Really, Audra? Tears? I don’t want to be the girl you hit and quit? I’m sorry for not following instructions like a good girl? What had gotten into me? What the fuck was going on? Levi had come into the warehouse space and told me what I wanted to hear from him, that he wanted to see me again, fuck me again, but see me again.

There were so many ways I could have responded; tears were not one of the appropriate ones.

Part of getting better was recognizing you had a pattern, and I had a pattern. Wasn’t this the same shit I used to do with Brandon? How many times had he asked me to give him another chance, and that he would be better that time? How many times had I given in and let him just waste my time again, like Zahira had said?

Maybe this was apples and oranges. I would turn Brandon away because he had done something wrong. Because we were in a relationship and he had violated that agreement somehow. Levi and I were not anything. He was just the man pursuing me because he wanted to be with me. He wanted to fuck me. That was what he wanted. He wanted to fuck me. I couldn’t make this into something else in my mind.

Cut and dry. That was how it had to be if it was going to be anything. He didn’t ask me out. He didn’t want a relationship, and that was fine, as long as I didn’t either. And I didn’t. If I repeated it enough times, it would be true.

I didn’t have siblings. I didn’t know what was going on between Max and Levi, but I sort of didn’t want to know. I got a call from Celeste asking me to see her that weekend—that lunch she had wanted to get with me. We started by choosing a restaurant, then changing it, then finally settling on lunch at her house because she was heading out to LA for a short trip. She lived in Pacific Heights.

Celeste opened the door for me. Was she a model? If not, why not? She was stunning. She was luminous like she had her own studio lighting that focused just on her. I hoped she was wearing makeup because her skin looked like it had never been blemished in her whole life. On top of that, she was well read and was nice too? How? One or two of those traits, but all of them at once? It just wasn’t fair. She hugged me again when she saw me, inviting me in.

“I hope this is alright. We could go out, but I thought this would be nicer. Less formal?”

“This is fine, your home’s beautiful,” I said to her.

“Hear that Lee? At least someone appreciates my talents,” she said. The house had an open floor plan. There were plenty of white and neutral tones that made the dark accents stand out.

“I’ve told you I like it a thousand times,” Levi said from the kitchen. He walked out. His sleeves were rolled up, and he smiled seeing me. I smiled back because that might have been the first genuine, warm smile I had seen on his face. It made him look like a different person. The same person, but young and non-threatening. Handsome and friendly. Instead of feeling anxious seeing him, I felt calm.

“Alright, Lee, now that she’s here, you have to leave if she doesn’t want you to be here,” Celeste said to her brother. She passed him entering the kitchen and coming back with a white serving dish in each hand. Oh God, did she cook too?

“I brought wine. I hope you don’t think I’m trying to intrude. I wanted to see you again, thank you for all your hard work.” I blinked a couple of times. Which one of his alters was this? The person he was when his family was around, or at least his mother and sister? He was ruthless when his brother was around. “So? Do I get to stay?” he asked, how was that, playfully? I shrugged, a little thrown off. Did I like this Levi? He was nice. So nice it put me on edge. When would he turn?

“Fine by me. I can’t really kick you out; it’s not my house.”

“It’s not really my home either. Levi owns it. I just stay here when I have to be in the Bay,” Celeste admitted.

“Where do you live, LA?”

“Close. London,” she said smiling. “Levi, you’re such a bad host, why haven’t you offered Audra anything to drink?” she called into the kitchen. I smiled. She was teasing him. How was he so antagonistic with Max but so playful and friendly with her? She had invited me to sit at the dining table where she had sat by me. Levi was still in the kitchen. Please tell me he was cooking. Was there anything sexier than a guy who could cook?

“London? So just your brothers live in the Bay?” I asked. Levi walked out of the kitchen with two glasses of wine for the two of us. There were white dishes of food along the center of the table. He sat on the other side of it.

“Just Max. I live in New York,” he said. “We’re just here to mourn our father’s passing.”

I felt that little jolt I felt whenever I spotted a fellow New Yorker on this coast.

“Can I guess? Do you have an unobstructed Central Park view from your bathroom?” I asked. He smiled.

“Hudson River Park. Tribeca, actually. You never told me where you’re from.”

“Brooklyn,” I told him. He furrowed his brow a little and tilted his head to the side.

“Hm. That’s okay. A lot of good people are.”

I giggled. Okay, could I have Levi on this setting all the time? Celeste was watching us like she knew we had had sex but was going to let us think she didn’t.

“Let’s eat,” she said, thankfully not saying anything else. She had cooked some of the stuff, but she’d bought the rest. It was all Latin American food. Argentinian. That was where their mother was from, I learned. Their mother. They, Levi and Celeste didn’t have the same mother as Max did. I mean, since they mentioned it, I could see it. They looked the same—related. Max did too, but he didn’t have that tan skin and dark features thing. That was all from their mom.

I didn’t have siblings. Mom had started fostering kids when I was already in high school. I loved watching the banter between Levi and Celeste. I was having trouble reconciling his contradictions. We eased into an easy conversation discussing whatever came up—their family, the auction, east coast versus west. The food was delicious. Celeste mentioned she was getting married to her longtime girlfriend who she was expecting a child with and I had jumped at the chance to talk about her ring. I had seen it before; I just hadn’t thought it was polite to talk about since we were still strangers.

Levi was pleasant the entire time. I was lulled by his apparent mood. He offered to give me a ride home since I’d decided to take the train. That was when it started. It was like it was a full moon and he was turning. He walked me all the way to the door. By the time we were there, the lust radiated off him. I could feel it. The sexual tension was thick.

“Can I come in?” he asked, looking at me.

Was there a good reason to say no? There wasn’t. I wanted him to come in. I wanted to do it right this time. I held the door open, and he walked in. After locking it, I walked directly towards the kitchen.

“Lunch was great, thank you,” I said, simply wanting to fill the dead air. I reached into the fridge for a bottle of water. The transformation was final. He had been light and easy with Celeste, but he was dark and intense now. He walked up and leaned against the kitchen counter. His arms crossed over his chest.

“Come here,” he said. I didn’t hesitate. I walked up to him. He put his hands on my shoulders and slid my jacket off, dropping it on the counter. His hands ran up the bare skin of my arms. “Do you know what I like, sweetheart?” he asked me. His hands left my arms and instead traveled under my top, pulling it up. I raised them silently so he could pull it off. He dropped it on the floor.

“N-no,” I said, shakily.

“I like to be in control. That’s what I want,” he said. He hooked two fingers into the waistband of my jeans and pulled me towards him so he could unbutton them and drop the zipper. “That is what I want from you. Turn around.” I turned silently. He unhooked my bra, and I let it fall to the ground. I felt his hand run through my hair. “I know that’s what you want too. Take your shoes off.” I took them off, losing three and a half inches of height. His finger ran down my spine making me shiver. He pulled my jeans off. I stepped out of them.

“Turn around,” he said again. He looked at me. I was down to my panties, and he was still fully dressed. “I’m going to send you to your room. You’re going to wait for me on the bed, on your back and I am going to fuck you. If you don’t want that, when I come into the room you will be fully dressed. Understand?”

“Yes,” I said. “Yes, sir.” I saw his eyes flash when I said it.

“Go. I’m giving you five minutes.”

I closed the door to my bedroom and let out a ragged exhale. I went to the bed and laid out on my back. I had every intention of letting him ravish me. My heart thumped audibly in my chest. My panties were soaked. He hadn’t even touched me yet. This was how he wanted me. I propped my knees up, so they were in the air. Did he want me completely flat? I let my legs rest flat and jumped when I heard the door open and close. He strode briskly to the bed. He looked at me like he was going to eat me. He leaned over my body and fingered the lace of my panties.

“Tell me, sweetheart, is your pussy wet for me?”

“Yes,” I whispered. He pulled them off. I closed my eyes and bit my lip when he touched me. He parted my lips and spread my juices over my clit and labia. I shuddered. His hand definitely felt nothing like mine. He made a sound of approval.

“On your stomach,” he said. I flipped over and waited for him to tell me what he wanted next. I thought he would smack me again when I felt his weight behind me on the bed. He propped my hips up like we were going to do it doggy. Suddenly, he moved, coming off the bed and standing. He reached for one of my pillows, pulling it out of the case.

“Are you going to keep your hands to yourself this time or will I have to bind you,” he said, more to himself than to me. He put the case on the bed near me before climbing back on the bed. His hands were back on my ass. He pulled my cheeks apart, terrifying me for a second. I had never had anal. His cock was huge; he would rip me in half.

“Has anyone ever fucked you back here?” he asked, running his thumb over my rosebud.

“No,” I said breathily. It felt good—his thumb over my hole. He rubbed my juices over it, teasing it. I tilted my hips back. I didn’t want him to stop. His thumb disappeared, replaced by his tongue. I squealed feeling him lick me, something else I hadn’t had anyone do before. I was holding myself up by my arms, but they threatened to buckle. One of his hands rubbed my clit as he ate my ass. I moaned. If he didn’t fuck me at this point, I didn’t even care. He kept it up till I came, pressing my thighs together.

He climbed off the bed again. “On your back,” he said. I slumped onto my back and looked at him. I finally saw it. His cock was straining against his pants. That was the one thing that gave away his arousal despite his composure. “Give me your hands,” he said. I put them out over my body.

He picked the pillowcase up and held both my wrists in his hand, making me hold my arms out on the bed over my head. “I’m going to tie your wrists together,” he announced. He looked at me like he was waiting for me to say something. I wasn’t. He pulled the other pillowcase from my pillow and fashioned fabric cuffs, tying one around one wrist and the other around the other, and tying the cases together after pulling them through one of the slats on my headboard. It was the touching thing. Had he hated it that much? I shook the thought from my head. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t painful; it was kind of exciting. He tightened the case around my wrist, hard enough for me to feel it, then too hard. I gasped.

He stopped and looked down at me.

“Is that painful?” I was silent. It was. “Does it hurt? You have to tell me if it hurts. I don’t want to hurt you,” he said.

“It’s tight,” I said quietly. He loosened it before he let his hand run from my wrist, over my arm, over my chest, breast and stomach before stopping between my legs. He was still fully clothed when he moved in between them and hitched them up, so his thighs were under mine. He ran his hands over my sensitive inner thigh skin.

“I don’t want to use a condom,” he announced.

“Then don’t,” I said. He looked me right in the eye as he reached for the front of his pants. He quickly unsheathed his cock, veiny and standing at attention. He covered his body with mine, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth. I sighed, enjoying the contact. He finally slid into me, fast like the first time. He swore, bracing his weight over my body and thrusting into me. He had my legs pushed into my body, so I was open to him. The feelings of shyness at being so exposed were overtaken by the feeling of his cock stimulating me deep in my core, spurring my second orgasm.

I tried to concentrate on that rather than that I was naked and he was fully clothed, that he had his hands all over me and I couldn’t touch him, that this was likely the last time I would have him inside me. I hated how distant he felt. I wanted to kiss him. To feel him under my hands, inside of me, completely surrounding me like I felt the first time we kissed. He sped up and warned me that he was going to come. Maybe that would do it, maybe then I’d feel him. His strokes became erratic, and the hot spurts of his seed shot into me, he groaned as he slowed down before finally stopping.

He slid out of me and silently leaned over my body to untie my arms. I balled my hands into fists when he did and placed them at my sides. I sat up and turned my back to him. Maybe when I turned around, he’d be gone and there would be money on the dresser. I mean, why not?

Fuck. It was just like last time. I felt like I was alone in the room but he was right there. I felt empty—like he wasn’t there. Like we hadn’t just had sex. I stood and walked to the bathroom to clean up.

“When can I see you again?” he asked from behind me. I could feel his seed seeping out of me. He had just fucked me, and I was still naked. I turned my head.

“You know where to find me,” I said before leaving him and entering the bathroom.

He knew where to find me, but I could make sure he didn’t.