Chapter Forty
Theo
At this hour of the day, we almost have the whole cafeteria to ourselves. A few people mingle around before they go back to visit with family members, but it’s not jam-packed like it is during lunch times. In complete silence, Darla and I sit in a booth, eating. Even hospital food tastes delicious tonight. For the first time in forever, I’m able to actually breathe. Getting oxygen and glucose to my brain helps my mood. I believe our little girl is getting better. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“Theo, do you think she’s going to make it?” Darla pleads with her eyes for me to give her some medical wisdom.
I put down my fork and wipe my face with a napkin. “Honestly, I don’t know, but I feel like she is. I completely feel it. I can’t explain it. God has given me a peace about this whole situation.”
She lets out a breath. “I feel it too. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but maybe it’s divine intervention. I don’t know.” She scoops up another forkful of rice and stuffs it in her mouth. “This is usually nasty-tasting, but it’s good today.”
I shovel food in as fast as I can. I’m so weak from lack of food, lack of sleep, and from giving blood that my fork won’t hold still as I lift it to my mouth. I could sleep for a week if my brain would shut off for a second.
“What did you mean by being a quart low?” she asks.
Crap. I was hoping she didn’t pick up on that. “That’s a phrase for when you give blood, that’s all.” I dare not make eye contact, because she’s getting way too good at reading my mind.
She puts her hand on mine before I can lift the fork again. Shit. She doesn’t buy it.
“How many times?”
“How many times, what?” I ask.
She stares at me, and I cannot will my eyes away from her gaze.
I clear my throat. “Three times,” I mumble.
“Three times?” She sits back in the booth. “In a little over a week, you donated three times? Are you crazy?”
“Shh. Yes, I’m crazy. Crazy in love with our little girl, and if you had her blood type, you would have done the same thing. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have.” I point my fork at her. A piece of my sesame chicken drops off my fork and onto her plate.
She picks it up and eats it. “That’s where you were. I thought you couldn’t take the responsibility of being a parent, when all along…” She wipes tears from her eyes.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I had to bribe them to take my blood the last time, and they had to admit me because my sugar tanked. After that, Tommy had to donate blood to give to me. It was like a round-robin of donations. Crap, I guess I owe him one now.”
Her mouth drops. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I reach over the table and slide a strand of hair behind her ear. “Because you had enough on your plate, and I was fine. You didn’t need two babies to worry about. And before you get mad at Tommy, I made him promise not to say anything.”
“I know this is all new to you, but you’re already a very good daddy.”
My fork clatters onto the table. That’s the highest compliment anyone could ever give me. And hearing it from Darla is like winning an award for best actor. “You think so?”
“Yeah, you’re playing catch-up quite nicely.”
I sit up straighter. “I’m good, ain’t I?”
She rolls her eyes. “And modest too. Some things never change. I have to say, you make pretty babies.”
I shrug. “We make pretty babies.”
Silence surrounds us again. The elephant is still in the room, and I can feel the tension creep up my spine. By the way she bites on her lip, Darla must feel it too.
“You probably had recently started medical school when I found out I was pregnant. Mallory sent me that card by email.”
I lean back in the booth and focus on the ceiling. She has to let it out, and I love her, so I have to accept her reasoning, whether it makes sense to me or not.
“She announced to everyone you were the love of her life. Finally, I had a real name. Do you know how many Romeos there are in this world?”
I almost laugh.
“So, one of the email recipients was [email protected] It had to be you, so I sent an email to it. Nothing.”
“I know.”
Her eyes bug out of their sockets. “What?”
I lean forward. “After you shooed me away earlier, my family converged on me for an intervention. I think it would have been more fun if I was a crack addict. Tommy told me what happened.”
“I thought you didn’t want us. I thought you wanted Mallory.”
My jaw drops. I slump in my chair and let out a deep groan.
“After that, I didn’t know what to do. I felt so… lost.” Her eyes tell me everything I need to know. She didn’t hide Stella from me, and she didn’t do anything out of spite. She really didn’t know what to do. And most importantly, I know she tried.
“And when you came back, I thought you already knew, so I didn’t say anything. When it was obvious you were clueless, you had been back a while. I tried to tell you, but I panicked because I was afraid of how you would take it. Then, everything kind of snowballed out of control.” She stares off and takes a deep breath. “I guess I lost that round, huh?”
“You will be penalized one hundred points.”
She leans back in her chair and breathes a sigh of relief. Her mouth tilts up in a small smile. “Wow. You’re serious. Shouldn’t Tommy and Mallory get penalized too?”
“Oh, you leave Tommy to me.”
“And Mallory? She knew I was into you at the party, and she deliberately kept you to herself for seven years.”
I look down at my food. “I think she’s penitent, but it’s too late. No physician at work will give her the time of day.”
“She’s not a bad person. I think she’s too… assertive.”
Ain’t that the truth?
I throw my hands in the air. I could have had the girl of my dreams and my daughter all this time. Even though I’m upset about missing out on so much, I know Tommy didn’t do anything to hurt me. Neither did Jennifer or Darla. I just wish she would have told me all of this back on the first day of orientation. Now that I know everything, I understand why she was so confused, mad, and stressed. She thought I was an arrogant jerk that didn’t want our baby. It all makes perfect sense now.
“Talk about not getting the memo,” I say.
She giggles. Boy, it has been a long time since I heard that sweet laugh of hers. I sit back and take a deep breath. I feel as though I have run a marathon. I sit up straight again and lean across the table. “Now let me ask you something. How often have you left that waiting room?”
“Other than to pee or change clothes, not much.”
I point at her. “See, that’s a good mommy.”
She shrugs, and we’re enveloped in silence again. I feel as if that elephant is sitting on my chest.
“I told Stella,” she finally says.
“What?” I ask, fork dangling in midair.
She blushes. “I wanted to tell her before she was sedated. So before she went into surgery the first time, I told her you were her daddy.”
“How did she take it?”
“She said ‘yes’ and fist-bumped me.”
I grin. “That’s my girl.”
“Your girl?”
“Our girl.”
We eat in silence for a bit, but I have to ask. Not knowing is eating me up. I missed so much. “What was it like being pregnant with Stella?”
She beams with pride. She scrolls past our birthday photos on her phone then stops on one picture and hands me the phone. “Diane took this right before I went to the hospital to deliver.”
It’s as though I’m staring at an angel. Darla looks the same, except she has the cutest bulging belly and this glow about her that I cannot describe. If I wasn’t in love with her before, this picture would have sealed the deal. She’s carrying our child. She didn’t have to, but she did.
“Oh, Darla, you’re so beautiful. So happy.”
“Happy and scared. Terrified, actually. Here’s something you’ll find more interesting.” She swipes a few more pictures out of the way. “Here’s the first picture of your daughter.”
The tears stream down my face again. I can’t stop them. “I’m so sorry I missed—”
“Nope. We don’t use that word anymore. It’s not your fault, remember?”
I wipe my face dry. There’s one more item we need to clear up, and I would rather do it in private, not in front of the entire cafeteria staff and the few nurses currently on break.
I slide out of the booth. “Let’s go outside for a stroll. When’s the last time you got some fresh air?”
“Jennifer dragged me outside for about five minutes a few days ago, but I felt guilty, so I headed back in.”
I take her hand. “Let me show you my favorite spot to de-stress when I’m working nights.”
We take the elevator to the top floor of the hospital and walk out onto the rooftop patio. All the seats around the potted plants are vacant. Moths fly around the luminous black lanterns strung from pole to pole. Raised flower beds line the space between each set of benches, and the fragrance from summer-blooming shrubs fills the air. At this time of night, it’s very peaceful up here. There’s hardly a sound except for an occasional car driving down the road and the low hum of air conditioner units. We’re the only ones here. Everyone else who knows about this place is more than likely at home by now.
I lead Darla to the middle of the patio, where the strings of lanterns meet in a peak. “What do you think?”
She spins in circles. “I didn’t know this even existed. It’s so quiet, and you can see the whole city from here.” She has never looked sexier.
“Do you remember when I mentioned I wanted to do Doctors Without Borders?”
Her eyes stay fixed on her sneakers as she nods.
“I still want to do that, but Dr. Frank from the ER goes every year for a week or two and takes his entire family. Maybe someday, I’ll do that, but I had another idea. After you cut your hand, it got me thinking.”
She waves her hand in my face. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s all better now.”
I kiss the small line where the tuna can cut her hand.
She wraps her fingers around mine and gives my hand a squeeze. “An urgent care center could have fixed it up if one was open that time of night.”
“Exactly. There needs to be an urgent care center open twenty-four, seven. It could free up the ER to focus on sucking chest wounds and cardiac emergencies.”
“What if it had a flat rate for each visit? That way, people who don’t have doctors can afford preventive care too.”
I love this woman. She has a heart of gold. “I’d need a nurse who… knows what’s going on. You could wear that ridiculous T-shirt of yours if you want. You know, the one about talking to a nurse because she’ll know what’s going on.”
She rewards me with an eye roll.
“What do you say? Want to work with me?”
“Heck yeah.”
I give her a wink. “I’ve got a proposal written up for Dr. Frank to review. We’ll see what he says.”
She gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I think it’s brilliant.”
Heat rushes up my neck. I take her by the hand, lead her to the balcony edge, and lean against the half wall that surrounds the entire patio space. It reminds me of a castle turret in King Arthur days.
I clear my throat. If I don’t say this now, I’ll forever be kicking myself in the butt for not making things right. “I know that the S word is supposed to be removed from our vocabulary, but I have to apologize for something.”
“No, you don’t.”
I take both of her trembling hands in mine and draw her close to me so I can see her face. “I promised you that I would be patient and kind and not hold a grudge. I assured you I wouldn’t freak out, and that’s exactly what I did.”
She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, and her lip quivers. Shit.
“What I did was a complete misunderstanding. But you left me alone when I needed you the most. I needed you to be my strength.”
“I am so sorry. I don’t think I could have hurt you any more than I did. That’s not the real me. There were so many times I wanted to hold you until you cried yourself to sleep, but I was too hurt and stubborn. It’s not a valid excuse.” I rub her shoulders. “I promise you I will never let you down again. Please forgive me.”
She sniffles. “I wish I had told you sooner. I wish so many things. She’s the only thing that kept me going for so many years. She’s been my little ray of sunshine.” Sadness crosses her face.
“Stella is a gift. And I don’t want to lose another minute being angry with you about our precious gift that’s fighting for her life downstairs. I love you, Darla. Please say I haven’t pushed you away.”
She sobs into her hands. I can’t tell what she’s thinking. I don’t know if the things we’ve said to one another have made it too impossible for us to fix our relationship. My apology may be too late.
She lunges for me and wraps her arms around my neck so tightly that I’m afraid I’ll collapse from lack of energy and oxygen. But I hold on to her as if my life depends on it.
“I love you too,” she whispers against my neck.
Adrenaline kicks in, and I’m not in the least bit tired anymore. I stroke her hair as we stand there, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Oh, and one more thing,” I murmur in her ear. “That Hangman game was fun. It was a lot of fun.”
She laughs.
I step back from her and remove the crumpled piece of paper from my front jeans pocket. “I’ve got to know. Who do you think sent me all these clues?” I show her the Hangman printout.
“I have no idea who did this.”
“Good, because I think whoever wrote this has a serious case of dyslexia. It says ‘you have a,’ and after that, the next word is all jumbled. I’m assuming it’s supposed to spell out ‘daughter.’”
We both study the clues.
Darla gasps and growls. “Isaac is dyslexic. He promised to stay out of it. He’s going in the naughty chair.”
“Leave him be. He put a fire under my butt to do something. I certainly didn’t need to wait around for another frat party.”
She rolls her eyes. “Ha-ha. Wait a second.” She snatches the puzzle from me and reads the clues again. “He might have designed the puzzle, but there’s no way he knew about all this and where I’d be. I think he had a partner in crime.”
“Maybe Shelby?”
“She said she didn’t know anything about this. She’s gonna get it if it was her.”
“Doesn’t matter.” I take her face in my hands and kiss her lips, softly at first. She wraps her arms around my waist, and one hand slides under my shirt. When my tongue finds hers, I come alive again.
I break away long enough to whisper, “You know, there’s over five hundred beds in this hospital. What do you want to bet that there’s at least one that’s not being used?” I wiggle my eyebrows.
She pops me on the shoulder. “You’re awful. Tell me that doctors do not do that.”
I shrug and hold my hands up in defense. “All I know is that there’s a list in the residents’ lounge that shows where the empty beds are every night. I’m speculating what it’s for.” I’m sure my dimple has made an appearance.
“No, absolutely not.” Even though she protests, she has a goofy grin plastered on her face.
“Actually, I walked in on two doctors one night. It almost blinded me.”
She giggles. “That is totally unprofessional, and I cannot believe adults would do things like that.”
I pin her against the half wall of the patio and nuzzle her neck. “And rumor has it there’s an entire research unit that shuts down on the weekends. Today is Saturday, right?”
“What if Dr. Michaels needs to update us on Stella?”
I pat my back pocket. “I’ve got my phone, and he can also page me if he needs to reach us. You’d be surprised how fast I can get dressed when I have to.”
She nibbles on the inside of her mouth then pushes me aside. “I want to see that list right now.”
“Oh, so you’re interested in knowing where the vacancies are. Nice.”
She rolls her eyes. “As if. I don’t believe you.”
“I could go home and get the Twister game if you want.”
She takes my hand and leads me away from the wall. We stand side by side, my fingers laced between hers, as we wait on the elevator door to open. The ping interrupts the quiet, and we step inside, standing against opposite walls. I push the button for the fifth floor, the closed research unit, and I wink at her.
As soon as the doors close, she is all over me. Excellent!
I fish out my wallet, remove my ID badge, and wave it in front of her face. “See, if you were a big-shot doctor like me, you could swipe into any unit in this hospital. Even the closed research unit.”
She rolls her eyes. I swipe my badge into the wall-mounted access system, but nothing happens. I swipe again. Nothing.
Darla giggles. “It might help if you flip it over.”
I stick my tongue out at her, like all big-shot doctors would do. When I swipe again, this time with my badge turned the correct way, the light changes to green and the door to the dark unit opens.
“Kind of creepy,” Darla says. “Are we going to get killed making out, like in all those slasher movies?”
I take her hand, and we scamper down the hallway to the last room on the right. I figure the farther away we are from the nursing station, the better. As soon as we’re inside the room, I close the door behind us and pin her against it. The streetlights filtering in through the window give us enough brightness that we can see well enough not to run into the equipment all over the room.
While I kiss her neck, she busies herself with the hem of my T-shirt. I break away from her skin long enough to slide my shirt over my head. Darla throws it across the room, and it lands on the blood pressure machine.
She places featherlight touches on my chest, her fingers trailing down my stomach until she rests her hands on my waist. I can barely control my breathing. She pushes me backward, toward the bed, until I bump into the footboard. With one quick snap of her wrist, she snatches the privacy curtain, and it skitters closed around the bed.
I motion with my finger for her to come to me, which she does without hesitation. As soon as she’s close enough, I grab her by the sweatshirt and yank it over her head, trapping one of my hands inside it. I trail kisses down her neck toward those perfect breasts, but I can’t touch them the way I want while my one hand still clings on to the sweatshirt like it’s attached with Velcro. With one last-ditch effort, I pitch the sweatshirt off my hand so I can devour her breasts.
She inhales sharply when I kiss the soft skin right above her bra. The sweatshirt drops to the floor, and together, we collapse onto the bed. Darla lands on top of me. I roll us both over until she is beneath me, and my hands fumble around, searching for her bra hook. I find it and strip her bra off quickly. Darla moans, and her hands roam through my hair as I get reacquainted with her body. When my mouth makes its descent to her stomach, she covers herself with her hands.
I peer up at her. “What’s wrong?”
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “It’s… well, uh… when I lost my baby weight, things never went back to normal. The skin is kind of loose.”
I kiss her hands, and she finally gets the courage to move them. I don’t see loose skin. All I see is a beautiful stomach that used to hold my precious baby. I kiss it and imagine what it would have been like to feel my baby kicking inside Darla’s abdomen. I love this woman more and more every second.
Darla fumbles with something next to her. The head of the bed rises to a fifteen-degree level. My eyebrows shoot up.
She holds up the remote that controls the bed. “I guess there are benefits to a hospital bed.”
I crawl my way back up her body. “Now you’re talking. Don’t hit that call button. We don’t need a code team rushing in.”
She cracks up and takes my face in her hands. “That would be our luck, wouldn’t it?”
“I love you, Darla. I always have.”
She gets a wicked, non-Darla-like expression in her eyes. “Prove it.”
My hand slides down and unzips her jeans. “You read my mind.”