I was seriously starting to consider the possibility that my brain had split into two personalities. One part heard the news that the rockslide had been cleared, that we were free to leave, and wanted to dance the fucking jig. No more confusion over Gabe! No more vulnerability! No more small-town country living!

The other, louder, more obnoxious part of my brain wanted to curl up in Gabe’s cozy bed and never leave. Just spend my days alternately tying him up and then having long conversations as we walked through the woods.

I mean, did I really need to make money?

In the morning, as I’d crawled back to Lucia’s cabin, she’d sank in front of me, held my hands, and demanded a reality check. Things with her and Calvin had gotten serious quickly, and suddenly our week-long fun flings both felt decidedly different.

“Look at me,” she’d said, and my eyes filled with tears. “You just met Gabe. One week ago.”

“Right,” I said, miserably.

“How well do you really know him?”

I sighed, petulant. “I guess… I guess I know him as well as you can know someone in a week. But—”

“No buts,” she’d said firmly. “What conceivable future do you have with him?”

“None,” I said, and the jig-dancing part of my brain cheered. “Which is why this is so terrible. I mean, my career is in L.A. My contacts are in L.A. There isn’t a big need for makeup artists here. And Gabe? This place is his life. He’s who everyone comes to for wisdom over a drink. For a kind word. He’ll probably be the mayor in twenty years.”

I was surprised that I could put what I was feeling into words. Because we hadn’t necessarily talked about a potential future together, just delicately danced around it.

Except for this morning, when Gabe had held my wrist and wondered if we could be different together.

“Which means leaving here to move to Los Angeles with a woman he barely knows is just not in the cards, now is it?” Her eyes had that crazed look she got when she’d held the same idiotic pose for six hours straight on set. And I knew this wasn’t just about me.

“Lucia,” I said quietly. “Who are you trying to convince here?” Because that girl was pining… pining for Calvin and refused to admit it.

She opened her mouth to respond but then closed it and leaned forward as I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry. I just thought… with your history… I don’t know. Do you want to be talked into something? Or talked out of something?” she said.

“I think I just want to be sad,” I said, suddenly so awash in the feeling I could only let Lucia hold me as I felt it. I didn’t cry, but I was mourning something.

And then our heart-to-heart had been interrupted by Calvin, asking Lucia out on one last date. To which she’d said yes, regardless of the consequences.

She came back inside, grinning like a loon, and fell backward onto the bed.

“You’re going to need to help me find the right outfit. Something that says: I want to have hot sex tonight and explore our deep, personal connection. However, I do not want to think about our lack of a future.”

“What about a romper?” I said dryly, tapping my finger against my lips. She laughed, turning to look at me.

“I know I’m making it harder,” she said, biting her lip.

I shrugged, staring out the window. We had one night left here before we drove home at dawn. Could I do what Lucia was doing? Subject myself to equal amounts of pleasure and pain with Gabe?

“Josie,” she started. “If Gabe called and wanted to see you tonight, wanted to talk about the possibility of a relationship, what would you tell him?”

“No,” I said, firmly. “Because I don’t want to live here. What I want is to live in a fantasy-dimension where Big Sur and Los Angeles are the exact same fucking place.”

“Fair,” she smiled. “But… what else? Because you seem conflicted, and I would be too. But what if tonight…” she sat up, grabbing my hand. “What if tonight we were brave?”

“Brave?”

She nodded. “Like we were talking about the other day. Something about Big Sur is changing me. It’s all the natural beauty. The wildness. It makes me want to be reckless. Seize the moment. The day.” Another smile. “Say fuck the future.”

I remembered standing on top of that fallen redwood tree. The blissful freedom of the forest, how the gravity of nature seemed to mute my anxieties.

“Okay,” I said. “So. If I was… being brave—” I said, and Lucia nodded in encouragement. “I would… I would want to keep seeing Gabe. In a… relationship.” The word felt heavy and awkward on my tongue. Lu’s eyes widened. “Long distance,” I finished. “Just… phone calls. Coming to visit each other. That kind of thing.”

“Maybe one of you would end up—”

“No way in hell,” I laughed. “We’re both too stubborn to move. But… if I was going to seize the moment, then yes. I’d want a light relationship with Gabe. Limited. No strings.”

“That’s a big fucking deal, mija,” Lucia mused, eyes searching mine. Because it was. Not to some people, but to me it was the equivalent of staring down at a map and declaring the Earth to be flat. “To be honest, I actually didn’t expect you to say that.”

“Well, there’s no possibility of us having a real future. Just a right now. And I’m… okay with that,” I said slowly, expecting a veritable force of butterflies to take flight in my stomach.

But instead I actually felt… almost normal. Thought of Gabe rubbing my feet and grinning bashfully in his room. His trust in me. My inherent trust in him. If I was going to place the responsibility in anyone’s hands, it would be his.

“I’m okay with you being okay,” she said.

I bit my lip. “Me too.”

Gabe called while Lucia was in the shower, which was probably a good thing.

“How are you?” Gabe asked, his deep voice so kind I did almost burst into tears. Just because.

“I’m good,” I said. “Just… packing to leave.”

There was a bit of a silence, and I could hear the rowdy sounds of The Bar.

“You’ve got company?” I teased.

“Oh, just the usual functional alcoholics that run this town—ouch! Gladys, that fucking hurt.” Muffled sounds, then his voice was back. “Excuse me, my bar is merely filled with the lovely, law-abiding citizens of Big Sur.”

I laughed, and I could feel him smiling over the line.

“Listen. No pressure at all, and you might not even want to see me, but Lucia is bringing Cal over tonight for his birthday—” he said.

“I know. Believe me, we’ve talked about it,” I said, laughing.

“Well, so, after that I’m free for a couple hours. Do you want to… come by?” His shy hesitancy, so unlike him, shook me to my core. “I just thought, since it’s your last night in Big Sur, we could just hang out in The Bar if you want? Totally casual. I’ll even light the fireplace and kick out the law-abiding citizens.”

I smiled, even though the rational part of my brain was chanting the word NO like crazed cheerleaders at a high-school football game.

But Lucia and I were going to be brave. I could do it.

Right?

“Yes,” I said breathlessly. “I’ll be there.”

Five hours and one-hundred outfits later, Lucia was standing in front of me looking like a blonde goddess.

“Thank you for the clothing montage,” she said as I applied a coat of blood-red lipstick to her lips. Even off the clock, I itched to put makeup on people. “And for the support. And for not telling me that seeing Cal one last time tonight is only going to make tomorrow even harder.”

“You’re welcome. And thank you for not doing the same thing when I tell you that I’m also going to see Gabe tonight.”

She gave me a little shove, and I giggled.

“Watch it or you’ll smear,” I teased.

“Lucky lady! You’re just now telling me?”

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “It’s after he helps you with your date.”

“Small role,” Lu said. “I’ll only need him for, like, an hour tops.” Her hands were on her hips as she looked out the window, checking for Cal.

My best friend was nervous.

“No, it’s good,” I said slowly, watching Lu. “He’s a good friend to Cal. I like seeing that. Clarke didn’t have friends the way Gabe does, didn’t have relationships the way Gabe does. Gabe is… just really fucking kind.”

Lucia’s head whipped toward me, a strange look on her face “I think that’s beautiful, Jo. Tell him what you’re feeling. Just be honest.”

I snorted. “I will if you will.”

I stared her down for about thirty seconds before she said, “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Pinky swear,” I said, wondering what on Earth I was going to fucking tell him. Or how. Or even logistically what was possible. But I felt swept up in the moment, and the one side of my brain had beaten the other into silence.

“Let’s go be brave,” Lucia said just as Cal knocked on the door.