Chapter Seventeen
“Lucky was a good boy,” Billy said, bringing in the love of my life on his leash.
“He always is.” I smiled and hobbled over to greet the happy pup.
I still hadn’t heard from his owners, which was now really starting to concern me, but I had one issue at a time to deal with and the first one was getting Billy out of town.
Meeting Maddie’s baby girl was so humbling. To see their little growing family made my insides swell with a happiness that I hadn’t experienced for a long time.
I’d always thought I was fulfilled over the years with my growing business, friends, and family, but I was finally ready to admit to myself that I wanted something more. I wanted a partner to share all of those other elements of my life with.
Billy unleashed Lucky who immediately trotted over to his food dish and began eating up his dinner.
“Something smells great,” Billy said, walking into the living room.
My heart tugged at the sight of him. It wasn’t like I could flip off the attraction I felt for him, but at least I could stay realistic about it.
“I threw some stuff together in the crockpot for soup. You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner, but I can’t guarantee what it will taste like.”
I didn’t want Billy to feel guilty over whatever was complicating his life because the fact of the matter was that if I hadn’t met Billy, none of these other people would have come into my life. I never would have gotten to meet Maddie and Chance. I never would have finally allowed myself to want something more in life.
I was okay with the fact that it wasn’t going to be Billy who gave it to me, considering that was the arrangement from the beginning. Now, I knew to simply ignore the conflicting statements coming out of his mouth from time to time and allow the feelings I’d started to have for him to eventually go away.
And I spent one incredible night with him that I will never forget.
“I was going to grab something at the restaurant. I’ve got a staff meeting with the managers tonight and then I’ll be back to take care of Lucky or anything else you might need.” It was impossible to miss the sadness lurking behind his usually vibrant green eyes, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
He wasn’t willing to share what was holding him back, and I wasn’t in the business of begging for someone’s affections. Not any longer, at least.
“Maddie and Chance’s little girl is so beautiful. I wonder how Scarlett May will handle the new addition.” I smiled and sat down in the recliner as Billy took a seat on the couch.
“They had the second so close to the first, I bet Scarlett won’t think anything of it.” He folded his hands and leaned forward. “She might not even know.”
I laughed. “Good point.”
“Listen, if you don’t want to do dinner tomorrow with—”
“Oh, don’t even think about getting out of it,” I interrupted, chuckling. “You’ve still got to prove that you’re as good as Chance.”
“You’re sure you’ll be okay with…everything?” His eyes were filled with concern, and it looked like things were bothering him far more than I even understood.
“Totally. It’s not like anything has changed from the beginning. I knew it was merely an island fling and you just confirmed it.” I smiled, feeling a knot begin to form in my stomach. “It was fun, and I don’t regret it at all.”
And I really didn’t. Not for a second.
“I don’t regret anything either.” Billy called Lucky over and scratched his ear. “Maybe if the timing was different.”
“Maybe.” I nodded. “But it’s not.”
Speaking the words were easier than believing them. The old me would have hung onto each sentence, hoping there was a way I could convince him the timing was perfect now, but it wasn’t. I’d done my fair share of manipulating circumstances only to have everything blow up in front of me.
Billy was a good way to end my dating hiatus. Once I got my cast off, I was ready to put my toe back in the dating world. Maybe I’d even have someone in time for my parents’ anniversary.
“Is there anything else you might need right now?” he asked, standing up. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“I think we’re set.” I grabbed my crutches and stood. “It’s really sweet of you to do this for me.”
“I’m happy I can.” And for some reason I believed him. “But you really should quit getting on your crutches all the time.”
“Yes, mom.” My comment seemed to pull a smile from him as I made my way over to the door where he was standing.
On my last step, I stumbled and fell into him, nearly knocking him over.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as he held me close and helped to keep me upright. “I’m not that great around rugs yet.”
Billy didn’t let go. Instead, his green eyes fastened on mine and he pulled me closer. Being pressed against him slowly unwrapped my perfect scenario to keep him at a healthy distance. His breathing had shifted as he held me tight and I felt my world spinning into something I couldn’t handle. Sleeping with him once I could compartmentalize, but twice would undo me.
Because I did have feelings for Billy.
He slowly moved his thumb along my chin and tilted my head up slowly.
“I want to kiss you so badly,” he said, his eyes searching mine for approval.
Hearing those words sent a surge of desire through me, but I knew I couldn’t start the cycle up again. One and done was all I could handle with Billy. It was for my own self-preservation.
I readjusted my crutches thinking that would bring him back to reality, but it didn’t. He stood in the foyer, quietly holding me, and hoping for something that couldn’t be.
“Billy, I wish we could. I wish I could, but I don’t think it’s good for me. Knowing that you might have feelings for me only messes with me, and…” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I understand.” He gave a quick nod, but didn’t let go.
And the truth was that I didn’t want him to. The urge to be kissed again drilled its way back into my heart and I quickly shoved it out.
“We started this as friends and I want to end it as friends.” I stood up on my one foot and gave him a quick kiss. “If we were in a place where you could open up a little more then maybe we could see where things go, but that’s not the option we’ve been given.”
“Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to open up.” His brows arched up, but he still held me.
“Whatever the case. I love spending time with you and we only have another day left.” I gave him one more quick kiss, and his arms slowly unwrapped from my waist.
“Do you want anything from the restaurant?” he asked, smiling, the familiar light coming back in his eyes.
“I wouldn’t turn anything down. That’s for sure. I may or may not have been craving the dog topped with the tots and cheese sauce.”
“What about Lucky?” he asked.
I looked behind me to see Lucky chewing on his toy. “He said anything without onions.”
“That I can handle.” He slid a kiss along my cheek and the butterflies still clashed in my stomach from his touch, but it wasn’t like I could toss away the feelings I had for him.
“I’ll eat my soup, but I’m looking forward to the hot dogs.” I grinned.
“Plural?” He laughed as he opened the door.
“It takes a lot out of a person to use crutches.”
It looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead, he gave a quick wave and walked out the door, leaving me reeling from a simple kiss on the cheek.
I hated to admit it, but it really was better that he was leaving town. Right when I got to the recliner, I saw an SUV pull up to the house and Holly jumped out. I made my way back to the door and opened it to see Holly’s smiling face.
“Hey,” I said, inviting her in. “You just missed Billy.”
Her smiled widened. “I’m glad to hear that.”
I laughed and shook my head as I closed the door behind her. “It’s not like that.”
“That’s too bad.” She gave me a sideways smile and followed me into the living room.
“I have everything you brought over yesterday. That was so nice of you guys. My sister loved her massage and I had him massage my neck and felt amazing all day.”
“Oh, good. I wish we all could have been there, but when nature calls.”
“She’s so cute,” I gushed, sitting back down in the recliner.
I was really getting sick of this chair.
Holly collapsed onto the couch. “She is, but I was beginning to think she’d never come.”
“Were you there the whole time?” I asked.
“All night and morning. I went home to take a nap, but I couldn’t sleep. I had to grab a few things from Chance and Maddie’s so I thought I’d stop by before heading back to Fireweed.”
“And you live on Fireweed, right?”
“I do.”
“I’m amazed at how close everyone is around here.”
“It’s not like the mainland. That’s for sure.” She stretched her legs. “It has its good points and bad points, but I think the good outweighs the bad.”
“I love it, and I never thought I would.”
“It’s too bad Billy’s taking off for his cross-country adventure.” Holly rolled her eyes.
“It’s probably for the best,” I assured her. “Neither one of us is very good at knowing what we want.”
“Oh, I know what he wants.” She smiled.
“And what is that?” I asked, genuinely curious to hear one of his friend’s take on him.
“You.”
I laughed and readjusted my leg on the pillows.
“What’s so funny?”
“I don’t think that’s the case.” I let out a silent sigh. “I mean, I think part of him thinks it’s a good idea, but then he tells himself otherwise.”
“Probably.” She nodded in agreement. “Billy has always been happy-go-lucky as long as I’ve known him, but I know things happened in his past that he blames himself for.”
“I kind of gathered something like that, but honestly he’s never opened up.” I scooted back on the chair. “And being that we’ve barely met and gotten to know one another, I wouldn’t expect him to tell me anything.”
“That’s the problem.” She crossed her legs and let out a sigh. “For years, we’ve joked about the quantity of numbers he must have amassed by giving away free hot dogs, but I honestly have never heard him talk about anyone. Not one time has he uttered a woman’s name or introduced us or anything.”
“Weird.” I shrugged, trying not to let myself get dragged back into the mystery of Billy.
“And since you came bounding into his life with Lucky, he can’t stop talking about you.” She nibbled her lip. “I don’t think any of us ever thought we’d hear Billy talk about a woman he’s dating and then—”
“We’re not dating. We’re just friends.”
Her eyes narrowed on me and she let out a little laugh. “Well, whatever you want to call it. I see the way your cheeks turn rosy just from me bringing him up.”
“It’s the chill in the air,” I assured her.
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you think this is a Billy issue and he thinks it’s a you issue.” She nodded her head, satisfied with her assessment.
“And I think it’s a both of us issue. Or no real issue at all. We both agreed that whatever fun we had while I was here could go nowhere and so far that’s on track.”
Holly chuckled. “You haven’t met Nick yet.”
“Nick?”
“He was kind of like Billy, except he didn’t amass quite so many numbers.” She let out a blissful sigh. “We were friends first and neither of us wanted to ruin what we had, but eventually the chemistry was so strong we had to go with it. He’s the best partner I could ever have. If I hadn’t let go of some of my preconceived notions I might have lost him forever.”
My chest tightened and I nodded, staying silent.
“Well, I better get back to the hospital. I just wanted to check in on you.” She stood up from the couch and grabbed the bags that had all the leftover spa items.
I started to get up and Holly shook her head. “Don’t bother getting up. I can only imagine how miserable it is to pop up and down all the time with those crutches.”
I laughed and nodded in relief. “Thanks. It’s getting kind of old and I think I have many weeks ahead of me.”
She walked over and gave me a quick hug and petted Lucky, who was sleeping on the floor next to me.
“Just think about what I said.”
“I’ll try,” I assured her, but I had the feeling she didn’t even know what was holding Billy back from more.
Holly left and before I realized what had happened, I’d fallen fast asleep, dreaming about the possibility of an impossible future.