Chapter 28
Zach
I was awake, but I didn’t want to move or even open my eyes. Though it was a new day, that heavy feeling from the previous day’s events still lingered deep in my chest. It was that feeling you got after watching a really gory movie and your mind was trying to decipher between the film and reality. I was so glad that Madison had decided to come back to my place. it made me feel good, knowing in the worst of times, I made her feel safe.
We made love in the bath, and I tried to keep my excitement of her interest to myself, but the rest of me gave it all to her. She was so quiet and meek, and I hated that another person had the power to do something like that to her. She was not the strong independent Madison that I knew and had been replaced with a scared, fragile woman. It made me care even more for her, showing how human she really was. Just thinking about her made me want to see her face so I rolled over and opened my eyes.
I sat up quickly in the bed and looked around the room, but Madison was nowhere to be found. I got up and threw on a robe, searching through the house for any sign of her. Her bag and shoes were gone. She had left. I walked quietly back in the room and stood in the doorway, unsure of where to go from there. Did she not want to wake me? I walked over to the bed and looked down where she slept and noticed a folded piece of purple paper laying on her pillow. I picked it up and opened in, reading it to myself.
“Zach,
I want to thank you for everything you did, not just last night but ever since I met you. It has been more than an adventure. You are a very sweet, kind, and strong man, and I couldn’t have made it through last night without you. I will always remember you bursting through those gallery doors like you were Superman, taking down the villain and saving the day. I wish I could have gotten in a punch or two.
That being said, everything is so very confusing. I know you did what you did with the best intentions, but it was wrong. It was wrong because I had told you repeatedly it wasn’t something I could do. I am not upset that Sarah found it, and now, I am on the top of my career. I’m upset because it took me getting mad at you for you to stop and think about how your actions really do affect other people in ways you may not realize at the time.
With the amount of work I have on my plate and this constant unwavering feeling of disgust and fear from what Lee did, I think it’s better that we don’t see each other anymore. I can’t shake this feeling, and I know it will continue to gravely impact our relationship if I cannot move past it. I want to wish you all the luck in the world, and please, please don’t give up on love like you had before we met.
Yours,
Madison”
I read and re-read the letter about eight times, trying to digest what she was saying. She understood why I did what I did, but she couldn’t be in my life anymore. I stood in front of the windows, grasping the letter tightly in my hands, a strong pain flowing through my chest and stomach. I had lost her. I had lost the girl that I had been trying desperately to make happy and have in my life. She was everything to me, and at that exact moment, I knew that I loved Madison more than anything in the world. It had been so hard to admit it, especially to myself, but the reality of all of it was that I loved this girl. I loved her smile. I loved her hair. I loved her warm heart. I just loved every single thing about her.
I backed up, shaking my head until I felt the couch behind me. I sat down, balling the paper up and dropping it on the floor. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, trying to understand or make sense of this. It took her leaving for me to admit to myself that I loved her, and now, I could feel nothing but panic. There was no moving on, there was no getting over her. I needed to be with Madison because she was the woman of my dreams.
I grabbed my phone off the table and dialed her number but slammed it down, remembering her phone had been broken, and it wouldn’t go through. I tapped my foot, not knowing what to do and feeling completely helpless. I flipped through the numbers until I reached Charlotte and dialed.
“Hey,” she whispered. “Hold on, I’m going to walk outside.”
I waited for a few seconds, listening to her walking quietly through the house and out the front door. I could hear the television on in the background and figured that Madison was home with her. When the sound of the front door shutting echoed into my ear, I took a deep breath and tried to gather my emotions. Before I could say anything, though, Charlotte began to speak.
“Look, Zach,” she sighed. “I know how much you care about Madison. I know how good you are for her, especially after what you did last night, but I have to respect her wishes. She is confused, scared, and she still can’t wrap her head around what is going on or what happened. I think deep down, she knows she can’t blame you, but right now, it is too hard for her to face you. I know this sucks for you.”
“I love her, Charlotte,” I said, listening to the silence on the other end.
“I’m so sorry, Zach,” she said with kindness. “If I could change this for you, I would. I think the two of you make the perfect couple. But as it is, I have to stand by Madison’s choice. So, I’m going to go back upstairs and sit with her, and I’m going to ask that you not call me anymore.”
“I understand,” I replied, tears pulling at my eyes.
I hung up the phone and sat there, just staring out at the empty apartment. I hadn’t noticed before just how quiet the place was. I never really spent a lot of time here until I met Madison, but when I was here, I was with her. There never seemed to be a silent moment. Some quiet, reflective ones, yes, but this silence cut through me to the core.
I walked into the bedroom and looked around, my chest feeling like it was going to explode. I had never felt helpless before, and that was exactly what I was feeling in that moment. Completely helpless, not understanding what to do or where to go. I walked back into the living room and plopped down on the couch, putting my arm over my face. I flipped the phone in my hand, realizing I had run out of options. I pulled up Hudson’s number and debated calling him, but I figured what’s a best friend for if I can’t call him when something like this happens?
I put the phone up to my ear, listening to it ring and wondering if he was even awake yet. It rang several times and went to voicemail so I hung up. Not even two seconds later, he was calling me back.
“Hey, dude,” he said. “What’s up?”
“Hey, man,” I said with a sigh. “So much shit has gone down.”
“What? Okay, dude spill it.”
“So, Madison got fired from the gallery because I pulled the edge of one of her paintings out during someone else’s show, and she got picked up by a major gallery,” I explained. “She was upset with me for breaking an apparently sacred rule amongst artists, so after a few days of not talking to me, I went to her place.”
“So, wait. She was upset that you got her the gig of a lifetime?”
“It gets worse,” I said, taking a deep breath. “So, she’s not there, just Charlotte. She had gone over to the old gallery to pick up her stuff. Finally, after Charlotte and I tried to call her several times, Charlotte’s phone rings and she’s on speaker. The owner, Lee, is attacking her. We run over there, I throw a fucking cinder block through the window, tackle the mother fucker, and call the police. When it was all said and done, she came back to my place. Well, when I woke up this morning, she was gone. She left me a God damn Dear John letter, bro. I don’t even know what to do.”
“Did you call her?”
“Her phone was broken at the gallery,” I replied. “I called Charlotte, but she told me she had to respect Madison’s wishes and asked me not to call again.”
“Damn, dude, I’m sorry. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed, leaning back. “I don’t know.”
“Hey, look on the bright side,” he said with excitement. “We can get back to picking up chicks and banging them in the bathrooms. I’ve missed having a wingman.”
“You know what,” I said angrily. “You can fuck off. I love Madison. This isn’t just one of your three-day relationships that you get tired of and throw the girl away. This shit got really intense, and I fell for her hard. I don’t have any clue what to do with myself, but it sure the hell isn’t going out and picking up random women.”
“Look,” Hudson said sternly. “You want my real advice? Stop fucking sitting on your couch, in your lush apartment, complaining to me how hard your life is, bro. If you don’t like it, change it. If you want this girl so bad, then you need to tell her exactly how you feel. You need to show her that you aren’t complete without her. You need to fucking fight for her instead of crying into your 7500 dollar satin sheets and wiping your nose with you Louis Vuitton handkerchief. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about any of that stuff. I’ll tell you this, though, if you don’t and you choose to sit here and throw an epic pity party for yourself, you're going to be too late, and some other guy is going to come sweep her off her feet. It’s your call, bro.”
I was speechless and not just because it was the first time Hudson had ever just laid it out for me like that. Usually, I was the one with the hard to hear speeches and the directives that made you rethink everything about your life. That was probably the first time anyone had ever talked to me like that. On top of it all, he was so right it was disgusting. We talked another few minutes and then got off the phone. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer, not giving a shit that it was nine in the morning, or that I was supposed to be going to work today. I sat back down and propped my feet on the table, texting my secretary that I would be taking the day off. I didn’t have any meetings until tomorrow anyway, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.
I sipped my beer and stared out over the early morning cityscape, wondering what Madison was doing right then. Hudson was right. I needed to make her remember why she gave her virginity to me, why she felt so strongly about me, and why she even wanted to come back here last night in the first place. The only problem was, I didn’t know how to even start.