Chapter Thirty-One

Scarlett

I heard myself moan and woke myself up. I blinked several times, realizing it was still early. What had woken me up?

I did a little rewind and knew instantly what had stirred me from sleep. It was Cameron. Not Cameron in the physical sense, but a steamy dream about him that had felt real. I had been reliving the kitchen encounter in vivid detail, right down to watching him make me climax. I felt so naughty thinking about what I had done. It had been completely out of character for me. I kind of felt like I should have been ashamed of myself, but it had been too damn good to feel guilty about.

I was pretty sure I would let him do it all over again if he asked. What was I saying? I was hoping he would ask! I wanted him to do it again, but in my kitchen and without the fear of a little girl walking in and finding me laid out like a buffet on the shiny black counter. I wanted to scream and moan and talk dirty as he pummeled my body.

I could still feel the tingle between my legs and realized I had been on the verge of a real orgasm brought on by the dream Cameron. That was powerful stuff, I thought with a lazy smile.

I lay in bed for a few more minutes, trying to remember the details of my dream but barely scratching the surface. I was charged up; that was for sure. I was left wanting to finish what the dream had started. With Cameron’s grand exit from my life Monday, I couldn’t count on him to scratch the itch the dream had created.

My hand drifted under the covers and over the satin sheets I was lying on and rested near my thigh. Did I dare? Who would know? I was a healthy adult woman who had needs, I reasoned.

Cameron had made me feel things I didn’t know were physically possible. He’d made me an addict for his touch and that rocking body. His touch was magic and erotic and so delicious. I wished like hell I could emulate his touch. I couldn’t, but I could try.

I ran my fingers over my thigh before moving to my inner thigh and over the fabric of my panties shielding my pussy. I desperately wished it were his fingers roaming over my body. He knew just when to apply pressure, when to circle, and when to stop.

“Dammit!” I groaned, pissed that I couldn’t have the real thing.

I wanted to feel that fire. I closed my eyes, envisioning Cameron beside me, his hand roaming over my body and igniting the passion that only he could stir. I tried my best to remember his scent. I cursed myself for changing the sheets yesterday. I had thought I didn’t want to have his scent on my pillows, reminding me of him. I’d been wrong. I would kill to bury my face in the pillow where he had laid his head.

“Screw it,” I muttered into the room. I was going for it.

I used my thumb to hook my panties and pushed them down my legs with the help of my foot. The cool sheets under my body did little to cool the fire raging inside me after the dream. With both hands, I massaged my breasts, tweaking my nipples like he would, doing my best to reenact sex with him. I wanted to feel what he felt when his fingers were inside my body. I gently spread the folds, opening my legs a little wider to get better access, and ran my finger around the entrance.

I was wet. I could feel my arousal and was encouraged to go deeper—literally. I tentatively moved my finger to my opening, pushing just the tip inside. My much-smaller fingers were nothing compared to Cameron’s. I wanted more. My body was demanding more.

I spread my legs wider, bent one knee, and probed deeper, shivering at the warring feelings the touch evoked. I felt my slick walls with my finger while the sensation of being penetrated stirred up the first tremors of a climax. I had been desperate for release, but I found myself enjoying my self-exploration and wanted to prolong my self-pleasuring session. I felt wild and daring, heightening the sensations moving over my body.

I pushed my finger in deep and lubed it up with my own juices before stroking my clit and nearly bringing myself to my climax before stopping just short of the actual release. My finger was slick as I pushed it back inside, moving it around, pushing against the entrance, wincing when I stretched too far. It was exciting to stretch my own self-imposed limits on what was acceptable. I thought about Cameron and how he watched himself pushing in and out of me and how hot it made him.

Sex with the lights on had been new for me. I hadn’t thought I would like it, but it had heightened the pleasure. Seeing the actual act and seeing Cameron’s face so intent and determined to make me come had been an aphrodisiac. Just thinking about being spread-eagle on his kitchen counter that night stirred up a tingling feeling deep within me, soaking my finger a bit more with the secreting juices from my pussy.

He was a little dirty and a little vulgar and a lot alpha. I loved it with him. I loved the way he dominated my body and knew just when to pluck and when to fuck me hard and fast. Once again, the vision of him watching me reach one climax after another stirred up more of those delicious feelings in my body. My finger started moving faster in and out of my body, rubbing over my clit. It wasn’t enough. Cameron’s dick was much bigger.

Feeling even more daring, I slid a second finger inside and gasped at the stretched feeling. Could I fit three?

“Mmmm,” I moaned, knowing I could scream as loud as I wanted and no one would hear.

I tested my own boundaries and wiggled a third finger in, gasping as my body stretched and molded around my invading fingers.

I held my fingers still inside me, feeling the tiny little muscles contracting, and imagined what that must feel like for him when my body lovingly tightened around his cock.

“Oh god,” I moaned, more desperate than ever to have him there with me, probing me and showing me new things I would have never dared to try before.

With him, I wasn’t scared or embarrassed. I thought about the many sex shops I had visited with Hannah and the various toys we had giggled over, wondering how they could be of any fun. We had laughed about the type of people who used such things. I now knew they could be very exciting when used by the right man. I was eager to give every damn one of them a try as long as it was with Cameron.

I thought about the clips and gels and the wide assortment of dildos that could make sex with Cameron completely off the charts. My juices increased the more I thought about the wicked things Cameron could do to my body and the things I would like to do to his.

I couldn’t hold out any longer. I was shaking with need. I pushed hard, rubbing that little nub, feeling my toes curl and my leg muscles clench as the orgasm took control of my body. I arched and felt as if my body would snap in two from the strain as I jerked. I held my breath as the sensations rocketed over me, taking me higher and higher before dropping me over the edge.

I slowly relaxed, breathing hard and feeling shaky.

“Holy shit. I seriously just did that,” I whispered into the room.

I lay there a bit longer, languishing in the feeling of finding a release, even if it had been on my own. If Cameron was out of my life for good, I was absolutely going to have to go to one of those shops and pick me up a few things. My fingers had done the trick this time, but I missed the feeling of being full. Nothing was going to match up to Cameron’s way, but I could still find release. Hell, I could do it as many times as I wanted since I was all alone in the big house.

I managed to get out of bed, my legs a little shaky as I headed into the adjoining bathroom to shower and get ready for work. In the stark light of the bathroom, I felt a little embarrassed about what I had just done. I pushed aside the feeling and focused on getting ready for work. Desperate times called for desperate measures. That was my story, and I was sticking to it.

I called Hannah on my drive in.

“Hey,” I said on a long sigh.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, knowing me too well.

“Cameron moved out Monday,” I said.

I hadn’t told her yesterday. I had wanted to believe he wasn’t serious and would show up that night. When he hadn’t, I’d known it was really over.

“Didn’t he move in Sunday?” she asked.

I felt ridiculous when she pointed out the facts.

“Well, yes, but it still sucks.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure he’ll be back. From what Noah says, Cameron is pretty into you.”

“You talked about us?” I asked.

“Don’t even try to pump me for information and go all middle school on me,” she warned.

I laughed, feeling better after only talking to her for a minute. “Well, you better tell me if he tells Noah anything,” I teased.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“I’m almost there. I called to whine, but you suck at the consoling thing.”

She laughed. “Sorry. I’ll do better next time.”

“There’s not going to be a next time.”

“Sure there will be. You two have something going between you.”

“Yeah. It’s called a fake engagement. We’re just pretending,” I said.

“That is a bad excuse and you know it.”

I sighed. “I can admit there’s chemistry. It isn’t enough, though. We’ve got this big fat Isaac thing between us, and that isn’t going away anytime soon.”

“It’ll get better,” she promised.

“I’m holding you to that. I’m here. I better get inside.”

“Talk to you later,” she said and hung up.

I sat in my car, realizing I was about thirty minutes early. Early could be a good thing, but I felt a bit like a loser. I had nothing to make me late. I didn’t even have a dog that had a last-minute bathroom emergency to make me late. I was all alone. I guessed I should have been grateful instead of complaining. Cameron always looked like he was running late after dealing with Ella in the morning.

I headed inside and greeted the other early birds before heading to my office.

“Hey,” Cesar said, popping his head in. “I thought I saw you walk by. You’re early.”

I nodded. “I was up and figured I could get some stuff done here.”

He smiled. “I like that. Ambition is a good thing. I’ll leave you to it,” he said and walked away.

Ambition or loneliness? Either way, I would take the compliment and made a mental note to try to be a little early every day in order to impress my new boss. If I didn’t have a man or family to focus on, I could pour all my energy and time into my job and hopefully get on the fast track to producing music.

That was my goal; pursuing a man was not.