Chapter Eighteen
Harper
“Stop! What are you doing?”
I freeze at the sound of terror in Levi’s voice. “I’m cleaning the dishes.”
He reaches around me and flicks off the garbage disposal. He made us a delicious breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast, so the least I can do is the cleanup.
PS. He cooked shirtless. Ate shirtless. Is still shirtless. Sigh.
“Are you trying to lose a finger?” he asks. His brows are furrowed, his face a little pale.
I lift my arms out of the sink and grab a paper towel to dry my hands. “Don’t be silly. I always push food down into the drain like this.”
“With your hands?” A shiver visibly racks his body.
“Usually.” The groove between his eyebrows deepens. I’m not sure if he’s trying to look appalled or worried, but both are cute. Then it hits me. “Are you…are you afraid of the garbage disposal?”
“No,” he answers quickly. Too quickly.
He is! I cross my arms over my chest.
“Maybe,” he amends. “Okay, yes.”
I twist around. “I’ll just put the rest of this down while the disposal is off then.”
“No!” He grabs my arm. “Please don’t.” He picks up a wooden spatula. “Use this to do that.” He is totally freaked out over this.
“You know it can’t suddenly turn on by itself, right?”
“It could.” He is dead serious. And I realize he’s terrified of even the idea of the disposal hurting me.
“You don’t ever use the garbage disposal?”
“Sometimes I do, but usually I dump everything into the trash can. I know it’s ridiculous.”
I put my hand on his chest. His heart pounds underneath my palm. “It’s not, and I’m sorry if I scared you.” This strong, capable, confident man has fears just like the rest of us. It makes him even more endearing. He’s human, just like me.
“I can think of a way for you to make it up to me.” He traps me against the counter. Gone is his anxiety, and in its place is playfulness.
I duck under his arm and make a run for it. We’ve been naked together for almost twenty-four hours, and do I want to rub my body against his again? Hell, yes. He’s wildly addictive. But… “Can’t! I need to get dressed and head out.”
He gives chase. “Five minutes.”
“Ha! You know that won’t be long enough.” I run around the couch, giggling.
We eye each other over the leather sofa. “I’m going to catch you, Ham.”
“No, you’re not.” I take a little step to my left.
“Want to bet?” He takes a little step to his right.
“Sure. What do you want to lose?” We circle the couch, both of us grinning like fools. His faded jeans hang low on his waist, and he’s not wearing any underwear. It’s very distracting.
He laughs. “Funny thing. With you, I never lose.”
“What does that mean?” I edge closer to the hallway. One more step and I’ll make my escape.
But Mr. Pants Charming is also Mr. Athletic. He springs over the couch and captures me around the waist before I can bolt. “Gotcha!”
I try and squirm out of his hold. “You cheated!”
“How do you figure?” He brings me flush against his chest so the more I wiggle, the more I feel all that hard, sexy muscle through my thin tee. My heart beats faster. I don’t hate that he makes my heart race. I like it, which is so much worse. I know what to do with hate. I don’t know what to do with feelings of want. Desire. Need so strong I want to beg him to touch me.
Which is why all I manage to say is, “Huh?”
He grins and walks me back against the wall like we’re one four-legged person, connected in all the right places. “You smell really good,” he says, nuzzling my neck as his hands move down to cup my butt. All I’m wearing with my tee is a thong.
“Levi.” I scrape my nails over his back, gaining some composure. “I really don’t have time for this. If I’m late, my cousin, aunt, and mom will all kill me. Then I’ll be triple dead, and there is no coming back from that.”
“All right.” He backs off, leaving me immediately in want of his body on mine again. He’s like a second skin, warm and protective.
“Thank you.” I give him a quick kiss on the lips. He gives me a little spank on the ass when I turn to go get dressed.
It’s a good thing he doesn’t follow me into his bedroom, because I would probably cave and pull down his pants. I lean against his bed to change my shirt, pulling deodorant out of my toiletry bag to swipe more under my arms first.
My phone dings with a text, but while I hear it, I don’t see it. I look through the small pile of clothes I brought with me without luck. A second text sounds, drawing my eye to my pillow. The phone sticks out from underneath it. My mom had texted early this morning reminding me not to be late to my aunt’s house, and I’d read it while still curled up beside Levi.
It’s probably her again, asking if I’m on my way, or worse, wanting to know how Levi is. The one flaw—actually there are a couple of flaws—in staying with Levi this weekend is that everyone in my family knows I’m here. Kind of hard to keep it a secret when I’m not in the guesthouse only a few feet away from wedding central.
I stretch across the bed to pick up the phone. It’s not my mom.
Your ass is spectacular.
My cheeks flame around my grin. I’ve received compliments from guys over the years, but none have ever gotten a reaction from me like Levi’s continue to do.
I want to bite it.
Levi Pierce is ruining me. It’s yours whenever you want it, I quickly type then hold my finger down on the backspace key to delete it. I try again. Stop. I need to get dressed. That’s better. I hit send and notice the little dots are already at work on his end.
How am I going to get through the day now, when all I’ll be able to think about is you bending over my bed like that.
I spin around. Levi is leaning against the doorframe, one leg casually crossed over the other, an entirely too-attractive look of appreciation on his face. I pin him with an annoyed glare.
“Do not step foot in here,” I say. If he gets within touching distance, I will lose what little self-control I have left.
His gaze rakes over my body, threatening said control in a big way. I never imagined feeling this way again, like I’d do anything to have this one person keep looking at me like I’m everything he’s ever wanted.
“I won’t. Just admiring the view. You don’t mind if I watch you dress, do you?”
Gah. He makes me feel powerful and helpless at the same time. I clumsily put on my bra, followed by my shirt and shorts, then slide my feet into flip-flops.
“Is it safe, now?” Levi asks, pushing away from the doorframe.
“No,” I answer truthfully. Levi isn’t safe. Not in the slightest.
He saunters into the room anyway, wrapping me in a hug and kissing the side of my forehead in that cherished way of his. “Have fun getting ready today.”
“Thanks.”
“Oh, hey. I got you something. Meant to give it to you yesterday.” He steps over to his dresser and picks up a small drawstring gift bag sitting atop it. “A little girl down the street had a booth set up on the corner and was selling these to raise money for cancer research.”
I take the gift with an uncomfortable ache in the middle of my chest, so of course I say something insensitive. “What happened to good old-fashioned lemonade stands?”
“I still see those sometimes, too,” he says, seemingly unaware of my nervousness.
He takes my elbow and we sit side by side on the edge of his bed. I hold the lightweight bag in my lap, not at all sure I want to see what’s inside. It’s not only that Levi is the first guy to buy me a gift since Joe. It’s that a gift tied to charity, and the kindheartedness of a child, makes it something special whether I want it to be or not. After all, my own heart is wrapped up in philanthropy.
“Is it one of her parents?” I ask.
“Her brother, actually,” he says with compassion.
I close my eyes for a moment to say a silent prayer. My world was forever changed in one day. What happens when you have to live with the possibility of horrific change day after day after day? “I hope she sold out of these.”
“I’m pretty sure she did.” He gently bumps my arm. “Open it. When I saw what she was selling, I immediately thought of you.”
Inside the bag is a piece of jewelry made out of thin black nylon cord and a silver charm.
“It’s an anklet,” Levi says as I pull it out. “She made them herself. The charm is a Tabono, an ancient African symbol that represents strength and perseverance. At least, that’s what she said.”
Emotions I don’t want clog the back of my throat. There’s no way Levi could know that those two traits matter more to me than almost anything else. I hold the charm between my fingers. The simple metal is shaped like a four-petal flower, the kind I used to doodle in my notebooks at school.
Because I’m well aware of what the Tabono symbol means.
“Let’s put it on you.” Levi kneels down and gently slips the anklet over my foot. The nylon is stretchy so he’s able to adjust the tightness by pulling on the two short strings that meet where the knot is. “Perfect,” he says, his fingertips lightly grazing my skin once he’s done.
He’s mapped my entire body with his hands and mouth, but something about this moment seems more intimate than the others before it.
All of a sudden, it’s difficult to remain in the same room as him. I love this gift. More than I’ve loved any others. I dig my fingers into the comforter so I don’t flee. Levi deserves more from me than that.
“What do you think?” he asks, sitting beside me.
I nod. “I like it. Thank you.” I’m never going to take it off.
“You’re welcome. You okay? I’m thinking my timing could have been better here.”
“Your timing does kind of suck.”
“Because you want to make out with me now?”
“Yes, that’s exactly why.” I get to my feet, grateful for his sense of humor at the perfect time. “And I do need to go.”
Levi stands. “I’ll see you on the aisle. Five o’clock, right?”
“Right.” I put my hands on his shoulders, then stretch up on my tiptoes to kiss one eyelid, then the other, followed by light kisses to his cheek and the corner of his mouth. It’s the most tender I’ve been with him, and long overdue. I might be planning to break things off with him tomorrow, but I’ve cherished our time together, too.
Soft caramel eyes look down at me. “What was that for?”
“Being really good to me.” I quickly grab my bag. “I’ll see you later. Don’t be late!” I add over my shoulder. I’m out the bedroom door and in my car a minute later.
It’s happy chaos when I get to my aunt’s house. The wedding coordinator is directing the florist, caterers, and rental company people with a small bullhorn. Yes, a bullhorn. The house is really big, as is the backyard. I hurry upstairs to Colleen’s room.
“Hi!” Colleen waves to me from across her old bedroom, transformed into a bridal suite for today. She’s sitting in a chair wearing a short satin robe, eating an apple with her feet propped up. Her wedding dress is hanging beside her.
“Happy wedding day,” I say. (In case you were wondering, I’m five minutes ahead of my assigned arrival time.)
“Harper,” my mom says with delight, sweeping me into the room to join the party. There’s a table set up with food, champagne, and bottled water. Bridesmaids’ dress bags hang on a portable garment rack with our names written on the outside. Fresh flowers are everywhere.
I greet my aunt and Colleen’s maid of honor. Within minutes, Colleen’s other bridesmaids arrive. There’s a ton of excitement in the air, and for the rest of the afternoon we eat, talk, laugh, take pictures, and get prepped for the wedding.
Once my hair and makeup are done, I slip into my dress. Standing in front of the full-length mirror to look at myself, my first thought is, I wonder what Levi will think.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She hands me my shoes. I lift the hem of the strapless, emerald green dress, and with the attention on my feet now, my mom notices the anklet Levi gave me. “What’s that?” she asks.
“An anklet.”
“I know that. I’ve never seen you wear it before.”
I slide my foot into the strappy heel dyed to match the color of the dress. “It’s new.” I’m not being a very nice daughter. I know this. But my mom will make a really big deal out of it, and I don’t want to encourage her to be any more interested than she already is.
Mom, the queen of McKnowing Everything, crosses her arms over her very pretty pale-yellow dress and commands me without saying a word to spill the whole truth. It’s her superpower, goddammit.
“Levi gave it to me.”
“He did?” With her enthusiasm, it’s hard to tell if it’s a question or announcement. Thankfully, everyone else in the room is busy, or all eyes would be on us.
“Yes.” I go on to tell her about the charm and what it means.
She pats the corner of her eye. “Follow me, please.”
“Mom.” I follow her into the hallway where she wraps me in a hug. “Mom, please don’t make this a big deal.”
“I’m not. But I have a question for you.”
“Okay.”
“Have you told him about Joe?”
I let out a breath. “Yes.”
She brushes a tendril of hair off my neck. “I’m glad. That’s a big step for you.”
“Please don’t get your hopes up here.”
“Too late. But they’re not up for the reasons you think.”
I’ve no idea what to make of my mother right now. She’s acting more confusing than normal.
“Now really isn’t the time to talk about it,” she says, “but for reasons I’ll share with you later, I’ve been seeing a therapist.”
“Is everything all right?” My legs shake. My mom isn’t big on delving too deep into feelings, so I’m afraid something is wrong.
“Yes. Everything is fine.” She squeezes my wrist. “What I quickly want to say to you is I’m optimistic about you not settling for things the way they are. I hate that you’ve let the past hold you hostage, and letting Levi in tells me maybe you’re ready to let go.”
“It’s not like that.”
“I think it is. And I hope you realize the person holding you back is yourself. Not Joe. First loves are hard to get over, and he will always hold a special place in your heart, but clinging to him isn’t living your life.”
I grip the iron banister, rocking back on my heels. “I’m not clinging to him. He’s dead.” My words are cold, clipped, like a slap to the face, and my mom flinches. “Sorry,” I say more softly.
“You have no reason to be sorry.” Several beats of silence pass. I really don’t want to talk about this, but I can tell my mom wants to say more. “It’s not that you can’t love again. It’s that you’ve chosen not to.” She puts her arm around my shoulders. “You’re still young, and still figuring out who you are, and I’m sorry if I push a little too hard on the relationship front.”
“A little?”
“Or a lot. But it’s because I believe in you. You have more love in your heart than anyone else I know, and it would be a shame not to give it to someone who wants to love you back.”
The whispers in the back of my mind telling me I don’t need anyone grow louder. My mom is right. This is my choice. Because it would kill me to lose someone I loved again. “Can we finish this conversation another time?”
“I hope we do.”
I put my happy face in place when we walk back into the room. Watching my mom with my aunt and cousin, I think it’s the high of today and the love in the air that prompted her openness. Maybe it’s the passage of time, too. I craved her perspective when I was sixteen, but she didn’t—or couldn’t—share it with me back then.
She smiles at me from across the room. I smile back. When we separate for the ceremony, she tells me she loves me.
As I walk down the aisle on the arm of a groomsman, my gaze immediately finds Levi’s. His eyes, already on me, tell me he very much likes what he sees. For the entire service, I feel his gaze, and it makes me lightheaded. Smiley.
A little while after the ceremony, his strong arms firmly envelop me from behind, and a feeling of trust and utter protection seeps into my bones. “Hi, beautiful,” he says. He nuzzles my neck and nibbles on my ear. “You look unbelievable.”
My head falls back on his shoulder. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”
His lips graze my jaw, then the corner of my mouth, then I’m turning in his arms and we’re kissing, right there for anyone to see.
And I don’t care.