Chapter Twenty-Seven
Darla
My damn computer won’t type automatically. Stupid, stupid computer. I can’t get past the bomb that was dropped on me three days ago. Tears pour out every moment I’m alone and sometimes when I’m around friends. My trash can overflows with snot rags. I don’t remember the last time I ate. I think I took a shower this morning but can’t swear that I actually put soap to skin. If it weren’t for Isaac, my left shoe wouldn’t match my right one today. I glance down to make sure I have on pants because I don’t remember getting dressed this morning. My thoughts keep bouncing around in my head as if I’m in a pinball machine.
I thought I would be the one to ruin my relationship with Theo. And I never thought it would hurt so much. But it’s definitely over now. Kaput. It’s finished before it could even get started. I guess this would be the worst possible time to tell him about Stella. One more revelation would send him straight to the psych hospital.
I take out a little photo of Stella on her first day of school. She was so excited to carry her backpack filled with school supplies. I was able to hold my tears until I had dropped her off. After that, the floodgates opened.
I keep this photo in my wallet for when I need a pick-me-up. And today, I need a huge pick-me-up. I wish she were here with me so I could smother her with smooches. She would help me get through the pain without even knowing she was doing anything significant. Less than a week to go until she’s home. I can make it. I know it’s still super early on the West Coast, but I can’t stand it any longer. I dial Diane’s phone, and on the fourth ring, my sister answers.
“This better be important,” she says. She switches the phone so we can FaceTime. Diane’s eyes pop wide open. “You okay?”
“Having a bad day. Is Stella awake?”
She yawns. “No, but I think you need to see her face.”
I nod and wipe a tear away. “I do.”
“Hold on a sec.” Diane slides out of the bed, and I see her husband in the background throw a pillow over his head. She meanders down the hallway, giving me a chance to wipe my tears and practice my faux happiness.
“Stella, Mommy’s on the phone. She wants to say good morning.” Diane moves the phone so I can see my sweet little girl all curled up in a ball. I miss my sweet girl so much.
Her eyes flutter open. “Hey,” she says, her voice soft and sleepy.
“Hey, baby. Sorry I woke you up.” Already, I feel a thousand percent better.
“K,” she says, closing her eyes again.
Diane swivels the phone around until I see her face. “Sorry. It’s five o’clock here. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod, trying to convince myself. “Yeah. I was really missing her. That’s all. Don’t tell her I was upset. I don’t want to mess up her fun.” I sniffle, and my voice catches in my throat.
Diane doesn’t seem convinced. “Call back in about three hours. She’ll be up by that time.”
I end the call and stare at the phone.
“Hey, cutie.” Isaac leans up against my doorframe. “You look like hell.”
“Nice to see you too.” I slide the photo back into my wallet and toss it into my open purse.
He sits down on my desk. “I wish I could make it all better.”
“Me too. But even my fairy godmother can’t fix this.”
He pouts. “It will get better.”
I put my head down. Even Isaac, Mr. Chatty Cathy, cannot find the words to make me feel better.
“I really thought you two were meant to be together.”
“Me too,” I mumble.
He stands and looms over my desk. “I’m going to say this, and I might go to hell for it. I don’t think there’s a baby.”
I let out a breath I’ve been holding for three days. “You have no idea how glad I am you feel that way.” I lower my voice to barely above a whisper. “I felt awful for thinking it. Would she do that to get what she wants?”
He drums his fingers on my desk. “Only one way to find out.”
He’s right. I don’t have to sit back and give up on something I want more than anything. It’s time I grew a spine when it comes to Mallory. I bolt up so fast that my chair crashes into the wall behind me. “You’re right. I’m tired of wallowing in my pity.”
With renewed purpose, I pace back and forth in my office. “I’ve waited seven years to have him back in my life. I’m not going to concede so easily.” I slam my fist on my desk, making Isaac jump back. “I’m going to her office, and we’re going to have a little chat. One way or another, this ends today.”
Isaac holds out his fist for me to bump. “And if she’s telling the truth, can you handle it?”
If she really is pregnant with Theo’s baby, I will have to be all right with it. I don’t have to like it, but I will accept it.
“Ask me again in an hour.”
Because I’m no dummy, I call in a favor to Brenda, the chancellor’s assistant. I’m the only one the chancellor trusts to give him his immunizations, so Brenda and I have become buds over the years. Fortunately, she has access to Mallory’s Outlook calendar and blocked off an hour at noon for a one-on-one with Mallory to discuss miscellaneous budgetary items. It pays to know people in high places.
Mallory’s heels clicking on the ceramic tile floor give me a few seconds’ warning before she bursts into Brenda’s office.
When she sees me sitting at Brenda’s desk, she skids to a halt. “Where’s Bren?”
“Taking a break. I told her I would discuss the miscellaneous budget items with you.” I motion for her to sit in the chair next to Brenda’s desk.
She stares at me. Her arms are tightly crossed over her chest. It’s as though she has aged ten years since the time I saw her in the elevator.
“I’m sure he told you,” she finally spits out.
I nod, not taking my eyes off her. “I guess this is where I’m supposed to congratulate you?”
She twists her necklace around her index finger, and that nervous eye twitch she gets when she’s lying has decided to show up. “That’s real sweet of you.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “That was sarcasm.”
“What’s it like?” she asks.
“Huh?”
She looks at me with panic in her eyes. “Being pregnant. What’s it like?”
So, she thinks I’m going to give her prenatal advice. Get on the Internet, for crying out loud. Buy a book. I know we used to be friends, but this is a bit much.
“Well, it’s exciting and scary and strange and ugly and beautiful. All of those things at the same time.”
“Were you sick?”
“All the time.” Liar. I was hardly sick at all, but she doesn’t have to know that.
“How much did you gain?”
I wave her off. “Not much. Let’s see… The last time I had the nerve to step on the scale, I’d gained fifty-five pounds.”
She gulps. This is more fun than I thought it would be.
I reach over and pat her hand. “But don’t worry about that. The stretch marks are in places most people will never see.”
Her jaw drops.
I lean back in Brenda’s chair. “I’ll never understand why all the zits popped out. And my feet… they were so swollen. Near the ninth month, all I could wear were flip-flops.”
Making her squirm reminds me of college. When I was in my maternal and child health rotation in nursing school, I would come back to the dorm and tell her everything I got to see and do. To me, it was fascinating and beautiful. To her, it was disgusting and an inconvenience.
Her necklace breaks in her clenched hand. Come on, Mal. Confession time.
“But totally worth all the changes,” I say.
She drops her gaze to her broken necklace, and her hands tremble. She stares at the wall. A tear falls down her face. I slide a tissue box toward her. She yanks one out and dabs at her eyes.
“Who’s your obstetrician?” I ask.
Her fingers continue to twist her broken necklace.
“If you haven’t chosen one, I could make a call to Dr. Brown. He’s wonderful. I’ve seen him for years. I could make a call for you to see if he can get you in.” I pick up Brenda’s phone and punch a few random numbers.
“No, no. That’s not necessary.” She clenches the broken pieces of her necklace in her white-knuckled hand.
“What’s all this about? Why are you asking me these questions?”
She takes another tissue and wipes her perfect nose. “You love him, don’t you?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. But it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“Of course it matters. All this time I’ve been with him, he hasn’t been with me.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“What I mean is that he’s been there, but a part of him was attached to someone else. I didn’t know who that someone else was until he moved back here.”
Interesting. Maybe all those nights when I was thinking about him, he was thinking about me too.
She blows her perfect nose and snatches another tissue. She leaves the balled-up, mucus-filled tissue on Brenda’s desk. If this conversation goes on much longer, we’re going to run out of snot rags.
“The first time I saw you two together, I knew,” she says quietly. “I knew that he gave his heart to you a long time ago, and he doesn’t want it back.”
“I’m sure I don’t know—”
“You had a picnic together not long after he moved back to Nashville. I was on my way to a meeting across campus. I saw you two. You were laughing and playing around. You looked like you belonged together. You two looked like you were… in love.” She shakes her head, as though she’s trying to rid herself of the memory. “And when we were in the elevator, I could see it in your eyes. In his eyes.” She grabs another tissue.
I lean back in the chair. “It doesn’t matter. He will do what’s right. I’m sure he won’t abandon you. At least you’ll have Theo through it all. I didn’t have him.” I gasp when I realize what I said. “I mean… I, uh… never mind.”
I cover my face with my hands. Shit. Please tell me she didn’t pick up on that.
Mallory sucks in all the air in the room. “Oh my God.” She covers her mouth.
I give myself a mental kick in the butt. Now, I’ve told everyone except Theo, including his ex-girlfriend. But with her loose lips, he’ll know before his shift ends. I lean forward toward her. “Please don’t tell him.”
“You mean he doesn’t know?”
“It’s a really long and stupid and kind of funny story. In a nutshell, I didn’t know his name at first. I didn’t know what to do, and now that he’s back here, I haven’t had the guts to tell him. I don’t know how. So please, I’m begging you, please do not tell him. It has to come from me. Even though you’ve figured out the perfect way to keep us apart, I am still going to tell him. You’ll have to live with that.” She doesn’t have to know how wishy-washy I really am about the big reveal.
I reach across the ravine, commonly known as Brenda’s desk, and take her hand in mine. She slouches back in her chair and trains her eyes on the ceiling.
The sound of Sleeping Beauty singing “Once Upon a Dream” comes through my cell phone—my clue that Stella is calling me. I hold up a finger to Mallory. When I slide my finger across my phone, I see my bright, beautiful daughter’s face, all giggly and full of life.
“Hey, sweetie.” The sight of her face makes me forget all the stress I’m under.
“Mommy, guess what!”
Mallory walks around Brenda’s desk to stand next to me. She cranes her neck down so she can see who I’m talking to. It wasn’t part of my plan, but this could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. She sucks in her breath when she sees Stella, the spitting image of Theo. Goofy is standing next to Stella.
“Goofy,” she squeals, as though I couldn’t have figured that out on my own.
I’m not that silly, but I love her enthusiasm. Goofy waves at the camera as he gives Stella a hug with his other overstuffed arm.
I wave back. “Hi, Goofy.”
Diane swerves the phone around so I see her face. “Yep, you do kind of resemble Goofy.”
“Ha ha. Very funny. Let me see my baby again before I convince Goofy to pee on your leg.”
Diane swivels back to Goofy, who is signing an autograph for Stella. “Sorry, Darla. You’ve been trumped by a dog.”
I giggle. “That’s hard to beat.”
Diane’s face appears again. “Did your day get any better?”
I stare at Mallory and catch her swiping a tear off her cheek. “Yes, it did. Call me tonight, okay?”
“Of course. Ooo, I think I saw Minnie. Gotta run.” And Diane is gone.
I’m not sure what to say to Mallory, who is still looming over me. Her eyes fill with tears. “Oh… Darla. She looks like—”
“I know.”
“I am such a bitch,” she says to herself, her eyes full of tears. “I’m not pregnant. I assumed he’d want me if he thought he was going to have a child. I know it was really stupid and teenagerish.”
She confessed to me, and now, I can’t breathe. She snatches one more tissue and wipes her eyes again.
“How long were you going to keep this charade up?”
“I didn’t think that far ahead, okay? I’ve never been good at long-term plans.”
Oh, Mallory. Act first, think later. She’ll never learn. She gets up to leave, and I follow her to the door.
She cringes. “While I’m in the confessional booth, I might as well admit, I knew he was into you at that frat party. You were with him when the house caught on fire, weren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m really sorry for standing in the way. On purpose, I didn’t tell you his name after the party. I wanted him for myself. I’m so sorry. You two deserve each other.” She nodded to my phone still sitting on the desk. “And she’s so beautiful.”
My jaw drops, and so do my tears. “Thank you.” My breath hitches. “But you realize my daughter hasn’t had her father in her life because you were selfish.”
“I know.”
My voice quivers. “You hurt me, Mal. On purpose, you hurt me. Why?”
“I know. It was a terrible thing to do.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m used to getting my way, and not once have I thought about how that impacts other people until now. I’m so sorry. I’m going to fix this. I promise.”
I’m not sure I can find it in me to forgive and forget, but the short time I’ve been with Theo has taught me that’s the right thing to do. Dang, this is hard.
“I believe you’re sorry, but please don’t tell him. I have to do it.”
She gives me a kiss-kiss before I grab her in a hug. She leaves my heart filled with hope and a desk littered with soggy tissues. I never imagined that Goofy could bring out the best in such a crazy situation.