Chapter Seventeen
Shocked, Janie stared at the closed door, wondering if she’d had an auditory hallucination. He couldn’t have possibly said he loved her... not when he had Carrie calling him and probably wanting him back. Shaking her head, she wiped at her tears, torn about whether she should open the door.
“Did you hear me?” he asked, tapping on the door once again. “Let me in, Angel. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that on my honor.”
Normally, Janie would think that kind of oath didn’t count for much, since most people she knew didn’t have much honor to boast about, but this was Archer. She’d come to know him quite well over the past four weeks. She wanted so badly to trust him. Chelsea thought she should. Her therapist was right that nothing would change if Janie didn’t take some chances. Still, knowing the truth of that statement didn’t stop her hands from shaking or her stomach from cramping.
She rocked back and forth on the bed, still gazing at the door. “I don’t think it’s a good idea tonight,” she replied. “I’m too tired.”
“Bullshit!” The dull thud of his fist slamming against the door startled her. “You were in a great mood until I got that phone call. Let me in so I can discuss it with you.”
“I...”
Why was she fighting this so hard? Just because her heart felt as if it would pound out of her chest wasn’t a reason to treat Archer badly. Still, he claimed to love her, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t choose his ex. They’d been together for such a long time. He’d only known Janie enough for a superficial twitterpation, even if he thought he loved her. His ex’s return was sure to trump whatever feelings he held for Janie.
There was silence on the other side of the door for such a long time that Janie decided Archer had finally given up. With mixed feelings about that, she returned her face to her pillow, muffling the sound of her quiet sobs. She knew better than letting her guard down and trusting others. Chelsea was wrong. Janie should have kept her heart locked tight and continued doing what she’d always done. At least back then, her heart never hurt this way.
A soft sound of metal clinking together penetrated her sorrow. Seconds later, the door squeaked on its hinges as it opened.
Sitting upright, she looked in wonder as Archer strode into the room, swinging the door shut behind himself and heading straight for her. Without a word, he gathered her in his arms, holding her so tightly that she lost all control and sobbed into his shirt, reveling in his masculine warmth and the scent of laundry soap on his clothing.
He loosened his hold, but didn’t release her, switching instead to stroking her back. “I want nothing to do with Carrie, so dry those tears.”
“What makes you think these tears are for you?” She forced a small laugh but could tell he knew it was faked.
“If they aren’t for me, I’m really disappointed,” he said. “I can’t help thinking about how things will change tomorrow when we return to the employee housing. Am I the only one who planned to make more of this relationship after we left here?”
“Well...” Janie pulled away from his warmth, looking up into his eyes to try and gauge how serious he was. “I thought I wanted... I mean, it’s not that I don’t...”
Dammit! Why was it so hard to tell him her real feelings? She knew she loved him, but saying it was just too difficult.
“I know you’re scared, Angel.” He cupped her cheek in his hand, smiling while having the gentlest eyes Janie had ever seen directed toward her. She could fall into those eyes and never resurface. They made her feel warm and safe.
“It’s okay,” he continued. “You can trust me, but I know that’s hard given your past.”
“What did your ex want?” she asked, not able to respond directly to his comments.
He let out a long sigh, clearly frustrated. “She’s coming to the island to supposedly win me back.”
Janie stiffened, unable to say anything. It was her worst fear realized. Why had she decided today was the day to move things along with Archer? If she hadn’t reached the decision during therapy, she wouldn’t feel so empty and broken hearing about his ex.
“Relax,” he chided in a gentle tone. “I don’t care what she says or what she does, I’m never returning to her. You are a million times better than her, and I’m not the type to let go of a good thing when I’ve found it.”
He said all the right things, but Janie knew how good people were at lying when it suited them. Perhaps Archer was just like her father, her extended family, or all the people she had tried to get close to right after her mom died. Either way, he had all the power in their relationship right now. He called the shots and dictated the pace of anything happening between them. She couldn’t handle that.
There was only one way to get herself back on top of the situation and reclaim balance for her life.
She ran her hands across Archer’s muscular biceps. “Do you really mean that?” Fluttering her eyelashes in a way she knew drove men nuts, she gave him a coy smile. “I’m really the person you want?”
Instead of the sexy grin she’d anticipated, a faint frown marred Archer’s features. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing you won’t like. How are the ribs?” She snuggled into him, kissing his neck. “If they’re well enough to return to work, they must be up for a little fun, right?”
“Stop, Janie. What in the world has gotten into you?”
She stopped kissing him to flash her sexiest pout. “I thought you said you loved me? Isn’t this what lovers do?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
She placed a finger over his lips, stopping his protests. “I need you, Archer. Please. I’ve needed you from the second I met you. That little taste we had before wasn’t enough. I can’t wait any longer to have all of you.”
Shoving him down on the bed, she climbed across his stomach, planting her knees on either side of his body. Reaching back with one hand, she caressed the rapidly stiffening rod in his pants, smiling happily at how quickly he responded to her touch.
“You’re all I need,” she whispered in a husky voice, rubbing him harder. “Let’s forget about therapy sessions and exes for tonight and focus on each other.”
Leaning down, she captured his lips. Archer’s mouth was open and ready for her before she’d hardly started, and his hot tongue slid against hers, tasting her the same as she tasted him. He wanted her. Control and power surged through her, bringing confidence that she could handle Archer. She firmly blocked the tiny twinges of doubt that whispered she shouldn’t fall back into her old ways, that having sex simply to gain control of their relationship was a mistake.
Misgivings or not, he felt wonderful and she truly wanted more. Honestly, with Archer there was more to it than the power that she craved. It was him. His hands on her body, his lips against hers—everything about him urged her sex drive until she worked herself into a lusty frenzy.
His hands fondled her chest, rubbing along her breasts until they formed stiff peaks that he tweaked between his fingers and thumb. The exquisite sensation had her becoming wet down below, and she trembled with desire. Archer had her body ready for him so quickly both times now, something that had never happened with other guys.
“I want you,” she whispered. “I want you to fuck me so hard that I can’t think straight.”
Archer’s hands fell from her chest and he turned his face away, breaking off their kisses. “Stop, Janie. That’s enough.”
Janie looked down, confused by the angry expression on his face. “You don’t like dirty talk? It turns me on, but if you don’t like it, I’ll stop.”
“That’s not it.” He pushed on her shoulders. Even though it wasn’t very forceful, Janie complied and rolled off him, laying on the bed beside him.
“Oh, you want to be on top?” she asked. “I can work with that for a while, but eventually, I will dominate you.”
“Dammit! Stop!” His breathing was labored, and he let out a groan as he sat up, moving away from her.
“Wait... You’re truly stopping?” Janie sat up, feeling at a loss. No one had ever put the brakes on once she got going. This was a first. “What’s wrong? You said you loved me.” A horrible suspicion rose in her chest and she tried to tamp down the pain it brought. “You’re thinking about your ex, aren’t you?”
She couldn’t help the words that flowed out or how bitter they sounded. Archer had lied. He said he loved her, but he didn’t even want her enough to have sex with her. What a joke. How was she supposed to reclaim control of her life if he didn’t let her do this? Perhaps she could hit up the clubs and find someone else. Anything to take this off-kilter feeling away and let her be normal again.
“You’re wrong, Angel. I’m thinking of no one but you.” His voice was incredibly gentle, much different from moments before. “This isn’t the right way to go about this. The first time we join together and make love, I want it to be special, not just another quick fuck that you think will make you feel better.”
Janie blinked in surprise, his words penetrating deeper and deeper into her heart. He wanted to make love? She’d never done that before. Sex was about control, not feelings. She didn’t know what to do with his admission.
“Are you angry?” she finally whispered, finding the courage to ask, worrying she’d screwed up too badly for him to forgive her.
He breathed deeply several times, rolling his head around on his neck and then shaking out his arms. “I’m angry with myself. I shouldn’t have let you go this far tonight. Neither one of us are in the right state of mind.” His clear gaze finally met hers again, and Janie was blown away by the emotions she saw staring out at her from his green eyes. “I’m in love with you, Angel, truly in love. If you need more time to fall for me, that’s fine. I’m willing to wait however long it takes for you to know that you’re in love with me too.”
She already knew, but could she tell him? It scared the crap out of her, being vulnerable that way, opening her heart up and risking it getting trampled. However, Archer was taking just as big of a risk.
“How about we talk?” he asked when she couldn’t verbalize a response to his repeated declaration of love. “I need to make a plan to deal with Carrie. You’re the only woman I want by my side, so I’m hoping you’ll help me prove that and get her out of my life for good.”
***
Finally in control of his libido and not feeling like he would crawl out of his skin if he didn’t burry himself balls deep into Janie, Archer let out a few more long breaths. He hoped she would hear him out. It had been a mistake to leave the room and return Carrie’s phone call. Archer realized that now. Considering Janie’s response, it had shattered all the confidence she’d been gaining over the past month. Hopefully, she’d be able to get back on track.
He’d been shocked when she first kissed him and started rubbing at his pants, but he wanted her so badly that he’d gone along with it. If she hadn’t spoken and clued him in to why she’d wanted to have sex suddenly, he probably wouldn’t have snapped out of his lust-induced stupor, taken her right then, and ruined everything. She had reverted to what she knew because he’d hurt her by talking to Carrie. Now was not the time to be with her physically, even if his balls were as blue as could be.
“She wants me back,” Archer said, knowing he had to be completely frank if there was any hope of gaining Janie’s complete trust. “I told her no, but she and her parents are heading here to the island. They’ll be here in two days.”
Janie’s eyes narrowed. “How often do you guys talk? I can’t believe you told her where you were working after everything she did to you.”
That was one thing he hadn’t thought about. “Wait... I didn’t tell her where I was. How did she find me?”
Even though Janie still seemed on edge and upset that he didn’t let their passion go any further, her eyes narrowed in concern. “Stalker? That’s scary.”
Archer shrugged, trying to disguise the uneasy feelings that word provoked. “She always kept me on a tight leash while we were dating. I’m surprised she found time to date other men with as much as she micromanages the people she’s with. I figured she watched me so close because I was from a family of drug addicts and she was rich. She had to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t embarrass her family. Maybe there was more to it than that. Maybe she is the possessive stalker type.”
“Oh, Archer.” Janie reached across the space separating them, taking his hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Did you think that the entire time you dated her? That you weren’t good enough because of your family?”
Archer gave a slight nod. He’d always known he wasn’t good enough for Carrie’s family, but he’d thought she loved him in spite of his upbringing.
Janie shook her head, new tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry you spent so much time with a woman who made you feel inferior. I don’t care if you lived in a cardboard box. She’s no better than you. Considering how honest you are and she’s a cheating wench, I’d say you are better than her.”
Archer grinned, momentarily forgetting his worries about Carrie. It seemed Janie was over her hurt toward him, or at least getting there. “Thanks for that. I didn’t have the confidence in myself to understand that a real relationship wouldn’t be like that. It took finding out she was cheating on me to understand that I wanted more than that. My ideal partner needs to actually be a partner. In fact, I have a list of what I’m looking for.”
Janie quirked an eyebrow. “A list, huh? Let’s hear it. What’s your ideal woman?”
He grinned. “She’d enjoy my food, first off. Also, she’d talk to me about her problems and let me vent about mine. Above all, we’d love spending time together, best friends as well as lovers. We’d probably take a lot of walks along the beach in the moonlight. Finally, we’d be great in bed together, giving and taking to perfection.”
Janie looked away from him, chewing on her bottom lip while she thought. “And that’s what you see happening with us?”
“Well, we’re already sharing most of what I’m looking for. I love being with you, we talk about everything, and you enjoy my food and encourage my dreams. I’m sure the sex will be just as perfect, once we are ready to make love instead of what was going on a few minutes ago.” He held his breath, wondering how she would respond.
She continued worrying at her lips a few more moments before nodding. “I think you could be right. You know me better than anyone else. I’ve told you things Larissa doesn’t know. Talking to you is somehow easier than talking to Chelsea, so I guess I’d have to say you’re one of my best friends.”
Heat and happiness filled his chest. He hadn’t expected Janie to admit to that so easily. Perhaps therapy really was helping her. It gave him hope for their future.
“Yes,” he agreed. “Carrie was never going to give me that gift of friendship and mutual respect. I don’t want you to worry. When she arrives to the island, I intend to tell her I’m with you now and she wasted her time. I told her on the phone that I had someone great in my life, but she probably won’t believe it until she sees us with her own eyes.”
Janie glanced up, blinking several times. “You told her you’re with me?”
Damn. Archer cringed inwardly. She didn’t seem as happy by that as he’d hoped she’d be. They still weren’t quite on the same page with their feelings. Janie had a lot to work through in therapy, and he couldn’t expect her to be well after such a short time.
“I hope that’s okay with you.”
“That depends. Did you only say that to get her to back off, or do you really mean it?”
“Both. I already told you that I love you, and I’ve been so happy since we started dating.” Archer held her gaze, making sure not to waver one bit so she could see his conviction. “If best friends are all you decide we can be, I’ll handle that somehow. I’m hoping for a future together, but that’ll only work if we both want it. Regardless, I’d rather be best friends with you than anything with her.”
She squinted, looking past his shoulder. “Is that what’s best for you? What if I’m never normal and you end up alone?”
He chuckled. “That’s better than going back to Carrie, I promise you that. Also, what’s so great about being normal? If you end up falling in love with me like I have with you, that’ll be good enough, normal or not.”
Realizing he’d pushed the relationship issue a lot farther than he’d intended after what happened with her trying to jump him for meaningless sex, Archer stood from the bed. “And, with that, I’ll let you get some sleep. You can tell me tomorrow whether you’ll let me introduce you as my girlfriend. If you’ve changed your mind and no longer want that, I’ll think of something else.”
It would kill him if she’d changed her mind about being with him, but he couldn’t pressure her in her fragile state.
“Wait! You’re leaving?” She stood as well, looking a touch lonely.
Archer stepped toward her, taking her in his arms and giving her a gentle hug. “I want to stay, but I’m barely controlling myself as it is. Tonight, I don’t think I can lay next to you and only sleep.”
“That’s okay. I want you to have sex with me!”
“No.” He shook his head. “You’re feeling out of control and want to do what you usually do. I’m not okay with that.” He kissed her forehead and then stepped away. “Once you’ve had more time to decide what you want, we’ll revisit the topic of making love. I’m not saying I don’t want you—I want you badly, but I won’t do it like this.”
Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and tracked down her face. Archer wasn’t sure if they were sad tears because he’d rejected her or happy tears because he wanted what was best for her. He wiped them away, giving her a wide smile.
“I know I’ll dream of you tonight, Angel. After all, you’re my dream girl.”
To his surprise, she nodded. “I’ll dream of you too.”
“So, you aren’t mad at me for stopping?”
“No. Disappointed, but not mad.” She gave a weak smile. “I think I’m actually happy, but my body is mighty frustrated.”
He chuckled. “Well, we’re the same, then. That makes me even happier.” He headed for the doorway, knowing if he didn’t get away from her right this second, his rational brain would give out and he’d take her regardless of how he wanted to respect her and do it the right way. “Sweet dreams, Angel. Goodnight.”