CHAPTER THIRTY
I sat in his driveway for a good ten minutes, trying to figure out what I was going to say.
Because this was important, he was everything, and if I didn’t get it right …my mouth firmed. If I messed up, I would come back and try again. As many times as I needed to. As many times as it took. I finally screwed up enough courage to walk up his driveway and knock on the door. I knocked softly at first, and then harder.
He finally opened the door, barefoot in jeans and a white tank, and suddenly the breath was vacuum-sucked from my chest. He was beautiful, of course, but it wasn’t that. He was just so…damn familiar that I couldn’t manage a word. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me, hug me in that special Jackson way, where we were just the right height for him to rest his chin on my head. I wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips against mine, and have him kiss me back like there was no one else in the world.
From the looks of his impassive face, it didn’t look like that would be happening any time soon. I bit my lip. I had a number of ways that I’d come up with to greet him, a number of things I should say. In the end, I could only manage one word. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He braced one hand on the doorjamb. “What’re you doing here?”
“I had to talk to you. Needed to talk to you.” Okay, a little less stalker like. I finally settled on, “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”
“That’s what phones are for.”
“You won’t answer my calls.”
“Yeah, well.” He seemed to be looking through me, not at me. “There’s a reason for that.”
“Oh.” And the air was sucked from my body anew. Fuck. That hurt. I deserved it, but since when did knowing that help heal the pain? “Well, like I said, I am sorry.”
“For what?”
Damn. That was all I’d bothered to come up with on the way over. In my vision of my rom com, he sighed, “Avery,” and I whispered, “Jackson.” Then we fell into one another’s arms. At least, that was how it was supposed to go. Clearly, I was going to have to work a little harder for my happy ever after. Fucking Lifetime.
I took a deep breath. Well, that was fine. He deserved that much. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I shouldn’t have reduced everything we shared to sex. Just sex. That was stupid and hurtful.” I bit my lip. “I’m not very good at this. Relationships. Trusting.”
When I didn’t go on, he spoke again, his voice softer this time. “That all you came to say?”
“Pretty much.”
“I’m not going to hold a grudge about it. You just said what you were feeling. So, you’re forgiven.” When I didn’t move, still rooted to that spot, he raised an eyebrow. “That it?”
“Yeah. It is. Yeah.” I realized I was this close to stuttering. It was clear that Jackson wanted me gone. I’d never been any good at taking hints. “I guess I’ll just get out of your hair.”
I stalled, turning around as slowly as I possibly could. He just stood there, stupid muscular arms folded over his stupid muscular chest. Realizing I was now in actual slow-mo, I finally gave up and headed for my car.
I gritted my teeth, hearing the soft click of his door closing behind me, and by the time I reached my car door, I was pissed. At myself. I had come over here with some half-assed apology when I had full-assed screwed up. I stalked back to the door and rapped on the glass panel smartly. Then a tad less smartly so I wouldn’t have to apologize for breaking his fancy pants glass door, too.
He opened the door, brow furrowed adorably. “Did you forget something?”
“I’m sorry that I reduced our relationship to nothing more than casual sex. I just…freaked out. I felt like I had to protect myself, and I lashed out at you. The time we spent together was…incredible. I’ve never felt so in tune with another person in my life.”
“Avery—”
“Just…let me finish.” God knew that if I didn’t do it now, I never would. “I’m pretty sure that…you’re him.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, and I finished my speech to the space slightly beyond his left ear. “It didn’t work out with anyone else because it wasn’t supposed to. You’re it for me.”
“Avery…”
“I love you.” What a fucking relief. Just to say it out loud. “I love you,” I said again, enjoying it even more the second time. “You don’t have to forgive me, but you at least deserve the truth. Now you can close the door.” I spun on my heel.
“AJ.” His voice stopped me in my tracks, and when I turned, he was on the bottom step. “If you walk away from me one more time, I’m going to be forced to do something unthinkable.”
Some part of me wanted to know what that was, but I knew better than to ask. “It’s not like I want to!” I burst out. “I just…I don’t know what else to do.”
“Well, it’s not like I have all the answers either.” He ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly, standing it on end in blond spikes. “But I do know that you don’t walk away from what we have. Not from this. We can talk, we can fight, we can yell…whatever we need to do to make it work, but you don’t walk away. Not again.”
As far as promises went, it was an easy one to make. “I won’t.”
He came closer, closing the distance between us until there was nothing but air, and barely that. Warm hazel eyes roved over my face as he tilted up my chin. I didn’t know what he found in my expression, but he suddenly chuckled ruefully, his mouth quirking. “It’s the eyes, you know. I doubt a man alive could resist those big, brown eyes.”
For the first time in my life, I was glad they weren’t another color. “I do what I can.”
“I was mad enough to draw this thing out, you know. But apparently, two minutes in your presence turns my resolve into absolute mush. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“So why didn’t you come by?”
“Because you needed to figure out what you wanted. Because I didn’t want to push you. And most importantly? Because you drive me absolutely crazy.”
“I’m…sorry?”
“I didn’t say that was a bad thing. In fact, it’s the very best fucking thing.” He sighed, reaching out and tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear. “I love you, crazy girl.”
There was a strange burn behind my eyes that I blinked them away. “Can I have my hug now?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He shook his head, reaching for me. And there it was—that hug. Those strong arms wrapped around me, his scent surrounding me, his chin firmly tucked on my hair. God, I’d missed him. I thought I’d do a lot of unspeakable things for a hug like this. A man like this. When he spoke, his voice was muffled by my hair. “I thought waiting for you would just about kill me, but I knew you were worth the wait.”
My throat was choked and tight. “Why does this feel so right?”
“Because it is.” His voice was a husky whisper almost overpowered by the wind, but I heard him just fine. “Because it is.”