I always turned my phone off on airplanes. You didn’t really have to. Your iPhone wouldn’t take the aircraft down, but it was a pretty good excuse not to have to talk to anyone.

The auction was the reason I had to be back in the Bay. Ostensibly. If anyone asked that was what I would tell them. We didn’t have to mention the real reason why because I was going, regardless.

It didn’t make sense, but I had been doing a lot of things that didn’t make sense lately. I had been doing a lot of things that I knew were the wrong things, but did them anyway. I couldn’t stay away. If I wasn’t with her, I was thinking about her. Not even thinking about fucking her all the time, just being with her. I wasn’t, and whenever I wasn’t, it was a problem. It was an even bigger problem that she was there and Max was too. I never thought I’d see the day I was jealous of Max, but shit. It was here.

I was flying private because I wanted to be alone. The only available flight back to San Francisco was the red-eye anyway, and I didn’t want to deal with that. This way I’d land in San Francisco International and not have to deal with trying to get to Pacific Heights from Oakland. When I got back, I’d just stay at the Pacific Heights condo and call her, like a normal person. We’d talk, and with any luck, our conversation wouldn’t end with her saying she never wanted to see me again.

One of these days she’d say it and mean it. She most likely already meant it. One of these days, I might actually listen when she said it and never seek her out again. The second option was a near impossibility. It would take… a lot, for me to never try seeing her again. Everything that had happened thus far though; not enough.

Vanessa and the rest of Dad’s staff had all left the Marin house. Lindsay had arranged for a taxi to get me to Pacific Heights, however, so it didn’t matter that I didn’t have a car. I was tired. I couldn’t sleep on planes, the droning sound you heard in the cabin just made me anxious. I looked at all the messages I’d missed while in the air. There were several; too many from Max, going on about this dinner he was having at his house that had something to do with the auction.

He read the same way he sounded. Blustery and obnoxious. Had I told him that I had been back in New York? Probably not; there were a couple demanding to know where I was, telling me he didn’t like having an empty spot at the table, that people were expecting me, plus some threats—none he would actually act on.

Then there was a picture. It was a woman photographed from the back. She was wearing a red dress, her hair was black, and it was all rolled and pinned up. It was a phone quality picture—he’d taken it himself. There was a message attached.

I thought the red went well with her eyes. She looks beautiful tonight.

I hated Max at the best of times, but right then, I was livid. Why else would he send me a picture of a woman, that particular woman, unless he knew it would get to me? He was with Audra. Audra was with him. How had he convinced her to go out with him? How much had happened while I was in New York?

I felt rage. So sharp, I could feel it course through me. I wanted to punch Max in his stupid mouth. I felt genuinely insulted. He was doing this to bait me.

He thought the red would look good on her? He had bought her a fucking dress and was going to trot her out like a prize terrier. I felt deeply territorial. I wanted to rip that dress off of her because it came from him. Well. He wanted to get me to come? This was the way to do it.

I didn’t make it to Pacific Heights that night. I told the driver to leave my luggage with the doorman after taking me to Marin. Max had never moved out of Marin. He hadn’t even moved out of Mill Valley. He had a penthouse about four miles from Dad’s old place. It was about nine o’clock; there was a chance dinner was over already.

It was a pretty nice development; I had to give him that. We hadn’t done it, but it was a great find. It had a pool and deck that looked out over the water. I was led inside by a man he’d probably hired to do that tonight—he didn’t have a butler. As I had suspected, dinner was over, but everyone was out on the deck, socializing. I didn’t care to try to recognize any of them; I had my eye out for that red dress.

She was standing with an older woman. They were talking. Her face was bright and smiling like she was when she talked about art, the way she looked in the library with Sissy. She was breathtaking standing there. Her makeup made her face more severe, but still gorgeous. Whatever they were talking about, she looked like she was right in her element. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was looking at. Maybe she did this often. My mind went straight to every ball, fundraiser and dinner I’d ever suffered through. I saw her there, with me. Charming and charismatic. She’d make those staid, boring events worth attending.

I walked up to them, excusing myself to the older woman. After giving me her condolences and then saying some shit I didn’t care to retain about the auction, she left Audra and me alone. I looked at her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to drag her out of there.

“You look beautiful,” I said, controlling myself.

“Thank you.” I took a step closer to her. She glanced around us to see who might have been watching. I didn’t care.

“Turn around,” I told her.

“Why?”

I held her shoulder and moved behind her. Her hair was up. I started pulling the clips and pins free.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Hold still. I don’t want to pull it.” She let me pull out the pins holding her hair up, so it tumbled around her shoulders. I just wanted to touch her. I didn’t care who saw. I leaned into her ear.

“I’m not leaving you here with him,” I told her.

“You can’t tell me who I can and can’t spend my time with.”

I spotted Max watching us. He had been the entire time we’d been talking.

“I’m serious, Audra. Max probably doesn’t want you to leave, but he won’t stop me when we do.”

“Why are you so sure I’m going anywhere with you?” she asked. I shoved the pins in my pocket and ran a hand through her hair. She turned to look at me.

“I’ve been wrong about you before, but I’m not wrong about this. You want to come with me. Either you tell Max you have to leave or I will.” I pressed a kiss to her cheek, friendly enough to be mistaken for polite.

I started heading out, walking back through the house to the foyer where I called for a car. She was coming with me. That was what she wanted to do, I knew it. I heard footsteps behind me and turned, seeing Max’s red face instead of Audra’s red dress.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snarled.

“Maxwell. Sorry, I’m late,” I said, smiling. “Audra lives in Noe Valley. She needs a ride home.”

“You think she doesn’t have one?”

“I think you’re exactly the kind of creep who’d try get her liquored up enough to stay here with you. Whatever quarrel you have with me, leave her out if it.”

“She was having a fine night before you showed up. Face it, Lee. I didn’t twist her arm to get her to come here. She wants to be here.”

Before I could say anything, Audra walked into the room. She looked between the pair of us before walking up to Max and thanking him for a good night. She kissed him on the cheek. I held the door open for her and followed her down.

“Are you proud of yourself?” she asked, not looking at me. “I didn’t do this for you,” she said. “Max doesn’t need to suffer because of your stubbornness. If you really want to embarrass him, try doing it when the stakes are lower.”

I ignored the stab of jealousy I felt that she was defending him.

“Let’s go. I called a car,” I said instead.

She didn’t say anything all the way to her house. She didn’t say anything as we went up the stairs. She was quiet till we were both on the other side of the door, inside.

“You made your point. You can go now.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Leave, Levi. I don’t know how you believe your behavior is appropriate in any way. Sort your differences out with Max before you get me in the middle again.”

“He’s using you to get to me. You can’t believe a word that guy tells you.”

“Don’t… you know what? You really want to stand there all night, fine.” She turned on her heel and went to her room. She closed the door behind her, not really slamming, but closing it with enough steam to make a point. She didn’t want to be followed. Okay. I could wait.

I walked around the apartment. It was two bedrooms. It had an open floor plan, and some of the furniture was clearly for the cats. She hadn’t welcomed me to make myself at home, but I wasn’t going to just stand there.

I looked inside the spare bedroom. I had to turn the light on. There was a desk with a lamp beside it. It was tilted at about forty-five degrees and another against the other wall. I pulled the drawer out. Paper, ink pots and what looked like fountain pen nibs. She had mentioned something about that to Sissy. She was an artist. I walked back out.

I walked around the couch in the living room. One of the cats jumped up to see who I was. Hairless cats—they were so ugly it circled back around to being sort of cute. I scratched the animal behind its ears. It had a sweater on.

“Hey, little guy,” I murmured. “Your mom’s really mad at me. Any tips?” The cat purred. “Yeah, you’re right. I should have brought flowers.” The cat slunk away and rubbed against a box on the floor. It jumped into the box. There was some commotion, then the box fell on its side. The other cat had been in there too. I walked over to the box. Large color photographs had slid across the floor, with silky lengths of fabric and what looked like a tiara. I picked it up. It was a tiara.

“You’re still here,” I heard Audra say. I looked up. She was standing there in what I guessed was her pajamas. The fabric of the top was thin, and it was short enough to leave a sliver of her stomach bare. Her hair was damp. The shorts were thin and fit loose on her. She walked over and started to pick the items off the floor.

“I didn’t want to leave without seeing how you were.”

She didn’t look up.

“You haven’t cared till now. What changed?”

“Audra, look at me. Audra.”

She stopped and looked at me.

“I thought that by now we had established that this couldn’t work.”

“I haven’t established shit. What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t have sex with you again. Not if you won’t give me the dignity of being present. I wanted you, and I thought you wanted me too. I thought that meant that when we slept together…” she stopped herself and looked back down at the scattered photographs. “Was it even me?” she said sadly, almost to herself than to me.

“I still want you, Audra. That’s why I’m here now. That’s why I can’t stand seeing you with Max.”

“Whatever pissing contest you have with your brother, I don’t want to be part of it.”

She stood and started walking away.

“Audra, come back, we haven’t finished talking.”

“Yes, we have. I don’t have anything more to say. I don’t want to see you again.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

“When we had sex, I felt like you weren’t even in the room. I felt like you needed to get off and I was the most convenient person to do it with. I’m not putting myself through that again, Levi. Not even for you.”

“If you don’t like being bound, we don’t have to do it again.”

“No,” she said sighing. “It wasn’t that I was bound. It was you. Where were you? When you kiss me, I can feel you there, Levi. I was obviously asking too much. I obviously expected more from you than you could give and for that, I’m sorry. I can’t continue whatever it is that we have on those terms. I thought I could. I thought I could have sex with you the way you can with me, but I couldn’t.”

She started towards her room. I grabbed her arm.

“Let go of me, Levi,” she said. She was crying. Shit. I looked at her. Her face was wet with tears, and her eyes were bloodshot, but it wasn’t there. She wasn’t unsure. She was serious. I let go. She walked into her room and shut the door.

I shook my head. I wasn’t smart enough not to go after her. I was at her door before I could talk myself out of it. I began to open it then stopped.

“Audra. I can’t leave you here alone like this,” I said. Silence. “I’m not going to leave until you let me know that you’re okay.” More silence. “If you don’t say anything Audra, I’m coming in.” I waited. More silence.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. She was on the bed, on top of it, she hadn’t gone under the covers. She wasn’t asleep; it hadn’t been long enough for that to happen. Beyond getting in the door, I had nothing. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. No, I knew that; I wanted to make sure she was alright. I just wasn’t sure how to do it.

I walked up to the bed with enough noise so that she could hear me. She sniffed quietly. Fuck, no more tears, why did she cry so much when we were together? Heh, guess I knew the answer to that.

“I don’t care if you stay or go. Just don’t be here when I wake up tomorrow morning,” she said. Her back was to me. I didn’t want to fight her. She hadn’t asked me to leave; she just didn’t want to see me the next morning. I untucked the covers and turned them down. I walked around the bed so I could look at her. Her face was wet. She wasn’t looking at me. I pulled the covers out gently on that side too.

“Get under the comforter,” I said to her. Her eyes met mine briefly before she sat up and got under the covers, letting me tuck her in. I kissed her forehead. She didn’t stop me. I stood. Was I too smart to try to get in the bed with her? Yeah. I was. I walked towards the door. There had to be something else I could do. I didn’t want to leave. I wasn’t going to leave, but there had to be something else I could do or say.

“I’m sorry for making you believe I didn’t care about you. I do, Audra. So much it scares me. I’m sorry for ruining your night,” I said. I opened the door and walked out, closing it behind me. I heard her voice, muffled through the door asking me to wait. I opened it up again. She was sitting up in her bed. Her face was red. She paused.

“Why did you send me the butterfly case? The photo print?”

“I got them because they reminded me of you,” I said. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met.” I took a few steps toward her.

“It’s late. Do you want to stay? Just to sleep, not to… will you stay?” she asked. I started unbuttoning my shirt. She watched me silently. She didn’t stop me when I started on my pants. I climbed onto the bed with her, and she didn’t tell me to go away and sleep on the couch. She turned her back to me, settling onto the pillow.

I did the same. Her bed was smaller than I was used to, but she was there, she wasn’t pushing me away. She was letting me near her. I reached out to touch her arm, stroking it before kissing her shoulder.

I pulled her into me under the covers, so we were pressed together. If I got wood, she’d feel it. I kissed the back of her neck. She had braided her hair down her back. I wasn’t going to try anything. I knew I couldn’t—wouldn’t—get away with anything else. If this was all she was giving, I was taking it.

Her hand covered mine under the covers. I was smart enough to do the right thing—that time.

I held it.