Chapter 16
Brooke
I woke up with a pounding headache. Rolling to one side of my pillow reminded me of Jake, how he’d stroked me so tenderly. Rolling to the other side of my pillow reminded me of Mark, how he’d fucked me half-senseless. I sat up straight in bed. Clearly, I wasn’t going to be getting any more sleep.
Chowing down a cream-cheese bagel and gulping down tea didn’t help. The bagel just reminded me of a patient from Friday. We’d been working on a little boy, with a navy-blue shirt covered in lime green bagels, for some reason. Despite our easy joking and Jake’s deferential manner, as Jake and I had worked together, there had been something missing. Mark. Afterwards, the little boy had smiled his missing-toothed smile at us, and I’d felt like I was floating for hours afterwards. That was why I’d applied for this position in the first place. To help kids like I’d been.
But now? I glanced at my phone and sighed. Two ‘Hey how’s it going’ texts, from two men I couldn’t respond to. From the two men whose friendship I was ruining.
I started dialing Karly’s number, but then thought better of it. What was I going to report to her? How doing what I’d thought would help things had only made them even worse? Now, we’d gone from an environment that was tense and awkward, to one that was outright hostile.
I could still picture it. Mark shoving Jake, his handsome face contorted in rage. Then, Jake shoving Mark back, his tan hands pressed into the other man’s chest. Things had actually escalated to physical violence yesterday. I needed to make this right.
Before I could think better of it, I sent a, ‘We’re going to dinner… all three of us.’ text to both of them. Then, I walked over to the bathroom and started up the shower. After all, I had to get ready for my date tonight.
Jake was there waiting when I arrived.
“You look absolutely gorgeous,” he said, his eyes shining.
I rose on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek, my whole body tingling with nervous energy at his touch.
“Thanks.”
A hand slung around my waist and I turned to find Mark behind me.
“Miss me?” he said.
“Of course,” I said.
He kissed my hand and my heart skipped a beat.
“I ordered a banana split,” Jake said, nodding at the counter, “I remember you mentioning that was your favorite.”
I’d chosen the Dairy Queen on the far edge of town for several reasons. First, because it was fairly abandoned. Second, because it was not an upscale eatery, No, here in the DQ there were no nosy patrons to be scandalized overhearing what I’d brought Jake and Mark here to talk about.
After Jake had secured the banana split, all three of us squeezed into one side of the booth and got to eating.
“So,” I said, once I’d had my fill, “We need to talk.”
Jake and Mark stopped eating, although they said nothing.
“I feel really terrible about how things have ended up,” I said, “Now, everything’s tense at work, and I’m not sure what’s best.”
Jake stirred his spoon in the remaining liquid vanilla ice cream in the bottom of the container.
“Well, what do you want, Brooke?” he asked.
“I want us all to work together on good terms. Like how it was before,” I said.
“So, you want us to pretend like it never happened?” Mark broke in, his brow creased with an angry furrow.
“No, not at all,” I said, “I meant what I told both of you. I like you, Mark,” I said, as I took his hand in mine, staring into his blue-green narrowed eyes. “And I like you too, Jake,” taking his hand in mine as well, and staring into his happy big brown eyes.
“That’s great,” Mark snapped, ripping his hand away, “But I don’t think I’m okay with that.”
Jake sadly extricated his hand, too.
“I’m sorry, Brooke.”
I took a breath, trying not to show how shaken I felt.
“Okay. Well, I hope we can at least agree that you two shouldn’t be fighting over me at work. It’s not appropriate and it makes things awkward in the office.”
“Of course, we shouldn’t,” Mark snapped loudly. “It’s not like we planned on it. It’s just when my best friend and the girl I just slept with fuck, things are bound to get messy.”
I shot Mark an angry look, pressing my finger to my lips. The curly-haired girl behind the counter was poised there, her eyes, over-lined already, were wide with everything she’d just heard.
“Sorry,” Mark said, “It was just a surprise, that’s all.”
“And I’m sorry for that,” I said, “But I’m not sure what to do at this point.”
“Neither am I,” he admitted. “All I know is that I actually like you. I’ve kept trying to deny it to myself, but that’s gotten me nowhere.”
He lowered his eyes to his fist which was clenching and opening again. Meanwhile, Jake looked even more upset, like he was torn between apologizing to Mark and yelling at him.
“Are you for real?” he finally said.
“What do you mean?” Mark snapped back.
“I’ve seen you, man,” Jake said, frowning, “I’ve seen the way you are with these women—these two-week ‘girlfriends’ of yours. Are you really attracted to Brooke because she’s something special or because she’s the one girl you may not be able to have?”
Mark banged his fist on the table, sending the little ice cream container jumping.
“I don’t know, okay?” he said, in a low tense voice, “All I know is that when I’m with Brooke, when I think of her, things feel different. I laugh, I have fun. I forget myself. It’s like—I’m not the way I am with other women—just thinking about the next time I’ll get laid.”
He shot Jake a sidelong glare.
“And who’s to say that it’s the real deal with you either, lover boy? I mean, just because she’s the first woman you slept with since your ex—”
“She isn’t the first woman I’ve slept with since my ex,” Jake said, in a low voice.
“What?” Mark asked, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I don’t always tell you everything, you know,” Jake replied evenly.
“Bullshit,” Mark said, “I don’t believe you.”
“It was a few months after she had left me,” Jake said, now directing his gaze and words to me, “I started dating again, met a few nice girls. Lots of nice girls, actually.” The corners of his lips turned down in a frown. “But none of them were ‘it’ if you know what I mean. Then I met a girl who was a bit more fun and nice than the others. So I gave it a go.”
He shrugged.
“It was just as anticlimactic as I’d expected. I knew how I was supposed to be feeling after these things, I could remember what real intimacy and attraction felt like—I just couldn’t feel it. Not then. Not until now.”
His gaze went to me.
“You may be unsure why or even if things are different with Brooke for you, Mark. But I have no doubt in my mind that Brooke is right for me. She’s funny, sexy-as-hell, just what I’d want in a partner.”
He took my hand, squeezed it. Right now, his pupils had flicked to my lips and almost swallowed his irises, while his lips were parted with what he wanted to do. A tremor of excitement surged through me.
“Sorry if this is way forward,” he said, tearing his gaze off my lips, “I just don’t want you to have any doubts on where I stand as far as you’re concerned.”
I nodded, squeezing his hand back as I extricated mine. If I kept touching and holding him like this, then it would be way too hard for me to be strong. Because as much as I cared for him, I couldn’t lie to him about my feelings for Mark.
“Thank you, Jake. I feel really strongly about you too. We definitely have a connection, there’s no denying that.”
My words were like a punch to Mark’s face. His stormy eyes shot me a desperate look.
“Do you really care for us equally?”
His direct question caught me off-guard. I looked away from his insistent gaze, although the question still repeated itself in my mind. Did I really care for them equally?
I thought of Mark’s playful little flicks and jokes, the merciless way he’d fucked me senseless. A wetness swelled between my legs.
“Brooke,” Jake said gently.
I thought of him, Jake, his skillful slow fucking of me, our sweet kiss over the lantern-lit dinner. My heartbeat rocketed up.
“Yes,” I said quietly, my head hung.
I took a deep breath. It was just how my mom had said. No matter how much I’d fucked things up, that didn’t mean that I couldn’t un-fuck them.
“Could you two at least agree to try to work things through?” I asked, looking from one frowning face to the other, “I mean, you two have been best friends forever. If not for your friendship, then at least for the business.”
“We can,” Jake said, with a decided nod.
“Sure thing,” Mark said, sarcastically.
Obviously, me wanting to make things better wasn’t going to be enough.
“I can’t take back what I did,” I said, rising my gaze to look to Mark and then Jake, “But I do want to make things right. What do you guys think we should do?”
Mark and Jake glanced to each other uncertainly. They nodded, apparently thinking the same thought.
“Choose,” Jake said, “You’re going to have to choose between us.”
“Things won’t be resolved until you do,” Mark said, “Not when it’s all up in the air like this.”
“No,” I said softly, half to myself, “There has to be another way.”
“There isn’t,” Mark replied, his eyes fiery.
“I’m afraid not,” Jake agreed.
I looked from one frowning face to the other. My eyes scanned for a hint of indecision, a wavering of will, but I found nothing—only the same determined conclusion. It had to be this way.
“Can you at least give me some time to think about it?” I asked.
Judging by the disappointed expressions on both of their faces, that was not the answer they’d been wanting to hear. Nevertheless, Jake nodded.
“Of course,” he said.
Mark said nothing. I couldn’t think of anything more to say, so I rose.
“Great, well I’m wiped for tonight. That was really yummy ice cream.”
My voice echoed awkwardly in the half-empty ice cream parlor. Jake and Mark followed me out of there. As I left, I cast one look back at our now-abandoned booth. My heart did a flip-flop. Already I was feeling nostalgic for when we had first arrived here, before I had to make the terrible decision before me.
Once we were outside, I said goodbye to Mark and Jake with awkward half-hugs. As they left to their own cars, neither acknowledged me again.
I opened my car door and flopped inside with a heavy heart. Dully, I watched through my windshield as the two men I cared deeply for drove away into the night.
Slumping deeper into my car seat, I hardly had the strength to take the wheel. Now, there was no escaping the choice that had haunted me since the first minute I’d stepped into the clinic. I had avoided it, evaded it, pretend it didn’t exist. Until now, the question had me pressed up against the wall, an all-or-nothing ultimatum at my throat. Who would I choose?