Chapter 24
Emma
Picking me up, he carried me to the bedroom. Ryan put me down at the edge of the bed and unbuttoned my shirt.
"Once again I believe this belongs to me, and I'm afraid I must ask you to remove it." He undid the last button and slid it off my shoulders then gently pulled off my underwear.
"Em, I missed you so much," he continued as he took off his own clothes and pulled me down on the bed with him.
We lay naked, facing each other. Ryan reached up and brushed the hair away from my face. Despite everything that had happened, lying naked in bed with Ryan felt right. Being with him was always as comfortable as if I'd known him all my life and as exciting as if I'd just met him.
"You may want me to leave after I share the details of my life, so what I am hoping is that before we go down that road, you crawl on top of me and let me …"
I wanted the same thing. I thought for a second about Bob telling Char I should trust him. I straddled him, slipped him inside me, and let my lips touch his.
"Thank you, Em. Thank you! You are the most fantastic woman I've ever known." He groaned.
My body ached for him. We moved meticulously slow in no hurry for this to ever end. He rolled us over, penetrating me as he explored my mouth with his tongue. We both came close to coming several times but stopped short, neither one of us ready to finish, loving the sensation of being together.
We had been intimate often in the past, every time fantastic, but this was different. This was making love. This was never wanting to let go, needing to be a part of each other in whatever way possible.
"I want to be inside you forever." He leaned in and kissed me, the rhythm of his kiss mimicking the force of his penetration. At first, each thrust was slow and deliberate then harder and deeper. His kiss, his touch, my awareness of him pushing into me, everything he did made every nerve ending in my body scream. I had missed him so much!
My orgasm was so intense while I gazed into Ryan's mesmerizing green eyes. My breath caught in my throat. I didn't say it out loud, but the words “I love you” floated dangerously around the perimeters of my brain once again.
We lay there entangled in each other's arms, neither one of us speaking until my phone went off. I groaned and leaned my body over Ryan's to reach the nightstand. Randy was texting me.
Randy: Hey, love, everything good?
Em: Everything is wonderful. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love ya! I quickly texted back.
Ryan was caressing my back as I texted. "Your neighbor?"
"Yes, he's checking on me. He wanted to make sure you weren't holding me against my will." I laughed.
"Hmm, am I? Cause that kind of sounds like fun." His lips curled up into an evil grin. "I'm glad there is someone who lives close by looking after you, and I'm also glad he's gay." He smiled. "I suppose we need to talk," Ryan said as he got out of bed, pulling me up with him. "What would you like to drink?" He put on his boxers.
"I'm out of wine, so I'll just have some water."
He started tugging on his pants back on. "Don't put clothes on. I love looking at you."
"No worries, I'll be right back. Making a quick trip to my truck."
He came back in carrying an expensive bottle of chardonnay from Chateau Montelena, Napa Valley.
"Where did this come from?"
He wrapped his arms around me. "I bought it for you as a way to thank you for putting up with everything yesterday, my daughter calling and popping in on you unannounced," he said. "Except I was too busy being an asshole to bring it in with me." Opening the bottle, he poured me a glass. "Now it hardly covers all the things I want to thank you for. Em, if you hang in there, stay with me, I promise, somehow I will make things right." Ryan caressed my cheek and ran his hand down my back.
"We need to talk." I pulled myself away from him. "And I'm afraid talking is not what will be on my mind if you keep touching me."
"That's my girl, insatiable!" He took a step toward me, kissed my forehead, and backed away with his hands in the air. So, where do we begin?"
"First, I want to understand what happened … why were you upset with me? Why did you stop all communication?"
"Because I'm an idiot. I called you and a man answered your phone."
"I tried to explain that, but you never gave me a chance!"
"I'm sorry. I see that now. It's not an excuse, but my past experience with my wife has caused me to have some trust issues when it comes to women. Just the thought … the idea of you being with someone else tore me up. I was going to call you, but I couldn't face you telling me it wasn't fun anymore and that you had moved on."
I heard my own words thrown back at me, and they stung. "Ryan, I …"
"Shh, let me finish. I decided it was for the best that whoever this guy was he could provide for you more than I could. He could offer you love and forever. I cared too much about you. I didn't want to hurt you any more than I may have already."
Ryan's words hit hard. Someone else could offer me love me, but he couldn't … was that what he was saying?
"Keep going," I said.
"Then I saw you at the Wildflower Café with Randy. He had his arms around you, and you were laughing."
"You saw me? And you thought Randy and I were together?"
"Yes, I did, and I should have asked you instead of jumping to conclusions." Ryan tried to put his arms around me.
"No …" I backed away from him. "You hurt me. You were going to walk away, give up on whatever this is because you didn't have enough confidence in me to ask me?"
"Yes … no …" he said. "Not if everything were normal. But it isn't, Em. Things are not normal. I thought it was better to let you go then involve you in all my craziness."
"And now? What's changed? Are you now willing to involve me in all your craziness?"
"Yes, if you will let me," he said honestly. "I want you in my life. I want to share things with you, but I'm also scared. Scared that what I can give you isn't enough … isn't fair to you," he said, unable to look me in the eyes.
"What, Ryan? What can't you give me?"
He stared at me with piercing green eyes. Anxious and shaken, I stared back at him, waiting for his answer.
"The whole package, Em. I can't offer you the complete package."
"What exactly is the whole package?"
Ryan sighed. "Love, marriage, and forever after."
There it was again. Was he saying he could never love me?
We had just made love. We didn't fuck. For the first time, we had made love. I swallowed my pride. I had to be sure I understood.
"Ryan, are you saying you don't think you could ever love me?" I was so afraid of his answer I squeezed my eyes shut, as if not looking at him would make his answer easier to swallow.
"What?! No, Em, that is not what I'm saying."
I felt Ryan cup my face with his hands. "The problem is I do love you. I am in love with you."
I opened my eyes. "You do?"
"Yes, Em, I do."
No words had ever had such an impact on me. My heart was racing, and I was consumed with pure elation. There were still so many things about Ryan I didn't know, but what I did know was right then, at that moment, my life had changed.
Before he could say another word and spoil my euphoria, I pushed him down on the bed. "Take your clothes off," I demanded.
This time it was primal. We went at it like two animals in heat, and he was right: when it came to him, I was insatiable. No matter how much he fucked me, I still wanted more. I would never get enough of Ryan, never grow tired of him, never stop loving him.
Once spent, lying in bed caressing each other, I allowed myself to finally acknowledge it and said it out loud. "I love you, Mr. Ryan Smith."
He flinched. "You realize it is kind of cheesy to say I love you for the first time after making love." He tucked a wild strand of hair falling over my eye behind my ear.
I shook my head. "That rule only applies to men. It is only cheesy if a man says I love you after or during sex."
"Oh, I see … the old double standard." He laughed. "Can you please stop calling me Mr. Smith?"
"One of the many things we need to talk about, I assume?"
Ryan's eyes flickered. "Yes, yes it is. Now that you've had your way with me, can I continue with my confessions?"
I laid my head on his chest. "Not now. Whatever else there is to this saga can wait. As long as you love me, we can handle all the rest of the problems later. Right now, I want to enjoy being in your arms."
He kissed my forehead—he did that to annoy me now—and I fell asleep.