Big Sur was magic.

We’d arrived for the photo shoot only an hour ago. I was standing with Lucia on rocky cliffs, hair whipped by the wind, and staring at an angry ocean. Dark storm clouds hovered on the horizon, and rows of lavender-colored lupine spread down the rocks toward the sand.

I inhaled the colors and textures of this outcropping and turned around to look at the tiny cabin I’d be living in for the next three days.

“I fucking love it,” I told Lucia who stood huddled and annoyed next to me. “And you know I’m not nature’s biggest fan. But this… this is inspiration.”

I looked at Lu, picturing the colors of Big Sur painted on her porcelain skin. All that wildness come to life.

Lucia glanced behind us toward Calvin Ellis, our host for the next three days. He was talking with Ray or rather being talked at by Ray. Cal couldn’t seem to maintain eye contact, continually blushing as Ray’s hands waved through the air.

“He’s cute,” I said to Lu, nudging her with my shoulder. “And his bookstore is cool.”

Her lips tugged up, but she didn’t say anything at first. Before modeling took over her life, Lucia had been a total bookworm. I knew she’d fallen in love with The Mad Ones—our funky location for the next few days—but hadn’t said anything yet. The cabins we were staying in were an extension of the bookstore, previously owned by his grandfather who had passed away five months ago. Calvin had told us that The Mad Ones used to be a bohemian hideaway for famous writers and poets, and they’d often stay in the cabins as a sort of retreat, gaining inspiration from the dramatic scenery around them.

I understood that desire. I wasn’t a writer, but I was an artist even though people often rolled their eyes when I told them what I did. Makeup wasn’t considered an art form, but I sure as hell believed it was.

And standing here, overlooking this view?

Inspiration.

“When was the last time you traveled to some place so far off the grid?” Lucia finally asked, tucking her arm through mine. We started to walk along the edge, the wind growing stronger.

“Maybe… never?” I said, thinking back. When my parents and I returned to Mexico, we always stayed in the urban hub of Guadalajara. And for work, it was always London, Milan, Paris: bright, bustling cities. “It’s not my usual scene,” I admitted. “Although maybe the change will do us some good. See… trees. Or… shit I don’t know, birds? Do birds live up here?”

Lucia laughed again.

I tugged her closer. “Plus, you’ll be moving to Paris soon. Think of this as a three-day best friend retreat. There’s no cell service, so we can actually talk to each other. Take a break from the nightlife. Actually sleep.”

“And the internet?” Lucia asked with an edge to her voice.

As a celebrity makeup artist, I had to sell an image of myself just as much as Lucia, but I’d decided early on to keep it in check. To not let it run my entire life. But Lucia was online every waking moment and had been antsy since we’d pulled up to The Mad Ones.

Antsy and irritated. Except when she was talking to Calvin.

“It’s three days; you can make it,” I reminded her. “Plus, when you’re done talking to me, you can talk to Calvin.”

“Why would I do that?” she said dryly, but she peeked over her shoulder toward where he stood.

“Because he’s cute, and he wears glasses, and he loves books.”

Lucia stiffened. “Not my scene anymore,” she said firmly.

I dropped the subject. “The photo shoot’s going to go great, mija. Te vas a ver hermosa,” I reminded her.

She nodded but didn’t respond. We stood in silence for a while, and I let Big Sur soak into my skin, my thoughts.

And then I heard Clarke’s voice. Do you think Shay Miller would have chosen you if Lucia hadn’t persuaded him?

On instinct, I reached for my phone, needing a distraction.

And then I remembered. No internet. No service.

I grit my teeth, willing his voice to go away. Angry that after two years he could still crowd my brain with barbed words.

“What are you thinking about?” Lucia asked me, eyes searching my face.

“Oh, nothing,” I said breezily, turning away.

She squeezed my fingers in silent understanding. Lucia understood most of all.

Maybe this time in Big Sur without distractions would be good for the healing process. After what Clarke did, I filled my life with light and sound. Anything to drown him out. In fact, standing here, overlooking the ocean, was the first time I’d heard him in months. He seemed to sense when I was getting stronger, even though he was no longer in my life.

But maybe if I stopped distracting myself, he’d finally go away.

These past two years, I learned that my rational thoughts were a goddamn joke against the manipulations of my irrational mind. An outsider would say: don’t listen.

But it was like trying to concentrate on a challenging math problem while a radio blared in your ear.

A radio you could never ever turn off.

“We should head back,” Lucia said. “You and I need to meet with hair and wardrobe to go over tomorrow’s first looks.”

“Of course.” I smiled weakly then held out my arms dramatically. “Let’s do the damn thing. Josie and Lucia Take Big Sur. Experience Mother Nature For the First Time.”

“Learn to live without Instagram,” Lucia said.

“See a real-life bird.”

“Go to sleep at a reasonable hour.”

I was laughing now. “Maybe even… see the sun come up from bed. Not walking home from a club.”

Lucia stopped in her tracks, looking appalled. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

I laughed louder, the sound loosening the tightness in my chest. “You’re right. I’m sure we’ll be murdering each other by sundown.”