Chapter 7
Emma
I answered the phone without looking, no longer expecting it to be Ryan.
"Hi, Emma."
I heard his voice and sat there like an idiot, breathing into the receiver, not saying anything.
"Emma?" he said again. "It's Ryan, from last week."
Like I could forget.
"Um, yeah, hey," I managed to stammer like some child. I couldn't believe how nervous I was.
"Listen, I wanted to apologize again for the way I left. There was a personal emergency that needed my attention."
"I understand. Is everything alright?"
Ryan hesitated. "It is now … or will be."
Yeah, your wife wanted you to come home, I thought.
"I appreciate your calling, and I get it, things happen, but I have to go. I'm getting ready for a date." It was the truth; Char had talked me into going out with Brandon, Bob's friend, but it seemed childish and vindictive for me to mention it to Ryan.
"Oh … look, Emma, I will be back in the area next week. Could we spend some time together?"
I was stunned. I hadn't expected to ever hear from him or see him again.
"I don't think that is a good idea. You live in Chicago. Long-distance friendships are hard to maintain. I mean, I'm not looking for something long-term or permanent with anyone," I stammered, sounding adolescent, "but I only date and fuck monogamously."
"Date and fuck monogamously?" he repeated, "I like that. So we don't date, and if you insist, we don't fuck. Let me, at the least, take you out to dinner. I owe you that much. Friends without benefits."
"Friends without benefits … I wonder if we could pull that off," I replied. Of course, it was an impossible idea, one that would never work, but I wanted to see him again, so I found myself agreeing. "Next Friday, just dinner-friends only."
"Deal," Ryan said.
"One more thing before I hang up: what is your last name?"
There was a slight pause. "Smith."
"Smith? Your name is Ryan Smith?" How many search results to Ryan Smith in Chicago would I receive if I Googled him?
"Yes."
We hung up. I had already agreed to go out with Brandon, so I finished getting ready. To be fair to Brandon, I tried to give him my full attention, but my mind just kept going back to Ryan. Brandon and I ate downtown and went to a couple blues bars. At the end of our date, he walked me to my door.
“I have tickets for this Saturday’s Rockies game. Would you like to come with me?” Brandon asked.
"I'm sorry, I have this thing," I lied. Since I knew Ryan would be in town, I wanted to keep my weekend open.
“Is it okay if I call you next week?”
“Yeah, that would be fine.” It was starting to feel a little awkward. I knew I wasn’t really interested and probably wouldn’t see him again. Brandon kissed my forehead and left.
Brandon's forehead kiss brought back memories of Ryan kissing my forehead before leaving. Do all guys do that or was there something particularly kissable about my forehead?
Char called the next day. "How'd your date go?"
She could be a real pain sometimes, but I couldn't imagine life without her.
"Fine, Char, it was okay. I’m not sure I would want to go out with him again, though. I didn’t feel a real connection."
"I heard he asked you to the Rockies game on Saturday but you had a ‘thing.’ Do you really have plans on Saturday?"
"Did Brandon call you as soon as he dropped me off?"
"No, don't be paranoid. He and Bob were talking, and he invited Bob to the game. Brandon mentioned he asked you but you couldn't go because you had a thing. If that was just an excuse, then I thought we could hang out since Bob won't be home. By the way, Bob said to tell you thanks. They are great seats!"
I despised lying to her, but if I told her I was having dinner with Ryan, she would lecture me and get all smothery.
"I'm a little restless and thought it would be relaxing to go hiking. I planned a trip to the foothills."
"By yourself? You sure you should go alone?"
Knowing Char's distaste for outdoor exercising, I knew she wouldn't volunteer to come along. Her idea of a day with nature was poolside with a piña colada.
"I'll be fine. Sierra will be with me. Maybe I'll check with Randy and see if he wants to come with. I think John is going out of town." My lie was growing bigger by the second. I wondered if I looked in the mirror if I'd see my nose growing.
"Good, take Randy. I won't worry as much if you're with someone."
I felt awful for not telling Char about Ryan's visit, but this whole thing with Ryan was something I needed to work through on my own. Char would not understand my agreeing to see him, even if it was just as friends. I didn’t even fully understand why I agreed. Honestly, if it had been her instead of me, I'd lecture her on how crazy she was being too.
I had reflected heavily on my decision to go to dinner with Ryan. I knew I wanted to see him, and the idea of sleeping with him again was too exciting to pass up. I still didn’t think Ryan was a bad guy. They say dogs are great judges of a person’s character, and Sierra loved him. Great, now I’m taking dating advice from my dog? I laughed at myself, but I also knew there was a lot of truth to it. If Sierra hadn’t liked him, I wouldn’t see him again.
I instinctively knew if I pushed too hard on personal questions, we wouldn’t remain friends with or without benefits. Maybe things would fizzle quickly, and his personal stuff wouldn’t make a difference. I wasn’t looking for marriage, right? So what did I need from Ryan to make this okay for me? I needed to know he wasn’t married, wasn’t some sort of criminal, and that we could be monogamous. I knew he was hiding something, but as long as it wasn’t illegal or immoral … did it matter? He lived in Chicago. This thing was going to be short term anyway.
* * *
I was in good spirits the rest of the week, unable to hide my happiness at the thought of seeing Ryan.
"You must be excited about getting away. You've been giddy all week. I'm thankful you are putting the whole Ryan thing to bed, no pun intended." Char eyed me suspiciously over her reading glasses. "You have put the whole Ryan thing behind you … right?"
"I am really looking forward to hiking. The fresh air and exercise will be invigorating. You know hiking always clears my head, and I'm sure it will help me deal with any residual thoughts about Ryan." They say every good lie has some truth to it. I was going straight to Hell. What kind of person lies to their best friend?
"Now that Bob will be at the game all day on Saturday, what are your plans?"
"Since my bestie bailed on me…" she laughed "…I thought I would spend the day poolside, with a silly little umbrella drink and a good book."
"That sounds nice. Next time we will make plans, and I'll join you poolside."
I had given Friday night a lot of thought. Agreeing to dinner with Ryan was probably going to make my list of dumbest things I'd ever done.
But I had a plan.