties. I stopped talking to him, avoided him at all costs. I’m not the person this situation has painted me to be.”

She dropped her head into her hands and took several deep breaths, her shoulders rising and falling with each one. After a moment, she lifted her face, but only to stare at the wall across the room, not once chancing a glance my way.

“I know you don’t understand this, Emma. I’ve always known you would have an issue with it, and I’m sorry it all came out the way it did. You’ve made your feelings known. I’m not asking you to change your mind or give the idea of us a chance…just show me a little respect, please.”

“You said you cut ties once before, but that clearly didn’t stop you from going back to him. What’s stopping you from doing it again and keeping it a secret like you did last time? What happens if I come home one day and find the two of you on the couch? Then what?”

These were all valid questions and concerns, and she deserved my honesty, no matter how badly the truth would burn my tongue. “It won’t happen again. It was easier to give in last time, because no one knew. So there was no one to object to the relationship. But as long as you disagree or are uncomfortable with the two of us being together, we won’t be. You’re my daughter, and no matter what, you come first. No matter how badly it hurts me to give him up, it doesn’t come close to how much it would kill me to lose you.”

Confusion crossed her eyes, and for a moment, hope filled my chest, blossoming at the thought she’d feel guilty for making me choose and tell me she would learn to live with a relationship between Ash and me for my sake, to make me happy. To put me first. But I should’ve known better.

She stole the wind from my sails when she said, “I’ll never be okay with it, Mom. I’m sorry, I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I can’t. It’s too weird. Even listening to you explain how it all happened, trying to picture it in my head as if you were talking about other people, I can’t wrap my mind around it. It’s disgusting.”

“I’m not asking you to accept it. I just wanted to answer your questions in the hopes you’ll quit expecting me to hit on your friends. The only thing I care about is you and me moving on. What’s done is done. We can’t change it, can’t rewind time and take it away. I did what I did, you said what you said, and now it’s time to decide where we go from here.”

Regret weighed heavily in her downturned gaze as she fought against the emotion that rimmed her eyes red. “I’m sorry, Mom,” she whispered, though it felt more like a smack across the face. That was…until she shrugged and added, “I said some really awful things to you, treated you horribly, and you didn’t deserve that. But I can’t lie…imagining you with Ash makes me suspicious of you with other guys my age. Trust me, I don’t want to think that way, but I can’t help it. It’s stuck in my head, and the only thing I can tell you is that maybe in time, it’ll go away. But as of right now, I’m not convinced.”

“Does this mean you’re willing to give it time, though?”

“Yes, Mom. I’m not moving out.” Her decision had likely been determined by what high school she’d have to graduate from. But I chose to push that thought aside and focus on the fact that my daughter wouldn’t be packing up and leaving a year earlier than I’d originally anticipated.

For the first time all weekend, I could breathe again. Nevertheless, each inhalation served as a reminder that while my lungs worked to supply oxygen to my brain, my heart remained stilted, broken, unable to beat sufficiently.

And I doubted it would for a very long time.

Until either Emma changed her mind, or I found someone capable of pressing play and bringing me back to life the way Ash had done. Though, I doubted the latter would happen. He was right when he’d said the longer I went stuck on pause, the more distant that side of me would become. And eventually, she’d fade away, never to be found again.

Although, Ash believed that part of me had taken a break from reality to assume the responsibilities that had come along with becoming a mother at such a young age. That wasn’t true. If anything, I had locked her away, waiting for someone to let her out. Like King Arthur with the sword, I doubted more than one person possessed the key.

And it seemed the only one who could free the fun-loving side of me happened to be the same person my daughter refused to accept. In the end…I chose my child over myself, over my own happiness. Yet that certainly didn’t make me feel like mother of the fucking year.

I peeked through the large window in my office, the one that faced the teller desk. Mallory held up all five fingers with a grin, telling me how much time she had left with her customer, and then she went back to what she was doing. I’d locked the front door a few minutes ago; now I just waited for them to finish so I could let the gentleman out.

Returning to my cell, I finished my text to Emma, letting her know I’d be leaving soon.

Over the last three weeks, our relationship had slowly shifted back to normal. Meanwhile, my emotional state resembled the aftermath of a city swept away by a tsunami after being blown down by a hurricane and then torn apart by an earthquake.

Living next door to Ash made everything infinitely worse. For a while, it’d caused Emma to distrust me, which had led to many tension-filled evenings. Since our heart-to-heart, she’d spent one weekend at her father’s house, but when she came home that Sunday, I had to deal with her uncertainties. It wasn’t easy, but I’d kept my mouth shut and allowed her to do what she felt was necessary.

It wasn’t like I had anything to hide. The only times I saw Ash were when I drove past his house, catching him in his garage. No wave, no smile, and after a week, he’d stopped glancing my way. If anything, it appeared he’d mastered the art of avoidance, while I continued to flounder with the concept.

It was what it was.

Nothing I could do to change it.

I dropped the phone into my purse, set it on the corner of my desk, and grabbed the bank keys, hoping they were almost done at the counter. Mallory was a sweet girl, yet she really needed a lesson in time management. With as great as she was at opening new accounts, I had no doubt she’d break records if she just figured out how to pick up the pace.

My cell chirped from my bag behind me, but I was halfway out of my office and didn’t care to go back. I assumed it was Emma returning my message with something as simple as “K.” I caught Mallory’s famous tell-tale grin, which signaled the end of their transaction. And while the gentleman, dressed in a navy-blue business suit, slipped his paperwork into his messenger bag, Mallory rounded the counter to meet me on the other side.

His lime-green eyes met mine, just before his lips spread into a beautiful grin. Maybe I’d never paid attention before, or maybe Emma had hung posters around town advertising that I needed a man my age. Either way, I found it odd that I’d caught the attention of more men lately, at least ten times as many as all the years I’d been here combined.

Although, I’d apparently been smiling more myself.

I had several people tell me today they’d noticed how much happier I seemed since last month. Then again, that might’ve had something to do with spending the entire weekend with Emma. It was the first time since spring break that I felt some semblance of normalcy where she was concerned. Even though the rest of my life was an utter shitshow, I had my daughter, and that was all that mattered.

Granted, yesterday was Easter Sunday, which meant we’d had the entire three-day holiday weekend together—her dad had taken his family on a trip, so I didn’t even have to split my day with her this year. Not only that, but now that she and Thomas had broken up, she had more time for me—when she wasn’t with Tori, that is. Something told me her split with Thomas had something to do with the fight between Ash and him several weeks ago, yet whenever I asked, she played it off as no big deal.

I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter as long as my relationship with my daughter was back on stable ground. Just thinking about that made my lips stretch wider. There was a good chance the gentleman approaching me believed my smile had been meant for him, especially with the way he eyed me up and down like I stood before him naked, but I didn’t let that clear away the genuine happiness that burned my cheeks.

Thumbing through the keys in my hand, I searched for the one that fit in the front door to let the man out. But then Mallory gasped, and the blood in my veins turned to ice.

There’s a distinct difference between the sound of someone taking a breath and that of sheer terror, even if you’d never heard it before.

I froze, and the keys fell from my fingers, clamoring to the tile with far less sound than what echoed in my ears. However, even without her subtle warning, I would’ve eventually figured it out on my own…when I lifted my gaze and came face to face with the barrel of a black, steel handgun. At that moment, that was all I could focus on.

Until he ordered, “Pick up the keys,” in a menacing, harsh tone.

But when I closed my eyes to do as he commanded, heat consumed every cell of my body. Tingles danced along my skin, like someone had covered me in a fuzzy blanket. And once my heart rate slowed to a calming rhythm, I dropped to my knees.

However, as the most reassuring peace cradled me like an infant, two thoughts continuously looped through my mind—Emma and Ash. Ash and Emma. Over and over again.