Laura rushes ahead of me when we reach the motel and books her own room.

“Don’t do that.” I watch her as she drags her case from the reception desk. “What can I do to make this right?”

She holds up a hand patiently and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath through her nose and exhales slowly through her mouth.

“I don’t want to argue. I was annoyed when you told me about Alice, but I’m not going to lose sleep over it. I think it’s best we keep our distance from each other for a while. I’m not going to touch you if there’s another woman involved. This whole thing was a stupid idea.”

“We should talk.”

“About what? There’s nothing to say, Adam. To be honest, I just want to get a good night’s sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”

I don’t want to make her uncomfortable by pressuring her, so I let her go to her own room without arguing anymore. I watch her go with a deep, gnawing sense of regret in my stomach. I know I’ve screwed up big time. However it may have started, Laura means something to me now, and I don’t want us to end things on bad terms.

I pay for my own room, collect my key and make my way to their presidential suite. It’s by no means the most luxurious place I’ve ever stayed, but the sheets are clean and there’s a fully-stocked mini bar. I crack open a whiskey and drink it down before slowly lowering myself onto the edge of the mattress.

My head is pounding from the heat, the driving, and the stress of pissing off two women at once. I’ve been avoiding talking to Alice ever since I walked out about six weeks ago now, but I know I can’t bury my head in the sand forever. Things need to be resolved.

I pick my phone out of my jacket pocket and dial Alice’s number.

She answers on the first ring. “Adam. I thought you were never going to speak to me.”

“I needed time to cool off.”

“I understand.”

She pauses. I stare at a patch of damp on the corner of the ceiling. I don’t even know how to begin the conversation. What am I going to say?

Alice is the first to speak again. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said before you left. You’re right. I’ve relied too much on you for support. I don’t want to give up my Instagram career, but I’d be willing to get another job too, just to show you I’m willing to pull my weight.”

I sigh heavily, pinching the bridge of my nose between two fingers. “The job was never the problem.”

“What was it?”

“I don’t know, Alice. Things have been difficult for so long. I feel we’ve grown apart.”

“How can you say that?”

“Would you have cheated on me if it weren’t true?”

“That was a mistake.”

“How many times can you make a mistake?”

I can hear her crying down the line. “For a few months, okay? It started the last time you went away. It was just going to be a short thing while you were gone, but he kept calling. I gave in. I was weak. I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back. I know we’ve had our ups-and-downs, but I love you. I can’t picture my life without you in it. I want to start over.”

“How can we do that?” I stand up and pace around the room. “I’m always going to be thinking about whether you’re with someone in our apartment. I’m not going to be able to trust you again.”

Another long pause.

“Who was the woman who answered the phone?” Alice asks me. “Why is she traveling with you? You’ve always traveled alone.”

“She’s someone I met in my hotel. She needed a ride back home.”

“Where does she live?”

“Illinois.”

Alice scoffs. “I’m sure a couple of months on the road made more sense than being dropped off at the airport.” She sobs, then sniffs back her tears. “I don’t care what you’ve done with her. I can forgive you. I want to put all of it behind us and start again.”

“Don’t you think the fact we’ve cheated on each other is a sign we’re not good together? I’m sick and tired of always arguing and trying to one-up each other. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Adam, don’t make up your mind while you’re thousands of miles away from me. We need to talk. Face-to-face.” She pauses. “You said you were dropping this woman off in Illinois, right? Let me meet you there. Do you remember when I went on a sales trip with you when we were very first together? Remember that hotel we stayed at?”

“The Starlight Inn?”

It was the only time Alice ever accompanied me on a sales trip before declaring she got motion sickness and couldn’t stand long journeys. Our night at the Starlight Inn was the best night of the whole trip. We ordered champagne, flirted in the spa’s jacuzzi, and fucked all night. She wants to take me back to a place where we share good memories.

“Yes. Let me know when you’re going to be in Illinois, and I’ll meet you there. We can talk properly at a neutral location.”

I hesitate. I feel like meeting Alice again is going to open a new can of worms. At the same time, I can’t move on until we’ve had the difficult conversation.

I can’t be with Laura until I’ve ended things with Alice.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m still not over the shock of finding you with him. I think meeting up is only going to bring it all back to the surface.”

“You’re going to have to see me again, Adam. We live together. Even if we weren’t, you’d have to talk to me eventually to sort everything out. Let’s do something before it gets to that point. It will be a few weeks before you get to Illinois.”

I don’t answer her. I’m on the fence about seeing her again.

She persists. “Twelve years is a lot of time to throw away, Adam. If we worked at it, we could find a way to make things right between us again. Don’t you remember how happy we used to be? We could be that way again. I’m willing to compromise. I’d get a job. Maybe you could stop being on the road. We could settle down. Maybe we could even have a family.”

My heart beats faster at those words. Alice knows I’ve always wanted kids. I don’t know if it’s the result of losing my parents when I was young that makes me yearn for a family of my own, but the longing has been there for as long as I can remember. Alice has always objected every time I brought up the idea of starting a family. She said it would ruin her budding online career and it made no sense when I was on the road.

I’d drop everything to be a father.

I feel my resolve weakening.

“Fine. I’ll meet you in Illinois.”

Alice gasps. “That’s great, Adam! You won’t regret it, I promise. I’m ready to work so hard for us. I know I’ve made mistakes, but our situation has made me realize I’m still in love with you, as much as I ever was. We can get there, baby. We’re meant to be together.”

“We’ll talk about it when I get to Illinois.”

“In Illinois. I love you, baby.”

“Goodnight, Alice.”

I hang up and let out a low moan. I meant to end things with Alice, but I’ve only brought in a new complication.

The truth is, in the three weeks I’ve spent with Laura, I’ve felt closer to her and more myself than I have in the last decade with Alice. But I have a history with Alice, and now she’s saying she might be ready to start a family, which is all I’ve ever wanted.

What am I supposed to do?